Circle of Amor

Circle of Amour

An M/M Urban Erotic Novella

By Junior 69

Chapter One

I had just closed my barber shop for the day and was about to do inventory when my cellphone rang.   It was my girlfriend, Trineece. I answered it, fully prepared to for her to nag me to pick her up some wings from the Chinese place or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s from the grocery store, something she could have easily gone and gotten herself, but I had my girl spoiled as hell.

“Hey, baby, I’ll be home soon as I finish doing inventory. What do you want me to bring ya?”

“I am not at our apartment,” she said with tears in her voice. “And I am not coming back there ever again. Fuck you, Quamie!”

“Baby, what the hell; where is this coming from?”   I was completely confused.  Trineece and I had been in a good place for a long time, especially the last moth because we found out that we were going to be parents. My Baby was having a baby and I was the happiest man in the world.

“I did the laundry this morning. There was blood and nut in your underwear! You out here getting fucked in the ass by niggas while you got me pregnant!  That is some straight up foul shit, Quamie!

“Baby let me explain” I said, then realized there was no way that I could explain. How the hell could I tell her that my male cousin fucked me last night and that we had been fucking each other since we were teenagers?

“Explain what, mother fucker?!   Here I am going the fuck to school trying to get this cosmetology license, so that I can be the neck that supports the head of this family and the so-called head is a whole faggot getting his asshole busted open by other niggas.”

“Trineece, baby, please let me explain.” I said again still not sure how the hell I was going to explain this shit.

“I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit is about to come out of your mouth, Quamie. Bloody cum stains! How the fuck can you explain bloody cum stains in the ass part of your underwear? That is some foul ass shit! It would be bad enough if you were out here fucking around on me with other bitches, but Goddamn if you ain’t out here getting fucked like a bitch! Nah, God needed me to do laundry this morning and find that trifling shit in your underwear, so that I could wake the hell up and get the fuck away from you before I got in this shit too deep.”

“Trineece, you ain’t gotta leave, I just need to explain.”

“Explain what? You about to give me some sob ass story about how you are afraid to be an out faggot because your family might judge you, so you are out here sneak dicking? Mother fucker there is no excuse for that shit! You’re out here getting fucked in the ass raw dog and coming home fucking me. You were endangering my mother fucken life.  You didn’t give a shit about me!”

“No! I fucked up Trineece, but I swear to God on my dead Grandma, I love you and our baby. Just let me fix this.”

“You ain’t gotta fix shit. I fixed it. Ain’t no more Goddamn baby!”

“Trineece, stop playing!”  I felt dizzy. I quickly sat down in my barber’s chair. It did not do much to stop the room from spinning.

“I didn’t want to do that.” She said sobbing uncontrollably “I could not bring no baby into this bullshit and I needed to make sure that I no longer had a reason to fuck with you, Quamie.”

“Trineece, stop playing.” I said again.  Beads of sweat broke out all over my body. I felt sick to the stomach. 

 Please God, let her just be saying that shit to spite me. Even if she never spoke to me again, Please God, let her be lying about getting rid of our baby.

“What part of this shit does it sound like I am playing about?  I was not about to be that dumb, blind bitch that keeps having babies with a down low, faggot ass nigga. Yes, I had an abortion. I have had myself tested and I swear on my dead baby, if your nasty ass gave me anything, I’m ending your mother fucken life.”

“Trineece__________”

“Don’t worry, I ain’t going to tell nobody your dirty little secret. I ain’t trying to have my name out there for having ever been that bitch.”

“Trineece. I am sorry, just please____”

“Ain’t no Goddamn please, Quamie.  I had the landlord take my name off the lease. Anything I left there, throw it away. As soon as I hang up with you, I am changing my number. You are dead to me, just like our baby.  Learn from this fuck up, Quamie. Please do not put another female through this shit. You are a grown ass 25-year-old man who owns his own business, if you prefer dick, then get you a nigga, be with him, and leave bitches the fuck alone. Goodbye, Quamie.”

She hung up before I could respond.

Goddamn, I had really fucked things up. The one thing that I had been looking forward to the most, had been taken away from me forever.

I sat in that chair and cried, loudly, knowing that my baby would never be born into this world to shed a tear, and it was all my fault.  I had fucked up.  All these years of keeping my two lives separated, I fucked it up by getting pissy drunk with my cousin Chris and not remembering to make him use a condom when our drunken foolery resulted in hot, nasty sex.

 

I stared at my straight edge razor.  I was well known for my ability to cut hair and give the tightest fades, shaves, and edge ups. The razor I held had never been used on a customer. My Older cousin, Jerod, gave it to me six years ago, when I opened my barber shop.

I owe everything I am to my cousin, Jerod. He taught me everything that I know about cutting hair and paid my barber school tuition to ensure that I would have a career.  I love my cousin; really love him.

My cousin died in a car crash a year and a half ago. He had only been 30 years old. I was in the car when it happened. I was sucking his dick when he swerved off the road and the car crashed into a tree. He was ejected through the window and died from the impact of hitting that big ass oak. I survived.

 

Damn, my recklessness with this homo shit had costed me my cousin and my baby. Trineece was right, I was foul as fuck.  I did not deserve to live and quite frankly, I wanted to die.

I pressed the razor against my wrist. There were so many tears in my eyes I could barely see what I was doing. I had just pressed the blade against my wrist to make a cut when my lil’ Cousin, Jayson, who should’ve gone home, entered the shop.

“Quamie, I am glad you haven’t dipped yet… Quamie, what the fuck?!” He wrenched the razor out of my hand and threw it across the shop.   I collapsed in his arms, crying.   I don’t know what made him return to the shop, but that little nigga saved my life.

 

 

Chapter Two

I was in no shape to drive. Jayson drove me home in his used Acura Legend that he had proudly purchased with the money that he had saved from cleaning up my barber shop each day.

He had to help me in and out of the car. When we got to my apartment, he had to unlock the door because I was so numb, I could not even get my hands to function.

He sat me down on the foot of my bed.  

“I’ll be right back in just a minute.” He said stepping into my main bathroom.

I heard him dial somebody on his cellphone. My heart began to race. Was he going to have me committed? 

“Hey Mama. Look, I am not coming home tonight, so you ain’t gotta wait up. I went back to the shop to get my sneakers and Quamie was really sick. I drove him home and I am going to stay here tonight and look after him. Mama, I do not know where Trineece is, I just know she is not here and Cuz is not in any shape to be by himself. Okay, love you, kiss Daddy for me, I will be home tomorrow.” 

He came back into the bedroom where I was still sitting on the foot of the bed staring into space, hurting like hell, and regretting everything.   Jayson sat down beside me.

“I’m guessing that episode back there in the shop correlates with why Trineece isn’t here.”

“I fucked up, Cuz.”

“Okay, you fucked up, that is no reason to try and take your life.”

“I lost the woman I love.”

“Nigga, you know damn well Trineece ain’t going to leave you for good. How many times has she got mad, moved out only to come back a couple of hours or days later?”

“She made sure she’s not coming back. She aborted the baby.”

“Goddamn, Quamie; why the hell did she do that?”

“Because I had blood and nut in my underwear.”  I was overtaken with another sobbing spell.

“Damn, Cuz.” He said wrapping his arms around me.

“I fucked up.”

“You fucked up, but she’s fucked up. She killed your fucken baby. I do not care if your asshole was split to the white meat, that shit did not warrant her aborting the baby. Do not blame yourself for that shit, Cuz. I know it hurts and you are feeling fucked up now, but your actions in no way warranted her reaction. That just wasn’t the bitch you were meant to spend your life with.”

“Nah, cuz. I know her. She ain’t do that shit out of spite. She did it out of hurt.”

“She did not have to abort that baby. The baby was innocent in all of this.”

“She wanted to make sure she never had a reason to come back to me. Don’t talk bad about her, Little JIT, I heard it in her voice, that shit is killing her inside.”

“It still doesn’t warrant you trying to kill yourself. Promise me you won’t do that shit again, Quamie, promise me.”

There was fear and panic in his eyes.  Me and Jayson had become really close since he had started working in my shop this past summer. Jayson was 17 and in his senior year of high school.

“I promise cuz. I was in a fucked-up place when you found me but thank God that you did.” 

“That shit scared the hell out of me; I ain’t even gonna lie.”

“Thank you for showing up when I needed someone the most.” I kissed him on the cheek.  It was meant to be an innocent gesture, but I should have known that any show of affection from me towards Jayson was going to elicit a sexual reaction.

He grabbed my crotch and started sucking on my neck. For a moment it felt good, but then all the shit came crashing back over me.

“Jayson stop!” I shouted pushing him away.  He looked hurt almost on the verge of tears. The lil JIT was just trying to make me feel better and I hurt his feelings.  Why couldn’t I ever do shit right? “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I’m just not in the mood for that right now.”

“I was just trying to help.” He sulked.

“You helped when you came back to the shop to get your sneakers. You helped when you drove me home. You helped by being here talking to me.” I pulled him into my embrace. “I am not rejecting you; I am just not in the mood right now, Cuz.”

“I thought I’d did something wrong.”

“No, you did everything right. Look, it is late.  Let us get some sleep so we will not be fucking shit up in the shop tomorrow.

“Okay.” He said getting up to go into the living room and sleep on the sofa like he usually did when he stayed over at my place.

“Cuz, you can sleep in here with me.” I said.

“Really?” He asked barely able to contain his excitement.

“Yes, but all we’re going to do is sleep; understand?”

“Okay, Quamie.” He said stripping down to his boxer briefs right in front of me. I almost went back on my word right then and there.

 

Chapter Three

Like clockwork, I woke up at exactly six in the morning with sunlight shining through the window and morning wood shining through the hole in my boxers.  The need to urinate further enhanced my raging erection.  I got out of bed to go relieve myself.  I looked back over at Jayson who was butt ass naked, asleep on his back with his legs parted slightly.

 I went to the bathroom and relieved myself.  I took the bottle of baby oil from the sink and lubed my dick until it looked like a limousine on prom night: long, black, and shiny.  I went back into the bedroom and damn if that nigga did not have his arms and legs spread eagle across the bed. His eyes were still closed, feigning sleep.  His ding- a – ling was jumping up and down in anticipation.

I climbed onto the bed and raised his legs over my shoulders. I jammed my dick in so hard, his eyes darted open.

“Quamie!”  He shrieked

“Just making sure your little sneaky ass was awake.” I teased. I let his legs fall around my waist. He wrapped his arms around my neck.

“Please Quamie.” He purred. “Please, just this once make love to me; don’t just fuck me. I swear, I won’t ask again.”

Damn, that shit was a no -no, but there wasn’t any way in the hell I could refuse this little nigga who had wrestled a sharp ass razor out of my hand to keep me from killing myself.

“Just this once.” I whispered.  I let my tongue collide with his. Slowly, gently, I moved in and out of him. 

I ain’t going to lie, that shit had me all in my feelings. I loved that lil nigga. If I was Gay-gay, and he wasn’t my cousin, he would straight up be my boyfriend.

Tears rolled down both of our cheeks.

“Oh, Quamie, I’m in love with you, Quamie!” He moaned as went inside him deep and came.

“I’m in love with you too.” I admitted.  We kissed for a while longer with me still inside of him, then the shit started to feel wrong.

I rolled off of him and sat up on the side of the bed.

“We cannot do that anymore.” I said sternly before getting up to go and take a shower.

 

The warm water and Irish Spring helped me to wash away the awkwardness that I felt. I was vulnerable and my vulnerability had allowed me to cross a line that I should never have crossed.  

My late cousin, Jerod gave me and a few other cousins a special gift that we share to this day.  We call ourselves the Circle of Amor.  Our little clique consists of me, my cousin Chris, our older cousin, Cooley and our younger cousin, Jabari. There was also one other cousin in the circle.  The problem was that that one mother fucker was ungrateful and almost fucked all of it up. I ain’t even going to speak his name because I do not like to remember the day that he was dealt with. Plus, I feel hella guilty whenever my Auntie comes around crying and wondering where he is, why he will not reach out to the family, and why he will not just come home.   Jayson was not supposed to be a part of our circle.  I went against everyone else in our circle’s orders and allowed myself to give in to Jayson’s advances.  None of them know what me and Jayson have going on, but Jayson knows all about the circle.

 Before he died, my cousin, Jerod, had started to train Jayson up to be a part of our circle.   I made the decision not to tell the others about Jayson because, lowkey I did not want to share him and, I feared for his safety. My cousin Chris was adamant that Jayson could not be a part of us, and I knew what he was capable of doing in order to maintain our secret.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I needed to talk to Jayson before we left for work.

He was not in the bedroom. I checked the living room and the kitchen. He was gone. Goddamn it!  My car was at the shop.

I dressed, brushed my teeth and hair and headed out to walk five blocks to my barbershop.   The morning air felt great to my lungs. I needed to walk more often.  I hoped that Jayson had decided to ditch work today.  With everything that had gone down in the past twelve hours, I just wanted a smooth workday free of drama.

 

Chapter Four

Jayson came to work but he was not there to have any shit with me. He went about his work without speaking to me, not even when I instructed him to go clean up a certain area. Every so often I would catch him looking at me all glassy eyed.

I had finished my last customer around the time I closed the shop to take a lunch break. I figured that would be a good time to have a heart to heart with Jayson about this morning.  That opportunity was stolen when my cousin Jabari came into the shop followed by a petite, loud talking, lights skinned girl with a baby in her right arm.

“Yo, somebody get this chick away from me!”  He pleaded

“Where Breon?” she shrieked.  “Tell me where the fuck Breon is, that’s all you gotta do.”   

The baby was surprisingly unfazed by his loud ass mama.

“I don’t fucken know.” Said Jabari. “I haven’t seen that nigga in over a year.”

“Okay, so you did see him that night? Breon texted me and said he’d pick me up after he left your cousin’s barbershop. That was April 15, 2019.   It is April 19, 2020, mother fucker, and ain’t nobody seen or heard from him. He missed his high school graduation, he missed enrolling in college, and he missed his son being born in December. These were all things that Breon was looking forward to.”

“I don’t know where he is Takeisha.” Lied Jabari, pleading with his eyes for me to come and put an end to his interrogation.

“Takeisha, our cousin has been missing for a year, you don’t think we’re feeling the same way that you are? We want to know where the hell Breon is too, but we don’t.” I said

“Did Breon or did Breon not come to this barbershop last April because that’s where he told me he was going in his text. He said he had to meet Jabari over here for something and he would come pick me up to go to the movies as soon as he was through.” 

