I've Got You, Bro

“You may begin,” Alex growls.

I hesitate for just a second, nervous all of a sudden. I shouldn’t be, though. He’s jerked me off twice now. Only fair I repay him the favor, although I don’t plan on just jerking him off. I reach out and grip the shaft of his cock. Holy fuck, it’s even thicker than it looks, my fingers don’t even touch.

“You like it?” he asks. I can only nod as I start working my hand up and down, pulling the foreskin up over the tip and pulling back to reveal the head. He lets out a sigh of pleasure as the skin comes down, exposing the tip. I open my mouth and start to lower myself toward his cock, but he sticks his thumb into my mouth, pushes it under my tongue, and wraps his index finger under my chin.

With a soft pull, he has my eyes locked onto his.

“I didn’t say to use your mouth,” he says. “Not yet. Do you understand?”

“Yesh,” I say, my word lisping over his tongue. He lifts his eyebrows and I hurry to add, “shir.”

He pulls his thumb part of the way out of my mouth, then presses it into my tongue. I close my lips around it and suck on his thumb while working his cock with my hand. I see a bead of precum form in the slit, so I swipe my thumb over it, coating his head so the skin slides over it easier.

“That’s it,” he says. I feel the tingle radiate up my spine. Is this what a praise kink is?

Alex pulls his thumb out of my mouth.

“Please, sir,” I say, still working his cock, “I want to suck it. Can I?”

“The balls first,” he says. “They’re sweaty from carrying that equipment. How do they smell?”

I bury my nose into his groin and sniff. My eyes almost roll back into my head. The smell is beyond intoxicating. I start to pull back, but he grips my hair and pulls my head into his groin.

“I said,” he growls, “how do they smell?”

“So good, sir,” I say, but it comes out muffled, my mouth pressed into his taint. If he doesn’t understand me, he doesn’t seem to care.

“Lick them clean,” he orders.

This is it. The first sexual act I’ll be performing on my brother. It feels so dirty, in more ways than one. I start to feel the sense of shame, but push it down.

I want this, I remind myself, I’ve wanted this since the first day he lived here. And it’s true.

I stick out my tongue and swipe it against his right ball, not minding the bit of hair there. He gasps as I lick his nutsack, still jerking his cock.

“That’s a good boy,” he says, and the wave of pleasure causes my cock to jump. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to feel my precum, feel it dripping from my slit, but I can tell I’m leaking all over the floor.

I suck one of his balls into my mouth and he shudders, sliding down so part of his ass hangs off the couch and his legs spread wider, giving me greater access to his groin. I switch to the other ball, pulling it into my mouth and sucking on it.

“Oh, fuck yes, Zack,” he says, and it’s the first time he’s said my name while we do stuff together. It’s electrifying. “I want to feel your throat.”

I push myself up and look down at his cock. It’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen in real life, let alone touched, but my mouth is watering. I push the skin down, exposing the head, and swirl my tongue over it, lapping up the precum there. It’s so sweet, I run my finger up from the bottom of his shaft, pressing to push the precum out, and lick all of it up. He gasps and shudders again. I pull the skin up and swirl my tongue beneath it and the head.

“Stop teasing me, you brat,” he gets out between gasps. I have to pause for a second while I smile at this. A moment later, I swallow him down, forcing my throat open until my nose is buried in his pubes. I pull back, sucking deeply, swirl my tongue over his head, and plunge back down.

“Oh my fucking god, Zack,” he groans. “You’re so…fucking good at this.” I grip his balls in one hand, the shaft of his cock in the other. When I come up next, I pull my hand up over his cock, spit into my fist, and plunge back down while squeezing his balls. “Look at me,” he growls. So I do.

Alex grips either side of my head and holds me in place and begins thrusting into my throat, staring into my eyes. I hadn’t had time to get a decent breath and I begin gagging much sooner than I had anticipated. This only seems to egg Alex on. As his eyes fill with lust, he starts thrusting harder and faster into my throat until I have to pull away from him and a thick rope of saliva connects us until it breaks, falling onto his cock.

“Come with me.”

I don’t dare disobey. I follow him into his room and he throws his cover back.

“Lay on your back,” he says, “head over the side.”

