Let Me Lead

I’m not sure what I’m more shocked about. The fact that I just walked in on Declan while he was showering, or that I walked in on him showering while he was in the middle of jerking off with his finger up his butt. But based on the horrified look on Declan’s face, I can tell the feeling is mutual to say the least.

Blinking once, I snap out of my trance. “I’ll just…uh…yeah.”

I quickly shut the door and press my back against it, quietly heaving out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. That was…something. I run my hand over my face before noticing my current state of dress. And it’s not the fact that I’m standing in my underwear that shocks me, it’s the semi that I’m currently sporting.

Color immediately rises to my face. Did Declan see that? And why do I even have it in the first place? Wait, wait, wait, I just woke up from a nap. Of course, I’d at least be a little hard. But then again, why didn’t it go down when I walked in on Declan in the shower post-orgasm?

The sound of the door opening behind me pulls me from my thoughts. I turn around to find Declan with a towel wrapped around his waist, still slightly damp from his shower. The sight of him, wet, toned, and nearly naked makes me gulp out of instinct.

Declan looks up at me before immediately avoiding my gaze. “Um…I need to get dressed…”

“Oh! Uh…right. I’ll just…be out…”

I grab my shirt from the bedroom floor before stepping out into the living room, shutting the door behind me and slipping my shirt on. Taking a seat on the couch, Declan steps out a moment later, dressed in shorts and a tank top.

He joins me on the couch, taking a seat next to me and saying nothing. We sit in silence for a moment before a small snicker escapes my throat. And with that little crack, the dam breaks for both of us. Both of us immediately howl with laughter, falling into the couch and holding our sides.

The laughter goes on for several minutes before we finally calm ourselves down and rest our heads on the cushions behind us. I run the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away a bit of sweat there, before looking over and finding Declan looking right back at me.

His bright green eyes almost pierce into me, locking me in a trance I feel like I don’t want to come out of. Locks of his dark hair fall over his forehead and my hand twitches, wanting to flick them away. He’s really…a beautiful man. There’s no other way to describe it. He’s just beautiful.

A phone ringing interrupts the moment and I immediately know the ringtone. Sitting up with a groan, I walk over to my bag and pull my phone out. “Hello.”

“Are you at practice?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “No. It’s the bye week. We’re typically supposed to be limited to weight training and cardio, but some of the team and I are planning on some scrimmages this afternoon.”

Dad grunts on the other end of the line. “And I take it you did as I told you last night?”

My teeth grit together for a moment before I relax my jaw. “I did. And then proceeded to stay awake all night in order to have time to finish my assignments needed for my classes. I woke up about ten minutes ago.”

There’s a pause for a moment. “I see. And your classes are going well?”

I pull my phone away from my ear and stare at it for a second. He’s actually asking me something normal? And not being an ass about it? “They are. Midterms are in a few weeks, so I’ll need to make those an important focus besides football.”

He grunts again. “Continue your current training regimen. And remember to stretch after practice and workouts. I need to go.”

He hangs up without another word and I slowly lower my phone. That was…interesting. He wasn’t a complete jackass this time, so why do I feel so unnerved? “Everything okay?” Declan asks from the couch.

“Yeah…just my dad again.” I return to my seat with Declan. “It was weird this time. He didn’t order me around like he usually does or make me feel like garbage. It was…normal, I guess?” I fall back into the couch cushions. “But who’s to say next time I talk to him he won’t be like he usually is?”

My hands run through my hair in frustration. “I just…I just want to live the kind of life I want, not the kind that someone else decides for me. I want to go out without any sort of expectations and just be…me. Hell, I don’t even think I know who ‘me’ is anymore.”

I quickly blink away the wetness I feel at the corners of my eyes, trying not to feel any weaker than I already do. As I lament at my own frustrations, an arm wraps around my chest and a stubbled jaw presses into my shoulder and neck. “W-What’re you doing?”

“Hugging you, dumbass. Everyone needs a hug every once in a while, even if they don’t know it. We’re all allowed to rely on someone else sometimes, Ash. If you’re struggling, there’s no harm in reaching out. Just know that I’ll be here if you ever do need it.”