“Yeah, he came in. He spoke to everybody. He didn’t even stay long enough to have a drink or smoke some weed because he said that he had a date.”    I lied

“I could be wrong, but something is telling me that both of you niggers are full of shit.”

“Takeisha, I swear we don’t know any more than you do about where Breon is.” I said. I looked her dead in the eye and lied so convincingly, I scared myself. 

Takeisha started to cry. The baby finally cried. She patted him back to sleep.

“Maybe my Mama is right. Maybe he was not ready to be a father and just got ghost. I do not want to believe that though. He knew how hard his Mama had it when his father abandoned her; why would he do that to me and his baby?”

“I don’t know.” I said. “But one thing is for damn sure, whether Breon is around or not, little Cuz in your arms ain’t gonna struggle.” I reached into my apron, pulled out six crisp fifty-dollar bills and handed them to her. “You take this and get lil dude whatever he needs. What is his name, anyway?”

“Breon D’Wade Caraway, Jr.”

“Takeisha,” I said ushering her to the door. “We are going to continue to look for Breon, but in the meantime if you need anything for lil cuz, just drop by or send word by his grandmother.” 

“Thank you Quamie. I didn’t mean to badger you Jabari, it’s just been really hard doing this alone.”

“Well you don’t have to anymore.” I assured her.  To my relief she went on her way.

I gave Jabari a warning look not to say anything else. Jayson was sweeping in the back of the shop and did not need to hear any more than he had already heard.

“Quamie, I am about to dip. Thank you for handling that crazy ass female.” He gave me a hug and snuck a quick feel of my ass before leaving. 

Once he was gone, I put the out to lunch sign up and locked the door.

“Yo, Jayson, I need to holler at you.” I said signaling for him to follow me into my office.

“I know, I fucked up.” He said still sweeping in one spot. “I let my feelings get in it and I said some stupid shit. I do not even know why I said it. It was just feeling good, I guess. But you said it too.”

“Cuz, what happened this morning never should have happened, and it cannot happen again. You need to find yourself a girlfriend ____”

“I am gay, Quamie.  I respect that you, Jabari, Chris and Cooley say that you’re not, but I am.”

“Okay cuz, that’s fine.”

“Is it? Because, I hear how y’all bash gay men with such impunity, but for some reason have no problem doing what gay men do with one another.”

“Look, I can’t speak for anybody else, but that shit is dead from me and it’s not going to be allowed in this shop either.”

“Oh, so you’re going to start checking your homophobic ass customers.”

“Hell yeah.” I affirmed.  “Customers come and go, but you’re family.”

“The fact that I am not attracted to girls, that’s not going to change things with us?” He asked on the verge of tears

“No, we just cannot let ourselves get in our feelings like we did this morning.”

“I understand.” He said

“And when you do find a boyfriend, don’t bring that nigga around me.”

“Why; you’re going to get jealous or want a threesome?”

“Both,” I smiled “Come on nigga, let us go and get some lunch.”

 

My cousin, Breon arrived at my shop around 7 P.M., a full hour after I had closed.    I swear on my cousin, Jerod’s grave it took everything in me not to dead his ass where he stood. I swear light skinned niggas be doing some shit that make you want to hurt them. Breon was on the verge of doing some serious shit.

“Hey Cuz, sorry I am late.”  He said.

“No problem; Jabari, Chris, and Cooley ain’t got here yet, so technically, you’re early.”

Cooley, the oldest of the cousins was the next to arrive. Cooley was two years older than Jerod.  Everyone outside of the family always mistook him and Jerod for twins despite Cooley being older and the son of Jerod’s mother’s sister. 

“Wassup?” Said Cooley dapping us both.  Breon was too stupid to even notice that Cooley did not dap him the same. That is the problem with these niggas born in the 2000s, they ain’t perceptive like us niggas born in the 90’s or the ones from the late 80s like Cooley. 

“We still waiting on Chris and Jabari.” I explained to Cooley. Breon’s young ass had made himself comfortable in one of the waiting chairs. Nigga had his Beats headphones on blasting some damn Blueface.   Old boy liked to have caught it right then.

“So, how are we going about it?” Asked Cooley

“It all depends on what he decides. He hasn’t said anything to anyone other than Jabari so far.”

“How do you know that, Quamie?”

“Shit man, you know our family. Some shit like that would have had everybody split into teams and bout to go to war, which is why we gotta get through to old boy.”

Seconds later Chris and Jabari arrived. Chris, who was a few months older than me punched Breon so hard his headphones flew off as he crashed to the floor.

“Now what’s that shit you told Jabari?” He asked snatching Breon up off the floor. Chris was the thug ass nigga I secretly longed to be. I ain’t gonna front, seeing him manhandle Breon had my dick throbbing.  Chris was sexy as hell anyway. That shit was amplified when he was violent. 

“Jabari, you told?” Asked Breon looking more hurt by that than the bitch slap and rough handling Chris had given him.

“I want you to repeat in front of us that shit you told Jabari.”

“Y’all, I ain’t trying to start no shit. I haven’t even told my parents__” Chris smacked him to the floor again.

“Boy, your red ass is gonna stop playing with me. I asked you to tell us what the fuck you said to Jabari!”

I do not know if it was fear or pain that kept him there but Breon did not even try to get up off the floor.

“I told Jabari that I missed Jerod and I love him, but I am having a hard time with his passing because he molested me from the time I was 15 up until a few days before his passing.”

Chris gave him a kick in the stomach so stiff I felt it. Breon writhed in pain on the floor crying and spitting up clear shit.

“Get Your ass up.” Said Chris jerking him up from the floor and viciously pushing him down into my barber’s chair.

“Breon, young Cuz.” Said Cooley, the calmer one among us. “Breon, you cannot be talking reckless like that. Jerod had kids, Krista, Jerod’s wife does not deserve to have something like that out there about the man she loved. Aunt Vivian don’t need to have that out there about her dead son.”

“I only told Jabari.” He defended. “I had to talk to somebody. I didn’t like what he did to me.”

“But your ass kept letting him do it!” I chimed in. That shit really pissed me off. It was not like he was no little kid when Jerod fucked him. Fifteen years old you got hair around your dick and you are old enough to make a baby. 

 I was a year younger when me and Jerod started dealing. He did not force me. I was not beat up and told not to tell nobody.  He asked me if I wanted him to suck my dick and I let him. He asked me to suck his and I did because I felt that was only fair. Hell, he didn’t even FUCK- fuck me until I was damn near 18. At no point was I a goddamn victim. A lot of the times I went to him. Plus, Cuz was mad generous; I never left him without either some new gear or fat pockets. Why ain’t Breon ass mad about all those Jordans and NBA Jerseys Jerod bought him?

“Look, I am not trying to shit on Jerod’s name. I loved him too but what he did to me was wrong and if he did it to any of you that shit was wrong too.” 

That damn boy must have been a sucker for abuse. Chris back handed Breon so hard blood splattered across the mirror behind him when his head spun around.

Breon spat his loose side tooth out onto the floor. He looked at us with hatred and disgust. If old boy had any magic powers, I am convinced he would have set all of us on fire with his stare.

“You all are fucken sick. If y’all are into that homo shit that’s fine, I don’t judge, but incest and molestation is not right. And if y’all think that that shit is okay, then are all of you mother fuckers capable of doing the same?   Are y’all just waiting for the young crop to get a little age on them?  Maybe I do need to tell this shit_______”

The bullet went from one side of his head straight through to the other sailing across the room and shattering one of my porcelain sinks. 

“Sorry about that Cuz.” Chris apologized to me placing his gun back into the pocket of his jacket. “I will pay to replace that.”

Goddamn that shit turned me on. I dropped to my knees in front of Chris, took his dick out of his Champion sweatpants and started sucking it right in front of Cooley, Jabari, and dead ass Breon. 

“Oh, shit Fam, you suck Dick- dick.” Groaned Chris. “No wonder you were Jerod’s favorite.”  Hearing that shit made me proud as hell. Jerod told me I was the best cock sucker he’d ever met.  Jabari eased my pants and boxers down.   Lil Cuz was finally getting some get back from all the times I had ran up in him. Damn he’d developed quite nicely because he bringing some pain to my ass.

Cooley, the elder among us just stroked his own dick as he watched us fuck and suck each other into a frenzy.

We didn’t have time to bask in the aftermath of our nut bustings. Cooley and Chris transported Breon’s body away from the shop for disposal. I was familiar enough with how the two of them handled thing to know that no one would ever find a trace of Breon again.  Me and Jabari cleaned up the mess that had been made in my shop by wiping down mirrors, chairs and the floor of any trace of Breon’s presence.  

 

I sat up in bed and pulled the covers around myself. It had been a long time since I had thought about that night. Damn, I did not know Breon had a little JIT on the way.  There was one more bucket of shit to add to the pile that I had been drowning in lately.  Me nor Breon got the chance to see our babies.  Breon’s life was taken before his baby was born and my baby’s life was terminated because…

I got out of bed. I had not smoked in a while, but damn, I was craving a cigarette bad. I foraged through my dresser to no avail. Goddamn!   I looked at the clock on the dresser. 12 A.M. the little Arab store around the corner would still be opened.  I put on some lounge pants and a T -shirt and slipped on my bedroom shoes. 

After walking to the store, I no longer wanted a cigarette. I had been without them for nearly a year. I opted instead to buy an overpriced pint of cookie dough ice cream and a dollar’s worth of peach taffy chews.   I was halfway home when someone ran into me, knocking me to the pavement.

“Oh, shit!”  went the young man as he reached down to help me up. “Man, I am sorry ‘bout that.”

Damn, I wish I hadn’t looked up.  He had to have been the prettiest mother fucker God ever made, even prettier than Jayson.  He was copper colored with a bouncy curly afro. His body was lean and cut like mine, and he had the most beautiful pearly white teeth.  I wished the streetlights weren’t so bright, so I would not have seen how impressive old boy looked. I don’t usually check out niggas, at least not niggas in real life.  

“I’m good bruh, thanks.” I said accepting his hand up, though I didn’t need it.

“I was trying to get this jog in, I should’ve been paying attention. Oh, my name is Marvez, by the way.”

“Hey man, I’m Quamie, don’t sweat it. I’m good. I’m about to head on back to the crib before my ice cream melts.”

“Alright, bruh. You take care, see you around.”

“Cool, I own the barbershop on 25th if you ever need cut or edge up.”

 “Bet.” He said as he jogged away.

Damn those streetlights because I could see that nice, round ass jog down the block.

I returned home, ate half of the ice cream and went back to bed.  My late-night indulgence did not cause me to have nightmares, instead, I dreamed the most pleasant ass dreams about a copper colored cutie named Marvez.

 

Chapter Five

He was wearing a yellow Polo shirt, a pair of khaki colored joggers and a pair of red high -top Nike Air Jordans.  A year later, and Fendi Caraway still had not forgotten what her son, Breon, was wearing the last time she had seen him.

She had gotten a late start on dinner and was irritated when he told her not to bother to cook enough for him because he and his girlfriend, Takeisha, were going to go get pizza after the movies.   Fendi did not like Takeisha and thought that her straight A student son could do much better for himself. 

Fifteen times. That was how many times Takeisha called the house phone asking if Breon had made if home because he had not shown up for their date.   Figuring that her son was just out with his friends or his cousins, Fendi turned the ringer off around 11:00 P.M. and went to bed.  Breon did not return home.   Breon nor the used Mustang his grandfather had given him for an eighteenth birthday present weren’t ever seen again.

Fendi fought back the urge to spit in the bowl macaroni salad that she was preparing for a family gathering.  Her son had been missing for a year and on the anniversary of his disappearance, Fendi’s sister, Carole, asked her if she would make some of her famous tuna/macaroni salad and bring to the birthday memorial dinner the family was having to commemorate their nephew, Jerod.

Jerod lost his life in a car accident six months prior to Breon’s disappearance.  A year and a half and her family was still celebrating a dead man, but not one of them had even asked about or helped her in her search for her missing son.   Though hurt, Fendi wasn’t surprised. She had long stopped expecting anything better from her family.   Fendi sensed that her parents and siblings thought that she was to blame for Ahmad abandoning her and Breon.

 

I don’t know what they thought I could have done at 26 to make a 45-year -old man stay if he didn’t want to.    I will never doubt that Ahmad Caraway loved me.  I don’t believe he would have ever asked me to marry him if he didn’t love me. I also believe that Ahmad wanted to be a father to Breon. My whole pregnancy, Ahmad was on cloud nine, especially when we found out that we were going to have a boy.   That man spoiled me rotten when I was carrying Breon. He managed to work an eight -hour job and cater to me; he cooked for me, gave me baths, bought me gifts, and gave me the most incredible back and foot massages. If I hadn’t drawn the line, he would have wiped my ass for me too. 

I was convinced that we were going to be one big happy family, then Breon was born and everything changed.   

 I noticed the change in Ahmad the moment he held Breon in the hospital. The joy was no longer in his eyes. He had wanted Breon, until he was born and held him in his arms. I think at that moment   the reality hit him that at 45, he was just getting around to being somebody’s parent and it scared him.  He grew distant from me and Breon. He’s started working later and later. He barely said two words to me when he was home and he didn’t even look at Breon.  The day that I took the baby for his six-week check- up was the day that Ahmad left us for good. I returned home to find all of Ahmad’s things gone and an envelope on the coffee table with $2,000 inside. That was the last money I ever received from Ahmad.

My family, instead of having sympathy for me, a young woman who had been left to care for a newborn all by herself, openly questioned what I had done to make a good man like, Ahmad abandon me.

“You must have done something,” my Mama said, “A decent man like Ahmad doesn’t just take off an abandon his responsibility. What did you do to drive that man away, Fendi?”

“I didn’t drive him away, Mama, he left on his own. I don’t know why he did it.” I cried

“Hush that crying; you’re a grown woman with a baby, so stop behaving like an infant. You lost a good man and you need to come to terms with whatever you did, so you don’t make the same mistake and lose another good one if God is merciful enough to send you another one.”

 

Won’t nothing I could tell my Mama or nobody in my family to convince them that I didn’t drive that man out of my life.  I hated even going around them because, every conversation would turn to how I needed to call Ahmad and try and make things right for the sake of Breon. Mind you, none of the men in my family who all still played cards, shot ball, and attended fish fries with Ahmad felt the need to talk to him about seeing his son, even if he didn’t want anything to do with me. None of them thought to shame him into sending a few dollars to me to make sure his son was taken care of. They had made up their minds that I was to blame for everything and Ahmad, the older person who wasn’t blood kin to them, deserved a pass.

