Father's Love

“So Mr. Smith, I did ask and one doctor said that he can take you in… and he said to go there actually right now, as he is planning to leave soon. If you want to proceed, please go to room 315 for Dr. Williams.”

“Thank you Miss! Sorry for inconveniencing you again.”

“Good afternoon Dr. Williams, I’ve been told that you are able to see me?”

“Yes, sit, sit. So just to confirm again, what is it that you need medical assistance to?”

“Well I would like to have an STD test.”

“May I know why?”

“Uhmm, for my work Doc.”

“Sure sure… but doesn’t that usually go with a general physical exam?”

“Ahh, yes, yes, that too Doc I forgot.”

“You’re still young, you shouldn’t be this forgetful yet. Now sit on that bed while I check your records.”

“So you are 27 years of age, and married… family history doesn’t have anything of note…”

“So do you have any kids or plan to have one?”

“Yes, I just recently became a father to a girl.”

“Oh. That is good to hear. So how is it being a new father? Parenthood brings so many changes to the family. As they said, no one is or will ever be prepared for it.”

“Sadly I haven’t been able to even hold her yet. My wife suffered from eclampsia, forcing her to give birth prematurely at 7 months. They are both confined here too Doc.”

“Oh, that saddens me. May I call you Lewis? I do hope that you are coping well Lewis.”

“Thank you Doc.”

“So let’s begin? Remove your clothes Lewis so we can then start.”

“So first, let us start with a urine sample. Can you fill this cup for me?”

“Okay Doc.”

“Sadly I need to see you fill it up. You seem like a good fellow Lewis, but I just can’t be too sure.”

“Not even allowed to turn around?”

“I’m afraid not Lewis. I need to be 100% sure that the sample has not been tampered with in any ways possible.”

“Here it is.”

“Now that is a strong scent and colour, you shouldn’t be holding your pee Lewis.”

“Yes, Doc.”

“Now, I have to ask you a question, how many different sexual partners have you had, and how many do you have now?”

“I’ve had 3 sexual partners before marrying my wife. And I never had any extramarital affairs upon marrying my wife.”

“All female? Or are there any male sexual partners? You can be honest with me, Lewis. And now even when your wife I’m assuming isn’t able to satisfy your sexual needs?”

“All females. And sorry, Doc, but I hate how you are insinuating that I’m gonna cheat on my wife just because she isn’t able to satisfy my sexual needs. No I am not cheating, nor will I ever.”

“Okay, understood. Now this one my sting a little, I’m gonna take a swab at your urethra.”

“Has anyone ever told you how thick your penis is? It is definitely on the larger side girth wise. The length though…”

“I’m sorry Doc, but can we stick to the test?”

“Oh my, I am just naturally talkative, and I can’t help myself from commenting”

“Now let me check the testicles. Cough to your right… to your left…”

“You are doing good, Lewis. Now rest your arms on the table, we will proceed with the prostate exam.”

“I am going to insert a finger, Lewis.”

“Is that a hard-on, Lew-”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU A FUCKING FAGGOT!”

I’m not trained in medicine, but it doesn’t take much of a brain to notice that your doctor is fucking with you when he starts to fondle your balls as he is doing your prostate exam. I knew something was up with the way he looks, and how his hands seem to graze on areas they shouldn’t, or lingering far longer than one would deem normal. His line of questioning doesn't seem normal either. So I fucking punched the fat faggot on his chest.

“Oh my this is a misunderstanding, Lewis.”

The fucking audacity of this perverted pig. I’m on edge lately and I would be lying if I say that I wouldn’t beat up anyone to death even for the smallest offence done to me. More so if the offender is a fucking fag. I’ve had enough of them lately.

“EXPLAIN HOW THIS IS A MISUNDERSTANDING?!”

“Well, then why do you have a hard on?

“ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? I’M FUCKING DONE, AND I WILL BE REPORTING YOU!”

This fucking doctor, the fucking gays, this fucking hospital. It is a fucking den of perversion. As soon as my daughter gets well, I will never set foot here. I hastily put on my clothes, and as I look up, he is still smiling, as if he didn’t care. Fucking prick is testing me, so I marched towards him, ready to beat him back to his senses.

“Mr. Thompson.”

“What the fuck did you say?”

“Mr. Thompson.”

“What the fuck are you saying?”