I do as he asks, laying down and dangling my head so it’s hanging off the bed. He positions himself and I know he won’t go slow, so I make sure to get a deep breath before he thrusts his cock right down my throat, balls bouncing against my nose.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” he says as he fucks my throat. This time, he makes sure to pull out every thirty seconds or so to give me time to breathe. I hear him spit and realize it was in his hand when it wraps around my cock and he starts to jerk me off. I’m in pure ecstasy as he fucks my throat, rubbing my cock with his spit. I can hear him moaning above me. All I’ve done with Alex so far is suck his cock, but something about it already has me at the edge.

“I’m so close,” I gasp when he pulls out next to give me fresh air. Next thing I know, he’s two feet from me. My cock is resting against me, pulsating with my heartbeat. “What?” I say, confused. I flip over and look at him.

“Oh, you’re not going to cum yet, little bro,” he says. “We’re going to cum together. Middle of the bed, legs out.”

I hurry to obey, sitting on the bed with my legs spread apart. He sits down and pulls me forward, my legs slightly over his, our cocks lined up against one another. He pulls a bottle of lube and a fleshlight out of his bedside table. He squirts lube on our cocks and the fleshlight before positioning it over our cocks.

“We cum together,” he says, and I nod.

He pushes the fleshlight over our cocks. It doesn’t feel like it was made for two people to use at the same time, but I love the tightness and the feeling of his cock pressing into mine. He starts to thrust the fleshlight up and down as we stare into each other’s eyes.

“Can…I…kiss…you?” he asks, breathing heavy.

In response, I put my lips to his. Time stops. In this moment, all is still and silent. I can feel my heartbeat reacting to his, as if they’re communicating through the touch of our lips. His breath is giving me life as it mingles with my own.

 I bring my hand down to help him jerk us off. I wrap my other arm around his body and he puts his other hand on the back of my head. I feel him press his tongue at my lips, asking permission to enter, and I let it. His tongue probes inside my mouth as we breathe into each other.

“I’m close again,” I say.

“Me too,” he says.

He pulls off the fleshlight and grabs my cock. I grab his. We rub each other’s cocks, still kissing, until our simultaneous orgasm swells. Still clutching each other, we press into one another as we cum, long ropes of cum shooting over both of us. Alex pushes me back and crouches over me, cum dripping from his abs onto my stomach.

He leans down and licks up a mouthful of spunk, then comes up to me and—

“Benedict!” I almost shout. In a flash, Alex is off of me and on the other side the bed. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he swallows our combined loads.

Shame. That stupid, shameful feeling I thought I’d banished has overtaken me again in post-nut clarity.

“I’m—” I start, but don’t finish. I jump off of Alex’s bed and head into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Tears burn my eyes, both in shame of what we’re doing, anger that I’m ashamed, and embarrassment that I ran out on Alex yet again. I sit in the shower, letting the water run over my body, washing away the lube and cum.

When I leave the bathroom, Alex’s door is shut, no light coming out from under it.

Goddamn it. Will I ever stop doing this to him? I turn and go into my own room, closing the door behind me.

When I open my eyes, I realize immediately there’s a feeling of shame in me once again. The shame of letting him down. Is this the downside of the new praise kink I’ve discovered, or am I truly disappointed to have let Alex down?

I silence my alarm, open my blinds, do my stretches. Today, I get dressed. Not because I don’t want Alex to see me naked, but because I have to be at work in two hours. Our restaurant opens at 10:00 AM and I’m helping on prep today, so I have to be there early. I dip into the bathroom to shit, shave my face, and brush my teeth.

When I come out into the kitchen, it’s to find Alex making bacon, eggs, and toast. He is also completely clothed.

Why is he wearing clothes? Is he upset about last night? Does he not want to do anything anymore? Does he think I don’t want to do anything anymore?

Not sure how to play this, I decide to act casual.

“Is that the only thing you know how to make?” I ask him, although I’m thankful he’s making some for me as well. I pour myself a cup of coffee, adding my Snickers flavored creamer, and sit down at the island.

“Nope. Just super easy. I have class at nine. Don’t want to be late.” He sounds fine to me, but maybe he’s just playing it off. “Here ya go,” he says, setting a plate down in front of me and planting a kiss on my cheek.

“What was that?” I ask.

“This is called food,” he says, a look of mock puzzlement on his face. “People eat it. You’d think a chef would know that.”