By the time Breon was one, I stopped going around my family all together. I didn’t keep Breon away from his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I had little to do with them. Holidays and family gatherings, I’d drop Breon off and come pick him up. Nobody felt the need to say, “Fendi, come on now, you’re family; stay and eat with us”, so they were fine with my absence.

Breon loved his family, especially his cash- wielding, fly dressing, cousin, Jerod. Truth be told everybody in the family, except me acted as if Jerod was Jesus in the Flesh. Nobody seemed to care that from the time that boy was 18, he was toting wads of money without ever holding a nine to five job.   They also acted like won’t nothing peculiar about that boy’s nature. By the time he was in his mid -twenties, he had a wife and two children, plus one or two kids by his side chicks, but the nigga had a tank full of sugar.   I didn’t feel comfortable with Breon hanging around him once he got older.  I am not one of those ignorant ass people who thinks that only gay people molest children, but I have enough sense to know that a man who is pretending to be something he’s not is going to satisfy his urges in some way and their targets tended to be the young and the vulnerable.  A fatherless boy like Breon was typical prey.

When he was 15, Breon stopped being so infatuated with Jerod, I was happy and at the same time worried.  It happened so abruptly: one day he was anticipating going to the mall with his favorite cousin, then he stopped going anywhere with him unless his cousin Jabari called and begged Breon to join them on a trip to a game or the movies.

I flat out asked Breon if Jerod had done or tried to do anything to him.

“Why would you even ask me something like that?” He asked defensively. “You know Ma, maybe you wouldn’t be such an outcast in this family, if you didn’t always think so negatively.”

I left it alone. It never sat right with me, but what could I do?   When Jerod died, Breon went a whole month without eating or talking to anybody. When he did come around, he wasn’t the same, at least not towards me.  I was an annoyance to him, and he took every opportunity not to be home. That old fast girl and his cousin Jabari became his closest confidants.

It’s been a whole year since he left my house to go on a date and never returned. At first, I thought that girl had something to do with my son’s disappearance, but the more I spoke to her, the more I came to realize that the potential culprit was closer at hand.

 She told me that Breon went to meet Jabari over to his cousin, Quamie’s, barbershop.  According to Takeisha, he was on the phone with her the entire drive to the shop, he announced that he had arrived there and promised to come and pick her up in an hour or less before he hung up. That was the last call, as his phone went to voicemail the rest of the night.

Jabari swore up and down that, Breon, had left the barbershop before any of the other cousins because he wanted to take his girlfriend to the movies. As practical as it sounded, something in me still don’t believe Jabari to this very day.

I don’t know if my baby is alive or dead, but I know that Jabari and maybe a few others in the family know more than what they are saying. Any other family member and everyone would have rallied to get to the bottom of things, but I have been the outsider for close to 20 years.

 

Fendi had just put the lid on the bowl containing the macaroni salad when she received a text.  She rolled her eyes when she saw that it was from Takeisha then got excited when she saw that the text contained attachments.  As annoying as she found Takeisha, Fendi was always happy to receive pictures of her grandson.

To Fendi’s dismay the picture was not of her grandson. She was upset, then completely alarmed when she noticed what Takeisha had drawn and arrow to in the picture. 

Fendi angrily dialed her sister, Carole.

“You can come get this macaroni salad, or I’m gonna throw it away. I’m not coming to that Goddamn cookout and I don’t want anything further to do with any of you.”

“Fendi, why do you get in your ways?” asked Carole. “Now what has somebody done to make you mad?”

“Come get this shit if you want it, bitch. I hope all of you get food poisoning. Oh, and tell Jabari’s lying ass to expect to hear from the police soon.”

“Fendi, what is wrong with you?”

“Ain’t shit wrong with me. Ain’t shit never been wrong with me. Just tell your closet faggot ass son that he’d better have his story straight when the police come and see him.”

Fendi hung up before Carole could respond. She didn’t want to hear shit else her sister had to say.   

Fendi looked at the picture in her phone again. Her body flushed hot with anger. The audacity! 

  Jabari was at the family cookout wearing the red Nikes that Breon had worn on the night he disappeared.   The arrow Takeisha had drawn on the picture pointed directly to the letters B+T scratched into the left sole.  She remembered how annoyed she was that he had done that to a brand-new pair of shoes but didn’t fuss because he had bought them with his own money.

No one even bothered to pick up the damn macaroni salad. Fendi threw the entire thing, bowl and all, in the garbage.

 

Chapter Six

“That hateful ass bitch is always doing something!” Raged Chris and he paced back and forth through the kitchen.  “The fuck she send cops to a family gathering at my fucken house for; I fucken hate cops!”

Vashti, his wife and mother of his two children, quietly put away the leftover food, except for two plates she planned to deliver.   Her mind was not on Chris’s latest tantrum. She knew soon enough he would rant and drink himself into exhaustion.  The next day when he was sober and rational , she would get him to see that his aunt, Fendi, whose son had been missing for a year, had a right to send cops to question the last person he was known to have been with about being in possession of the shoes he was wearing when he went missing.

Vashti had a more pressing matter at hand. She noticed during the cookout that Quamie, her favorite cousin-in -law seemed down, and conspicuous by her absence was his girlfriend, Trineece.  

Quamie quickly informed Vashti that he and Trineece were no longer together when she asked why he hadn’t brought her to the gathering. He offered no further details.  Vashti was confused; Trineece was excited about being pregnant and the future she and Quamie were going to have together. What happened?  

Vashti had grown used to Quamie and Trineece’s   childish break ups that only lasted a few days, but something in Quamie’s eyes and body language lead Vashti to believe that this time was serious.   She had made up her mind that once the cookout ended she would go by and visit Trineece and her mother, Miss Toukie, and see if she could get to the bottom of things and possibly help Trineece and Quamie to get it together for the sake of their child to be.

Miss Fendi threw a wrench in everything by sending the police to question Jabari in front of everybody.  Vashti was not of the same mind as Chris’s family that Fendi was out of line. She knew Fendi and knew that she wasn’t the pariah her family made her out to be.  She would get by and see Miss Fendi, if not that day, the next.

“Where the fuck is you going?” Asked Chris noticing Vashti heading towards the back door with two foil wrapped plates in her hand.

“I’m going to go take these to Trineece and Miss Toukie. The kids are in there playing the game, I’ll be back shortly.”

“But wait, but wait, I need you to hear this though, Vashti. That shit was foul. That bitch sent cops over to my house and had them interrogating lil cuz like he was a fucken criminal. Those boys was always trading clothes. That bitch is foul Vashti, she need to be dealt with, that’s why you need to stay here with the kids, while I go deal with her.”

“Chris, go lay your drunk ass down. Are you even hearing yourself?? What you gonna do to your aunt?”

“That bitch, that bitch ain’t my aunt! She’s…. she’s.”  Chris could no longer get his words out. He stumbled and quickly sat down on one of the kitchen stools, awkwardly, crashing to the floor in the process.

“Right, your drunk ass ain’t going nowhere.” Said Vashti placing the plates on the counter and helping him to his feet. “Come the fuck on and lay down.” She said leading him to their bedroom.  She quickly removed his keys from the dresser and put them in her pocket.  He was asleep as soon as he was on the bed. Thank God.  Vashti went to the living room and instructed her two children not to leave the house or turn on the stove.  She grabbed the two plates from the kitchen counter and headed out to see what she could do to fix things between Quamie and Trineece.

 

“How you doing Miss Toukie?”  Vashti handed her the plate. The rotund reddish-brown woman’s eyes danced with glee. “I brought ya’ll some food from our cookout; is Trineece home?”

“She back there in her room.” Said Miss Toukie who had already plopped down on the sofa and pulled the foil off the plate.

“Coming in.” Said Vashti, knocking and entering at the same time.  The minute she entered the room her heart broke. Vashti hated to see any woman in pain. It really troubled her to see a young, soon to be mother look so empty and lifeless.  She sat the plate on the bed and took Trineece in her arms.

“Trineece, girl, you cannot be grieving like this. It’s not good for the baby.”

“I don’t think I should have this baby.” Cried Trineece.  “I told Quamie I had an abortion. I have scheduled to go and do it twice, but I haven’t been able to do it.”

“That’s because you know it’s wrong and you know that you don’t want to do it. And wait a minute; you told Quamie you aborted the baby? Lord, that’s why that boy is walking around looking like he lost his whole world. Trineece, whatever is going on between you two, that wasn’t right.”

“I cannot be with Quamie no more, Vashti, and I cannot have this baby.”

“Come on girl, he could not have fucked up that bad. Now you are old enough to know these niggas are gonna fuck other bitches, I don’t even sweat Chris about that shit no more. At the end of the day, we are a family and ain’t neither of us going anywhere.”

“If I tell you this Vashti, it’s gotta stay between us. I ain’t even told my Mama this shit, but I need to tell somebody before I go crazy.”

“Girl, how much shit have we done told one another and it ain’t never gone no further; Of course, you can tell me.”

“Vashti, I am not telling you this on some petty bitch shit. You probably won’t believe this but the reason I left Quamie and told him I had an abortion is because I found out Quamie is fucking niggas.”

“What!?” Vashti had to mentally process what she had been told. As long as she had known Quamie, the probability of him being gay had never crossed her mind. “Trineece, are you serious?”

“I found blood and cum in the ass part of his underwear when I did the laundry. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He had gone out the night before and didn’t get back until a couple of hours before he had to leave and open the shop. I got up and decided to do the laundry, that’s when I saw it. That’s when I realized that I could not be with Quamie anymore because he didn’t give a damn about me or this baby.”

“Girl, damn. I am sorry, I am just having a hard time processing this. If I didn’t know you as well as I did, I would think this was some vindictive bitch shit, but I see the hurt in your heart. Trineece, I am so sorry.” Vashti embraced her. They cried on each other’s shoulder for the next several minutes.

“Look,” said Vashti when they broke their embrace, “I understand your reason for not being with Quamie and I swear this stays between us, but you got to let him know that you didn’t abort the baby. He fucked up big time, but that boy doesn’t need to go around thinking he caused you to get rid of his baby.”

“I know,” she sniffed, “I just cannot talk to Quamie right now.”

“I’ll tell him. I won’t tell him anything else you told me; I will just let him know that you haven’t gotten rid of the baby.”

“Please make it clear to him that I still don’t want anything else to do with him.”

“Fine,” said Vashti unwrapping the plate of food. “Now eat. You need to take care of yourself and the life that’s growing inside of you.”

 

 

Chapter Seven

“So, ya’ll gonna have a hot group session?” asked Jayson.

“Hell No.” I frowned “We just need to have a meeting and you cannot be a part of it because you aren’t supposed to be a part of it.”

“Does it have anything to do with the cops coming to Chris’s cookout the other day?”

“Look, for real, stop asking so many questions, Lil Jit.”

“Okay then, let me suck your dick right quick before they get here.”

“Boy, care your ass on.” I said fighting every damn urge to take him up on his offer. “Come to the crib tonight and I will unravel your little horny ass.”

“Can’t tonight, I have a date.”

“You plan on fucking that nigga?”    I was trying not to sound like a jealous boyfriend, but I didn’t like the idea of Jayson fucking another nigga.  This shit would have been so much easier if he was into bitches.

“No disrespect Cuz, but that’s none of your business.”

That shit pissed me off. I grabbed his little mannish ass by the collar of his shirt.

“Da fuck you mean that’s not my business. I’m fucking you, the other niggas I’m fucking got wives and kids, if your little ass is out here reckless and shit, it could put a lot of lives in danger!”

“I’m sorry, Quamie.” He cried.  “If I do it I’ll use protection. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.” I said hugging him. Man, I was too weak when it came to Lil Jit’s tears. That shit just bothered me. “I’m sorry Jayson, I didn’t mean to snap on you like that. Stop crying. Come on, you can suck my dick.” I said unzipping my pants.  Jayson’s tears dried up mighty damn quick when my dick came out. 

Old boy’s mouth and throat were like a vacuum cleaner, he sucked the nut right out of me in a matter of seconds.   I almost hated to see him go. He had me wanting to fuck in the worst way, but there was business that needed to be taken care of.

Chris, Cooley, and Jabari arrived about 15 minutes after Jayson left.  I locked the door and pulled down all the blinds.    Shit was serious because nobody had bothered to get a bottle of Paul Mason or a bag of weed.  

Once everyone had found himself a place to sit, Cooley began

“This shit is getting serious and from now on everyone’s story needs to align and be consistent.”

Without warning, Chris’s fist smashed into Jabari’s left jaw sending him flying out of his seat and crashing to the floor.

“Your stupid ass is the reason that bitch had cops to my house around my fucken kids.”

“I’m sorry.” Cried Jabari not even trying to get up from the floor for fear of Chris knocking him back down.

“We don’t need any more of this either.” Said Cooley firmly taking hold of Chris and guiding him to his seat. Of all the cousins, Chris knew he couldn’t hang with Cooley in a fight, so he always respected and did whatever Cooley told him to do.  Cooley helped Jabari up.

“I’m sorry I snuck you, Cuz,” Chris apologized, “But why in the hell would you wear his sneakers; why do you even have them?”

“We traded shoes that night. He thought my white Forces looked better with his outfit. Everything happened so fast that night, I didn’t even think about the fact that I was wearing his shoes and he was wearing mine when…  The other day at the cookout.. Man, I have had these sneakers for over a year and I never even noticed what the fuck old girl pointed out to Aunt Fendi.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that everyone in the family could vouch that the two of you often traded clothes and sneakers.” I said.

“But don’t think that shit is going to end there.” Said Chris “Aunt Fendi is like a shark that smells blood in the water and that banshee ass Takeisha is like a junkyard dog with a bone. My question is, which one of those two bitches gets deleted first?”

“Neither for now nor, never for Auntie,” said Cooley sternly.  “All we have to do is stick to the story we’ve been telling it’s simple and can neither be proven nor disproven. He came to the shop, he hung out for a while, he left before the rest of us because he had a date with his girl.  Don’t add to or subtract anything from the story we have been telling for a year. It’s not like they’re ever going to find him or the car to prove otherwise.”

Though neither had told me any of the specifics, I knew that Cooley had his own construction company and Chris ran a barely legal chop and auto repair shop. That mustang was most likely broken down and scrapped within a matter of hours. Last April, Cooley’s company had just begun to lay the foundation for what was to be Freeman North Carolina’s new ABC store.  I don’t doubt for a minute that somewhere in the earth beneath the concrete that building and it’s parking lot now stands on, is Breon’s body and possibly parts of his car.

“You’re right Cuz.” Said Chris. “I’m just pissed that cops were at my house.”

“And a sure- fire way to assure that they return and keep hounding you is for something to happen to one of the people who suspect you of having a part in Breon getting gone.” Said Cooley.  “We’ve held it down for a year and we can continue by not doing or saying anything stupid.”

