Gaining Grip

Sometimes I think back and wonder why it all had to be this way. Why didn't things turn out normal for me? Is that too much to ask for? That's when I realized that I was never meant to be normal. And as comforting as this realization may seem it isn't. My family, my friends are all I've got. And the mere thought of me losing them kills me inside everyday. The only thing I could do is try as much as possible to please them. I get good grades, and I'm in a good college. I laugh, smile but only one person could see through my facade is My best friend Natesha. She has always been there for me and knows about me... As in gay. Some people might consider what I do as being in the closet, but its not so, what you see is what you get with me. My name's kayle. I'm a 6'2", slightly buff, not too much and a dirty blond. I attend one of the best colleges within this hemisphere. I have my own dorm. It doesn't get lonely because I have a lot of female friends over when I'm bored. Its not that I don't want male friends or am scared or anything. I don't want their names to be slandered as being an associate of mine just in case the news about me being gay is broadcast. They do not treat our kind nice here. So to avoid trouble, I shun any male who shows me kindness, because here its better to be a snob than a homo. I'm now having second guesses about that idea because if I want to get someone who could... Love... Me... This was not the way for it to be done. Sometimes I feel as if my standards are too high. Is it to much to ask for from a guy who is smart, good looking and does not want sex but love... Just like me? My parents drilled it in me not to go gay unless you forget them and have my own house. And also if I want to get sodomized. These words sticked to me like the hairs on my skin. Because of them I could never picture myself having sex with a guy.

One day the Dean came in and asked if I could share the room with a freshman, I wanted to object but he pleaded to me. I accepted his proposal but a bit ambivalent. The next day I was waken to the sound of some knocks to the door. In rage in got up to open the door. As I opened it what I saw was a shocker. It was a eyes that could lured the soul into something new. I had never felt such a stirring in my stomach. As our eyes made one he looked away and his expression became a little more serious.

"My name's Michael, and I'm gonna be your new roommate...."

"Kayle, kayle adams."

" Cool"

With that he brushed pass me not making eye contact with me again. I felt that I did something wrong but to not come on too strong I let it go without worrying about the rebounds.

"Your room is on the left. The kitchen is to the right and the bath is to the further right to the kitchen."

" Thanks, don't worry I'm not really outgoing so I wouldn't disturb the piece, I will get to know you better, and me you, but right now I have to finish packing."

"By all means carry on, If you need any help just ask."

"Will do"

With that he was off. After a short period of time I looked out of the window and saw his struggling. I came down to assist.

Holding one edge of the study desk-

"I thought I told you that if you needed help you could ask"

"I didn't want to bother you, knowing that I have only just arrived"

"That's a good answer" I said with a smirk.

"Well... thanks I guess"

Walking up the stairs was a piece of trouble in itself but what happened at the door was way off.

I lost grip and the table fell on my foot and what I think sprained my ankle.

"Aw, god damn it" I said in agonizing pain.

With great intentions he lifted the table off of me and tried to help me to my feet but I couldn't stand the pain. As gently as he could he lifted me onto the couch.

"Do you want to go to the hospital" he said with concern.

"NO... I hate that place." I snarled back.

"With a sudden haste I saw him run to his stuff and pulled out a box.

"What are you doing?" I asked still in pain.

"I'm trained in first aid, hold on. This may sting a bit."

He took a piece of cloth and dabbed it with some alcohol concentrated liquid and gentle dabbed my now bleeding wound. I shouted... The pain was tremendous.

"Its okay, it will only take a minute tops." He said calmly. With that serious look again. It was like a distancing. He then rapped the gauze around the wound repeatedly.

"Looking at the severity of this I guess you would be immobile for 3 days." He said a bit downtrodden.

To prove him wrong I was determined to get up, and I did. When I attempted to move I was about to fall until he gripped me.

" I don't think so" he said

"Well could you help me to my room"

"No prob"

I held my arms around his neck and we walked to my room. I decided to take another attempt to walk on both my feet but this time I lost grip of him and was falling to the ground yet again. But he swerved below me and then I fell onto him.

Looking into his eyes yet again even in pain still sets my stomach on fire. We looked into each others eyes for 6 straight seconds until he spoke.

"Sorry about your leg" still looking into my eyes.

"Its not your fault" I said staring back into his.

For some odd reason I felt my face pull to his (still on the floor), his face pulled to mine. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. I was almost certain that our lips would make one.

"Let's get you back on your feet" he said still breath to breath.

I had to resist. I pulled off and he got up and heist ed me back up. He guided me to my bed and said not to hesitate to call him in case I needed anything. With that he was out of the door. What I wanted to ask him was really embarrassing. I needed to take leak.

"Auhh, michael. Could you help me to the bathroom.?"

With no words he came and and assisted me.

We were at the bathroom.

"So how are we gonna do this?"

Without hesitation. He placed his hands to each side of my waist to provide balance. I saw in the mirror him looking the other direction, strongly. With that I guessed that what happened in the hall with the fall and the breath to breath thing was all nothing because he is straight. I knew that he felt bad knowing that he was the cause of all of this. He guided me back to my room.

"It wasn't your fault, I was careless."

"It was, had I taken your help when you offered it none of this wouldn't of happened, remember if you need anything call me. Don't make the same mistake I did."

He grasped my hand, not too tight and yet again reminded me to call him. When he let go I felt like he took a small part of me, or even stranger we shared a part of each other...

To be continued