From a Man to a Boy

Finding Myself

I didn't remember driving home from Thomas's house after our first meeting last week. Not seeing the road, the short drive on the highway, my exit, nor any of the half dozen or so small strip malls that I had to pass along the way. My memory starts with me sitting in my driveway staring straight ahead with both hands resting on the wheel as if I'm a 16 year-old just learning to drive. Not surprisingly maybe, but my mind was more filled with Thomas's words than the feelings and images of the incredible, but confusing time we had just spent together.

"You're a natural at this, this is where you belong."

"Sometimes old beliefs block the truth about ourselves."

"That mouth and that ass are meant for men like me. Me and my big cock will give you purpose, we will complete you."

I heard those words over and over again as I sat in my Nissan staring ahead at my front door. I'm not sure how long I sat there as those thoughts filled my mind. Thomas's thoughts and then my own thoughts, my own fears, and maybe even my own truths.

What happened? Am I gay? Am I a bisexual? Meant for men? Am I meant for men's pleasure... real men? I could have said, `no' to him or walked out. But I didn't. I did as I was told. I sucked that man's dick! He fucked me! But he made me! I had to! I was drunk! My thoughts of denial came fast and loud and gave me only an instant of escape. My eyes darted from left to right searching for answers, searching for an understanding of what happened and who I really was.

Those thoughts quickly disappeared into the mist of the confusion in my head. Then I sat in frozen silence. It wasn't about what had happened. It was about what was happening. Hearing Thomas tell me I was a `good boy' had filled me up as much as his cock did. It was more than I could figure out at the time, but I knew something had changed or maybe the truth was actually coming out.

The following week at work I was in a fog. I saw Chris a couple times across the office, but I tried to keep my distance from him and he made no effort to even notice me, much less approach me. At home, I was distant, aloof from my girlfriend Alexis. I barely touched her and she seemed fine with that. Maybe it was her work which always kept her busy. Maybe, I the moment, didn't care.

When the day approached that I was to go back to Thomas's I was filled with anxiety and fear. "I can't keep doing this." "I'm not going back." "I am straight, that was a one time thing, a mistake." These thoughts were loud, but the thoughts of me being a natural bottom boy had been the persistent one all week. I was surely a beta, there was no doubt about that. I never took a stand, took charge or anything in the like. I always went along with, followed, tried to get others to like me and sometimes tried too hard.

I ignored or tried to ignore the nagging pull to go back to Thomas. I can't just not show up I thought, that wouldn't be right. I'll at least have to call him and tell him, `I'm sorry' that I can't continue on with this. But to be honest, I just wasn't able to completely shut the door on this. Looking back, I knew I was hoping he'd somehow talk me into coming over. After the work day had ended I found myself sitting in my car in the office parking lot staring at my phone. Thomas would be expecting me in the next hour. I dialed his number hearing it go through the car's bluetooth.

Thomas answered on the second ring. For a moment, my heart stopped. "Ray, you didn't need to call me. I told you to be here so I was expecting you."

My heart pounded in my chest, my eyes staring at the phone watching the call time slowly move, the phone's display of `Thomas' above his number.

"Ray," Thomas again started, his voice soft, but firm. 

"Uh, oh, hi Thomas," my tone a little too happy for a grown man as I tried to act nice, hoping he'd `like' me. "Ya, I, uhm today, its a, its not gonna work. I," I stammered before Thomas sharply interrupted me.

"Ray. Stop it. Are you listening?" I sat quietly, my heart racing as I stared at my phone. "Enough. Be at my house in 30 minutes. No excuses, no bullshit. You can't run from this. You can't run from yourself or who and what you are. I'll see you in a half an hour," Thomas said with a hint of irritation in his voice before hanging up without waiting for my reply.

My body tingled with fear and excitement. Without another thought I put my car in drive and drove to Thomas's home. Thinking only slowed me down.

I knocked on the door. "It's open, come in," Thomas called from inside.

I opened the door and walked in, shutting the door behind me. Thomas walked out from the hallway in a robe synched at his waist wearing the same leather beach sandals he had on as before. "Oh uh, hi. Uhm, sorry about," I mumbled weakly. Thomas again interrupted me.

"I understand Ray. You're fearful. But this is where you belong, under the direction of a man like me. Doing for him as he needs, but fulfilling your own innate needs in the process. You've been thinking about this and you know there is at least some validity to it," Thomas's voice lighter now than it was on the phone. "I'll be in the living room," he motioned down the hall. "Go pour us a couple of drinks. There's a bottle and glasses on the bar," Thomas instructed before turning and walking away. I hesitantly walked to the bar off of his foyer, dropped some ice from the bucket into the two heavy whiskey glasses, picked up the bottle and poured it over the cubes. In the moment it was so surreal. What am I doing? What am I doing! I need to stop thinking. I then walked to where Thomas had motioned earlier to bring him his drink.