“Why are youngsters these days so uppity? Do you really need to punch me? You should be thankful that you didn’t hit me on the face. Even a saint has limits.”

“What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Saying?!”

“Do I have to spell it out for you? It is kind of an open secret among us here that anyone who asks Mr. Thompson's help becomes his toy, not to mention you are definitely his type. I always keep a tab on the men who approach him. Just a little taste here and there, while making sure not to cross the line. Everyone has the right to be happy right?”

“Let. Me. Repeat. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Saying?!!”

“Oh my. Since you still seem lost, let me give you a bit of information. You see, we somehow notice that men whose loved one’s medical bills get paid for by Mr. Thompson always get an STD test frequently soon after. As they said, once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern.”

“I mean it is easy to test, just fail one men’s test and see how it goes. So that is what I did. He was a handsome fellow - big brown eyes and thick luscious black hair, his jaw was so sharp… He was so young, so dreamy. 

Then tragedy struck, his girlfriend got in a car accident, they are on their own yada yada, so the poor lad heard of the rumour of the benevolent benefactor, who lends money to the sick here, asking no questions, nor requiring any collaterals.”

“I failed his test… his girlfriend dies soon after, and he then committed a suicide a few days later. Oh my, what a trip to the memory lane. Do you know how that was still my biggest regret? How I wished I was able to taste him even once. Nevertheless, thanks to him, I am able to connect the dots, and be able to enjoy some crumbs. Well that’s the gist of the story.”

“So Lewis, do you understand? I’m assuming you are special because Mr. Thompson paid for your wife’s and child’s bills already, yet when I checked your record, this is your first physical exam and STD test in a while.”

“So Lewis, do you understand what I am saying?”

“Lewis, are you there?”

My heart is racing. Is this real?  What the fuck is happening to me? Why are all the problems in the world going my way continuously? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.

“LEWIS!”

“Yes, Doc.”

“Good you came back to your senses. So what do you say? I still haven’t filed these, and you know that I can easily put anything I want in here. Maybe I will finally say that I made a mistake a week later, or maybe not. No one would know you know.”

“But by the time you return to Mr. Thompson to ask for more money, say, your baby girl might not get the treatment she needs in time, just because his father lacks the money. How would you feel if she gets a lifelong illness because of that? Or worse, die? Oh my, even I am getting sad for that poor baby girl.”

“No please, no. Please..“

“Don’t worry Lewis, I am kind and understanding. So what do you say, shall we redo it again? Let us just play for a little while.”

“Yes. Doc.”

“You chose correctly, Lewis. Swallow this pill then come back here within an hour.”

_________________________________________________________________________

“Good evening Dr. Williams.”

“Good evening Mr. Smith. Sit. Sit. So looking at your records, you are 27 years of age, and married. First name is Lewis, I can call you Lewis right?”

“Yes Doc.”

“Good, so you are here for a general check up and STD test right, Lewis? So shall we begin? Why don’t we start with you removing your clothes?”

“Yes doc.”

My hands are trembling so bad I can’t even undo the buttons on my shirt. My heart is racing so bad, my body feels hot, and worse of all, my dick has been sporting a raging hard-on for almost 20 mins already ever since I swallowed what he gave me. I don't even know what is in the pill he gave me, one thing for sure - it is making me lose control of my body. Worse, I am afraid. This faggot is crazy and dangerous.

“Oh Lewis, you are shaking so bad. Let me help you with that then.”

Before I could even protest, he moved towards me and started unbuttoning my shirt already, making sure to graze my nipples as he moved his hands. 

“You are very hairy, I wonder if your family has some arabic or mediterranean ancestors.”

“Your areola are somehow above average in size. But that is okay, it fits you nicely.”

“I see, you definitely have a mild case of gynecomastia, but in your case it helps, or I daresay enhances your chest. You do look beautiful.”

His hands roam freely on my upper body. Treating me like a petting zoo. He fondled my chest down to a few inches before my privates with one hand, while the other pinches or tweaks my nipples. It should have hurt, but with the way my body feels right now, everything feels like a pleasure. I’m trying to think of anything, but nothing works - I can feel my precum leaking from my aching erect dick.

Suddenly I felt something wet in my pits. It was his tongue. He had started licking it up and down continuously for a good amount of time, making sure to smother the whole area.

“Someone here is ticklish.”

“You sweat easily huh, Lewis?”