The kindness in his words causes me to return the hug, using more force than I probably need to. A chocked cough escapes my throat and, as much as I don’t want it to happen, the tears finally fall. Years of pent up frustration, anger, sadness, and disappointment flow out of me, and Declan holds me through each and every second of it.

It takes longer than I would like, but I finally compose myself enough to slip out of Declan’s hug. Feeling a mess, I wipe my face and laugh at my current state. “I must look disgusting right now, don’t I?” I ask, rubbing my eyes dry.

“One hundred percent, and I don’t care. As long as you feel even the slightest bit better, that’s all that matters.”

Nodding slightly, I clear my throat and stand up. “I need to get going. I have that scrimmage with the guys pretty soon and I need to get changed.” I return to Declan’s bedroom and slip my pants and shoes on before grabbing my bag. “I really appreciate you letting me crash here. And that…other stuff too.”

“It’s nothing. I’m sure you’d do the same for me if I were in the exact same state. And if you need me again, you know where to find me.”

He gives me a wink that hits me right in the chest. With a parting smile, I step out and shut the door behind me. I rub my neck right where Declan rested his head before, remembering the heat. With a sigh, I head toward the stairs, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts.

----------------

October moves by slowly, each day feeling like a repeat of the one before. More football, more classes, more of dealing with dad, who’s largely gone back to how he usually is after that one phone call. The team has largely gone back to the way it was before, much to coach’s satisfaction, but we still have about half a season to go.

As for classes with Declan, they’re the one moment in life where I feel I can just let go and do what it is I want. I’m by no means a dancer, but I do find myself enjoying it the more I do it, and so is everyone else in the class.

Declan’s a great teacher, patient and understanding while passionate and able to get us to push ourselves harder than we do. As the class goes on, more and more of us stay after the class has ended to keep working with Declan. There’s just something about him that makes his students want to work with him more.

November hits before long, the trees turning bright orange and red and everyone breaking out their best fall gear. I’m finishing up some stretches at the end of Declan’s class, Declan having showed us all the basics to ballet and working with us to get them right.

Declan claps his hands together to get our attention. “We’re going to end things here for today. Really great work everyone. And I’m glad you guys are invested in learning more about dance. Next time we’re going to transition into some more contemporary stuff, so hopefully you’re ready to stretch.”

A few people groan at the thought of being bent like pretzels. Everyone grabs their bags and heads out, but I linger a bit. “Today was fun,” I say, slipping my gym bag over my shoulder.

“Everyone seemed to enjoy it, though some of the guys seemed hesitant to learn some ballet. Too girly, I’m guessing, for them.” He rolls his eyes some. “Anyway, I’m off to grab lunch. Want to join?”

“Sure thing. Ready whenever you are.”

Declan gives me a once over. “Um…are you sure? You’re dressed a little…tight.”

Looking down, I see my compression pants and compression tank and shrug. “I’ve run through campus in my underwear in sophomore year. This is nothing. Plus, if you’ve got it, why not flaunt it?”

I tighten my quads, enjoying the feeling of the compression material stretching. “If you say so, exhibitionist. C’mon, I’m hungry.”

He grabs his own bag and we head out together. A brisk breeze is in the air as we walk out, but it feels good after the workout class gave me. Sure enough, I feel the gazes of people as we walk through campus, most likely looking at the nearly obscene pants I’m currently wearing. Eh, screw ‘em. They can’t see anything under these.

Finding one of the campus cafes, we each grab a small meal and take a seat outside. “You really didn’t have to buy my lunch, you know,” Declan says, biting into his salad.

“I know. I wanted to. Plus, it’s a thank you for letting me crash at your place again a couple days ago.”

Ever since the first time I slept at Declan’s place, I’ve gone over there at least three times a week be it to hang out, crash after a long day, or so we can have dinner together. He’s really become someone I can rely on when I need a hand.

As I bite into my salad, my phone rings from my bag. Pulling it out, I see Mom is calling me. “Oh, Jesus…” I mutter.

“Everything okay?” Declan asks.

“Yeah, just my mom. She probably wants to pull me into something.” I accept the call. “Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, pumpkin! What are you doing?”

The tiny slur in her diction tells me she’s been going at the booze for a little while already today. “Having some lunch with a friend, so it’s not really- “

“Oh, that’s nice, dear. I’m in the middle of planning our Thanksgiving gala that’s in a few weeks!”