“Speaking of doing anything stupid.” Said Chris turning his attention to me. “We know you’re fucking Jayson; ya’ll make the shit obvious not just to us but anybody that has eyes and a functioning brain..”

“Fuck you Chris!” I raged. “You ain’t gonna accuse me of shit I ain’t even doing.”  I don’t even know why I was bothering to lie about it. They probably knew all along and just didn’t care as long as they weren’t dragged into the shit.

“Nigga,” said Chris, “Ain’t nobody stupid. Yeah we’re mad because we had all made a promise, but so far the shit ain’t impacting the rest of us and all I’m saying is make sure that it don’t.”

“Yeah cause you didn’t give a fuck how shit impacted me.” I said. “Ain’t nobody lost nothing from whatever the fuck ya’ll think you know I’m   doing, but I lost my girl and she aborted my baby because of how you fucked me!” I pointed at Chris. “You split my asshole open and she found my underwear and…” I was reduced to tears and heavy sobs.

“Oh shit; is that why Trineece left you?” asked Chris. Looking both sad for me but worried as fuck for himself.

“She don’t know who fucked me.” I said putting his mind at ease. “But this shit caused me to lose everything that is valuable to me, so I ain’t in the mood to hear no fucken lecture about how I need to conduct myself.”

“We are all sorry, Quamie.” Assured Cooley. “We just need to make sure that whatever is going on with you and Jayson, you don’t make the mistake of letting him in on what’s only supposed to be known among the four of us.”

“Do I fucken look stupid?” I asked. 

Man, these niggers were straight annoying the fuck out of me. I told them my girl aborted my baby and knows that I’ve been doing homo shit and they’re just worried about their shit getting out. Like I’d ever do that.

 “You know what, everybody needs to get the fuck out of my shop right now because it’s clear don’t none of you give a fuck about me beyond fucking me.”

“That’s fucked up.” said Jabari having the nerve to sound hurt. “Cuz, we’re just finding all of this out. You didn’t bother to tell us any of this until this meeting.”

“Stand up.” Said Cooley pulling me to my feet. He motioned for Chris and Jabari to join him in circling me.  “Look at us; we are your lovers, your protectors, your backbone. We are always going to have your back and support you, but we cannot do anything when we don’t know. Now that we do; we got you.”

“I know I sulked. It’s just that I feel so fucked up and hurt inside and not just for me, but for Trineece and for Takeisha and Breon’s little boy and for Aunt Fendi and for Jerod. I ain’t never told nobody this but the accident happened because I was sucking Jerod’s dick while he was driving.  I did that thing I do with my tongue around the head of his dick and he lost control of the wheel.”

Cooley tightly embraced me. “You made him feel good in his last moments alive. That’s nothing to feel bad about; that’s lowkey noble.”

Cooley had a unique way of putting things into perspective.

“I mean he did always say that you were the best dick sucker among us, so he left this world being served by the best.” Said Jabari.

“And you know you were his favorite, so fate made it so that you were with him in the end.” Said Chris “Nigga, you didn’t never have to keep that away from us for this long. Now that we know you were making our King feel good before he lost his life, Nigga, that shit makes us love and appreciate you even more.”  

They all embraced me. That group hug had all the potential in the world to lead to so raunchy ass quaking, gut pounding, ball busting sex, but it didn’t.  Instead, it was what it needed to be; them reaffirming that they loved and supported me.  Yeah there was definitely some freaky shit among us, right or wrong, but the Circle of Amor was about so much more because Jerod made certain that it was.

 

Chapter Eight

I was barely home an hour when there was a knock at my door.  To my delight, it was my cousin Jabari.

“Can I come in?” He humbly asked.

“Yeah.” I said stepping aside and letting him enter my apartment.

 Jabari sat down on the couch and immediately his right foot began tapping, a clear sign that his ass was horny.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what we talked about at the shop earlier and Quamie, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I really am.”

“It’s all good cuz.” I said sitting across from him. Jabari’s eyes immediately went to the crotch of my basketball shorts.

“So-so-so Quamie.” He stammered “So, how have you been doing here by yourself?”

“I’m alright.” I said.

“But your girl left, you must be horny as hell.”

“Nah, let ya’ll niggas tell it, I’m fucking the hell out of Jayson.”

“Yo, Chris and Cooley said that shit; not me.” He lied. Everybody knew that if Chris and Cooley spoke on it, Jabari’s follow the leader ass agreed.  “But real talk, just between us, have you fucked cuz?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know. He got a nice ass though, so if you are, I don’t blame you. I just wish you would share.”

“We ‘bout to change the subject.” I said annoyed.

“So-so-so, Quamie, how long has it been since you got your rocks off; real talk.”

Anticipating what I was about to do to Jabari had my dick rock hard and hanging down the left leg of my basketball shorts. Jabari’s horny ass was about to jump out of his skin.

“I maintain.”

“Damn, Quamie, that- that- that is some serious wood you toting. If you want__

“Jabari, shut the hell up and come get this dick down.” I said pulling off my basketball shorts. My dick stood up like a flagpole.

“Bet.” He said springing from the couch and stripping out of the shorts and tee shirt that he had on. Nasty ass nigga didn’t even wear no underwear.  He reached into the pocket of his shorts and removed two personal sized packs of Glide Lubricant.  That nigga was well prepared to get my dick and I was ready to give it to him.

He bit the two packages open.  He squeezed the first one onto my throbbing cock. The cool, wet, jelly like lube made me want to shiver. He squeezed the other packed onto his right pointer and middle fingers and massaged it into his asshole.  Jabari mounted my dick cowboy style.

It had been over a year since I had done anything sexual with Jabari. Damn, old boy’s asshole was tight, right, wet as hell, and he knew how the fuck to work it.  That nigga was doing all kinds of splits and spins on my dick, I thanked God, Auntie, disobeyed Unc and let Jabari participate in dance and gymnastics classes when he was little.

By the time I came, we were both sweaty and tired as hell. We took a shower together and I let Jabari have some of my ass. Hell, after the way that he’d milked my dick, the least I could do was let him get some get back.

“Yo, Quamie, it’s kinda late, can a brother borrow the sofa?”  He asked as we toweled off.

“Jabari, you’re more than welcome to sleep in my bed there’s plenty of room.”   I said. Plus, I didn’t want to have to walk all the way back to the living room in case I wanted to fuck again before I had to get up to go to work.

“Thanks fam.”  He said hopping his naked, giddy ass under my covers. He already knew what time it was.

I chuckled. I was naked as well when I crawled under the covers. Won’t no need in putting on underwear when we both knew we would probably be taking them off soon.

“Thanks, Quamie.” He said cuddling up to me.

Man, what’s with these Gen Z JITs and wanting to cuddle and shit? Jabari was a couple of years older than Jayson but just as Goddamn huggy/cuddly.

“Cuz, you already know, if I got a place to lay my head, you got a place to lay yours.”

“No, I was thanking you for fucking me. We hadn’t done anything since the night Breon… Ain’t none of ya’ll touched me since that night. I thought maybe y’all blamed me.”

“Why would we blame you?”

“Because I blame me.” He said finally letting the tears fall from his glassy eyes.

Man, as bad as I hated it, won’t no way in the hell I couldn’t have held old boy in that moment.

“Cuz, no. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was though. I shouldn’t have ever told y’all what he told me.”

“You were right to tell us. He could have fucked a lot of shit up for all of us.”  After I said that, I gritted my teeth because I realized that the mother fucker who took shit to the extreme to protect our secret, was the one who fucked shit up for me.

“But I didn’t tell because of that. I told because I was jealous and mad with him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We were watching a porn movie at his house, while Auntie was away a work. It was standard niggas fucking bitches style pornography. Anyway, Breon’s dick got hard as a mother fucker and it took some doing, but I talked him into letting me give him head. After I finished it was like he changed or something.”

Man, I really didn’t want to hear any of that depressing shit, but I knew oh too well how it felt to have guilt eating you up inside and no one to vent to, so I listened.

“He told me that he didn’t want to ever be alone with me again. He said that I reminded him of Jerod and that he was having a hard time coming to terms with Jerod’s death because Jerod molested him, and he was having trouble forgiving him for it. I tried to tell him that he and I could have a special relationship, and no one needed to know about it.  But he told me that he would never again do any gay shit, and I needed to stay the fuck away from him if I thought he was going to be drawn into it. He told me that he was going to be a father and his son was not going to have no closet faggot for a father.  He apologized to me a couple of days later and we were back to being best cousins, but that shit hurt me to my heart. I told because I thought maybe ya’ll would kick his ass and maybe he would come around and join us. I never meant for that shit that happened to happen. I didn’t want that at all.”

Jabari was wailing. The shit broke my heart. This is going to sound fucked up as hell but, the only way I could think to soothe him was to fuck him. I lifted his legs across my shoulders. He covered his face with both of his hands. He didn’t want me to see him. I entered him and kept drilling him with my dick until his wails turned to moans.

I came inside of him then rolled over onto my back pulling him into my embrace. He silently sulked until he fell asleep.

“Sorry to just be getting in Quamie_” Jayson’s eyes grew to the size of saucers at the sight of Jabari, naked and asleep in my arms, in my bed.   “I’ll just head back home.”

“Just go sleep on the couch; please, it’s too late for you to be out driving”

“No, I don’t want to be here. I’ll give you your key back tomorrow.” He said. 

Before I could offer any further protest, Jayson stormed out of my room down the hall and trudged through the living room, loudly slamming the front door on the way out.  The noise was enough to startle Jabari awake.

“What-What- What’s going on, Cuz?”

“Nothing, one of the neighbors slammed a door.” I lied

“Oh, alright.” He yawned. “You want to fuck again?”

“Nigga, I’m good.” I said shaking my head. Damn, how fucken horny could one mother fucker be?

“Alright, cuz, but if you want it, you ain’t even got to bother to wake me.”

“Man, take your ass back to sleep.” I said on the verge of being disgusted.

When he was snoring again, I started to text an explanation and apology to Jayson, but my better judgement overruled that idea. Besides, what the fuck did I need to apologize for? That nigga had just walked his little hot, yella ass in from a date. He probably had dick shoved all up in him and would have laid next to me like a perfect angel if Jabari wasn’t there. And most important; he wasn’t my bitch or my nigga!  Man, it was time to do a boundary reset with all of this shit; first with Jabari, because he was already starting to become a problem and later with Jayson, because he and I both were treating what we were doing like the very damn thing it was not and could not ever be,  a relationship.

 

Breon

“Why are you so quiet, Lil Cuz?”

“I don’t know; I’m just thinking about Friday’s basketball game.”

“I got a feeling that it’s about what we did back at the crib. You do know I just wanted to make you feel good; right?”

“Yeah”

“You also know that it has to stay between us; right?!”

“Yeah, Jerod. I know.”

“I understand it was your first time and you’re feeling kinda awkward. I promise you you’re going to get better at it and you’re really going to start to like it. In fact, next time, I’ma let you do me, so that you can see that this thing between us is even. I bet you’ll like that.”

“Yeah, Jerod. Maybe I will” …

 

…   “Breon, is everything okay with you?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Baby, you know that you can tell me anything.”

“Mama, I’m fine.”

“I’m going to come right out and ask it. Did Jerod do or try to do something to you that you didn’t like?”

“What! No! Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because it’s been three weeks since you’ve gone anywhere with let alone talked about your favorite cousin.”

“I’ve just been busy. We’ve got the regional tournament coming up.”

“You don’t have to protect him___”

“Damn it, Mama, will you stop! I see now why nobody in the family likes you. You’re always looking to break peace. I told you he ain’t done nothing to me! Man, I’m out!”

“Where the hell do you think you’re going; I’m not done talking to you Breon! Breon!” …

 

 

            … “I don’t ever want to do this again, Jerod. This ain’t me. I have a girlfriend.”

“I told you, we could stop anytime you wanted. It’s no hard feelings. I tried to give you something special and it just wasn’t for you. You’re not like… well, this isn’t who you are, and I’ve got to respect that.”

“I Just don’t want you to hate me.”

“Of course not. You’re the one who has spent the past couple of years ghosting me for weeks on end after we’d hook up.. I was worried that you hated me.”

“I could never hate you, Jerod, that’s why I let you… I just cannot do this anymore.”

“Cool, but you still can never tell anybody, because like you have a girlfriend, I have a wife and children.”

“You know I would never do that. I just want us to go back to being cousins the way that we were before we did it.”

“Of course, nothing has changed. I’m still your favorite cousin Jerod with the money, clothes and cars. Anything you need, don’t ever hesitate to call me. I’m going to always be there for you, Breon, always” …

 

…   “He looked so peaceful, just like he was asleep. Poor Krista. I cannot imagine having to raise my children alone. Here, Breon, make sure you let Aunt Fendi know that I was the one who cooked it, so that she don’t throw it away. It’s a shame she don’t come to family gatherings, but that’s not my business, I guess. I just married into the family.”

“Thank you Vashti. Please tell Chris and the rest of the cousins, I Just didn’t feel like hanging around.”

“Baby they understand, all of them are taking it hard, especially Quamie. He feels so guilty that he survived the accident.”

“I don’t even know how I feel. I just… Yeah, thank you Vashti. I need to get home.”

“Okay, Baby. You’re going to be alright with time. All of you are.” …

 

… “No, Breon, we ain’t got no condoms and I ain’t trying to get pregnant before I graduate.”

“Please. I swear to God, I am going to stand by you, Takeisha. I want us to have a baby.”

“We should finish school first. Your Mama already hates me as it is”

“You don’t understand Takeisha, I need this. I want a baby. I want it with you, but if I’ve gotta get another girl pregnant, I will.”

“Breon, I just don’t want to wind up regretting… Oh Breon! Oh Shit! Breon” …

 

… “Get the fuck away from me Jabari!”

“Damn, Nigga, you’re trippin. You came in my mouth I should’ve been the one who knocked the hell outta you.”

“Man, why the fuck did you do that? Why the fuck did you pressure me into doing that shit. You and me, we’re the same age. You are the closest thing I’ve got in this world to a brother and you made me do that sick shit!”

“I didn’t make you do a goddamn thing nigga. You let me suck your dick and your ass was enjoying it until you spazzed the fuck out.”

“No! that’s that mind fuck shit he used to do, that’s why I can’t even grieve him, much as I love him.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Breon?”

“Nothing just stay the fuck away from me. I’m not down with that gay shit. I’ve got a son on the way, and he ain’t about to have a closet faggot for a father. My girl ain’t gonna have to deal with no down low ass nigga.”

