Getting a Helping Hand

Chapter 6

I woke the next morning and looked over at Trent’s bed. He was already gone, I knew that he would be, he had an early class. I was both relieved and disappointed, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to him, but I really wanted to see him. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair, God I am so screwed up right now.

I got ready for class and walked out the door. Once I was at my class, I didn’t hear a word my professor said, my mind was obviously elsewhere. I had made plans yesterday to meet Josh for lunch. I walked into the cafeteria and saw he already had his plate. I went through the line and filled my plate and sat next to him.

He smiled, “hey bud, what’s up?”

I forced a smile, “not much, you?”

He was talking, but again, I wasn’t hearing anything he said. I was just nodding and smiling.

He snapped his fingers, “Zane, what the hell is wrong with you?”

I came back to reality, “huh, what?”

He said, “what is going on with you? You’re in a daze today.”

I replied, “I don’t know, I just have a lot on my mind.”

He asked, “are you worried about that term paper, I thought you were just about done with that.”

I shook my head, “no, that’s not it, I finished that already.”

He gave me a concerned look, “what is it then? You can tell me.”

I took a deep breath, “it’s Trent.”

He furrowed his brow, “what about Trent?”

I said, “you know he’s gay right?”

He nodded, “yeah, so? Wait, did he make a pass at you?”

I shook my head, “no. nothing like that. Look, you have to promise not to say anything about what I am going to tell you. Especially not to Wendy.”

He was really starting to look worried now, he nodded, “ok, what is it?”

I took another deep breath and told him about when I broke my wrists and Trent “helped” me and all the way up to the night he and Aiden sucked my dick.

He sat back deep in thought, “ok, so you got your dick sucked by a couple of gay guys, I’m sure lots of guys in college have been curious and have done the same thing. You didn’t do anything back, besides, the semester is just about over. You’ll go home for the summer and next school year you’ll get a new roommate, and everything will be back to normal.”

I chuckled, “it’s not that simple, there is one more thing.”

He sighed, “oh God Zane, what else happened?”

Another deep breath to work up my courage, I had come this far, no turning back now. “The other night Trent came home from Aiden’s place, they had had a fight. He was so sad, so when he went to take a shower, I joined him and “helped” him, like he helped me when my wrists were broken.”

Josh was just staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth open. Finally, he asked, “do you think you have feelings for Trent?”

I looked down at the plate of food that I had hardly touched, “I’m sure I do.”

Josh was still staring at me in disbelief, “so what are you going to do? Does Trent feel the same way?”

Shit, I hadn’t really thought about that, what if Trent didn’t feel the same way about me.

I shrugged, “I don’t know what I’m going to do, I guess I need to talk to Trent. If he doesn’t feel the same, then I just need to move on.”

He asked, “what about Ella?”

That question was like a punch to the gut.

He continued, “she is a great girl, you need to talk to her and tell her about your feelings.”

I nodded, “you’re right, I do need to be honest with her, she certainly deserves that. I am supposed to go to her place tonight, I’ll tell her about everything.”

Josh and talked for a while and then went to our next classes. I was surprised that it felt so good to share my secret with someone else, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Not only did I admit my feeling to someone else, but it was also the first time I admitted it to myself. After class, I went back to my room, Trent was not home. I tried to do my homework, my nerves started to kick in the later it got. I was supposed to be at Ella’s place in about an hour.

I knocked on her door and my stomach flipped when she opened the door with that sweet smile.

She beamed, “hey Zane, come on in.”

I smiled as she gave me a hug and a peck on the lips.

She pulled back and looked at me, “what’s going on, you seem a little preoccupied.”

I couldn’t just blurt out that I thought I was in love with Trent, I had to slowly work into this discussion.

I sat next to her on her bed, “I’m worried about Trent, he and Aiden had a fight. He’s pretty upset.”

I explained about him catching Aiden with two other guys.

She kept her eyes locked on me, “that’s too bad, I knew Aiden wasn’t good enough for Trent.”

I nodded, “yeah, I remember you said you had a feeling about him.”

She asked, “so did they break up for good?”

I shrugged, “I’m not sure, I am afraid if Aiden offered, Trent would go back to him in a minute.”

She put her hand on my leg, “I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it Zane. I mean, you can give him your opinion or maybe some advice, but other than that you have to let Trent figure things out for himself.”

I sighed, “I know, but it is hard for me to sit by and watch that asshole hurt Trent.”

She asked, “why is that Zane?”