The what? “Thanksgiving…gala?” I tentatively ask.

“Yes! Ramona gave me the wonderful idea of hosting our own little shindig for the holiday! And before I knew it, I was already booking caterers, decorators, wait staff, the whole shebang! And what would a Thanksgiving gala be without a little pumpkin? And that’s where my own pumpkin comes in!”

Here we go… “Um…when is this gala?”

“Thanksgiving of course, sweetie! When else would it be?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Mom, I have a game on Thanksgiving Day. We’re playing North Carolina in the Victory Bell. It’s one of the biggest games of the season and I can’t miss it.”

“Oh, I know all about your little football game. It’s in the early afternoon and my gala won’t start until the evening! So, once your game ends, we’ll hop you on the private jet, get you home, and before you know it, you’ll be standing in the middle of my wonderful gala!”

She lets out a squeal high pitched enough to make dolphins cry. Just the idea of playing in a game for three hours, hopping on a plane home, and mingling until the early morning hours makes me sick to my stomach. Glancing across the table, I see Declan staring at me with concern on his face.

An idea pops into my head. “Okay, I’ll go to your gala, but only on one condition.”

There’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “Goodness, Ash. You’ve never done something like this before.”

Her instant sobering up at the idea of something not going her way makes me wince, but only for a second. “It’s nothing bad. I just want to invite a friend of mine and his family to the event.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so? The more the merrier, I always say!” Except she always says it about flutes of champagne. “I’ll send you the details soon and you can tell your little friend and their family all about it! Oops! Need to run. Sharon is inviting me to brunch!”

The hangs up without so much as a goodbye. I fall back in my chair, having felt as though I’d run a 400-meter sprint. “What in the hell is a Thanksgiving gala?” Declan asks, looking as confused as I feel.

“Your guess is as good as mine. But all I know is that I’m stuck in it now.”

“And I guess I am too.”

Declan quirks an eyebrow at me and I run my hand over my face. “Look, I’m sorry I got you roped in. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I was just trying to get a one up on my mom for once.”

Declan stays silent for a moment. “Well, I hate the idea of you suffering at some weird Thanksgiving thing that you aren’t even interested in, and God knows my brothers would love the idea of having all the free food they can have. Plus, my dad really deserves something nice for once for all the hard work he’s done.”

He pulls out his phone. “Let me text them all and ask. There will be food at this thing, right?”

“Enough to feed a small country.”

“Then that will be enough incentive for my brothers.”

Finishing his text, he puts his phone back into his pocket. We get back to our lunch and as we’re finishing up, several texts suddenly blow up Declan’s phone. “Well, I guess my brothers are in.”

Declan shows his phone to me of a video Colby recorded of Emmett and Brock acting like what appear to be severely starved gorillas, right before Mr. Roth comes into the garage looking confused as all hell. “I’ll say.”

“Colby says he needs to think about it because of his mutism, but he’ll let me know.”

We quickly finish the rest of our meal and start our trek back to Declan’s apartment, ignoring a few cat calls and whistles from guys and girls alike in regard to my pants. But with a jiggle for fun here and there, we make it back to Declan’s place. “Will you please put on some real pants now?” he asks as we walk inside.

“Aw, but the breeze feels nice…”

He steps into the kitchen and grabs a banana, tossing it at me and hitting me in the shoulder. “Next time I’m throwing a knife.”

Laughing a bit, I duck behind the couch quickly swap my compression pants for a pair of sweats. Taking a seat, I notice a few stacks of paper sitting on the coffee table. “What’s all this?” I ask, picking up a piece of paper and looking it over.

“Oh, they’re just a few dance routines I’m working on, and some lesson plans for my classes. I’m trying to decide what sort of direction I should go with the next few weeks before the break.”

We take a seat on the couch and I look over one of the sheets. “I mean, there are tons of dance routines that already exist, why not have the classes learn a routine as an assignment?”

He scratches his chin. “Those kinds of exercises are good for a warmup, but aren’t really the direction I want to go. Yeah, it’s fun to memorize dance routines you’ve seen before, but it limits a person’s creativity and expression.”