“Da Fuck; you think I’m gay?”

“Nigga, you ain’t never had a girlfriend. You coerced me into letting you suck my dick and you got my nut in your stomach. Nah, I can’t deal with this shit. I don’t feel comfortable around you no more.”

“Nigga, you’re trippin. I’m still Jabari. This was just something that can stay between you and me. It can be special.”

“You’ve got to get the fuck out of here. You sound just like him.”

“Him who?”

“Jerod, Goddamnit. That’s the same shit he’d say when…”

“Cuz, you need to be careful what you’re saying.”

“I’ve gotta tell somebody. I know you won’t repeat it, but I love Jerod. I’m just having a hard time processing his death because he spent the past couple of years molesting me on and off.”

“Cuz, don’t ever say that shit again. You’re taking shit too far. You didn’t like what we did because you feel guilty about doing homo shit, but don’t dog out Big Cuz’s name like that.”

“Forget, I ever said anything. Just stay the fuck away from me. I no longer feel safe around you, Jabari” …

 

… “Oh, so now you’re calling me. Ain’t you scared I’m gonna try and reach through the phone and touch your wee- wee or some shit?”

“Jabari, I’m sorry about the other day. I’ve just been dealing with a lot and … we made a mistake. We never should have did that. I’m just as much to blame. I just wanted you to know that I don’t hate you and I don’t ever want to even know my life without you in it, besides my son is going to need an uncle.”

“I feel you fam, no hard feelings. What are you up to tonight, the fellas are going to get together at Quamie’s barbershop later.”

“Damn, me and Takeisha have a date tonight, but, I can probably stop through for a short while. Yo, by the way, can I borrow your white Forces?”

“Yeah, let me hold your red kicks, I’ma hit up the club later.”

“Bet. What time are we meeting?”

“Around nine, look, I’ma get there kinda late because I’ve gotta help Chris with something. Why don’t you stop by the crib and let’s exchange shoes?”

“Gimmie about thirty minutes, I’ll be around your way.”

“Bet”

“And Cuz, what I said about him_”

“It will never be repeated. That’s some shit we’re taking to our graves” …

 

Those grimy ass niggas was actually fucking and sucking while my dead body laid in a bloody heap on the barbershop floor. That’s the last thing I vividly remembered. It’s deep and dark as hell where I am. I have long made peace with the fact that my body is never going to get up out of here, I just wish that I knew how to make my spirit do it.  I want to be around Mama, Takeisha, and my son. I want to be that sudden breeze that triggers a special memory of me. I want to be able to snatch my son out of harm’s way and hear Takeisha or my Mama say, “Your Daddy must’ve been looking out for you.” 

I also want to haunt the shit out of those niggas, especially Chris and Judas ass Jabari.  I would have even been content if my soul had gotten trapped in Quamie’s barbershop. That would have been better than deep darkness and silence.  I wonder if those niggas even regret what they did. Oh hell; who am I kidding? Judging from the way that they were able to engage in an all- out orgy over my dead body, I doubt that any of them are missing any sleep.

 

Chapter Nine

I texted Jayson to let him know that I wouldn’t be opening the shop until after lunch time. I received an urgent text from Vashti, my cousin Chris’s wife, inviting me to brunch because she needed to discuss something important with me.

I had built a bond with Vashti over the years that she felt comfortable confiding in me when shit wasn’t peachy between her and Chris.  What she didn’t know was Chris’s sudden mood swings were usually a sign that he needed what she could not give him.

 I’d listen to her pour her heart out about how she felt neglected or the two of them just couldn’t seem to get on the same page, then I’d go and book a hotel room out of town and invite Chris out for guy’s night. He’d bang the hell out of my guts and when he was really in one of his moods, I got to fuck the shit out of him. The next day, he’d go and buy Vashti some Flowers and something expensive, then spend the day in their bed, fucking his wife as good and intensely as he’d fucked me, or I’d fucked him the night before. They’d get back into their groove until the urge hit him again.

She had made fried whiting, grits, cheese eggs and homemade blueberry mother fucken biscuits.  I knew Vashti well enough to know that when she prepared a special meal for somebody, there was heavy shit that she needed to discuss.

“You’ve been on my mind lately.” She said pouring me a tall glass of guava flavored Tang, my favorite breakfast drink. “Actually, you and Trineece have been on my mind ever since the cookout. I went by and saw her that evening.”

“How was she doing?” I asked, as if I didn’t already know the answer.

“Quamie, have you ever seen a broken woman?” asked Vashti “Have you seen a female brought so low that she ain’t even herself no more?”

Man, I had barely eaten two good mouthfuls of everything on my plate and my appetite was gone. I never wanted to be the reason that any woman was in that state, especially Trineece.  Tears began to well up in my eyes.

“Quamie,” Vashti gently touched my hand. “Black women go through a lot of shit in this world. We’re judged harsher and loved lesser than any other race of bitch on this planet. So, when we invest our time into loving a man, especially a black man, it cuts us to our core when he does some fuck shit to betray us.”

I was too afraid to look at her. My heart and stomach were fluttering at a mile a minute. I knew where she was headed.

“I don’t judge you, and as far as I am concerned, you are always going to be Uncle Quamie to my kids, but as a woman, a black woman, I’ve gotta let you know that the shit you did was foul as hell.”

“Vashti, I___”

“As broken as your actions left that woman, she was still concerned about your name and reputation. That’s why she only confided in me because she knew that I am not a messy gossip ass bitch. I don’t even need to repeat to you what she told me, just know that she wasn’t on no malicious shit, she told me because it was killing her, and it was killing the baby to keep that shit inside and not talk to somebody.”

“The baby, what you mean the baby; she aborted the baby.”

“No, she didn’t Quamie, she couldn’t do it and thank God for that.”

“Vashti, please don’t be playing about that.”

“Quamie, I am not playing. Now I have talked to her every day for these past couple of weeks to   make sure that she gets herself out of the funk and do what she needs to do to make sure that she brings a mentally and physically healthy baby in this world.”

“You’ve known this for two weeks and you’re just getting around to telling me?”  I was mad as hell. I know I was wrong but how fucken petty was it for anybody to keep me thinking that my child had been aborted?

“Ut Uh, see you don’t even got a right to come at me with no attitude. I have been the one dealing with the mess that you made. I have been the one trying to put a woman back together that you broke. Why am I just getting around to telling you; because I had to reach deep within myself to still love and respect you, Quamie. I was able to give you grace because I realized that just like black women are judged harder and loved lesser, so are black men like you; black men who are attracted to other men.”

“I’m not gay.” I said defiantly

“Quamie, I am not trying to force you to accept any label. I am just trying to get you to accept responsibility.”

“I never meant to hurt her.” I cried.

“Quamie, I’m coming to you on some real woman shit and I want you to keep it one hundred with me, the way that I have with you. I ain’t stupid, I know that my husband is more likely than not fucking other females, but is he also fucking males?”

My blood ran cold.  Won’t no way in the hell I could tell her the truth about Chris without telling the whole truth and that was some shit that could fuck the whole family up.

“Hell no!” I lied. “Chris don’t play like that and he wouldn’t fuck with me if he knew that about me, which is why you cannot tell him.”

“No, your cousin loves you too much to ever disown you.”

“You don’t know Chris then.”

“Quamie, you have got to grow the fuck up though. You’re going to be somebody’s father. If you must get dick, get dick wisely so that you can be alive and healthy to raise your child.”

“I know.” I said humbly. “I just want Trineece back and the two of us raise our child together.”

“That’s not going to happen, at least not now and maybe not ever.”

“I know.” I sighed 

“Quamie, you’re going to be alright and so is Trineece. You’re both good people, God ain’t gonna let either of linger in torment for long.”

“Thank you so much, Vashti. I really love and appreciate you.”

Though I felt guilty sitting there not able to tell this woman who fully had my back the whole truth, I was grateful as hell to her for what she had done to ensure that my child would one day breathe the breath of life.

She was right, I really needed to grow the fuck up. By the time I had finished the rest of that bomb ass food, I had come to a definite conclusion about one thing; It was going to be hard, but out of respect for Vashti and what she had done for me , Trineece, and our child, I was never again going to engage in sexual relations with Chris.

 

Chapter Ten

“So, I’m trying to get Trineece back, so we cannot have sex anymore.” I said to Chris who sat stoically on my couch.

“Nigga, April Fool’s Day was like a month ago. Quit playing so that we can get to what the hell you really called me over here for.”   Chris massaged his semi erect cock through his cargo shorts.

“I am not playing, Chris. We’re not horny teenagers anymore. You have a wife and children and I plan to have a wife and children. Don’t this shit ever make you feel guilty; fucking around on Vashti with me?”

“Nigga, I was fucking you before I ever met Vashti. Shit, if anything, I’m fucking around on you with her.” He chuckled.

“I’m serious, Chris. I don’t want to have a sexual relationship with you anymore.”

A hurt expression came over his face that was so intense, you would have thought I had told him that his mother died.

“Oh, I get it. Jayson’s twink ass has you turned out so, you don’t want me no more. He’s younger, his skin is even lighter than mine. Is his dick bigger?”

“This ain’t got shit to do with Jayson.”

“I will beat the brakes off of that faggot ass nigga before I let you replace me. Nigga we been doing this since we were 14. We lost our virginities to each other. You know, don’t none of the other niggas in this circle mean as much to me. How the fuck you gonna just cast me aside?”

I hadn’t seen Chris cry since we were kids. That shit nearly tore my heart out of my chest. Just as quickly as I had said I wouldn’t, I went back on my word and me and Chris ended up naked and entwined in my bed.

 

After we had finished having the most incredible sex, Chris placed my hand on the left side of his chest. His heart was starting to settle into a normal beat pattern after our feverish climax.

“You have my heart Quamie, you’ve always had it. I know we are not supposed to be doing this and I know I shouldn’t feel like this for you or any nigga for that matter, but I do. Please don’t hurt my heart again. I want you to get back with Trineece and start a family, hell, I don’t care what you do with Jayson, but don’t throw this away.  Don’t throw me away.”

Those big beautiful ass grey eyes of his had me damn near about to melt.

“I won’t Chris, I promise.”

“Good.” He said with a wry smile, “Because before I lose you, I will kill Jayson and Trineece and Vashti as well as my children. Then, I will blow your ass away and put a bullet through my own skull. I love you, nigga, and I am willing to kill and die to prove that shit, so don’t ever again get it in your head that you’re gonna be without me.”

I had no doubt that he meant every word. Chris was always willing to take things to the full out extent. I had seen him shoot our cousin in the head out of fear of being exposed, certainly fear of abandonment would make him twice as deadly.

 

Chapter Eleven

I had just sat down at my favorite table in my favorite restaurant, Joe Lee’s Burger Grill , to enjoy my favorite meal, a double chili cheese burger with crinkle cut French fries and hot honey mustard flavored onion rings, a red fruit slush and a giant ass chocolate chip cookie, when Jayson walked into the place holding hands with some pretty ass nigga that for some reason looked familiar to me.

Jayson noticed me, and he guided his little boyfriend over to my table. I still hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about the night that he had caught Jabari and me in my bed. The shop had been busy as hell with proms, dances. and graduations happening left and right. Business was booming like a mutha fucka.

“Quamie,” said Jayson sitting across from me and motioning for old boy to do the same. “This is my boyfriend, Marvez,” he said stressing the hell out of the word boyfriend. “Marvez, this is my cousin, Quamie Anderson, he owns the barbershop that I told you I worked at.”

“Hey, we’ve met before.” said Marvez. “It was a few weeks ago, I bumped into you while I was out jogging.”

“Oh, hell yeah.” I said remembering that night. “You were running so fast you knocked me down.”

“I did apologize.” He said sounding embarrassed.

“Yeah, man, you did. Everything is cool. So, you’re the guy my little cousin had been going on all these dates with?”

“That would be me.” He smiled

“Cool, Marvez, long as you treat my lil cuz right and give him the respect he deserves, you’re going to always be cool with me.”

“Wow, I’ve got to say that I am amazed at how open minded and accepting Jayson’s family is. His parents couldn’t have been sweeter, and you are cool Quamie.”

“In this family, we love.” I said. “I’ve known this nigga since he was a baby, ain’t no way in the hell I’m going to stop loving him because of his sexual preference. And you are welcome in my shop anytime Marvez and I promise you, niggas will show you respect.”

“I appreciate that.” He said shaking my hand. “If you two will excuse me, I’m really hungry I’m going to go place an order, what do you want, Jayson?”

“A large slice of meat lover’s pizza, some nacho flavored onion rings, a frosted brownie and a peach slush.”

“You ain’t gonna fit into your tux next week.” He teased.

“Oh, we’re gonna burn the calories off later.” Smiled Jayson

I fought hard not to feel jealous, but shit, I’m only human.

“So, Unc and Auntie really cool?”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s treating you right?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t.”

“Ya’ll using protection?”

“It’s all good.”

We sat staring at each other as if we were playing chicken. Both of us too stubborn to blink.  I knew he was still mad about Jabari and he knew that I wasn’t too thrilled about him being all out and proud with old boy.  Damn, me and cuz got the same taste, because like I said before, if I was GAY -gay, Marvez would damn sure be the guy I would want for a boyfriend.  We only broke our stare when Marvez returned from the counter with their food.

 

Just as I had anticipated, Jayson came to my house around midnight. That night, I fucked him longer, deeper, and harder than I’d ever fucked anybody in that bed.  I lost count of how many nuts we busted between the two of us, but with each one we loudly declared our love for each other. Morally that shit was wrong as hell, but the pleasure we gave to each other made it all feel perfectly right. 

 

 

Chapter Twelve

Vashti’s stomach was in a knot as she watched her husband sleep so peacefully, she just couldn’t fathom that what she had been told earlier had the slightest ring of truth to it. On the surface she chose to consider the source and, therefore, not believe it, but in the very back of her mind there was the nagging suspicion that she was being the willingly naïve bitch that she had often discouraged other black women from being when it came to a man.

 

“Miss Fendi! Miss Fendi!” Vashti practically ran to catch up to the woman who seemed determined not to speak to her. 

In her frustration, Fendi Caraway pushed down on the lock button on her keys, hindering her intention to get into her car and speed away. Vashti tapped her on the shoulder. Frustrated, Fendi turned to face the young lady.

“Lord, Miss Fendi, why are you running away from me?”

Fendi yielded to the young woman’s embrace. She remembered that this young woman, who was married to one of her nephews, was the only one who checked on her. When Breon went missing, this young woman brought her a plate of freshly baked cookies and a bag of gourmet coffee. She was the only one who had kept in touch with her throughout the entire ordeal.