I looked at her, I was bit confused, “why can’t I sit by while he gets hurt?”

She nodded, “yes, I know you are a good friend, but why does this bother you so much? I know you have other friends that have broken up with their partners before. Why is it different this time?”

I shrugged, “I’m not sure, I guess I care about him.”

She smiled, “you care about all your friends.”

I knew this was the time to come clean, I took a deep breath, “I don’t think I care about them in the same way that I care about Trent.” I watched her to gauge her reaction.

She took my hand, “it seems like you have figured things out for yourself.”

I asked, “what do you mean?”

She chuckled, “Zane, you have feelings for Trent, didn’t you come here tonight to tell me that?”

I stuttered, “I, I don’t think… I mean…”

Ella smiled, “Zane, just tell me.”

I broke down, “yes, I have feelings for Trent, I don’t know if he feels the same way, but I have to find out. Shit, I never wanted to hurt you, and I never would have started things with you if I had admitted to myself that I might be… might be… gay. There I said it.”

She wrapped her arms around me, “don’t you feel better now?”

I wiped the tears away and nodded, “yeah, I guess I do.”

She smiled at me as she wiped my face, “you need to go talk to Trent.”

Her smiled caused more tears to fall, “yeah, I guess that is the next step, huh?”

She kissed my cheek, “yes, it is.”

I regained my composure, “wait, how did you know… did Josh tell you?”

She shook her head, “no, but I am glad that you have already talked to Josh. I suspected it that night I told you that Trent had his eye on someone else. I could tell that you were hoping it was you.”

I chuckled, “was I that obvious?”

She smiled, “not really, but I could tell that you were trying to figure out what your feelings really were.”

I said, “I am so sorry, you have to know that I didn’t plan this. I do love you, but it is so different than what I feel for Trent. I hope you don’t hate me right now.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, “I don’t hate you Zane, I love you too and always will. I think if you wouldn’t have come clean, then we would both have ended up hating each other. I want you to be happy.”

I wiped her tear away, “I want you to be happy too, and I want us to always be friends.”

She gave me a kiss on my cheek, “we always will be. Now go talk to Trent and call me to let me know how it goes.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief as I walked out of Ella’s dorm. As soon as I was outside, I texted Josh that I had talked to Ella.

He texted back: “how did it go?”

Me: “good, she even suspected.”

Josh: “lol, so you guys are good?”

Me: “yes, thank God. Still friends.”

Josh: “she is a great gal.”

Me: “yep.”

I got to my dorm and walked down the hall to my room. The butterflies were working overtime in my stomach. How was I going to start this conversation with Trent? What was I going to do if he didn’t feel the same way? Damn it, I was feeling so good about how things went with Josh and Ella, now I was having all these doubts.

I took a deep breath as I opened the door and walked into my room. I was disappointed that the room was dark, and Trent’s bed was empty. I put my bag on my bed and started to pace the floor, going over what I was going to say when Trent came home.

Hey Trent, do you like me, because I think I love you. No, a little too direct.

Is there anyone in this room that you might have feelings for? No, sounds like I am still in high school.

Maybe I should just start with, Trent, can we have a talk? Or Trent, I have something to tell you. Shit, this was going to be harder than talking to Josh and Ella.

I was working on another opening line when I heard a key in the door. I turned to the door as Trent walked in.

He glanced toward me and went straight to his bed, trying to hide his face as he walked by.

I said, “hey Trent.”

He turned away, “hey.”

My heart sank as I walked toward him and asked, “what’s going on?”

He finally looked at me, his eyes were red and there were still tears running down his cheeks. I put my hand on his chin to look him in the eye.

I asked, “what happened.”

He turned his head away, “nothing.”

I sat next to him, “something happened, you know you can tell me.”

He sniffed, “I was just at Aiden’s.”

I asked, “did he want to get back together?"

He nodded, “well, that’s what he said when he texted me.”

I once again turned his face toward me, “but when you got there, it was something else?” That’s when I noticed the bruise on his cheek.

He just nodded, I could feel my blood start to boil. I put both my hands on each side of face and asked, “what did he do to you?”

He looked at me with the saddest eyes, “he was with Derek and his other friend and this time when I told them no, they wouldn’t let me leave.”

I just saw red, as I wrapped my arms around him, and he broke down crying. I could feel the rage building inside me, I had to do something. I laid him on the bed and started toward the door.

Trent asked, “Zane, where are you going?”

I growled, “I need some air.” As I slammed the door behind me.

 

To be continued…