After a moment, a light bulb pops above his head. “Ooh, that could be an idea for a final assignment. Choreographing their own dance routines…”

He writes his idea down and I watch as he works, finding it so engaging how dedicated he is to dance. His brows knit in concentration, his lips pressed together as he mulls over his thoughts, things I’d never noticed about another person before are the little things that grab my attention from Declan.

Sighing softly, I run my fingers though my hair. “I don’t know how you do it…”

“Do what?” he asks, not looking up from his papers.

“Be just…passionate, about all this. Makes me almost jealous…”

He pauses in his writing and looks over at me. “What do you mean? You’re passionate about football, aren’t you?”

The question I’ve never fully known the answer to looms over my head. “Football has been my whole life since I was old enough to hold a ball. But it was never a choice. It was chosen for me. I do enjoy the feeling of being part of a team and staying active and healthy, but passionate? I…I don’t think I am…”

My leg bounces as the anxiety of my uncertainty fills me. “I really don’t know what it is I want to do anymore. Yeah, I enjoy football, it’s all I’ve ever known. But do I see myself doing it for the rest of my life? I don’t think I want to…”

Blowing out a breath, I fall back into the couch and stare up at the ceiling. A pathetic laugh escapes me. “Nearly twenty years of football and I’m just now finding out I don’t want to do what I’ve done my whole life. Jesus…”

As I lament my loss of direction, a hand wraps around my head and pulls me onto Declan’s shoulder. “Just because you’re lost right now doesn’t mean there isn’t something out there for you. I mean, look at me. I didn’t know I wanted to go into dance professionally until I was 17. Before that I thought I’d either get a desk job somewhere or work at my dad’s repair shop.

“People never really know what they want until it’s right in front of them. But when they do, they grab on for dear life and never let go. They finally found the answer they were looking for. Your answer is out there somewhere, Ash. You just gotta find it.”

The truth in his words reflects the conflict inside of me. Gazing down at him as he rests on my shoulder, I swallow the spit building up in my mouth. Declan looks up at me, his long eyelashes framing his bright green eyes as he locks them with mine.

Declan’s words echo in my head, people finally realizing what they want when it’s right in front of them. And for the first time in my life, I’ve found the certainty I’ve been looking for. And it’s in this beautiful man sitting right beside me. “Please let me be right about this,” I whisper to myself.

I reach out and rest my hand on Declan’s cheek, the scratchy stubble digging into my palm and his soft skin warming my freezing fingers. I feel him suck in a breath at the sudden touch, but he doesn’t move away from it. Rather, he welcomes it.

He lifts his head slightly, narrowing the distance between us. “Ash…”

No more hesitating. This is my decision. I reach my fingers around the back of Declan’s head, intertwining them with whisps of his hair, and pull him toward me. The first contact of our lips together is clumsy, mine too high to connect properly, but I quickly adjust to meet him head on.

My skin erupts in chills as heat fills my body, the warmth from Declan radiating over me in a welcome embrace. The feeling of his hands resting on my shoulder and chest brings us even closer together, deepening our kiss for just a moment.

Just as quickly as it happened, Declan pulls away slightly. A blush has filled his face and the remnants of my saliva rest on his mouth. He clears his throat slightly. “I uh…I guess I really didn’t expect that…”

“Was it…bad?” I ask tentatively.

“No! No, no it was amazing! I’ve been waiting more than three years for this moment to happened and-“

He cuts himself off and his blush turns a deep crimson. A small laugh escapes me. “More than three years, huh?”

“Oh, shut up. I thought you were hot the first day I met you. This is practically a dream come true for me…”

He grabs a pillow and buries his face in his, trying to hide his embarrassment as I laugh at his misfortune. I scoot closer and rest near his ear. “Sorry it took me so long to realize that this is what I wanted,” I whisper.

Declan lifts his head. “Kiss me like that again and maybe I’ll forgive you…”

Laughing, I toss the pillow away from Declan and tackle him onto the couch, lying on top of him as he giggles from the sudden assault. “Then I guess I better get started with that apology.”

Winking at him, I pull his mouth to mine once again, my anxiety finally at ease for once in my life as the answer I’ve found lies beneath me in a warm embrace.