“I’m sorry, Vashti. I thought you might have been upset about me sending to police to your home a few weeks ago. I just didn’t want any drama today.”

“No, Miss Fendi. I have been meaning to get by and talk to you. I am not mad at you for that. I understand what is going on and how you feel.”

“Vashti, Baby, that boy has something to do with why my son is missing.”

“Now, Miss Fendi, Breon and Jabari were like brothers. When Breon went missing, Jabari was a mess. I have a hard time believing that he would have anything to do with him going missing.”

“I know that he did and so did the rest of them, including your husband.”

Vashti had to silently reaffirm that she would not disrespect this older black woman.

“Miss Fendi, I know that you are hurting but, I really think you are grasping for straws, none of them would have done anything to harm Breon, especially not Chris.”

“I can tell you really love my nephew. He’d better love you because God knows, he’s damn sure got himself a fool.”

“Miss Fendi!”

“I don’t mean no harm in saying it, Vashti, you have one of the kindest hearts God ever gave a woman, but if you ain’t figured out that that little circle that worship’s their dead cousin ,Jerod,  more than they do Jesus Christ, are all fucking  each other, then baby you are about as dumb as this pavement we’re standing on.”

“Miss Fendi, I realize that you don’t have a very high opinion of your family, but that’s just wrong of you to think, let alone say.”

“I know what I am talking about. They are screwing each other, and they did something to my baby because he didn’t want to be a part of that trifling mess.”

“I’m going to bid you good day, Miss Fendi. I am going to always respect you, I’m going to always do whatever I can for you, but God knows you are wrong for what you said, Miss Fendi.”

Vashti had tears in her eyes as she walked away from the woman. She knew for a fact that Quamie was at least bi-sexual. Though it hadn’t been confirmed, she was certain that Jabari was gay.  Cooley and her husband, Chris were the epitome of masculinity; they weren’t gay. 

Vashti couldn’t even fathom the possibility that her husband and his cousins were in some sick, twisted, homo-incestuous circle.

 

But they called themselves the Circle of Amor.  Vashti looked at the words boldly tattooed on her husband’s left shoulder. On the left side of his chest was tattooed his late cousin, Jerod’s name.  For the first time it dawned on Vashti that her husband hadn’t bothered to tattoo her name or either of their children’s names anywhere on his body.

All of them: Chris, Cooley, Quamie and Jabari had the same tattoos. What had a year ago seemed beautiful and endearing given that it was done to commemorate their fallen cousin, now seemed ominous even occultic given what she’d been told.

Hell no! she wasn’t going to go down that rabbit hole. She knew her husband. She knew Quamie well enough to know that he wasn’t lying to her when he looked her in the face and told her that Chris wasn’t sleeping with other men.

She snuggled close to her sleeping husband. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her.  His kiss flooded her mouth with the taste of Cognac and orange Listerine.  His fingers crept into Vashti’s lace panties, gently unraveled her already moistening lips and found their way inside of her.

The pleasure that Chris’s probing fingers brought to Vashti would have been enough, but she was ever so grateful when her man rolled over on top of her and entered her through the opening of her panties. Chris’s hard on was so thick and so deep inside of her, Vashti squirted, flooding the both of them in her strawberry scented goodness.  She wrapped her leg’s around Chris’s waist. Vashti’s back arched with every thrust that seemed to be aimed at penetrating her very soul.

“I want us to have another baby.” Chris whispered as he came inside of Vashti.

When Chris was once again asleep, Vashti’s mind once again returned to the probability that her husband was not only having sex with other men, but the other men were several of his male cousins.  She just couldn’t allow herself to believe it but at the same time she couldn’t deny the probability of a tiny smolder even if there wasn’t a towering inferno. 

No, Vashti, for God sakes, consider the source. A woman who hates her entire family is going to think the absolute worst of any of them. Fendi’s poison mind would have no problem fully believing that her nephews murdered her son because he didn’t want to be a part of their incestuous clique.  Does that even make sense, Vashti?   Your husband just made love to you. You! Your husband wants the two of you to have another baby. You have never seen anything to make you believe for one second that the man you’ve been married to since you were nineteen and had two children with was into other men. 

Vashti decided that it was in her best interest to leave the matter alone for the time being. She nestled up to her sleeping husband.  Her mind was not completely at ease, but Vashti managed to fall asleep.

 

Chapter Thirteen

I couldn’t stop staring at my phone.  Around lunch time I received a text that contained a picture that confused the hell out of me. I didn’t know if I was looking at an X-Ray or what the fuck it was.  The next text was simply the word, Twins.

It was then that I realized that I was looking at an ultrasound of not one, but two babies. My babies!  I was going to be a father to twins!   I didn’t even bother to return to the barber shop. I made two important trips; one to the mall and the other to the home of the woman who was carrying my babies.

 

“Oh, so now you want to see about her.” Said Miss Toukie standing in the doorway with her arms folded.

“Miss Toukie, I was trying to respect her space.” I said handing her the container of hot and spicy wings and large sweet tea that I purchased from the mall’s food court. Her tough exterior shattered the minute she got a whiff of that food.

“Umm Hmm.” She said stepping aside and letting me in.  “She’s in her room. I don’t want no fussing or fucking in my house.”    

“Yes Ma’am.” I said as I rounded the corner to Trineece’s room.

“What the hell?” frowned Trineece when I entered her room. “Quamie, why are you here?”

“I got your text.” I said sounding excited as hell in spite of the fact that Trineece’s tone and body language made it clear that I was the last mother fucker that she wanted to see. Before she could object, I plopped down on the foot of her bed and handed her the first of the three bags of gifts.

“Quamie, I really think you should go.”

“Please Trineece, I am not here trying to get you to take me back,” I lied “I am just here to check on you, and to thank you for keeping the babies.”

“Quamie.” She sighed.

“Just check out what I bought you.”

“Thank you.” She said setting the bag aside without even bothering to look inside.

“Trineece, I am so sorry. I fucked up big time. I never meant___”

“Please don’t do this, Quamie.”

“We’ve got to do this, Trineece. We’re about to bring two lives into the world. Even if we’re not together, we need to have an understanding.”

“What exactly do I need to understand, Quamie?”

“You need to understand that I never meant to hurt you. I know that what I did was fucked up and hella reckless, but it wasn’t done to hurt you.”

“But you did hurt me, Quamie. You hurt me to the point that I didn’t just contemplate aborting the pregnancy, I wanted to take my own life.”

Damn, why did she tell me that?  My heart shattered. I knelt before her hugging her around her waist and crying out every bit of torment my soul was experiencing.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” I cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“Quamie__”  

Even though it had to have hurt her, Trineece, the woman that was carrying my children, allowed her heart to soften enough to comfort me as I fell apart in front of her.

We laid on her bed and cuddled. Nothing sexual, just two wounded people trying to find healing and forgiveness for the sake of the two people that we had conceived.

 

“So, what are you?” She asked around 8PM as I was putting on my sneakers and preparing to go home, hoping that Miss Toukie had either gone to bed or fallen asleep in front of the television because I didn’t want to have to go through an interrogation about whether or not the me and Trineece had had sex.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you gay, bisexual, what are you?”

“Is I don’t know an acceptable answer?”

“Is it a true answer?”

“Yes.” I sighed

“Then it’s acceptable.”

“Do you still love me?” I asked, even though I was scared as hell of what the answer would be.

“Is I don’t know an acceptable answer?”

“Is it a true answer, Trineece?”

“No, it’ not. Yes, I still love you, Quamie, but how the hell could I ever trust you? How could a relationship between us possibly work?”

“So, we can only be friends?”

“For the sake of our children, yeah, I think it’s best that we be friends.”

“What about friends with benefits?” I asked winking at her

“Quamie, no.” She giggled.

“You sure; I heard pregnancy be making females hella horny.”

“You’re ridiculous.” She said playfully slapping my shoulder. “Quamie thank you for the presents and drive home safely. Call me tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I said, grateful that the woman I thought would never speak to me again wanted me to call her the next day.

As I walked past a loudly snoring Miss Toukie, I touched the one gift that I hadn’t placed inside or one of the bags.  It was going to take a while, but we were on the right path. I was confident that one day I would present Trineece with the ring in my pocket and she would agree to marry me.

 

Chapter Fourteen

Jayson’s 18th birthday fell on a Saturday.  The day started out with us having some of the most mind- blowing sex I’d ever had in my life.  I let him fuck me for the first time. I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed in the near year that me and Lil Jit had been fucking that his dick was as big as it was, or that he was in the least bit interested in topping. I just assumed that he was a bottom.

I hooked him up with a fly ass haircut, then took him to the mall to purchase him a new outfit and sneakers to wear to the cookout the family was throwing for his birthday and upcoming high school graduation.

 

“How do I look?” He asked stepping out of our bedroom.

“Damn, Nigga.” Was all I could say.  Right before my eyes, I was no longer seeing a Lil Jit. I was staring at a grown ass man, and a damn sexy one at that.

That ivory colored Gucci short set I’d bought him looked surprisingly good against his light skin. The outfit hugged his athletic body in all the right places.  It was a struggle, but I had got him to let me cut off the mini afro he’d been rocking since he was 15.  The low fade made him look more manly and mature. Plus, old boy had waves for days, sure those coils were cute, but he was a man now and needed to start looking like one.

“That good?” He smiled proud as hell.

“Your ass almost caught it.” I said standing up and showing him the print of my hardening cock.

“Oh, shit.” He said moving closer to me. “We can be a little late.”

“Nah.” I said giving him a quick kiss and hurrying past him to open the door. “We’ve   got to get going. If you won’t be occupied with your little boyfriend later tonight, we can do what we do.”

“Can I do what you let me do this morning.” He asked

“Yeah, birthday boy.” I smiled opening the door for him. “I’m flattered you’d rather have birthday sex with me than the nigga you’re going with.”

“I didn’t even tell him anything about the party. He thinks I’m visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Virginia.”

“Jayson!”

“I can’t help it Quamie. You just do it better. Besides, the heart wants what the heart wants.”

“Yeah.” I said closing the door behind us. “I know that’s right.”

 I reached into my pocket and touched the ring that I had taken to carrying around with me. Indeed, the heart wanted what the heart wanted, and I still clung to hope that I would one day have it.

 

For the past couple of years, Chris’s backyard had become the designation for all Spring and Summertime family gatherings.  Part of the reason was Chris had a huge ass three-acre property and a swimming pool and the other part was Vashti was a beast in the kitchen and Chris was a beast on the grill.  It was a secret to no one that the two of them planned to open their own restaurant in the beginning of the next year.  Cooley and his crew had been hired to build it from the ground up.

People ate, drank, danced and heaped praise and presents onto the birthday boy and future high school graduate, whose parents had earlier announced, as proud as could be, that Jayson would be attending North Carolina A&T on a full scholarship.

“Damn, don’t jump on him and fuck him right in front of everybody.” Whispered Chris.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re being obvious.” He said trying not to sound jealous. “Just focus on something else.”

Damn, I didn’t realize it, but I must have been staring at Jayson too hard, but damn, that nigga went from cute to hella sexy overnight.

“What y’all talking about?” asked Jabari joining us at the grill.

“That we hope your stupid ass ain’t done nothing else to have somebody send the cops up here in my yard.” Said Chris, sarcastically.

“Ha, Ha!”  said Jabari getting himself a strawberry Fanta from the tub of ice and beverages.

“Seriously though, we were just talking about how we needed a cousins’ trip.” Lied Chris

“Is Jayson going with us; ‘cause, damn!”

I could tell Chris wanted to slap the shit out of Jabari. I wanted to slap the shit out of him too.

“Sorry.” Said Jabari feeling chastened by our stares.

As if he sensed, he was no longer the main focus of my attention, Jayson swaggered over to join us at the grill.

“Wassup family.” He said intentionally placing himself between me and Chris, who was seething.

“Happy Birthday, Cuz.” Said Jabari giving Jayson a hug, just wanting any reason or opportunity to touch him.

“Thanks.” He said, “I just came over here to see if after the party you guys would be down to hang out, maybe go to the club or go do what us cousin’s normally do.” He smiled.

Chris looked over his shoulder to see who was in ear shot.

“Whatever the fuck us cousins do, does not get discussed in my yard, or in my home. Quamie, you better get your mother fucken boy!”

“Walk with me.” I said taking Jayson by the arm to guide him away from   a volatile situation that could at any minute turn violent. Chris’s jealousy would have taken any excuse to assault Jayson.

We had barely moved a foot before Chris’s oldest son, Premiere, who had been playing with some of his little friends a couple of houses down, came into the yard leading a grown ass nigga by the arm.

“Look everybody!” He shouted over the music and mingling. “It’s cousin Breon!”

I didn’t know who the fuck old boy was, but if I hadn’t known what the hell I definitely knew, you wouldn’t have been able to not convince me that the nigga my little cousin/nephew was leading around like his long-lost friend, wasn’t my long-lost cousin Breon Caraway.

Chris dropped the entire pan of hot link sausages he had just taken off the grill. Jabari, who thankfully was no longer standing by the grill, took two steps and fainted in a heap causing women to scream and panic.

“Son come here now!” said Chris ushering Premiere away from Breon’s doppelganger.

Whoever the hell he was, he didn’t say anything. He just stared blankly as family members started to surround him and barrage him with question about where he had been for over a year.

Amid the chaos of  tending to Jabari, dogs howling from burned mouths having devoured the scorching hot sausages from the ground, and people lobbying questions at the  mute mother fucker that I knew good and Goddamn well wasn’t Breon , a voice of reason, I think it was my Daddy’s ,but don’t hold me to that, reared its head.

Words I never thought I would ever hear at a family function was shouted over the noise.

“Goddamnit! Somebody call Fendi, tell her she needs to get over here quick!”

 

Chapter Fifteen

It took us a long time to gather the right words sitting there in my barbershop. Chris, Cooley, Jabari, and Me passed around the gallon bottle of Hennessy, took swigs from it and tried to make sense of what we had witnessed.

A mother should be able to recognize a child she’d carried and raised from anywhere. I could only sum up Aunt Fendi’s acceptance of that nigga that I knew damn well that wasn’t Breon, to the fact that Aunt Fendi missed her son so much she was willing to believe that old boy was Breon.  As if shit was happening in an alternate universe, Aunt Fendi was welcomed and receptive. She ate with the family, she danced with her sisters and some of her nieces, but most of all, she loved on the guy that she believed was her only son returned from God knows where.

“This is fucked up.” Said Cooley passing the bottle to Jabari who looked as if he probably didn’t need to take another drink. “This is really fucked up.”