When I entered the room, Thomas was sitting on a leather couch. I handed him his drink to which he rested on a wood coaster upon the coffee table. "Sit for a moment Ray," he said. I chose a chair across from him.

"When you come here you are coming to take care of what I want. You're coming to do what you were born to do. I know Ray that you've been thinking about this all week. Questioning things, suppressing things, denying things, but knowing, KNOWING this is where you belong right now. I showed you exactly who you are last week and although it scares you, you liked it, and needed it. It's just who you are."

I sat motionless, my drink still in my hand. Thomas stood up stepped towards me, standing over me as I sat. He opened his robe. His beautiful cock was right in front of me. I was staring, my world stopped. Thomas reached down and took the drink from my hand. "Take my cock like a good boy," he said. 

I looked up at him briefly. He nodded at me. My gaze then fell back to his hanging cock. It was much bigger than mine. I reached out with my left hand and lightly grabbed this beautiful, thick, flaccid cock and began slowly stroking it. My right hand rested on Thomas's leg. I stared as I slowly pulled on his dick, stroking him as he stood lording over me. I looked up at him, feeling like a child. "Good boy, Ray. Good boy, take care of Daddy and his cock."

Hearing this, I leaned in and took Thomas's cock into my mouth. My eyes closing as I tasted him, his semi-hard, but spongy cock resting on my tongue. Thomas placed his hand on my head softly. It was as if time had slowed to a crawl. I was savoring this strong, Alpha man's dick, slowly sucking, loving, wanting all of his cock. Nothing had ever felt better in my mouth. I was unaware of the pre-cum slowly coming from my own smaller flaccid dick. "Good boy, Ray," Thomas said as he lifted me up to standing.

He grabbed my head, pulled me close and kissed me slow and deep. His tongue pushing into my mouth. I can't explain exactly how it felt, but it was as if he was this strong worldly, all knowing man and I was the small, petite teenage girl just learning of the pleasure of her sexuality. Kissing him was one of the sexiest, most passionate things I had ever done. His right hand lowered as we kissed and he grabbed my ass hard before pushing his fingers hard into my asshole against my jeans. That feeling of being wanted again. It filled me with warmth. This man wanted me and it somehow meant everything to me.

After a moment, Thomas pulled back. He reached down and pushed his hands into the front of my jeans and underwear and grabbed my dick. He smiled as he pulled his hand out revealing the shiny glaze on his fingers. "What's this?," he asked not wanting an answer. He raised his fingers to his mouth and tasted it with his tongue. "Boy cum?" He smiled again. "Follow me Ray," he said as he turned and walked back towards the front door.

He motioned to a small bench in the foyer just to the left of his doorway. "Ray, when you come into my house, you are to take off your clothes and place them here. Folded and neat." He looked back at me to see if I understood.

I nodded, "Yes, Sir."

"Well?," he replied. "Take off your clothes. I am showing you how things are to be done when you're here."

I shook myself out of the trance I was seemingly in and took off my clothes awkwardly as Thomas stood there watching. I placed my shoes together at the foot of the bench, one sock in each. I neatly folded each item into a small, tidy pile. I felt so, well naked. Not just clothes wise, but soul wise as well. I flashed to being that kid scared to change in the middle school locker room amongst the Alpha boys. All the while, Thomas stood there, his robe open, his magnificent cock heavily dangling without an ounce of bashfulness or hesitation. And he wanted me. Me.

I was almost hunched, nervous, embarrassed. Thomas looked me up and down and smiled. "Follow me," he said matter of factly as he walked back down the hallway past the living room to a bathroom with a large shower. "After you get undressed, you will come and shower here." Thomas reached into the shower and turned on the water. I stood watching. He waited a moment and felt the water. "Get in."

I looked back to the hallway briefly and paused a moment to think before deciding to step in, water running down my chest. Thomas continued, "I want you to clean yourself completely. That boy pussy of yours too," he said. I must have looked lost.

"Clean yourself out with this." He grabbed what looked like a stainless steel dildo with holes at one end and a hose at its base which connected to the shower head. It was some sort of shower enema. I looked down at the industrial looking drain on the floor. "You'll come in here and clean yourself for me. Do it now. I'll be in the living room," he said as he turned before calling back. "Make sure you leave this place clean as well." 