“Very musky. I gotta say I love the way you smell. No hint of deodorant, all natural huh?”

“I’m assuming that your diet seems to consist largely of red meat with a strong love for garlic.”

After he is done with his lustful comments, his tongue goes towards my nipples, licking it in a circular motion, then leaving a trail of wet slop when he licks toward my navel - continuing down until my treasure trail. He repeated and continued that motion for a while until I shuddered… I fucking ejaculated just from this fat fag’s tongue moving across my body…

“Oh Lewis, did you just come already? That was fast!”

“I love it when muscular men blushes with shame.”

“Are you really sure that you’ve never had any experience with men? You can tell me anything.”

“Oh Lewis, that’s a lot of load, it even permeated through your underwear. Look, how big the wet mark is in your pants.”

He continued for a while until he pushed me to the bed and started removing my shoes and socks. He  immediately sucks my feet with such enthusiasm. Although I want to be disgusted with how this sloppy fat fuck sucks and licks my toes, the spaces between them, and even my ankles, every sensation just feels way too good.

My dick still stays erect despite having an orgasm already. Worse, the cum on my underwear, with its slimy lubricating texture,made any slight movement of my dick intoxicating. My body shouldn’t be like this… fuck that pill. Fuck this crazy bitch.

“So good. I thank the gods because Mr. Thompson has the same taste as I.”

“Has anyone ever told you Lewis that you taste good? You are making me crazy.”

“Ahh, that’s enough, you are making me feel very hot. How about we proceed to the main course already?”

In a flash, he quickly pulled down my briefs and pants all together to my knees with haste. And within a second, he was on his knees, gobbling my dick.

“Mhmm, your scent is very strong here with your luscious hair.”

“What a thick dick. I wish it was longer, but goddamn is it juicy!”

He is sucking it with so much eagerness, that I came for the second time just a few seconds after his mouth was on my dick.

“Oh my Lewis! You came so fast?”

“Thick and creamy. Nothing less from a stud.”

“You like that?”

“Seems like you do really need someone to satisfy your needs. You can always come to me, Lewis.”

I’m still shaking and trembling, but I am beyond horrified. Imagine ejaculating a few seconds someones mouth touched your dick, a fat fag’s mouth to be more specific. I keep saying to myself that it was just the drugs. But what I am more mortified about is that this is the first time I am receiving a blow job. 

My wife or even my previous girlfriends have never liked the idea of it. My wife even made it as a running joke that she would give it to me on our 5th year wedding anniversary. Now that memory is tainted, how I wish I could go back to the simpler happier times. I always envisioned it as something special that my wife would do for me, never imagined I would receive my first from a fucking faggot instead. I just wanted to push this fat fuck away - but I can’t.

I could feel my mind going crazy with how his tongue kept moving up and down my shaft;   the mixture of pain and pleasure  when he pulled my foreskin down; the exhilarating feeling of his tongue circling my cock head; before finally devouring my whole penis down his mouth. What I hate even more, is how my cum that mixed with his saliva made the feeling more slick. I fear if he continues this way, my third orgasm isn’t too far off.

Despite the extreme pleasure that I am feeling, I can’t hide the shame and disgust I am feeling. I want my wife. I wanted to imagine the one doing it to me as my wife, maybe I wouldn’t feel this disgusted with myself from receiving way too much pleasure from it right? FUCK NO -  my wife isn’t a disgusting pig like this fag. It is just the fucking pill Lewis, nothing more.

“Mild case of phimosis, penile papules, and a bit lacking in hygiene. I would have certainly recommended circumcision for you, but I don’t think Mr. Thompson would appreciate that.”

“You got a bit of cheese in there, but not much."

“You are shaking again, are you gonna cum again, Lewis?”

“Hey! Stop closing your eyes, your body is enjoying this way too much, the least you can do is keep your eyes open! I am not the bitch in heat here, you are!”

I have to force myself to look at him, a slobbering sweating mess of a man looking at me with such lust. By his image alone, my hard-on should be non-existent, but even now, any touch is still making me crazy. He started licking my balls while tugging my shaft. Still with my cum and his saliva, everything feels slimy and icky - but surprisingly feels good. I feel close to orgasm again, but all I want is for everything to stop. I’m not a faggot. I don’t want to be a faggot.