“There is a strange mother fucker, as we speak, over at Auntie’s house pretending to be Breon.” Said Chris. “We have got to figure out a way to fix this shit.”

“He looks just like Breon.” Said Jabari, hugging himself as if he had a chill. “He even has the little freckles around the bridge of his nose.”

“But we all know Goddamn well that ain’t Breon and for all we know that mother fucker could be an axe murderer. I know we ain’t Auntie’s favorite people, but she is all of our Mama’s sister. We cannot let something happen to her.” Said Chris. “Plus, Aunt Fendi was talking about introducing him to Breon’s son and baby mama tomorrow. If he does something to hurt that kid, all hell is going to break loose.”

“All hell has already broken loose.” I said somberly.

“Oh, nice of you to join the conversation.” Said Chris. “For a minute there I thought you didn’t give a damn and were only worried about when this meeting would end so that you could hurry to your apartment and fuck Jayson.”

“You know what, I am tired of you acting like a jealous bitch!” I said   full of liquid courage and ready to fight.

Me and Chris stood face to face, both mad as hell at each other, but just like when we were kids, each was afraid to actually hit the other.

“Sit your drunk asses down!”  Roared Cooley. “That bullshit is not important at the moment.”

“Fuck it!” said Chris, “I am going to Auntie’s house and drag that mother fucker out of there.”

“And do what??!! What the fuck are you going to do?” asked Cooley. “Haven’t you done enough reckless shit to realize that your way ain’t always the best way? I mean we are in this situation because of you.”

“Well Goddamn.” Said Chris, those beautiful grey eyes of his starting to become glassy with tears. “It took one of you mother fuckers long enough to say it.”

“Hey, yo, Chris, Cooley didn’t mean it like that.” Reasoned Jabari

“Nah, he meant it just like that, and so did the two of you. Fuck all of you niggas. I’m going home to be with my wife and children. My real family.”

“Hey, yo, Chris!” Jabari called after him to no avail

“Let him go.” Said Cooley massaging his throbbing temples.

“Exactly”, I said “We need to find a solution, not create another problem.”

Needless to say, the three of us didn’t find a solution that night. We each went home fully aware that our actions from a year ago had come home to roost in the physical manifestation of a nigga that was the spitting image of our deceased cousin, Breon.

Chapter Sixteen

Vashti’s eyes fluttered awake to the sound of Chris still pacing the floor of their bedroom and drunkenly ranting. 

Just as she was about to scream at him to knock it the fuck off and take his drunken ass to bed, Chris started saying some things that made her decide it was best to close her eyes, pretend to still be asleep, and listen.

“Those niggers got the nerve to tell me this is all my fault.  Like that nigga wasn’t about to fuck all of our shit up, not to mention put dirt out there on Jerod’s name. Won’t none of them blaming me when I smoked Breon’s ass!  Nah! Quamie won’t saying shit because he was too busy sucking my dick! Jabari won’t saying shit because he was waist deep in Quamie’s asshole! And Cooley, Cooley’s self – righteous ass was too busy jacking off! Then Cooley, with his cum stained hands, he helped me drag that nigger’s body out the barber shop, chop it up and break down his car.   Breon and his car are underneath that damn apartment complex Cooley and his crew built in Virginia last year.”

Vashti felt her heart flutter. Miss Fendi didn’t know the specifics, but she had been right. Chris, Cooley Jabari and Quamie were the reason the Breon had gone missing. Chris, Cooley, Jabari and Breon were fucking each other!!

           

Vashti sat in the parking lot of CVS uncertain of where to go to next, now that she had purchased the single item that she had driven uptown for.   The night before had left Vashti shook to her very core.  Chris’s drunken admission to having killed Breon on top of being entangled in an incestuous group affair with his male cousins was only the tip of the iceberg.

 

“Damn, Quamie, I love you nigga. It was bad enough that you got that bitch pregnant, knowing that I could never give you children, but then you’re going to fuck Jayson.  Then you went and caught feelings for him because you look at him the same way I be looking at you, my nigga, like someone who is so damn crazy in love with somebody the shit is tearing him up inside…”

 

Every time she would try and turn the key in the ignition, her hands would tremble violently.  Vashti cried for the umpteenth time that morning. Quamie, who she had gone to bat for, who she loved like a brother in law, who she had made the Godfather to both of her children, was her husband, Chris’s lover. 

Her phone rang startling her. Mechanically, she answered it not even bothering to check the caller ID.

“Vashti.” Came Chris’s voice causing Vashti to experience chills and a wave of nausea. “Where are you baby; these damn boys won’t listen to shit I say, and I’ve got a hangover from hell.”

“I-I -just went out to pick us up something for breakfast.” She stammered out the lie.

“Baby, all that food we got left over from the party.”

“Yeah, but that’s for dinner. I thought I’d pick us up some McDonalds and get some cinnamon buns from the bakery. You could definitely use some coffee and Egg McMuffins.”

“Hell yeah.” He said. “A nigga is hung over like a mother fucker. I love you baby.”

Vashti had to quickly throw open the car door, lean her head out of it, and vomit.

“Baby! Baby! You alright, Baby?” asked Chris

“Yeah.” Coughed Vashti returning to the phone. “I’m just a little nauseous this morning.”

“Oh, shit, that ain’t morning sickness; is it?” He asked

“I’ll be home in a bit.” She said ignoring Chris’s question and not bothering to tell him that she loved him.  She hung up.

Nervously Vashti looked at the bag that contained the newly purchased pregnancy test. 

 

She placed the food and drinks down onto the kitchen counter. Chris, called the boys and began distributing breakfast.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” Announced Vashti, dodging Chris’s attempt at a kiss and a hug.

 Vashti had transferred the test to her purse while waiting on the order at the McDonald’s drive thru.    Once safely behind the locked door of her master bedroom, she rummaged through her purse and removed the test. Though she knew the instructions by heart, she read them anyway.

She sat the pee stained device onto the side of the sink and waited. 

“You alright in there?” Chris knocked. “Your breakfast is going to get cold.”

“You and the kids split it. I’m not hungry.”

“Vashti, Baby, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just need a minute.”

“Okay. If you need me, call.”

“Will do.”

“Vashti.’

“Yes?” she asked with a hint of agitation in her voice.

“I love you, Baby.”

“I love you too.” She said fighting back the tears. When she heard his Croc, clad feet plod down the hallway, she let them fall.

Fendi had been right about everything. She didn’t know the details, but she knew that Chris, Cooley, Jabari, and Quamie had killed Breon. She had also be correct about the fact that they were fucking each other! 

To make matters worse (God, there was a worse!), Those trifling ass, low down, down low niggas watched their Aunt embrace a complete stranger and call him her missing son.  Allowed him to get into her car and be taken to her house. How reckless and depraved were these mother fuckers?!

“Oh, my Dear God, No!”  gasped Vashti when she saw the bold plus sign on the pregnancy test.

 

Chapter Seventeen

“How does Quamie and Quavo sound?”  

“Quamie, ain’t no way I’m naming one of my children after one of the Migos” said Trineece. “I think Quamie and Quincey would be cute.”

It was mid -June and a lot of shit was wrong, but for some reason, everything seemed right. 

Aunt Fendi and the family seemed to have repaired whatever rift that had existed between them for nearly twenty years. Who the fuck ever old boy was, Aunt Fendi fully believed that he was her son, Breon, and he was fully committed to being just that.  The few times that I had been around him, I got the impression that he was harmless, but me and the rest of the Circle of Amor were on ready to deal with him in case he ever did become a serious threat.

 

We were having boys! Trineece and I agreed to not have a gender reveal party, just announce it to family and friends and save the money.

“Quamie, where are we?” Asked Trineece when I pulled into the driveway of the beautiful dove grey four-bedroom, two-story house.

“We’re at your house.” I smiled proudly.

“Quamie, stop playing.”

“My father helped me get a loan from the bank for the mortgage. I want our children to have the best. This is a nice neighborhood.  They can each have their own rooms when they get old enough. There’s three bathrooms and a big ass kitchen.”

I helped her out of the car and handed Trineece the keys to her new abode.

 

“This is so beautiful.” She said nearly in tears as she walked from room to room. “This could be the guest room.” She said referring to the single downstairs bedroom. “I’m thinking during holidays other special occasions, you could sleep there.”

“Actually, I was thinking that I am going to sleep there permanently.”

“What?”

“Be reasonable, Trineece, I cannot afford to pay the mortgage and the rent for the apartment on top of taxes for this house and the shop.”

“I can get a job and take up the mortgage.” Offered Trineece

“No, I want you home with the kids, at least until they’re ready to start school.”

“This isn’t going to work, Quamie. This shit all of sudden feels manipulative.”

“Damn, I just can’t ever do shit right for nobody.” I said

“No, what you’re trying to do is force a situation that cannot be. You and I can’t ever be a couple and I don’t think that is a good idea for us to cohabitate.”

“I’m not trying to get back with you.” I lied. “I’m trying to give you and my children a home and at the same time be a father in that home. I’m downstairs, away from you.”

“Yeah, but do you think you’re going to disrespect me by fucking some bitch, or most likely some nigga in that room, under the same roof as me?”

“Oh, but would you have been okay with fucking some nigga in this house that I’m footing the mortgage for, that’s why really the fuck you don’t want me here?”

“Take your fucking keys.” She said flinging them at me. “Sell the goddamn house. I already see what time it is, and I am not about to be roped into no controlling ass emotional manipulative living situation with a nigger that wants to be a man with me but then be out here in the streets face- down ass- up.”

“Fuck You Bitch!”  I yelled from the depths of my soul, then felt like a piece of shit immediately afterwards. “Trineece, Trineece, I am so sorry. I swear to God I didn’t mean that.” I said embracing the crying woman that was benevolent enough to carry my babies after finding out what she did.

“This isn’t going to work, Quamie.” She sobbed.

“It can if we try. Can we please at least try for our children.”

“I don’t want to be with you, Quamie. I can’t…”

“And that’s okay. I just want to be here. Please let me be here.”

“If we do this, it’s only for the sake of the babies.”

“Yes, Quamie and Quavo.” I teased.

She kissed me on the forehead. God, I wanted so much more in the moment, but I was learning to be content with leaving well enough alone.  Trineece and I would raise our children under the same roof.  For now, that was good enough for me.

Chapter Eighteen

In spite of Chris’s speculation, Vashti had not confirmed with him what she had discovered nearly a month ago; Vashti was pregnant.

Chris was aware of and was concerned about Vashti’s   lingering bout of depression. He constantly asked her if she was okay. He only left the house to go to work and called to check on her constantly while he was away.   He had become stricter with the boys, ordering them to do nothing that would put any more stress onto Vashti.  

Several times a week, Chris would come home with expensive bath gels, jewelry and restaurant food, so that she did not have to cook anything.

Chris had given her back massages, foot massages, even painted her finger and toenails for her, but Vashti remained sullen and distant.

The day that Vashti entered the second month of her trimester, was also the day that she snapped out of her funk and made a crucial decision.

It started when she ventured out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen to get herself a snack. She heard laughter out in the back yard. She looked out the window and saw Chris and me throwing a football around with Premiere and Kyron.

Vashti, clad only in her robe and nightgown stormed out of the house.

“Baby!” Yelled Chris, happy to see her outside “Look who stopped by.”

“Quamie!” she said.

 I was so used to a warm reception from Vashti, I didn’t notice the anger in her tone.

I went to her, arms open wide, ready to receive a warm hug.

“Mother Fucker!” She screamed slapping me so hard I fell to the ground.
“What the hell, Vashti?” asked Chris

“It is in your best interest to get your trifling ass away from here.”

“Mommy, why did you hit Uncle Quamie?” asked Premiere as he and Kyron helped me to my feet.

“He’s not your Goddamn uncle!”  Said Vashti so venomously, her words hurt me worse than the slap.  She then turned around and went back into the house.

“Cuz, I am sorry. She hasn’t been herself lately.” Apologized Chris, “I think it’s hormonal. I think she’s expecting.”

“Yeah, I’m going to just go.”

“Take care.” Said Chris hugging me. “I’ll be by later.” He whispered.

“No, don’t.” I said. “Take care of your wife, she needs you.”  I left with an uneasy feeling that Vashti knew a lot more than she was going to say in front of her children.

 

“Stay out here.” Chris instructed the boys as he went into the house to reason with Vashti.

She was seated at the kitchen table eating a bowl of Bluebell Banana Pudding Ice Cream as if she hadn’t just moments earlier slapped the shit out of someone she had often referred to as one her favorite people on the planet.

“Vashti, Baby, what was that all about.”

“I have heard my whole life that a drunk man talking is a sober man speaking.” She said pushing the bowl aside. “That night after the cookout, I heard a lot of shit from your mouth that if I was a petty bitch, I could have a lot of mother fuckers sitting behind bars and at least three bitches, myself included, out here trying to raise children without their father.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Said Chris who had long forgotten his drunken soliloquy from the night of Jayson’s birthday party.

“I know what the Circle of Amor really is. I also know that that negro that is living in your Aunt’s home is not Breon. I also know that Breon is never coming back because You, Cooley, Jabari, and Quamie made sure of it.”

“Vashti, you’re talking crazy.” Said Chris nervously

“Hmm, is what I’m saying as crazy as the fact that you are in love with the nigga that you had playing football with your sons?”

“You really need to shut the fuck up!” Yelled Chris

“Or what?  You’re going to shoot me in the head and then call your cousins over and fuck them around my dead body?”

“Vashti!”

“Now calm the fuck down and sit. We need to talk like grown ass people.”

Nervously, Chris did as his wife said.

“When I took vows with you, I swore to be a ride or die, Lady Macbeth type of bitch as long as it benefited the two of us and our children.  Plus, in spite of all the shit that I know, I still love you.”

“Really?” He asked reaching across the table and taking her hand.

“Really. So, in order to maintain this family and all that we have built together like this house and our upcoming restaurant, I am going to act as if I never heard any of the things I heard that night.  As long as I am respected, no disease gets brought back to me, and nobody gets it in their heads that my children are going to be initiated into that shit, whatever the fuck goes on within the Circle of Amor is none of my business.”

“Vashti, I swear to God, nothing involving the Circle of Amor will ever hurt this family.”

“Lastly, get the fuck over Quamie. Whatever it is that ya’ll are doing or have been doing, it doesn’t mean the same to him.  And you need to stop holding hard feelings towards Jayson, because Quamie doesn’t have feeling like that for him either. Quamie loves Trineece. He fucks ya’ll but he loves her.”

“Damn, it’s that obvious.”

“Put it like this, which one of ya’ll is he begging to have in his life.”

“I’m so sorry.” Said Chris breaking down from the reality that his true love was sitting across from the table from him.

