Christmas Eve invitation

After college I moved to a small rural county to accept my first position as a pharmacist. My sister called December 20th telling me our dad had been admitted to our hometown hospital. I had received about three phone calls like this since Labor Day weekend. I told her to call me back in the morning and I’d make arrangements with the drug store to take off. I had committed to work Christmas Eve since we were closing by 6 o’clock that evening. I made plans to meet a college buddy in Bristol, TN which was about an hour and a half away. I made a few phone calls and got out my over night bag. Shined my boots and my dress shoes. My dad was a very neat man and he instilled in me to always carry a fresh handkerchief and wear clean, shined shoes. I woke around 6:30 a.m. to my phone ringing. Sure enough I knew who it was before I answered the phone. My youngest sister shared our dad had been transferred by ambulance to Fort Sanders hospital in Knoxville. I was packed and out the door within the hour. I got in my Volvo baritone coupe and headed down interstate 75 to Knoxville. I arrived at the hospital around 1 p.m. My sisters met me as I stepped off the elevator. I spoke with the charge nurse and she filled me in on all the details, etc....I met my dad‘s physician and he shared his diagnosis, treatment plan, etc....my dad was in a coma and his major systems were gradually shutting down. After speaking with my sisters we told the nurse and doctor not to do anything more and just to keep him comfortable. Our family was around his bedside that afternoon. My sister read the Christmas story out of the Gideon bible that was in the nightstand. We held his hands, sang carols and I told him I was going to be ok. He was so worried about me being a country boy in a world where men like me were not always accepted. I assured him I was able to take care of myself and it was ok for him to go on to heaven for Christmas to be with mom. My dad passed away at 5:05 that afternoon.

The next morning we met early at the funeral home to make arrangements. My dad had not been to church after my mom had passed several years earlier. We attended a small county church that was close minded and when my dad one night stood up and told everyone he wouldn’t be back as long as they preached hate and couldn’t accept our family especially since I was the queer son who everyone thought was going to hell. My cousins, uncles and close friends dug the grave and we had a closed family service Christmas Eve morning on the side of a hill overlooking the foothills of the Smokies.

The morning of the graveside service I stood ever so proud when taps was being played. A twenty-one gun salute was most respectful. After the military flag was folded and presented to me I stood at the head of the tombstone that my dad had purchased when my mom passed away. I began singing Silent Night and our small gathering of people joined in. There was a light snow falling and very peaceful at that moment in time. To wrap up the service people spoke, hugs, tears and Merry Christmas greetings were exchanged. I had noticed a family friend off to the distance. I walked over corner of the tent and recognized a man I had not seen in years. Fred was the owner of a tire store when I was a kid in high school. In fact, he had given me my first part time job and let’s put it mildly....he was the first man who I fell in love, lust with. We shook hands but he pulled me in for a big bear hug. My sisters walked over and spoke. My oldest sister invited Fred back to our home for coffee, desserts, etc...The good baptist church folks stepped up and prepared a meal even on Christmas Eve morning. I rode with Fred to my home place. He was friendly enough, kept the conversation moving. As we pulled close to the back porch entrance he grinned real big and whistled....I looked at him and ask what? He said, nice ride. I bought my 1976 two door Volvo coupe used after pharmacy school. He walked over and looked at it. He paid attention to the leather driving gloves I had left on the dash. As we entered the kitchen the ladies of the church took jackets, coats and stored them in the front bedroom that was always an extra bedroom, however, since our dad started having health issues we moved him downstair. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but...with my sisters taking charge I finally was the voice of reason one day and said...daddy, you are out numbered. He patted my hand and said he knew he never had a chance when we all ganged up on him.

After fried chicken, potato salad, enough desserts to feed the entire UT football team my sisters jumped in and started wrapping plates of food in tin foil to send home with folks. I walked out to my car to get a change of clothes. Fred followed me outside and asked if I needed anything. I softly spoke and said I just honestly didn’t know what I needed. A flood of emotions came over me. We walked around the back of the garage and he held my face in his hands and kissed me. He hugged me and said....if you will allow me I’m going to take care of you. After all the years of schooling, getting a job, buying my first home I had always been a man who knew I had to stand on my own two feet.

