A Spark, To Pierce The Dark

A/N: It’s been more than a year since I last posted, but I hope you all enjoy this short story.

Something’s wrong with Nathan. He can feel it. An uncanny numbness has taken over him these past two years. He feels oddly detached from life, from his family, from his friends. That’s not to say he has completely shut himself off from his loved ones. Though he is now a sophomore, he talks to his parents over FaceTime at least twice a week. The conversations are nothing special: Nathan gives brief updates about his studies and college life, while his parents rambles about things back home, like how his little sister, Elena, always watches TikToks at the dinner table, or how his dad’s architecture firm just got commissioned to design the new city public library. While Nathan listens to their stories, jumping in with a few questions here and there, he feels like he doesn’t really care, like if mom, dad, and Elena all disappeared into another dimension the next day, he wouldn’t shed a tear. It is the same with his friends. Lately, he doesn’t really feel like talking to or hanging out with them. If someone mentions his name in a group chat, or if they happen to be discussing something particularly interesting or funny, he would join in, making some brief comments or sending a relevant meme. But otherwise, he wouldn’t do anything. He no longer leaves comments on Carly’s pictures with her girlfriend or replies to Abhinav’s hot takes on his “close friends” Instagram stories. For some reason, he’s just overcome with disinterest.

The first time he realized this phenomenon was when his parents dropped him off at the airport for his flight to university. They would have loved to help him move in, but his dad was busy finishing off the floorplan for a client’s mansion, and his mom had to look after Elena, who had a burning fever. As his teary-eyed mom hugged him, telling him how proud they were of him for getting into such a good school, Nathan found a weird block inside his mind. His mom’s embrace felt cold, even though she was tightly pressed against him. And when she told him that she loved him, he said “I love you too, Mom.” in return, but the words felt fake, like he was simply saying it because he knew he was supposed to. The same thing happened again in freshman year when Mona, who is still one of his closest friends at college to this day, got cheated on by her douchebag boyfriend. As Nathan hugged and comforted her, he was struck with that same feeling of numbness and detachment. He felt like he was reading from a script, like a student who did not properly prepare for his presentation and was clumsily regurgitating the words on his slides: “It’s gonna be okay, Mo,” “I know you’re feeling like shit and I fucking hate Xavier for this,” “I’m always here for you if you need to talk.” Did he really mean those words? Did he even feel sad that his friend was hurt?

At first Nathan thought it was depression. But he doesn’t feel particularly sad. He still feels motivated to do well in classes. He still hangs out with his friends when invited. He even has the energy to go to the gym twice a week. Then he thought he might be a sociopath. But he doesn’t think he’s an evil person in that way. He doesn’t manipulate people or lie to them, nor is he aggressive and reckless. Then what is it that is making him so disengaged from life? Nathan wants the answer, but he doesn’t really want to think about it. He reckons that doing so would be mentally taxing, and maybe he fears what he might find deep in the corners of his mind, so instead, he distracts himself with other things, going through the motions of life day after day.

“Alright everyone, we’re changing things up this time around,” Kelly, a senior with bubblegum-colored pigtails dressed in overalls, announces with a big smile. “Instead of having editors work on multiple articles, we will assign each editor to only one article. You will work directly with the writer and after revision, send the article to me and Spencer. We’ll read the paper one final time, make any suggestions ourselves, and then approve it for the journal. Are we all clear on that?”

Nathan nods in unison with the other students in the room. Freshman year, when he joined the editorial board of the undergraduate historical review, there weren’t many people - four, including him, to be exact. The university is known for its science and engineering departments, which means history majors like himself are harder to come by. But thanks to the heavy recruiting efforts of Kelly and Spencer, who are now Co-Editors-in-Chief, more editors have joined the team. They even got someone to design the journal cover, which will be so much better than the current text-on-image format.

“Cool, so it’s time to divide the work,” Spencer, who seems to be the opposite of Kelly with his serious and standoffish attitude, says. They received 10 submissions this year - which, according to Spencer, is the most they have ever got - but only six were accepted. There are a total of 7 editors, but Kelly will be working with Jorge, a seemingly shy freshman.

“Can I take the one about racial ideologies in Chinese nationalism?” Joy, an energetic sophomore who just switched from pre-med to history because she was “done pretending she wanted to be a doctor,” raises her hand.

