Alcuin of York - The Epic Verses

Pieced together from fragments found in several venerable scriptoria.

Alcuin of York

Popped his cork

When accused by a dork

Of being a twit!

He rose in a snit,

Decided to quit,

And took off his hood

Opining, “I should

Knock off his block

And cut off his cock.”

“I beseech and beg

To take but one egg.

‘Twill lessen his sauce

By quite a lot, boss.”

“My acolyte’s wise

To openly advise

A settlement fair

In bright open air.

I’ll play on the twit

With devilish wit,

Trick him a bit,

Then smack his butt,

Grab a nut,

And make my cut.”

Thus Alcuin of York

Seized the dork,

Sliced like a stork,

And held up a ball.

‘Twas nothing at all.

“‘T'is one for the pot,

In chicken broth hot

Coriander and mace.

Let us say grace!”

A rich consommé,

Discourses so gay.

“Who gets the nut?

Someone signaled, but

One friend demanded his cut.

A melee ensued.

But a rude, crude dude

Kept watch on the feud.

Hand into tureen,

Unnoticed, unseen,

Surely uncouth

Into his mouth, forsooth!

“Not that of a youth

Yet soft to the tooth,

I like it a lot.

It sure hits the spot.”

He rolled it around

And tongued it with sound

Of slurping and slobber

Until

Another did clobber

Said jerk in the head.

The nut flew to nearby French bread.

His friend dove down for it

Someone said “Oh shit,

He'll scarf it all down

And laugh like a clown”

But you-know-who was back, ready,

And with hand very steady

Popped the friend on the nape

Causing that large mouth to gape.

The nut popped out free

But it was most certainly

Not as pristine as clover

What with tooth marks all over.

The wily old monk

Gay as a goose

Flew into a funk

And let his belt loose.

Excited as Hell

And hot as well,

He worked up a sweat

Beating his meat.

The acolyte’s ass

Would be a treat

And might surpass

Its previous feat

Of taking the monk’s pinches

And his multiple inches.

There were screams so edgy

All knew ’twas no wedgy

But a grand penetration

For the boy’s education.

In matters of flesh

He was so darlingly fresh

That repeats were called for

Which is why he was balled for

Hour by hour in Alcuin’s tower.

Rapt by the monk’s power,

The acolyte wished

For a rose-petal bower

In which to be fucked

’Til thoroughly squished.

He bucked and he bucked

And sucked Alcuin’s mouth

From North to deep South.

Took lunge after plunge

Emitting some grunge.

Midst attar and kisses

Tongue deep and near misses,

He had expectations

And many elations

Ere Alcuin finished

Somewhat diminished.

Back to his scrolls

After rolls in the hay,

He faced each new day

And pondered lost souls.

How could they be

So effortfully

Ashamed to screw

The waiting crew

Of teen boy butts

And pre-teens, too?

The Abbey was full

Of pricklets to pull

And tight holes to plunder,

To render asunder

Whilst teaching each one

Its role in the sun.

At night as well

After lights-out bell

To learn how to spoon
In the light of the Moon.

Recalling the ball

That started it all,

Our monk and new punk,

Who was quite a cute hunk,

Twiddled and diddled

Each other’s junk.

Visons of nuts

And bountiful butts

Eclipsed the night sky

Up there so high.

There was sex to be had

Which made both so glad

Their fecund minds fiddled

Forth tunes of sweet twinks

And in a few winks

Bounced both from their bunk.

In quietest manner

They made not a clunk.

Stole under the banner

O’er the door of the dorm

Where lay sleeping bods

Of glabrous form

To sample the cods

Of darlingest boys.

With candles in hand

They took out their toys

And made their demand

’Neath blanket and sheet

’Pon crotches in heat.

The boys were delighted

Not the least bit affrighted

For they were used

To being abused

By abbots and clerics

With big firm derricks.

“Oh good and rooty-tooty,”

Exclaimed a great beauty,

“I bet you crave my very tight booty.”

Said Alcuin of York

Hot as roast pork,

“First give me a feel

So I’ll sense your appeal,”

“Hast thou a coin

To feel my loin?

I’m in good health

Yet need to build wealth.”

“I expected a perk,

You mercenary jerk!

I’ll pass my while

Across the aisle.”

The boy did sniggle

Gave his finger a wiggle,

“Be on full alert,

That one’s common as dirt.

Sure, he’s free.

He’s got to be.

Go on your spree

Tee-hee. Tee-hee.”

“What do you mean

By so mincing a mien?”

“Look yonder

And ponder

His grin

And his sin.

That delicate fox

Has got the pox.”

Alcuin twisted and turned

And quickly spurned

The vulpine allure

So surely impure.

“Looking better, am I?

That one’s a dank sty.

You know to say no

That he’s a no-go.”

The boy had his guile

Which drew the monk’s bile

But did not restrain

His desire to obtain

The use of his ass

For more than a pass.

From his bag, Alcuin drew

A shiny new coin

For the right to enjoin

Himself and the shrew.

Held it aloft

And went … soft

At the bold brat’s sneer.

“For you, it’s now two,”

He said with a leer,

“Lest your balls turn blue

And bubble like beer.

Cleave unto me

So you will see

How Heaven’s as near

As my gorgeous rear.”

A tug at his sleeve

From his pal did peeve

Yet Alcuin did listen

His eyes all a-glisten.

“My friend here needs

To strew his seeds.

So how ’bout a two-fer

If I throw in a roofer?”

“It’s roofie, you goose!

Your brain’s coming loose.

Your soul needs saving,

Your morals repaving.

A man of the cloth

Ought not to be sloth

In paying for skill

Which matters still.

So I’ll make you a deal.

He can cop a feel

But more will cost you

More than a sou.

So ante up three

New coins to have me

And another …

For your brother.”

“That’s pure inflation!

It spoils my elation,

You heartless beast.

My hungry cock

Wants to gorge and feast

In your rectum’s warm sock.

If you give me a break

I’ll get you a steak.

So shall we settle?”

They did in fine fettle.

ENVOI:

Thus endeth this tale

Of a body for sale.

Its message is clear

So have no fear.

Crack not a nut

Nor that of another

To obtain a good butt.

Why bother?

Here's a simmery-hot prose story peopled by a count and his countess, an order of monks and their Abbot, and an order of nuns and their Abbess. May you enjoy it, too! Your consideration below means a lot to me.