Then he did the move similar to that fag, putting a finger in the area they called taint. I don’t know what is with that place, but all I know is that I wanted to die - for a moan escaped my mouth. I don’t even know why I get so turned on there. I’m not a fucking faggot for fucks sake. I’m fucking straight. I’m a husband. I’m a father. These faggots and their tricks, they won’t be able to win.

As my moan caught his attention, he  shifted his focus. He started licking that spot instead of my balls, while still continuously tugging my dick up and down.

“Yes, moan more Lewis. You like that huh?”

“Oh ho ho ho, seems like you are getting close again.”

He then started circling my asshole with his finger and sucking my whole dick down in his mouth to his throat. I wanted my dick to rest already. It felt abused, but with the faggot’s crafty mouth - I just can’t. I can’t stop my dick from giving in… despite how disgusted it makes me feel… ejaculating time after time from a fat fags touch.

“Ahh”

I’m still quivering uncontrollably when he stood up and started kissing me. He started sliding his tongue inside my mouth, continuously passing my semen to and from his mouth. His tongue kept on forcing its way down my throat, leaving me no choice but to swallow my load. He continued forcing this disgusting kiss. Even going as far as trying to entangle his tongue with mine.

I don’t why, but something kicked in me. Without any thought, I just pushed him away, after which I collapsed into a ball crying. Kissing is something my wife and I cherish. Handjobs, blowjobs, hell even getting fucked, I feel like I can take all of those abuses, but kissing - it just feels outright nasty. It feels something so - intimate, something I can only do with my wife - someone I love and care about. Not with some dirty fag. Not a cheap trick to make a fag get off.

“Oh my Lewis. I know this is tough for you, but why don't you think about how tough it is for me too? I expected to suck on that thick juicy cock for at least 10 mins more. Do you even know how many appointments I cancelled for you?”

Fucking pricks. Why is everyone bent on taking advantage of me? Where is the fucking compassion or even basic human decency? Is this karma? Karma for fucking what? I don’t know why I have fallen this low or why. I thought I could take everything, but it is indeed taking its toll on me.

“Hey Lewis? Are you there? Do I have to put a note that you are mentally unsound too?”

“I am here, no please, Doc.”

I wanted to scream but I know I can’t. I wanted to punch him. But I know I can’t. I wanted to kill him, but I know I can’t. I like I am suffocating. I just can’t do anything. Why can’t everything just go back to normal?

“Good, then go undress completely.”

I then proceed to remove my underwear and pants. Even though this is the second time a man had seen me fully naked, and basically his second time seeing me naked, the shame in being force to show my erect cock like a cheap whore to a fag is still there. You just feel vulnerable without any piece of cloth.

“Hey! move your hands to the side. It’s not as if I haven’t sucked on that cock already. Now go and help me undress. And kiss me while you are doing. May I remind you that this is your third and last chance. Kiss me like you mean it.”

This time he didn’t make any move besides sitting on his chair. I moved forward towards him and started to kiss him. He wanted me to be the one to initiate and move it forward. He wanted me to act like a whore. He wants me to act as a fag in heat. He wants me to act like how he acted - a disgusting pig.

I sat on his lap and pressed my lips on his lips, while starting to remove his coat. If sitting on his lap made me feel like I am lower than shit, forcing his mouth to open with my tongue is on a different level. I don’t know how to describe how low I felt. Like I’m a fucking degenerate. Worse than forcing myself to kiss this fat fuck, is the way he forces me to make a mockery of kissing. He definitely knew how I felt with the way I acted earlier. Big fucking mistake Lewis.

Finally his lips opened and I started to put my tongue into his mouth while removing his tie. While doing this, his hands reached into my body, caressing and hugging me. I don’t understand my body anymore, all I know is that I felt hot with his touch. That fucking pill. I very much prefer pain over being treated like a lover. At least I won’t be this disgusted with my body.

This pig disgust me, what I am doing disgust me, and yet my dick remains hard. I hate how my body is overriding my brain. I just want to tell my dick to fucking sleep. You are hurting even for fucks sake. As I moved my tongue further into his mouth and started twisting it with his, I started unbuttoning his long sleeve shirt. While doing so, his one hand moved to my thighs, while the other circled my butt going up and down the middle.