“Alright, Joy for the Chinese nationalism piece, going once...going twice…and sold,” Kelly laughs. “Does anyone else want to call dibs on an article? Nathan?”

“Uh…I’m not sure,” Nathan avoids Kelly’s beaming smile and studies the list of articles and the authors, none of whom he recognizes. “You can just choose a random one for me.”

“Hmmm, how about,” Kelly pauses for a second, her eyes scanning her laptop screen, “the one about the global spread of haiku?”

“Uh…,” Nathan hesitates, “Sure. I can take that one.”

“Great, Nathan is set,” Kelly says, and Nathan stares at his laptop as Spencer writes his name on the Google Doc next to the article’s author. Keith Liu. Who the hell is Keith Liu?

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“Nathan?” a voice calls. Nathan raises his eyes from the laptop screen to find a guy looking at him.

A really cute guy, as Keith Liu turns out to be.

“Hey, you must be Keith,” Nathan says, his gaze fixed on Keith’s bright, charming eyes, which shine through his circular, thin-rimmed glasses. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Keith smiles as he sets his backpack down and takes a seat across from Nathan, dimples appearing on his plump cheeks. A patch of rough stubble lines his chin and part of his jaw, and Nathan gets the sudden urge to rub his fingers on it. Actually, Nathan wants to do more than that. He wants to trace his thumb on Keith’s pinkish lips, to run his hands through Keith’s wavy black hair, to feel Keith’s cheeks get hot under his touch.

“Thanks for meeting me here today,” Nathan says, feeling like a creepy loser for his lewd thoughts about a guy he just met. “Usually the editors don’t meet up with the writers but the Editors-in-Chief wanted to shake things up this year.’

“That’s cool. You picked a great spot, by the way,” Keith says, looking around the library, while Nathan takes the opportunity to steal some more glances. Keith is wearing the school hoodie, which means Nathan can’t really get a good look at Keith’s body. Nonetheless, he looks well-built, with wide shoulders and arms that fill out the hoodies’ sleeves.

“So, are you a history major?” Nathan asks.

“Nah,” Keith says, “I’m doing English.”

“Oh, cool,” Nathan replies, disappointed that he won’t get to see Keith in his history courses. “I’m asking since it’s a really good article. You must’ve gotten an A for it, right?”

“Aww, thanks man,” Keith smiles, and Nathan stares at those dimples again. “And yeah it did get me an A.”

“Nice. So I’ve already made some edits on concision and cohesion. There are a few parts where I think you could add some more examples as well. Can you send a revised version in about, let’s say, 2 weeks?”

“Oh…,” Keith says, hesitantly, his eyes widening, “Uh, sure. Totally.”

“Is something wrong? You can totally ask for more time and I’ll help you with research if you need and-”

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s-,” Keith scratches his head, “I just thought we would be doing, like, actual work together today.”

“Oh,” Nathan says, looking down at his laptop screen. They have been talking for less than 2 minutes. “Crap. Uh... I’m so sorry, this is the first time we- the editorial board, have done this and I wasn’t sure what to do and um,” Nathan swallows, “I really hope you didn’t have to clear your schedule or anything for this.”

“Oh, nah,” Keith smiles and waves Nathan’s concern away. “I don’t have any other classes today. Usually I just go jogging at this hour. Oh,” Keith’s eyes light up, “you wanna join me?”

“Now?” Nathan raises his brows.

“Yeah. I mean, I can stay and work on the paper but it’s kinda scary to when you’re sitting right there,” Keith says, “I mean, not that you’re scary. It’s just you’re, like, my editor, you know?”

“Uh…,” Nathan pauses for a second. Maybe he shouldn’t, he thinks. Maybe he should distance himself from Keith. After all, catching feelings for a straight guy would be disastrous. Well, he doesn’t know if Keith is straight or gay or bi or whatever, but it would be best to presume so. On the other hand, Nathan thinks about his current state of mind. It’s not like he can fall in love with anyone at this point, he reckons. Maybe he should just see this as a chance to get close and sweaty with a cute guy.

All these thoughts run through Nathan’s mind at a million miles per second, and finally, he says: “Yeah, sure. I’m down.”

“Great,” Keith smiles. “Which dorm are you?”’

“Duncan, why?”