“No, the kiss.”

“Am I not allowed? I figured things we’ve done are okay. I’ve had my tongue in your mouth, I didn’t think you’d mind.” He shrugs and starts in on his breakfast.

“No, it’s okay. Things we’ve already done are okay.”

We sit in silence, eating our breakfast. I’m not sure how Alex feels but, to me, it feels like an elephant has slowly been inflating this entire time and we’re now both ignoring it.

I grab our plates this time, remembering he cleaned up yesterday. I take them over to the sink and start rinsing them before putting them in the dishwasher. That’s when I notice the plates from yesterday are at the bottom of the sink, egg yolk dried to them. He apparently only set them down and left them. Oh well, we’ll tackle that later.

“Alex, about yesterday,” I say, not looking at him as I put all four plates in the dishwasher and closing it. I turn to see him waving me to him with his hand while he takes a sip of his coffee. I circle around the island and stand next to his chair.

“If it’s about you using the safe word last night, don’t be sorry, if that’s where you’re going,” he says.

“I just feel bad. Things were going so great and I just…got uncomfortable.”

 “That’s what the safe word is for.”

“Well, yeah,” I concede, “but you turned your light off and I thought you were mad at me.”

He stands and wraps his arms around my body, pulling me close to him and looking in my eyes. “I did that because I thought you’d want space. I’ll give you as much space as you need. I’ve wanted this for years, Zack, and I’m willing to take things as slow as you need them to be.”

“You’ve wanted this for years?” I ask. His expression changes, like he only just realized what he said, and his cheeks flush.

“Well, yeah,” he admits, shrugging in a would-be-casual way, but not quite hitting the mark. He breaks away from me and stands, looking suddenly awkward.

“Since when?” I ask, intrigued.

“Since the day we met,” he says, sounding like someone caught red handed. “When Dad told me he was getting married and wanted me to meet my new stepbrother. He and your mom took us to Six Flags and we left them to go ride rides by ourselves. You screamed so loud when we rode the Superman, I thought you were going to pee your pants.” He laughs. Then his face scrunches up, looking uncomfortable. “Is that weird?”

“No,” I say quickly. I’m not sure how I feel about it, though. When I met Alex, I was fifteen, he was seventeen. “You’ve had feelings for me for five years?”

“Yeah,” he says with a shrug. “I’ve slept with other guys. I even had a boyfriend for four months at one point. But in the end, it’s always been you. I know we met by our parents getting married, but I always felt like it was…I dunno…destiny or some shit. Especially when it turned out you were gay, too.”

I stand there, looking at him, not sure what to say.

“You’re totally freaking out right now, aren’t you?”

I shake my head, not sure if that’s the truth or not.

“I just don’t know what to say,” I say.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll be at school until two, and you work until…”

“Four,” I say, filling in the blank.

“Four,” he echoes. “We’ll talk about it afterward?”

I nod.

“And,” he continues, “if you want to drop all—” he falters, “—all of this, we can go back to being just brothers or whatever.”

I nod again, feeling stupid for having nothing to say. At that moment, an alarm begins on my phone. A reminder to leave for work.

“I gotta go,” I tell him.

“I’ll see you here, at four,” he says.

I nod again, making a mental note not to nod so much, and leave the house.

That day at work, I’m not very focused, and it shows. I chop half of the vegetables wrong, send out a raw duck at lunch, drop several plates, call servers by the wrong names, and mix up four tables’ orders. My manager, Ryan, got so frustrated with me, he sent me home at two o’clock. Not wanting to go straight home to see Alex, I stopped by the store. I didn’t need anything, but wandering through the shelves, I could let my mind wander as well.

I love Alex. For the last five years, it had been a strictly brotherly love. Was it now? I don’t know. We’ve muddled everything up. He’s apparently had feelings for me for the last five years. Has, in fact, been pining over me while in other relationships. I can’t say the same thing for me. When I dated Jacob, I didn’t think of Alex all that much, other than when I wondered how he was doing, being forced to live with our parents.

I love what Alex and I have been doing. Not only is it fun—really fun—but it’s opened up my eyes to a new sexual side of myself. And that kiss last night… It felt as if time had stopped. As if my entire life had been leading up to that kiss.

Whatever my feelings for Alex are, I can work those out later. I don’t want things to change between us and I want to keep exploring each other.