It was all so surreal. What was I doing here? This man, this real, amazing, good looking man, wanted me here? I stopped thinking and just showered myself. I took the metal cylinder and with soap lather in my hand rubbed it up and down the shaft. I turned the small knob at the base of the tube and water shot out of the end. I bent over and forced it into my ass. It hurt and was completely uncomfortable, but I did as told. I must do this for him. I allowed the water to fill my insides before letting it burst out cleaner and cleaner each time. 

When I finished cleaning myself and tidying up the bathroom leaving it cleaner than when I arrived, I walked slowly and nervously down the hall. Thomas was sitting on the couch, his robe still open enjoying his drink. "Come here Ray. Let me see you boy."

I walked over like a scared child facing his school principal. "Ok. Turn around." I slowly turned making a complete circle, Thomas watching intently. "Now face away from me, show me your ass." I turned my body and looked back at Thomas over my shoulder. "Ok, back up, come closer, spread your ass for Daddy." I again hesitated a moment, but then stepped back and pulled my ass cheeks wide. Thomas reached out and grabbed my ass with his left hand and inspected my asshole. Then he put a finger in his mouth and wet it. He pulled me closer, leaned in, and then pushed his finger inside of me. I squealed, almost feminine, childlike. The pain mixing with the pleasure.

"Good, good. When I see you next Ray I want this hair back here removed. Keep this asshole lotioned and clean. Understand?," he asked.

"I, Thomas I," I mumbled before he interrupted me. "Daddy, you'll call me Daddy or Sir. Got it?," he said this more like a statement than a question not wanting to hear whatever excuses I had to say.

"Yes, Daddy," I replied, my eyes falling to the floor.

"You can trim the hair over your dick, but keep it short. That asshole is to be hairless and lotioned at all times." I nodded. 

He released me and picked up his drink and took a sip. "Now suck Daddy's cock."

I turned and knelt in front of the couch between Thomas's legs while he sipped his drink. "Boy, take Daddy's cock with your mouth. Not your hands."

I had gone too far now to look back. I was so nervous, but I wanted so much to please him. I wanted him to validate me. I would try to earn this through my obedience, my mouth and my ass, and he would make me better. Through his cock I would be fulfilled, completed.

I looked down at his big cock, leaned in and lowered my chin scooping his beautiful, wonderful cock into my mouth almost filling it. I loved the feel, the taste. My head slowly bobbed back and forth, his cock gliding between my wet lips slowly growing, and becoming harder. I licked and sucked his cockhead.

"Good boy," Thomas said, "Cup Daddy's balls, you can use your hands now." I lovingly cupped his swollen balls, licked his shaft down to his testicles and licked and sucked them. I was not experienced so I just did what I'd seen in pornos or what I thought would feel good, what kind of came naturally. I wanted him to think I was a good cocksucker. This was a though that wouldn't have crossed my mind two weeks ago, but now it was a goal.

I was now joyfully sucking his hard cock, up and down, emotion bubbling inside of me. The sexual excitement, with his steel erection and grunts of pleasure proof to me that I was making him feel good, that he enjoyed me, liked me, valued me.

Thomas reached down grabbed my head from both sides and slowly pulled me deeper onto his hard cock. I began to gag, tears filling my eyes. I thrust my hands out onto his legs and pushed backwards fighting to get off of him and to breathe.

Thomas stopped pulling me downward, but he held me tight, my nose maybe two inches from his stomach. "Ray, breathe, breathe through you nose. Do it. You will learn to take all of Daddy's cock. Breathe," Thomas instructed.

I was gagging, still fighting, snot beginning to run down my nose. Thomas didn't relent holding me strong and steady.

"Relax boy, get all Daddy's cock down your throat." I was able to slow my breathing down and stop gagging and I relaxed my grip on Thomas's legs. Thomas slowly pulled me down until my nose was pressed to his lower stomach, his cock half way down my throat. He exhaled deeply.

He held me there for a moment before releasing me. I pulled back hard and quick, pushing away from Thomas, my eyes wide, gasping for breath. Thomas stood up quickly. He put a hand on my shoulder, "let's go," he said walking down the hall and toward the door at the end. I followed him trying to regain my breath and my composure. As he swung the door open I recognized the room as his massage area where we had began this journey last week.

As I entered, Thomas was standing at the wall by what I had previously thought was a chin up bar, but could now see it was a bit low for that. It was maybe six or so feet from the ground and it protruded maybe three, three and a half feet from the wall. "Come here, boy," Thomas said, a low anger in his voice. "Put both your hands on the bar. Face the wall."