“Damn, that’s literally the farthest from the park. So I’ll see you in... 20? At the park entrance?”

“Sure, sounds good!” Nathan says as they pack up and make their way out of the library.

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As Nathan changes into running shorts and a T-shirt in his dorm room, he thinks about love. Does he love his parents? Or his friends? He doesn’t know. He feels great when he hangs out with his friends. Is that love, or is that just him having fun in a moment? He wants to help his parents and Elena have a great life. Is that love, or is that him feeling the responsibility to give back? The more he thinks, the more he feels as if his heart is hollow, like its thick muscles have turned as light and lifeless as folds of paper, like its veins, once pumping full with blood, have gone empty and idle. What kind of human can’t tell if they love someone or not?

What will love - the romantic kind - be like, Nathan wonders as he leaves the room and starts walking to the park, which is right next to the east entrance of the university. Nathan has never been in love before. He’s known that he’s gay since 6th grade, when he realized that boys are cuter than girls. Ever since, he’s dreamed of being in a relationship - one that is passionate and dreamy like those in movies and novels - with another boy. He wants to feel himself melt as his boyfriend wraps him around his arms. He wants fireworks to shoot off inside his body when they kiss. He wants his entire body to get warm and tingling every time they get together. But that has never happened for Nathan, unfortunately, and with his state of detachment, Nathan thinks he might not be able to fall in love any time soon. But he imagines himself as Snow White or Aurora, sleeping soundly, waiting for his Prince to wake him up from this eternal state of numbness. And when the light that has burned off inside his heart gets switched on again, he may be able to love that guy - as well as his friends and family - back.

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“Damn, you’re wearing a T-shirt? In this weather?” Keith, who’s wearing running shorts but still with the same hoodie, asks.

“I’m from Maine, so,” Nathan responds with a slight smirk, “this is nothing.”

“Oh cool. I’m from California. Still trying to get used to it,” Keith says. “Shall we do some warm-ups first?”

“Sure,” Nathan says, as they start stretching and moving their legs. Nathan wishes Keith was wearing a T-shirt instead of a hoodie so he can check out his arms, but the sight of Keith’s calf and thigh muscles tightening with each movement works too. Keith’s calves, dusted with a light mat of curly, black hair, look solid and sinewy - Nathan observes as he stretches his own body, trying not to be too conspicuous.

“Alright, ready?” Keith says, raising his arms over his head with a big stretch, his hoodie rising up and revealing his lower abdomen. Nathan’s eyes dart towards the exposed skin and quickly move away.

“Yep, let’s go.”

They start making their way around the park at a leisurely pace. It’s a nice day, Nathan thinks, feeling the wind grazing against his skin. He has been to the park before, but he can’t recall when. He doesn’t remember the park being so full of life, lush trees and freshly trimmed grass lining every path as they jog through runners, dog-walkers, laughing children, and groups of mothers pushing their strollers.

“So, why history?” Keith asks. Nathan turns to his side and meets Keith’s bright eyes.

“Um, it’s sort of a nice mix between escapism and reality, I guess,” Nathan says. “So, on the one hand, I get to, kind of, immerse myself into a world that is so different from the one we live in, but on the other hand, these people and stories are real and I get to see how they build up the reality that we have now, if that makes sense.”

“Wow, that’s so cool, man,” Keith smiles, and Nathan wonders if his response sounded too rehearsed.

“So what about you? Why English?” Nathan asks.

“I like reading,” Keith shrugs. “That’s about it- well, I think it’s kind of like you with history. It’s part escapism, part reality.”

“Mmmm, I see,” Nathan says. “Do your parents like you majoring in the humanities?”

“Not really. They’d still rather I studied CS or pre-med or something, but I think they’ve given up on convincing me. What about yours?”

“They’re fine with it. They just hope I can find a job,” Nathan laughs.

“Yeah, us humanities majors are gonna have a rough time, huh?” Keith says, looking over and raising up an open palm. “Unemployment high-five.”

“What?”

“Come on, unemployment high-five,” Keith looks expectantly at Nathan, who finds himself unable to resist the boy’s charming eyes.

“Alright,” Nathan smiles and hits his palm against Keith’s, imagining sparks flying off as their hands bounce off each other.

“Nice,” Keith smiles, satisfied.