“And I forgive you. Also, I’m going to need you to convert the guest room into a nursery_”

“I fucken knew it!” he said jumping out of his seat and running a victory lap around the kitchen. 

“Come here.” He said taking her by the hand and helping her out of her seat.  She fell into his embrace.  “I love you so much Vashti. I have done a lot of fucked up shit, a lot that I cannot undo, but the one thing in my life that I did absolutely right was ask you to be my wife and mother of my children.”

“And your yella ass had better not ever forget that, Nigga.”  Said Vashti allowing him to scoop her up in his arms and carry her to their bedroom.

 

Chapter Nineteen

“I cannot believe you’re moving out of the apartment.” Said Jayson nestling close to me. “Damn we had some great times, especially in this bed.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’ll be taking the bed with you to your new apartment in Greensboro.”

“Yeah, I can create some new memories in it.” He laughed.

“Slut.” I said playfully kicking him

“I’m going to miss you Quamie.”

“Nigga, you’re acting like you’re moving to another country. Greensboro is only a couple of hours away.”

“It’s not going to be the same though. You and Trineece are going to get back together by the time the twins are born, everybody knows it. You’re going to be so tied down with fatherhood and running a business and maintaining a new house, you’re not going to have time for me. Not like this.”

“Jayson, that might be a good thing. You need to focus on graduating college and developing a real relationship with someone. Marvez seems like a good guy.”

“We broke up graduation night. I don’t have feelings for him.”

“But you know It’s foolish to continue to hold onto feelings for me. It’s only going to hurt you in the end.”

“It’s hurting the hell out of me now Quamie. You’re my first love.”

“But I won’t be your last. Niggas are going to come and go before the right one comes along and it’s going to hurt a little less each time. You haven’t lost me permanently Jayson, but you know you never could have had me the way that you wanted. I told you that from day one.”

The first day I had ever done anything sexual with Jayson, I had made certain to adhere to the rules of the circle:

“Quamie!  Yo, Quamie!”   Jayson knocked while entering my little office room.  “I’m all done; you bout ready?”

“Yeah, gimmie a minute.” I grimaced as I pretended to still count money.

“Yo, Quamie, is Trineece gonna be at the crib tonight?”  He asked. 

“Nah man, Trineece is at her Mom’s. We had an argument this morning and we decided to take a few days away from each other.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” He said. “Not that you and your girl are having problems but that we can have the crib to ourselves so you can fuck me.”

Damn he said that shit. That little nigga was too brave.

“Boy go the hell on with that shit”, I said fighting with every urge to lay him across my desk and tear his little mannish ass up.

“I ain’t no snitch,” He said “We keep the shit in the circle. Jerod taught me that.”

I almost broke down and cried. Damn, Jerod was forever looking out for me. And though he didn’t know it at the time, he got just one more right for the rest of us before he died.

 

“I can’t fuck you in me and my girl’s bed. I said when entered my crib.

“I know, we always keep shit respectful.” He said before dropping to his knees on my living room floor and sucking my dick so good I wished Jerod was still alive so I could thank him for training up the Lil’ JIT so well.

“You’re going to have to take it easy.” He said taking off his biker shorts. “I’ve only been fucked once before and that was before cuz died.”   

He got down on all fours.  The sight of that tight pink hole winking at me almost made me skeet my load before I even started.   I got the head in and he went scrambling across the floor, screaming and crying. He laid on his stomach panting and puffing trying to shake off the pain.

“Yo, Jayson, if you can’t take it man, we can do something else.” 

“No!” He said sniffing back the tears. “I ain’t no runner. Long as I’ve been wanting you to fuck me, I’ma take this dick down.”  He got back into the doggy style position. 

I ate his asshole to get him moist, relaxed, and opened because the next time I went in. I wasn’t planning on stopping until I busted; shit, his ass was gonna learn not to start if you can’t finish.

“Damn, Quame!”  He shrieked when I stuck it in. He was shaking and crying but the true to his word, he wasn’t running. I laid him down flat and straddled his hips as I tore into that tight, hot, juicy goodness. 

Jayson made one mistake, he threw that ass back to me one good time and that triggered something in my brain that sent my dick into overdrive.  I pounded his ass like I was drilling for oil. He screamed, he begged, he even tried to scoot away, but I won’t having none of it.  My Mama always taught me don’t play with grown folks unless you ready for them to treat you like one.

“Please, Quamie!” He begged nearly hoarse from screaming and crying. “I’m tapping out cuz, I can’t take it no more. I’ll suck the nut out of you. You can cum in my mouth!”

Jerod had always taught us to be merciful, especially with the Lil’ JITs who were just getting broken in.

His mouth was as hot and tight as his asshole had been. It didn’t take long before I was gunning pearl in his mouth.  He swallowed it then really let go crying.

“Jayson, what’s wrong, Fam?”

“I let you down. I didn’t want to tap out, but I couldn’t help it.”

That shit brought tears to my eyes because I said the exact same thing to Jerod when I couldn’t finish.  Now I was the older cousin, the trainer.  Like Jerod did with me, I held Jayson close.

“Cuz, cuz, cuz, you didn’t let me down, baby. In fact, you did damn good, this is only your second time and you lasted as long as you did.  You’re only going to get better.”

“You think so?”

“Nigga, is you black? Besides I’ma make you get better. Now that I got that ass open, I’ma stay in it until you are a pro at taking dick.”

“Thanks, Quamie.” He smiled. He kissed me passionately. For a minute I got carried away and let the shit happen but then I had to set him straight.

“That’s a no -no. I love you, but I ain’t trying to fall in love with you; understand?”

“I understand.” He said stroking my semi-hard dick.

“If your ass gets me hard again, it’s going back in you.” I warned.

“Good”, he smiled. “Practice makes perfect right.”

I laid back and once again thanked my cousin, Jerod, for all that he’d done to create this circle.

Jayson stroked my dick back to full capacity, eager to redeem himself …

 

What a difference a little over a year made.  Jayson had become a pro at taking my dick and even fucked me a few times since his 18th birthday.

“Oh Shit! Quamie!” yelled Jayson from the depths of his soul as continued to plow into him while shooting my load.

Jayson nut shot forth flooding the sheets beneath him.

There was no cuddling or declaration of love for one another afterwards. Jayson showered, dressed, then placed the keys to the shop and my apartment on my dresser.

“Thanks for everything, Quamie.”

“You take care of yourself Lil J_ you take care of yourself Jayson.  I’m going to get Jabari’s ass to come up with me to help bring you the bed.”

“That will work out perfectly, especially since he’s going to be my roommate. Goodbye for now, Quamie.

I couldn’t help but laugh when Jayson left. Those sneaky niggas. I knew they had been getting mighty close since Jayson’s birthday party, hell, they’d probably fucked right here in this bed while I was at the shop or off taking Trineece to an appointment.  Plus, I should have known Auntie and Unc wouldn’t have agreed to pay for Jayson to have an apartment off campus unless he had someone in the family to keep an eye on him. I am sure Jabari’s parents were more than willing to get his slacker ass the hell out of their house.

“Shit, we’re going to have some lit ass threesomes.” I smiled to myself as I got out of our bed to go and take a shower.

 

Chapter Twenty

I hadn’t laid hands on my precious razor since the night I almost took my own life.  I placed it in the pocket of my hoodie. I wasn’t certain if I would need it, but I was going to be ready just in case.

Aunt Fendi had called and asked if I could let Breon have Jayson’s job, because he was trying to earn some money to help take care of his son and possibly enroll in barber’s school. 

That should have been a big ass red flag to Aunt Fendi. Breon had planned to go to college and major in animation and graphic design.  But then I realized that old boy was crafty as hell. Becoming a barber took less time and money and having a son that was about to be a year old, becoming a barber was the smarter option in the short term.

I told Auntie to have him come by after I closed.

“Quamie.”

His voice startled me.  Damn if he didn’t sound almost exactly like Breon.

“Hi Cuz.” I said locking the door behind him. I had already drawn the blinds before he came. “Come with me to the back and let’s discuss some things.”

“What’s going on?” asked Breon at the sight of Chris, Cooley, and Jabari sitting menacingly  in my back room.

“That’s what the fuck we need to ask you.” Said Cooley. “Who the hell are you because we know goddamn well you’re not Breon Caraway.”

“Yea, you niggas know that shit well.” He smiled arrogantly

“Mother fucker!” said Chris bolting from his seat and pulling out his Glock. My heart was in my throat.

“Now really, how smart is that going to be?” asked Breon “I mean, you can’t get away with it twice.”

Chris wanted to pull the trigger, I could see it in those eyes, but he knew that this mother fucker who stood before us was right.

“Who the fuck are you?” asked Chris still pointing the gun at a lame attempt to intimidate the stranger.

“My real name is Montez Caraway. Ahmad Caraway is my father, though he doesn’t know it and according to the folks who raised me, he didn’t even stick around long enough to see me born.”

Now it made sense. Everybody always said that Breon looked as if Uncle Ahmad had him all by himself. Obviously, his DNA had been just as strong when it came to this nigga.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I just want a family, man. That’s the one thing that I never had. I learned about Breon by following Takeisha on Instagram. She did so many videos about the disappearance of her baby daddy Breon Caraway. Man, you guys are lucky as fuck that she only has like fifty followers because she had ya’ll names with all kinds of accusations in those videos, but that’s how I learned who everybody was.”

“The day I showed up, I noticed two things. Most of the family was surprised to see me and acted as if they missed me. You four were surprised to see me and looked as if you knew that it was impossible for Breon to show up.”

“Man, what the fuck do you want!” I asked. I held onto the razor in my pocket.

“A told you, I just want a family. That woman has been more of a Mother to me, than I have ever had in 19 years of living. Takeisha  is more than any man can wish for in a woman, and her child. That child looks at me as if I am his Daddy. I swear to all of you, they are safe. I wouldn’t hurt any of them for anything in the world.  A broken-hearted woman has her son back, another one has her man back, and a child has his father. I gave them what you mother fuckers took away.”

“Understand, we have our eyes on you, and if anything happens to our Aunt, or that girl or that baby, whatever the fuck you think we did to Breon, we’re Goddamn sure going to do it to you.” Warned Chris.

“I swear to God, I am not going to hurt them. Let me prove it to you.”

To all of our surprises, old boy stripped bucky, bald ass naked right there in front of us. Damn he was impressive. He had the same wiry physique that Breon, his half- brother, had. Old boy was thick as hell in the back and up front.  Jabari’s leg had already begun to shake. That horny ass nigga had been quiet the whole while, but now was ready to fuck.

“Nigga, put your clothes on.” I said shutting it down before it could begin

“I’m serious, ya’ll can have me.” He said looking almost hurt by the rejection

“And I’m serious, put your clothes back on.” I said picking up his shirt and shorts from the floor and shoving them into his hands. “If you are going to be Breon, then know that this ain’t him. This wasn’t ever him.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“Now we’re going to have to build trust.” Said Cooley once Breon had redressed. “First of all be very clear, We know about you, you think you know about us. The best thing for all parties going forward is not to repeat what we think we know or know for a fact regarding one another. You’re Breon as long as nothing happens to our Aunt, our little cousin, and his Mama.”

“I swear to God and everybody in this room, I am only trying to make those people happy, and experience a little happiness for myself for once.”

“I open at nine.” I said “Your job is to keep the shop clean, sell supplies, and keep up with inventory. I pay a flat rate of $300 a week, it’s up to you to manage your taxes because I don’t withhold any.”

“Thank you.” He said teary eyed.

“You can go now.” I said. Opening the back door for him to leave

“What do you guys think?” asked Chris once he was gone.

“I think we wait and see, but always stay ready.” Said Cooley.

“I second that.” I said.

“I’m down.” Said Chris

“Damn, we could have cum banged old boy.” Said Jabari

“You know what Jabari; I can’t wait to drop your ass off in Greensboro and let you worry the hell out of Jayson.” I said annoyed

“But seriously though Quamie, he was going to let us.”

“The nigga is hopeless.” Sighed Cooley. “Ya’ll be good, I’m going to head on home to the kids and the Mrs.”   He dapped all of us then left out the back door.

“Jabari, ain’t nobody fucking, Nigga, care your ass!” said Chris annoyed and anxious because the two of us really needed to have a conversation.

“Damn, you ain’t gotta be hateful.” He sulked. He lingered by the backdoor a couple of seconds in case we changed our minds, but eventually caught the hint and left.

“Crazy, horny ass nigga.” Laughed Chris. “But ask him to get a job and do something productive. I can’t believe Jayson’s folks are going to allow Jabri’s slack, irresponsible ass to share an apartment with Jayson.”

“Both families are splitting the cost. On the one hand Jayson’s parents know he has at least one family member nearby, and on the other hand, Jabari’s folks are going to get him the hell out of their house and maybe just maybe he will figure out something responsible to do.”

“That’s going to work until Jayson flunks out his first semester because those two hypersexual punks just laid around fucking each other and getting high all day in the apartment that their parents paid for.”  Said Chris

“Damn, Chris, can’t you be a little more optimistic?”

“I’m just saying, you can’t let two children loose in a candy store unsupervised and be shocked when they get a tummy ache.”

“Well, I’m going to keep up with them and make sure they stay on the straight and narrow.”

“I bet you will. Especially, Jayson.”

“So, why did Vashti slap me?” I asked. It had been a month, and this was the first time that Chris and I had been in the same space since it had happened.

“I told you, she was hormonal.” He lied.

“You know I know when you are not telling the truth.”

“It doesn’t matter, Quamie, she still loves you. You’re still Uncle Quamie to our two sons and the one on the way.”

“Man, our children are going to be a few months apart. They get to grow up together.”

“How are things with Trineece?”

“For some strange reason, every night since we’ve moved into the new house, she’s been frightened by something and I always wind up having to sleep in her room with her.”

“That woman loves your fruity ass.” Teased Chris “And you deserve it. Marry that woman and give her those babies the absolute best.”

“Damn why does this feel like goodbye?”

“Don’t get it twisted nigga, whenever you’re down, we can fuck like craven beasts, but this shit don’t never come before our families again.”

“I feel you.” I said giving him a hug. “Besides, that’s what Jerod taught us.”

“Damn” said Chris wiping away a tear as we released our embrace. “He’d be so proud of us. We fucked up, but we managed to get it together.”

“I love you Chris.”

“I love you Quamie.”

 

The End

---

 Hi Guys.  

It has been a while, but I have been busy working on new stories, some that I plan to share here inn the future.   Please enjoy this story and feel free to live feedback: good , bad or indifferent, your opinions on my work will be greatly appreciated.