I don’t know what happened, but it feels like lightning zapped me. I just ejaculated suddenly with no warning. What’s more shameful is he hugged me tighter while I am quivering, as if comforting his lover. Then went close to my ears and whispered:

“Oh Lewis, my baby, you ruined my pants.” 

“It is okay though, no worries.”

“But baby, I’m going to need you to clean it up before it dries.”

I’m still heaving from my sudden orgasm as well as the shame, but he nudged me to kneel in front of him, to lick and eat my cum I just ejaculated. Licking my semen from his lap is degrading enough, but a fag’s hand that caressess your hair while doing it is definitely on another level. I wish they would have all just abused my body and stopped with the fucking mindfuckery. I feel so low already.

“Good. I would really hate to have these pants ruined. Don’t be so excitable next time.”

“Now for your prize, you can remove my underwear, Lewis. Go and only use your teeth - and don’t forget to look up and keep eye contact with me.”

I bit on the garter of his briefs to try to pull it down. With his fats and how tight his briefs were, it is harder than I imagined, leaving me having to bury my face in his unkempt pubes at times - and it fucking reeks. He even gave me a treat with his underwear having piss marks, forcing me to taste them when I bite them to pull the briefs down.

To further add to my disgust, his hands continue to caress my neck and hair. And the way he looks? As if I am his lover, and I fucking hate how I can’t look away. Hell, I just want to close my eyes.

After going halfway through, his dick came into view. It smells horrible - worse than expired milk. I didn't expect this fag to be a pig and stink this bad considering - how he looks on the outside. What I’ve just smelt thought is nothing compared to when I pulled his briefs down to his balls and ass came out… It smells rotten.

“Now I want you to lick my asshole.”

He then went to the bed and laid on his back. I wanted to protest or even plead but I knew it would fall on deaf ears. Defeated, I started to spread his buttocks, and when I opened it I gagged. I know that smell, something I’ve been acquainted with very recently - shit.

I started licking the edge of his asshole with the tip of my tongue. His sweaty hairy ass tasted salty and bitter. I wanted nothing to do with it, but I know I have to give it my all, in hopes that it would be enough, but no, all faggots’ perversion know no limits.

“That’s enough teasing, punch my hole with your tongue Lewis.”

If circling this fag’s ass with my tongue was degrading enough, putting it inside was worse. I want to psyche myself up, but I know prolonging it would just make it harder. As I slowly put the tip of my tongue inside, I felt a tear run down my cheek. I tasted it again - shit. I hate how I am forced to do all of this. Eating your shit once is unimaginable already, eating it for a second time? You just want to beat yourself up - because what the fuck did you do to end up in this situation.

I’m sobbing, but this fucker still keeps on finding ways to humiliate me, touching my dick with his feet. I wanted to scream to my dick. Why the fuck are you reacting this much to everything this faggot does.

I tried to black out my mind - to cancel out everything; from the fag’s moans of pleasure, the horrible stink coming from his hole, the disgusting taste, and most importantly the shameful act I am currently doing, but it broke when the fag chuckled, and next thing I knew, I throwed up - He fucking farted. 

“Oh ho ho ho Lewis, I didn’t think you were so delicate from the way you’ve eaten my ass.”

“I see your pork is still raging as ever. Make love to me Lewis!”

“Breed me like how you breed your wife!”

I still felt sick from throwing up, but I mounted the bed as fast as I could. I’m disgusted with how happy I am with his orders, like a cheap fucking whore, but fucking someone, woman, man, or even a fucking fag is a million times better than eating an ass. Moreso if that ass belong to a disgusting faggot.

I rammed my dick to the pig’s ass without any care. I somehow wish it would inflict even a little bit of pain, a small revenge if you will. But no, like a pig, he squealed in delight like a bitch in heat. How I fucking loathe that I can’t even have small victories. To complete my horror, his hands wrap around my neck while his legs tightly clasps itself around my waist, our body pressed together tightly like some fag lovers.

By the 2nd ejaculation while I was fucking him, I became a mess, my body is beyond tired, by the 4th, my penis which felt sore already feels even worse - every thrust felt painful beyond explanation. But this pig treats me like a toy. I can’t stop, not to mention that fucking pill.

By the 5th, my mind was lost, any movement or action I am doing is done without any thoughts. I can’t even tell what he is doing anymore. I don’t know if it was the 6th, 7th, or maybe 9th, but the pig finally got satisfied. His legs are still clamped tightly on my waist, his hands still tightly hugging my neck.