“Aren’t you scared, though? Of not finding a job?” Nathan asks.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, but,” Keith says, “if the trade off is doing something I don’t like from 9 to 5 for the rest of my life, then… like, the world is probably going to end soon because of some climate disaster right?”

“That’s a dim outlook on life.”

“Yeah but I mean, either way, life is short. I’d rather spend time doing shit I love and spend time with people I love and you know, all that cliché stuff,” Keith looks over and flashes a bright smile.

“Fair enough,” Nathan smiles back and ponders about love again as they continue jogging.

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The jogs have become a tradition. At first it was only that Tuesday, but then Keith asked Nathan to join him on Thursday, too. And then on Saturday, after meeting at the library to work on the article, they went jogging at the park again. Every time, Nathan learns something new about Keith, like the fact that he wants to be a writer for video games, or that he is addicted to Korean dramas on Netflix, or that he once broke his arm while trying to save his cat from a tree, only to have the cat get down scot-free on its own afterwards. Every time, Nathan wonders if he likes Keith. He enjoys Keith’s company, but does he like Keith as a friend or more than that? Where is the line between liking someone platonically versus romantically anyway? Nathan has tried to ask his friends for help: none of them were really helpful. Carly couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment she started liking Dominique, her girlfriend, and said she “just knew.” Abhinav, who is crushing “mad hard” on some girl named Grace, proclaimed he knew it when Grace defeated him at the Quiz Bowl’s in-house competition. And Mona, who was technically the most helpful, thinks that if you want to spend more and more time with somebody, you probably really like them. But does Nathan feel that way towards Keith? He’s not sure. He certainly hasn’t invited Keith to hang out other than their weekly jogs and editing session. Maybe he should do so for the sake of it? But shouldn’t he want to do that naturally?

If there is one thing Nathan does know for sure, though, it’s that he finds Keith very hot. Every time he has jerked off since they met, he’s been thinking of Keith. He imagines Keith’s warm body on top of him, their bare torsos grinding against each other. Keith would plant kisses down his chest and stomach, landing at the base of his cock, which Keith begins to suck. Keith would look up at him with those bright eyes, giving him a sexy smirk as his cock twitches under Keith’s tongue. Nathan wants to do the same to Keith, too. He wonders how big Keith’s cock is and whether he can take all of it. He hasn’t done anything with anybody, ever, but he reckons that he can make Keith feel good. He wants Keith to fuck him, to feel Keith’s cock break him in for the first time, the thought of which always makes him cum all over himself. If he had the chance, and if Keith was willing, Nathan would do all of it.

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Nathan feels drops of water hit his arm and looks up. It’s raining.

“Oh shit,” Keith says, “I knew we shouldn’t have done a second lap.”

It starts to pour as Nathan and Keith run towards campus, carefully avoiding puddles of water and other hurried park-goers. By the time they reach the doorstep of Keith’s dorm building, which is fortunately the nearest one to the park, they are both soaked. The rain is crashing down on the streets in white torrents, and Nathan trembles as a waft of cold air blows against his wet skin.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, man. I shouldn’t have suggested that second lap,” Keith says.

“No worries. It’s not like you were forcing me or any- Ahh, choo!”

“Woah, are you cold? Come on, we can go up to my room. I’ll lend you some of my clothes,” Keith says, his concerned eyes scanning Nathan’s flushed face.

“No, no, it’s fine. I can run to my dorm from here. If I’m strategic I can walk through some buildings. It’ll be fine,” Nathan says, sniffling.

“Nathan, your dorm is literally all the way across campus, and you’ll have to, like, go across the quad. I’m telling you, come up to my room and I’ll lend you some clothes.”

“But-,” Nathan says, but then it hits him that this is the opportunity he’s been coveting.

“But?”

“Uh… No, you’re right. It’s a bad idea.” Nathan smiles. “Guess I’m visiting your room.”

“Awesome,” Keith smiles back as he bounces onto the staircase. “Right this way, sir.”

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“Ugh, I hate you so much,” Nathan says as he takes his wet shoes and socks off. “How the fuck did you score a single?”

“I don’t know. I must have been a really good person in my past life,” Keith laughs, placing his misty glasses on the desk. Most single rooms are taken by juniors and seniors. Sophomores have to be really lucky to get one.

