Adages

PREFACE: From the brains of my characters and correspondents there sprang these cheeky 60+ one-liners which I’m calling by the name you see below. Grains of truth lie behind their humorous facades. If you want to sniff out the origins of such thoughts – YEAH! – read my literary follies here. 

If you don’t ask him, someone else will.

Absence makes the heart grow fungus.

The only person you can control is you, unless he’s your willing sub.

A hard man is good to find.

Experience is easy. Love is the hard part. Think of your dick.

Every day brings new choices on grindr & adam4 adam.

If you want a mouthful of worms, get up with the birds.

A soft answer turns to mush if you don't throw it soon enough.

It is more blessèd to get than not to.

Before every gay man, there's a gay boy.

A good man pitches more tents in his pants than boy scouts at a jamboree.

The truth shall trap you like taxes or a case of clap.

Follow devious paths. They are the most fun.

A fool and his virginity are not soon parted.

To know thyself, know thy balls, thy cock, thy asshole.

Out of nothing, nothing can come. Cum comes through a cock.

Not quantity, but quality – except when a big dick is called for.

Make haste slowly if the ass is tight.

What hurts, instructs – ouch! Try that again with lube.

The square root of 18 is a felony.*

Three may keep a secret if two of them don’t know shit about it.

For a friend in need, open your mouth and drop your drawers.

Clean your finger, considering where it’s been.

Great modesty often hides a dinky dick.

If you would persuade, kiss lots of ass.

A bird in a butt is worth two in a hand – maybe.

Functioning genitals are a man’s best friends.

All good thingys should cum to all good ends.

All that glistens is not ky.

All work and no play makes jack a dull lay.

A bowl of beans by day will make you fart by night.

Don’t beg for it, just show your money.

Boys will be girls if you get to ’em young.

Brevity’s not for bloviators.

Count your inches before taking a plunge.

Judge a book by its cover and you’ll often save money.

East is east and west is west until you get there.

Every boy has his price. Just pay it.

Eat, drink, and be mary – for tomorrow you can joke about it.

Fine feathers make fine boas.

First cum, first out of service.

Give your boy an inch and he will want more.

A hard cock in a soft hole = happiness.

He who pays the trick, calls the play.

He who plays the trick gets fucked.

Hell hath no fury like a little queen scorned.

Home is where the hardon is.

Honesty is the best policy when people are watching.

Hope for the best but douche him first.

Keep your chin up like nefertiti and your neck will hurt.

Know which side your butt is on.

Look before you go down.

What goes down must come up.

Never give a sucker an even mouthful, unless he swallows.

Of all aberrations, chastity is strangest.

One man’s meat is another man’s feast.

Sex is emotion in motion.

Seek depth and ye shall find it if your cock’s the right length.

Spare the rod and disappoint the masochist.

Talk is cheap; sex costs a lot.

The customer is always right in a whore house.

There are two sides to every boy, both sexy.

Start when boys’ things are small. They fit hands & mouths so well.

The law may be watching, so watch out!

Those who live in glass houses should not have sex there.

Tomorrow is another day, but right now’s immediate.

Two’s company in a single bed. three’s a crowd.

When drive pre-empts caution, relax and take what’s dished out.

When sex is good, you’re sore for days.

When the going gets tough, use more lube.

As a lube, use neither strawberry preserves nor coarse-ground mustard.

Zesty lust beats dusty love.

* i feel like an 18 year old, but the problem is, when you feel like one there’s never one around. (groucho marx)

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