My dick, feels raw and swollen, but nonetheless still hard, thanks to whatever this fag gave me. Both my body and mind felt extremely tired, so much that I can’t even be bothered with how disgusting our sweaty skin feels, how the smell of sweat and sex of fags is making me nauseous, or me resting my body on the fag’s chest like I’m his his cheap disgusting whore. All I know is I want to sleep. All I want is to rest.

“Get up and lay on the floor.”

I stood up weakly, slumping on the floor fast, the pig then went up and positioned himself over my head. I have an idea already of what he is planning to do, but my body that was treated like an object is at its limit. I can barely function and just keep on following anything I hear. I don’t even have the strength to tilt my head sideways in anticipation of what he is going to do. Besides, I know better than to argue. It will always end in my loss.

“Open your mouth, this is a treat.”

As he squatted in front of my face, he began to unload all that was in it - most of them landed squarely on mouth.The taste is beyond it foul - it was a mixture of semen and shit. What disturbs me the most isn't the horrible lingering taste, but that I know how both of them taste distinctly. After what felt like an eternity, he finally stood up. My mouth is filled to half with the concoction of my saliva, my cum, and of course his shit. I know what he wants me to do next, but my last mental strength is keeping me sane, telling me to spit it out.

“No, no, no. You should swallow it Lewis, protein is good after a workout.”

With my body and mind all spent. My tears just fell down. These days, I just want days to go faster and be done. I lost my happiness. I want to be excited, I want to be hopeful for my family, but for now all I want is these days to go faster.. For this taste in my mouth to go away. With one big gulp, I swallowed the thick disgusting liquid that filled my open mouth.

“Good, you know I am a very kind man, Lewis. But I didn’t forget what you did to me earlier.”

“Now open your mouth again, this is payback for firstly, punching me and secondly, shoving me.”

As I opened my mouth, he started pissing on me. The smell is fucking horrible, and the accompanyting taste is extremely bitter. It smelt and tasted strong, as if he didn't take a leak for a long time. I wanted to close my mouth, but I don’t want to risk prolonging my stay here if the pig decides to find fault in me. As the piss kept on coming, I was forced to swallow his piss or end up choking. After seeing me swallow a mouthful, the pig was finally satisfied, and opted to pee all over my body instead, from head to toe.

“Now look at all the mess I’ve done because you’ve hurt me Lewis. I believe it is also your duty to clean these. You go and clean them all up with your underwear.”

As he sat on his chair cleaning himself, I knelt and started wiping the piss and puke on the floor. My underwear got soaked, and wiping the vomit is even worse, with there still being some solids.

“Oh my, it is already 8pm. We should get going. Why don’t you go get dressed?”

As his final act of humiliation for me, he ordered me to put my still soiled underwear on. Disgusting would be an understatement. The way it stickily clung to my dick and balls, even my ass is making me nauseous again. Still wet from his piss, I put on all my clothes ready to leave and forget this happened. I wish to not see him again. But with the way things are, I’m afraid this would be a normal occurrence.

“Good night Lewis, don’t worry I won’t tamper with your files. And as an act of charity for your current situation, I won’t even charge you for this doctor’s appointment. See you soon!”

I felt like I was punched in the gut. Is this my life now? If faggots are the lowest of the lows, then what am I that is below faggots? Nothing seems to go right in my way.

My hair is wet, my clothes are still damp, and I reeked of piss. I should have gone home to clean up, but I wanted to see my wife. I don't care if anyone sees me in this state. 

As I open the door, there she is, my beautiful wife, still smiling even in her sleep. I wish I could tell her what I am going through, like we always used to, her listening to all my ramblings, telling me everything will turn out fine. But I fear this time is different, I want her to preserve that smile, worse, I want to preserve the way she looks at me. I fear everything will change if she learns of what I’ve been through.

As I touched her hands, I couldn't control my tears anymore. I miss her touch. I miss how it makes me feel warmth and love. I wish she could remove the despair and revulsion I am feeling in. I don’t even feel like a man anymore, I feel lower than an animal.

Maybe it was because I’m tired, maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the stress piling up - but I used her hands that are laying on the bed to soothe my aching manhood. I wrapped her hands around it, moving it slowly up and down. No, I do actually know the reason, I’m just afraid to admit it.

I just wanted to be in control again.