“And you have your own bathroom? What the-,” Nathan rushes to the door opposite the entrance and opens it to find a small room with a sink and a toilet.

“Yeah, the school really came through with this building. Still have to use the communal showers though. Anyways,” Keith walks to his wardrobe, “Let’s get ourselves some dry clothes.”

As Keith rummages through his shirts and hoodies, Nathan takes a look around the room. It’s neat - no half-worn clothes or half-eaten snacks lying around, no suspicious smells, the bed is even made with clean-looking sheets - but Keith isn’t much of a decorator. The white walls are left bare, the shelves above the table are stacked with novels and bundles of paper, and-

Nathan’s heart skips a beat as he notices, in the little mug on Keith’s table that he uses to keep his pens, a mini rainbow flag.

“Alright, I don’t have that many T-shirts around so would you rather wear a hoodie or-,” Keith says, turning around to find Nathan staring at his pen holder.

“Oh, that,” Keith snatches the flag and lets out a small laugh. “I guess I should tell you, uh, I’m gay,” he smiles and waves the tiny rainbow in his hand. Nathan is silent, stunned.

“Oh no, I see what’s going on,” Keith sighs, putting the flag back into the mug. “You must be thinking I set all this up. Like, I pushed you to do a second lap knowing it’s gonna rain and I convinced you to come up to my room and now you’re gonna have to change out of your clothes and, like, I know how it looks, but you gotta trust me Nathan, I would never-”

Nathan smashes his lips against Keith’s, his hands wrapped around Keith’s neck and twirling with his soaking wet hair. At first, it feels just like the storm outside, sudden and violent, Nathan’s lips crashing onto Keith’s like the torrents of water that crashed down on them earlier. But then Nathan feels Keith’s tension ease away as Keith starts to kiss him back, his lips lightly sucking on Nathan’s, as light and pleasant as a fine spring drizzle. When Nathan moves away, he finds Keith’s blushed face.

“I… uh…. What… What was that?” Keith asks, his voice trembling.

“I…,” Nathan considers his words before taking a deep breath and looking straight into Keith’s eyes. “Keith, would you like to have sex with me?”

“Huh?” Keith utters, his confused eyes searching Nathan’s face for an explanation.

“I think you’re really hot, OK?” Nathan sighs. “And I’m sorry for being so abrupt but… I want to have sex with you.”

Keith stays silent, but he doesn’t look as spooked as before. Inside his mind, Nathan prays that Keith agrees, mostly because he is really horny for Keith, but also because things would turn real awkward with the history journal work if Keith doesn’t. And so Nathan prays. Please. Please. Please.

“Um… I,” Keith smiles shyly, “want to have… sex… with you, too, but,“ he looks down, “I’ve never done anything with anyone before, like, ever.”

“Me neither, but,” Nathan says while secretly rejoicing, “we can try.”

“Alright, so,” Keith looks at Nathan expectantly, “what now?”

“We can get out of these wet clothes for starters,” Nathan says, realizing how much his clothes are clinging to his body. He takes the initiative to take off his shirt, feeling the cool air against his damp torso as the wet fabric strips away from his body. Then, in a swoosh, he slides his running shorts off, now standing before Keith in only his briefs, which are conspicuously bulging in the front.

“Damn, you look…,” Keith swallows, “really good.”

“Thanks, but,” Nathan smirks, “a better response would be to take off your clothes too.”

“Oh, right, let me-” Keith says, but before he can put his hands on the bottom of his hoodie, Nathan is standing right in front of him.

“I can help you with that,” Nathan grabs Keith’s hoodie and pulls upwards while Keith raises his arms. On seeing Keith’s bare torso, Nathan’s cock stirs. Meaty arms, toned pecs, but with a soft, slightly protruding stomach. Perfectly smooth, except for a trail of light black hair running down from his belly button.

“Yeah I’ve been trying to work on this belly but guess I just love food too much,” Keith laughs. “Hope you like it?”

