Christmas with my Professor

It’s Mid November now and everything is going well, we are beginning to start planning our essays which is due just after New Year’s 2022 and we are 4 weeks away from the end of this semester. Tom set us an autobiographical essay with the question “discuss your identity”, it needs to be 2,000 words long and we must talk about ourselves whilst relating to the topics we have discussed so far, referencing academic text. Students in my class are going to discuss their religion, race and socio-economic backgrounds. After contemplating carefully about what I would like to discuss I decided I wanted to talk about my sexual identity but this topic is going to be discussed next semester and I had no idea on who to look at and reference. I spent three days hesitating about discussing this with Tom as I needed to get his advice on the academic side of the topic but on Thursday afternoon, I decided to make my way to his office, it was around 4:40pm and the building was empty. I felt comfortable as I know no one would overhear me discussing this. I see that the light was on in Toms office and I can hear the clicking sound of his keyboard from afar. I knocked on the door.

“Hey Tom, is this a good time?”

“Jay! It’s always a good time, take a seat - I’ll be with you in a moment.”

I took a seat and waited for him to type up an email he was in the middle of. The smell of books and Hugo Boss resurfaced again which surprisingly put me at ease as I was still quite nervous discussing this topic.

“What can I help you with?” He said as he turned my way.

“Well, it’s about your essay. I want to talk about a topic we have not touched upon in class and I need your advice on what to read and who I can reference in relation to this identity…”

“Ok... tell me more, what is the identity?”

“Well... it’s… it’s just...I...” - I remember stuttering slowly whist saying this.

“Ok, let me stop you here.” Tom said calmly. He got up and shut his door. “You can tell me in confidence, I’m not here to judge you in any way, and we can keep this between the two of us. I will be the one that marks your essay so you don’t need to worry about anyone else knowing, ok? You can trust me, Jay.”

“I haven’t told anyone this but I’m bisexual, and by having a religion and culture - which I am proud to be in - I am in a constant battle between my sexuality and my other identities. I want to talk about this in my essay and need your help on who to reference and what to read.” I remember saying all this but instead of saying that I am gay I said I am bisexual and I am not sure why, why did I hide the full truth from Tom?

Tom had a slight smile. “Well firstly I want to say thank you for sharing that with me, I know that must have been hard. I personally am really excited now to read this essay as it sounds very interesting to explore all these identities, so let me go through with you…” he continued to discuss all the materials I should look through and the academic texts I should read and reference. By the end I was very grateful and again Tom told me he is always here for me whenever I needed to talk to him. “If you wait 10 minutes, I can give you a ride home if you would like?”

“Are you sure?” I said.

“Of course, let me just respond to this email and then we can get going.”

Throughout this semester I learned that Tom lives in South London like me, in an area which is 15 minutes further away from me, he drives to and from campus daily.

In the staff parking Tom unlocked a space grey Mercedes Benz C class. I was in awe.

“WOW! This is a really nice car.”

“Of course, it’s German - it’s only the best!” He responded in a cheeky tone.

I got in and he put on the seat warmers and heating, I looked over and could see his hands on the clutch pulling reverse and then behind that his thick thighs. I was turned on by this and could feel a semi in my pants. Straight away I said “Is it ok for lecturers to drop off students like this outside of campus”

“Of course, it is, there are no rules regarding friendships between staff and students or driving in the same car as a student - this isn’t school you know hahaha. But I wouldn’t tell this to your peers, otherwise they may get the wrong idea or believe I am picking favourites...”

“Oh no, I won’t say anything.” I kept overthinking about the part he mentioned friendships, did he consider us friends or am I just his student that’s overthinking this. I have to admit it is slightly strange but we are both adults and it’s not illegal to be dropped off by him. Tom pulled out a cigarette from a box. “Do you mind?” He asked.

“No no, you go ahead. It’s your car and besides I live with smokers so I’m used to it.”

“Do you want one?”

“No, I don’t smoke myself.”

I cut my eyes to my right and watched Tom pull from his cigarette, with his left hand on the steering wheel and his right hand near the window, this moment really turned me on, to see a man relaxed after a long day of work whilst in control of his car with one hand, his shirt unbuttoned exposing some chest hair.

“My wife hates it when I smoke so I try not to when I’m at home, so this is the last cigarette of the day.” He tells me.

We pull up to traffic now. It’s rush hour in central London.

“So, tell me, does anyone else know about your sexuality.” Tom asks.

I quietly nod no. “You are the only one if I be honest.”

“I respect that you told me, honestly, it must be a hard thing to deal with.”

“It is, but I just kind of - you know, get on with life.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, have you had any partners from either sex?”

I answered no, “I only had one girlfriend when I was 17, but we didn’t explore things physically.”

We spoke about many topics on our journey into south London and got to know one another on a personal level which I was happy to learn about. Over the next 3 weeks Tom offered me a ride home about 3 times a week on average. All filled with brain stimulating discussions, funny stories and general chat. In class the discussion and ideas between us bounced off easier and I felt more comfortable to be around him and was not afraid to challenge him in debatable discussions, at times my peers in class just watched on as we debated and challenged one another. By the end of such discussions, we ended on a light note and laughed about how competitive we can get in getting our points across (pointed out by someone in the class).

***

It was the final week of the semester and was Thursday, I did not have class on Friday but Tom had to work. He offered to drop me off home. In the car we were moving slowly in traffic in Holborn, it was just after 5pm and it was dark with rain drizzling.

“So, what are your plans for Christmas?” I asked

“Well, my wife is Abroad in Jamaica at the moment for work, I was going to join her but I doubt I will now due to the restriction changes over there and flight costs, she has some family and friends there so she will be fine.”

“But what about you, do you have family here, in Germany?”

“In Germany yes and I will see them for Christmas eve and Christmas day but to be honest I think I will spend most of my time at home in the UK and just catch up on work, what about you?”

“I love the festive period, although I don’t celebrate Christmas Day itself. But I’ll try find some time to do some festive things, catch up on sleep and of course work on my essay.. ugh”

He laughed as I said that last part “hahaha”

“You know Jay, I’ve been a lecturer for 12 years and I’m glad that you are my student this year, you have really worked hard this semester and it’s rare to come across a student like you.”

I blushed and replied “Thank you, you are a great tutor and lecturer so Likewise, I’m glad to have you teach me.”

Tom moved his hand upon my right thigh which made me flinch slightly as it was out of the blue. I looked down at his hand and then looked up at him, he turned slightly to me with a flirtatious smirk and winked at me, I smiled back. I knew it was wrong for him to do given his position but I was so turned on by this that I let him continue, I was so comfortable in his presence and didn’t mind him doing this. He rubbed my thigh slightly up and down whilst driving with his right hand, I took his hand and held it, feeling his skin which was surprisingly soft to what I have imagined. I playfully held his hand for a short while as we drove in silence, the radio was playing music in the background.

We pulled up on my road.

“I would like to see you in the holidays if that is ok with you?” He asked.

“Sssure... erm what did you have in mind?”

“Maybe dinner, unless you would feel it’s best we don’t? “

“No, I would love to!”

“Cool, let’s exchange numbers and I will be in touch with you.”

Tom typed my number as I read it out loud and dropped me a missed call, we saved each other’s numbers. I smiled at him and thanked him for the ride. “I’ll see you soon I guess.”

He smiled back and winked. As he drove off, I remember standing there just wondering what the hell had happened, did that really just happen?