I feel a smile crack across my face as I reach the end of the aisle. That smile promptly vanishes into a frown when someone swings around the end of the aisle and hits me with their cart.

“I’m so sorry—oh dear…” the cart’s owner says.

“I’m okay,” I tell her, rubbing my sore knee, the frown still on my face. When I look up at the owner of the cart, my frown becomes a scowl.

“Zackary,” my mother says, her nose in the air.

I stare at her for a moment before saying, “Mom?” in a voice that sounds much too childish to me.

“How’s Alexander faring at your house?” she asks as if mentioning something she saw an old high school friend post on Facebook.

I blink rapidly, the question not making sense in my mind.

“Elaine? Is something wrong?” Jack’s voice floats around the aisle. He comes into view and looks at me. A solid three seconds of nonrecognition sits on his face until he seems to realize who I am.

“Oh, it’s you. And how is Alex?”

“How is Alex?” I ask, trying to keep my voice from quivering, but failing miserably. “You haven’t seen me in-in two years…and you want to know how Alex is?!”

“Oh don’t get upset. We know how dramatic you faggots can get,” Jack says, sounding bored. My mother just stands there, looking at me with stony eyes. “We wouldn’t have had to kick him out, had he not been infected by your perverted ideals.”

I only have eyes for my mother. She looks at me as if I’m a stranger.

“You’re really not going to say anything else to me?” I ask her.

“You are a disgrace to this family. I will say to you what I said on that…that day. You are no son of mine unless you repent, turn your back on your devilish lifestyle, and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.” The last couple words come out like a strangle sob. She clutches at her chest, pulling a face like she’s going to cry, but there are no tears in her eyes. She turns into Jack’s arms and starts to sob.

“Now look what you’ve done, boy! You’ve upset my wife! Leave us be!”

People are looking now, concern on their faces. Some people look at me with accusatory looks. I turn on my heel and start running, tears welling in my eyes.

When I burst into my house and slam the door behind me, I find Alex waiting on the couch. He can instantly tell that something’s wrong with me. He asks me a question, but I don’t hear it. I bury my face in his chest and we fall onto the couch. I start sobbing into him, my tears coming thick and fast, soaking into his shirt. He strokes my hair, saying something in a soothing voice, but I can’t hear him.

Two years. Two fucking years and they ask how Alex is. Two fucking years they’ve had to reflect on how affected I was by them disowning and kicking me out. Two fucking years since I’ve seen them and they still don’t give a damn about me. They think I poisoned Alex, turned him against them. Turned him gay…

I don’t know how long we lay on the couch, me sobbing into him. Long enough that I run out of tears and my throat is throbbing from the wracking sobs. Eventually, I’m able to take several deep breaths and sit up.

“You want to talk about it now?” Alex asks. I look at him and feel a pang of jealousy. I know it’s not his fault, but I’m slightly resentful that our parents still love him. That they care enough about him to look past the fact that I’m a filthy faggot to ask about him.

I tell him about the exchange with our parents, but it takes me a while to get it all out. I have to blow my nose several times and Alex wipes away some of the tears that leak instantly from my eyes as my body makes them. By the end, he’s livid.

“I’m going to fucking kill him for calling you that,” Alex says. The look on his face scares me.

“It’s not worth it,” I say, even though I know he doesn’t mean it literally. “I’m just glad you didn’t think my crying was about us.”

“I did at first,” he admits. “But we don’t have to talk about that now.”

“No, it’s fine,” I say, blowing my nose into a tissue again. “I’d like to get my mind off of them.”

“Okay,” he says. He kisses me on the cheek. “So…what did you decide?”

In answer, I kiss him on the mouth, hard. He kisses me back, pulling me closer to him. We break apart, but he sneaks another kiss, this one on my nose.

“I don’t know what my feelings are for you,” I tell him, looking into his eyes. “But I don’t want to stop this thing we have, and I want to keep trying new things.”

“Like letting me fuck that tight ass of yours?”

“Exactly,” I say. “But I still want to take things slow.”

“Whatever you want,” he says.

“I think I’m going to take a nap,” I tell him, standing up and walking to the end of the hall.

“Sure,” he says.

I look back at him. “Aren’t you coming?”

He smiles and follows me into my room.