“I fucking love it,” Nathan says, before crashing his lips onto Keith’s again. This time, Keith quickly eases into the kiss as their lips pull and tug on each other amidst hurried, needy breaths. As Nathan’s tongue begins its breach into Keith’s mouth, Nathan roams his hands all over Keith’s back, while Keith’s lace his fingers around Nathan’s neck. Their bodies move closer and closer, until they are pressed up tightly against each other, chest against chest, stomach against stomach, cock against cock. Nathan is impossibly hard, and he can tell Keith is the same.Nathan breaks away from the kiss and starts traveling down Keith’s body, placing a line of kisses on his neck, his chest, his stomach, just like he has always imagined. As Nathan’s knees finally touch the floor, his face is right in front of Keith’s crotch.

Nathan looks up at Keith, who’s staring down at him with a mixture of lust and disbelief.

“Can I…?” Nathan asks as his fingers trace the waistband of Keith’s shorts.

“Please,” Keith mutters.

Nathan sticks his fingers inside the waistband and slowly pulls down, revealing Keith’s baby blue boxer briefs. When the shorts drop to the ground, Keith carefully steps out and kicks them aside, as Nathan feasts his eyes on Keith’s bulge. He puts his hand on Keith’s cock, feeling the hardness under the thin fabric. Keith isn’t too big, which makes Nathan feel a bit relieved. He starts to squeeze and rub Keith’s cock, moving his fingers up and down the shaft, while his other hand can’t help but play with his own hardon.

“Mmm, Nathan…,” Keith lets out a small moan, and Nathan suddenly thinks about the realness of what is happening. He’s watched porn many, many times, and has heard countless models grunt and groan. But the knowledge that he’s pleasuring another guy, a real one in front of him, and making him moan for real, makes Nathan feel an unprecedented sense of satisfaction. He slides his fingers inside the fabric, his skin grazing Keith’s pubes, and pulls the boxer briefs down.

“Fuck,” Nathan exclaims as Keith’s cock comes into full view in front of him. A solid cut cock, pointing perfectly perpendicular to his torso. Nathan wraps his fingers around it, and is immediately struck by its warmth. He sticks his tongue out and licks the head.

“Ahhhh,” Keith moans, which urges Nathan to go further. Tentatively, he opens his mouth and begins to suck on Keith’s cock in earnest.

“Mmmm… fuck, Nathan, don’t stop,” Keith mumbles, inadvertently placing a hand on top of Nathan’s head, which Nathan takes as a sign of encouragement. He tries to engulf Keith’s entire shaft, feeling Keith’s head make its way to the back of his throat. For the first few attempts, he gags, coughing and slobbering all over Keith’s cock.

“Hey, you don’t have to-,” Keith tries to protest Nathan’s efforts, but his words immediately morph into whimpers as Nathan’s lips clamp down on his cock again. The process is weirdly satisfying for Nathan. As he expected, the taste is not the fun part - Keith’s cock just tastes like skin with a hint of musk. Rather, Nathan finds himself enjoying the firmness and heat of Keith’s shaft moving inside his mouth, the wetness of Keith’s cock as he continuously salivates onto it, the lewd sounds Keith makes when he twirls his tongue around the head. Gradually, he manages to take more and more of Keith’s cock, and finally, his mouth touches the base, Keith’s pubes tickling his face.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, wait!” Keith shouts, and at once, grabs Nathan’s hair and yanks him away.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” Nathan asks, subconsciously licking his lips. Keith’s cock glistens under the dim light of the dorm room.

“I…,” Keith says in between pants, “I was… close to cumming… that… felt really good.”

“U-um,” Nathan mumbles, “Th-thanks, I guess. Glad you liked it.”

“Can you get on the bed?” Keith says. “I want to… return the favor.”

“Oh, um, ok,” Nathan walks to the bed and sits on its edge. “Like this?”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Keith says as he kneels down. Nathan is overcome with a sudden sense of awe. His jerk-off fantasies are coming true.

“Everything OK?” Keith asks, looking up at Nathan, who breaks away from his thoughts.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah.”

“Uh, could you spread your legs a bit?” Keith smiles softly, and Nathan realizes the fault in his seating position.

“Oh, right, sorry,” Nathan says, opening his knees, giving Keith access to his crotch, where Nathan notices patches of precum have been seeping through his briefs.

“Nervous?” Keith grins, placing his hands on Nathan’s bulge, which makes him involuntarily moan.

“Y-yeah,” Nathan nods. “You?”

“Super. You have no idea,” Keith says. “But I wanna do this.”