I was confused, my head not exactly straight from choking a minute before. "Thomas... Sir, Daddy, what, what's going on?" I asked.

"Ray, you don't fight me. You have to trust Daddy. Now c'mon, put your hands on the bar," Thomas replied. As he spoke he pulled two like handcuffs from a counter top. I nervously reached up and grabbed the bar with both hands. Thomas walked behind me and locked my wrists to the bar. I was now facing the wall, a couple feet from it, with both hands cuffed to the bar which was slightly above my head.

"Daddy, please don't hit me, don't, I'm sorry," I said nervously.

"When you act out, your ass is gonna be painted red," he replied and then slapped my ass hard with his bare hand. Whap! Whap!

I cried out. "Ray, be a good boy and take your punishment," Thomas said almost encouragingly. Whap! Whap! I gritted my teeth and tried to stay as quiet as I could only allowing myself a small whimper. The pain stinging across my backside.

Without another word, Thomas knelt down behind me, reached around to my front, grabbed me by my hips and pulled my ass back to his face. I went from pain to ecstasy in an instant. Thomas pushed his face into my ass, sucking and lapping at my asshole. My head fell back and I fell limp almost hanging from the cuffs, resting on the balls of my feet. His tongue electric to my hole.

As Thomas deep tongued my asshole, I rocked back trying to get more of it inside me rocking and writhing with the intense pleasure. Thomas reached a hand around and began stroking my cock which became hard instantly. I could feel my orgasm boiling inside of me and Thomas must have as well.

He instantly stood up grabbed my hips and thrust his big, hard cock deep into my ass. I screamed and pain shot through me, a terrible pain causing me to rock forward violently to try and escape it. Thomas wrapped one arm low around my waist the other higher around my chest, and pulled me in tight. His cock fully inside of me, his hips pressed against my ass.

"UH, UH, UHHH," I strained to control both the pain and my breath. Thomas held me tight from behind, lasciviously licking my neck and ears, enjoying my ass and my fight.

"Boy, needs to remember that THIS is about what Daddy needs, not boy. That boy might get pleasure from it is besides the point," Thomas whispered. My hole seemed stretched to its limits and I was in pain, but I understood what he said and would come to know it as the law in months ahead.

Thomas then began to slowly fuck my captive ass. Our torsos wrapped tightly together as he began to rock his hips, his cock slowly gliding in and out of me. My body was now able to relax as the pain subsided and turned to pleasure. My smaller dick now limp from the earlier pain drooped as Thomas slowly pushed his wonderful cock up into me again and again. Receiving pleasure from both his penetration and from the feel of his skin on mine as he pressed into me. It felt as if he was making love to me. "This must be how it feels for a woman," I thought, but the power of pussy was not in me, but in this Alpha's cock, his being. I was just the outlet for his needs. And at this moment, I was grateful for it.

The sound of Thomas's heavy breathing by my ear turned me on even more, but it did not give me more than a soft semi-erection. As Thomas's breathing and pleasure increased he reached under both my arms locking my shoulders into the crook of his arms, his hands now holding me from behind my neck like in a full Nelson. The pumping of his hips, of his rock hard cock began to increase faster and harder. Thomas held me tight as the sexual frenzy intensified, I craned my neck back and leaned to kiss Thomas deeply, passionately, our tongues thrashing.

Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Thomas slammed into my ass faster and faster, harder and harder. I let out a loud sharp cry as the pain and pleasure mixed and intertwined. Learning the pain will bring the pleasure. It became an intoxicating mix I would come to need.

"Aaahhhhhhh!," Thomas grunted as his cock exploded in my broiling ass. I felt the warm liquid torrent fill my insides, cum spilling out as he continued to thrust in an attempt to keep his sexual high. As Thomas's pace lessened an enveloping warmth filled my being knowing that I had been chosen for this role. My drooping dick then shot its load onto the floor.

"Good boy," Thomas said softly, catching his breath.

I hung from the bar exhausted with a tired smile on my face and Thomas's cum slowly running down backside. I better understood what Thomas had said about me, about who and what I was. This relationship, this real inner part of me wasn't about me or my dick as past relationships may have been. In fact, my dick wasn't really even needed in this equation at all and it would remain soft through most of my encounters with Thomas. This was about me revealing my true self - not a man, but a submissive bottom boy for real, Alpha men. And for that I was grateful.

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**Appreciated the kind words from everyone regarding the first story. I have added some of my own truths and experience with my own Daddy to this story, hope everyone enjoys this as well. - love to hear your comments at [email protected].  Thank you.