When we returned to the house my sisters and families were fussing over who was going to stay with me or which of their homes I would be going to. At that moment when my sisters were drying dishes Fred spoke up and said I would be going to his house for the evening. Gad, you could have heard a pin drop. My middle sister has always been my safe harbor. She knew how badly I was hurt by Fred over ten years ago. However, she threw her drying rag at Fred and said...if that be the case you can finish drying the dishes. After we got the kitchen back in order and our last hugs were given my sisters and their families left. I walked into the living room and Fred followed me in and hugged me from behind. He asked me if I was ready to go. I shook my head no.....I walked over to my childhood piano and sat down and thumbed through an old hymnal. I started playing, ”It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.” After a another good cry I closed the piano. I left the bedroom nightstand on next to my dads bed. We locked up took Fred SUV to his place. I hadn’t been to his farm since I was a junior in high school. He had the same serious look as he always did when he was driving. I remember riding in his pickup watching him as a young man who didn’t have a clue what a 17 queer farm boy was sup to do.

He had made some major upgrades to his kitchen. He walked over and got a couple of shot glasses and poured each of us some Johnnie Walker Scotch. We talked about my career. How well I had done in pharmacy school at UT Memphis. We danced around the issue of us...the falling out, the distance, etc....I admitted to him moving to Memphis was best for everyone. He proceeded to share my mom and dad always kept him updated regarding my schooling, etc....He told me he drove up on weekend to Middlesbrough, Kentucky just to see the drug store I worked at and drove by my home. Again, he was aware of the events in my life because my dad kept him posted. Fred popped a pizza in the oven. I carried my bag in and asked him which room I would be sleeping in. He poured another shot of scotch and downed it...placing the glass on the counter he walked towards me. He kissed me ever so tenderly. He spoke with an strong, direct voice and said....for Christmas left me have a night with you. Fuck my ever loving soul. His words melted my heart. All I did was nod and whispered....”Fred, you hurt me so many years ago....it took me years to process, reason in my mind why, what did I do to you to make you be so mean,”as I continued talking he kissed me. He started undressing me in his family room. He took to his knees and swallowed my cock. Just like riding a bike....he stood up. Took my by the hand and guided me to his bathroom. I guess a new kitchen remodel included a new bath as well. He drew my bath. Told me to yell if I needed anything. He left me in the tub with my naked body in a luxurious bath......when he returned he had candles, the bottle of scotch and he knelt beside the tub and washed me. He was so gentle. I had not seen his fat, thick cock since 1974. What a beautiful dick. He stood to my side and let me nurse and tease the head as he washed my back. He got in the tub with me. I sat in front of his chest and leaned back against his warm body. After our bath we were just enjoying the moment. We ended up on his king size bed. He kissed me, held me nice and tight. Without saying a word he rolled me over and started rubbing his strong hangs over my ass. He destroyed me when he explored my clean hole with his tongue. I’ll admit it felt amazing. However, the last time he was rimming and fingering my hole he was way too aggressive and tore my hole as he fucked me. That brief moment of reflecting on that memory....I stopped and sat up in the bed. He didn’t say a word at first but as I started crying he tried to hold me. I put a pillow in front of me and just needed something between us. It’s not like 14 years between us wasn’t enough. He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed his boxers. He pulled up his underwear. I grabbed his arm and said...stay. I need answers. Once the conversation started it was a much needed pieces to an unsolved puzzle. Fred admitted he was jealous of me fucking one of his employees years ago. Hell, I had no clue. I played around with many guys when I first discovered I liked dick. He was so detailed....wanted me to move in with him. Go to UT and commute to school, etc....however, as a family friend, close with my parents and me being so young he knew everyone would talk. Pushing me away was one thing...but hurting me was another.

The remainder Of the evening we talked, watch a movie on his VCR and yes I woke up beside him Christmas morning. We went to my sisters house for an afternoon meal. After watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts I knew I needed to get on the road soon. I went to my home place to pack my bag. I looked at a few things and on the nightstand I picked up my daddy’s bible. He had fixed four envelopes for the kids for Christmas. I still have that fifty dollar bill to this day.

Over the years I remained in contact with Fred. Christmas is a time of reflection. There is something indeed very magical about this time of year.