Keith carefully removes Nathan’s briefs, and Nathan feels his cock spring up as it leaves the fabric, aiming right at Keith’s face. Keith takes Nathan’s cock in his hand and gives it a few strokes, which makes Nathan whimper in pleasure. He has jerked himself off many times before, but the feel of another person’s hand - Keith’s hand - pumping his shaft is different, amazingly so. It’s as if Keith’s fingertips are electric, exciting every veins and vessels inside him with every stroke. Then, while Keith still keeps one hand holding the base of his shaft, Nathan feels the head of his cock graze against Keith’s soft lips and enter his mouth.

“Mmmm, just like that,” Nathan says as Keith works on the head while his hand leisurely strokes the shaft. He hopes he was making Keith feel this good earlier, because this is fucking incredible, he thinks. He knew the head of his cock was sensitive, always paying extra attention to it when jerking off, but a blowjob is so much better. The way Keith coats it with a copious amount of saliva, the way Keith swivels his tongue around it just like he was doing to Keith earlier, the way Keith’s suction makes him feel hot and on edge.

“Fuck, keep going, Keith, you’re doing so fucking good,” Nathan says, his hands gripping the bed or else his back will brace and fall onto the bed in pleasure. Keith swipes his tongue from the base all the way to tip , wetting the length of Nathan’s shaft, and then takes half of Nathan’s cock into his mouth.

“Oh fuck!” Nathan groans, the warmth and wetness of Keith’s mouth enveloping more and more of his cock as Keith sucks his way down. Nathan looks down, relishing in the lewd sight of Keith bobbing his head back and forth on his cock. As if knowing he’s staring, Keith gazes up, Nathan’s hardness still nestled in his mouth, and meets Nathan’s eyes with a mischievous look. Then, he releases Nathan’s cock from his mouth.

“How was it?” Keith asks with a grin, showing off his sexy dimples again.

“Fucking awesome,” Nathan says. Their heavy breaths fill up the room, and after a while, Nathan cuts through the air as he speaks.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Keith’s eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why not?” Nathan smirks. “You wanna bottom or something?”

“No, no, no- well, I mean, not that I don’t, but,” Keith sighs, and then lets out a small laugh. “Damn, you’re not holding back today, huh?”

“What can I say?” Nathan crouches down and lightly bites Keith’s bottom lip, feeling Keith’s gaspy hot breath against his skin. “You’re turning me on real good.”

Keith giggles, nervously, before standing up and running to the bathroom. Nathan hears some drawers being opened before Keith emerges with a small bottle in his hand.

“I got lube,” Keith looks down, “N-no condoms, though.”

“That’s… fine. It’s the first time for both of us so there’s nothing to fear, right?”

“I- I guess you’re right,” Keith takes a deep breath. “So, how should we do this?”

“Uh, how about I,” Nathan lifts his legs onto the bed and lies down on his back. “And then you can put my legs up on your shoulders or something?”

“Yeah, that works.” Keith gets up on the bed and Nathan raises his legs, resting them on Keith’s shoulders. He thinks about how intimate this is, and how even more intimate it is going to get, and his body feels hot at the thought. Then he suddenly realizes that Keith has been gazing at him with a peculiar look in his eyes.

“What?” Nathan asks.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just,” Keith says. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Me neither,” Nathan replies. Silence hovers between them for a second.

“Anyways, should I, like, just put it in, or?” Keith asks.

Nathan can’t help but snicker. “Yeah, go for it- actually, I think maybe a finger or two might be nice. Just to loosen me up, or whatever.”

“Right, right, I should,” Keith puts a few pumps of lube onto his palm and rubs his fingers together, before Nathan feels an index finger right in front of his opening.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Nathan feels Keith’s finger enter him and immediately, his body tenses up. Nathan groans at the weird, new feeling of being pried open. He grits his teeth, but then he thinks that it would be better if he relaxed. And so he does, easing himself and the ring of muscle around his hole.

“You good?” Keith asks. Not even a third of his finger has made it inside Nathan.

“Yeah, yeah, keep going,” Nathan says, controlling his breathing. Keith pushes in further. Nathan feels a burning sensation in his sphincter, like the veins inside are all fired up, scrambling around to get used to the intrusion. But before he knew it, Keith’s index finger has made it all the way in.

“H-how does it feel?”

“It feels…,” Nathan gasps as the burning feeling begins to fade, a soothing feeling taking its place.

“... Nice. It feels nice. Keep going,” Nathan says, feeling his hole getting acquainted to, and enjoying, Keith’s finger.

“Alright,” Keith says, slowly pulling his finger out, before pushing back in. The motion continues, and Nathan senses the muscles inside him loosening. Sometimes, Keith would move his finger around, grazing against the walls of his hole, making Nathan tingle, pleasantly.

“Put another one in.”

“You sure?”

“Please, Keith,” Nathan says, his voice sounding more breathy and lewd than he expected. Another finger, Keith’s middle one, pries into Nathan’s hole, stretching it. The burning feeling suddenly returns, but it dissipates in seconds. Nathan feels his body getting hot, sweating collecting on his neck and chest. His cock is rock hard against his stomach as Keith’s fingers push in and out of him.

“Fuck, Keith, I…,” Nathan moans, and he hears the neediness in his voice. “Fuck me, please.”

Keith stops the motion, his fingers still resting inside Nathan. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I want you to fuck me, Keith,” Nathan says, looking at Keith, determinedly.

“OK,” Keith says. He takes the bottle of lube and squeezes out a copious amount. Nathan hears the wet sounds as Keith smudges the slick substance onto his cock and strokes it. Finally, Keith drops the bottle onto the bed and Nathan feels the head of Keith’s cock line up against his opening.

“H-here I go.”

Nathan nods before Keith pushes in, one hand grabbing his cock and another grabbing Nathan’s leg. As the head of Keith’s cock makes it pass the ring, he sees Keith’s eyes roll back in ecstasy.

“Oh shit, Nathan,” Keith moans, “You’re so… tight.” Even after two fingers has widened Nathan’s hole, he still feels himself constricting against Keith’s cock. At the same time, he wants more. He needs more.

“Keep going, don’t stop,” Nathan says.

Keith follows Nathan’s words and continues to push in, slowly. Nathan wonders what Keith is feeling right now. Does his cock feel cool because of the lube or warm because he’s inside him? Does the tightness of Nathan’s hole make the blood in Keith’s cock surge and make his hardness even harder? Does it feel amazing? Because Nathan sure feels so on his part. The sensation of being breached and filled, he has never imagined that it would be so nice, so full.

“OH FUCK,” Keith almost shouts as his cock enters Nathan in its entirety, and Nathan feels Keith’s bush pressed up against his ass. “Are you… are you good?” Keith asks, panting, while he looks at Nathan with the most lustful eyes Nathan has ever seen.

“Yeah, it’s,” Nathan swallows, “real good.”

“Can… Can I start… ?”

“Please. Fuck me, Keith.”

Keith nods, pulling his cock out, but letting it stop halfway before moving back in. Just like that, Keith begins to fuck Nathan with a regular, soft motion. Nathan is overcome with pleasure as Keith’s shaft continues to brush up against the walls of his hole, as Keith’s movement emits wet, squishy sounds, as the tip of Keith’s cock grazes against something inside Nathan that makes his brain go wild. Sometimes, when his eyes are not at the back of his head, Nathan would look up and find Keith’s gentle eyes fixed on him. Nathan wants to say something, but his words are caught in his throat as he lets out involuntary moans in response to Keith’s cock. He can hear Keith emitting the same sounds, their cries overflowing the dorm room. Suddenly Keith lets go of Nathan’s legs and lets them drop besides his hips, before leaning down and putting his face against Nathan’s.

“Keith…,” Nathan says, feeling Keith’s hot breath on his face.

Keith kisses Nathan, over and over again, his lips eagerly smooching and pulling on Nathan’s while his arms move to softly cup Nathan’s cheeks. The kiss tastes vaguely of rainwater and sweat. It’s tender and passionate, and Nathan lets his hands roam the breadth of Keith’s back. Nathan feels his cock rubbing against Keith’s soft belly, Keith’s every motion seeming to coax the cum out of him.

“Fuck, Nathan, I think I’m gonna…,” Keith lets go of Nathan’s lips and says, pantingly.

“Me- oh fuck,” Nathan grunts as Keith picks up the pace, “Me too.”

“Mmmmph, mmph,” Keith moans as his cock drills into Nathan at an ever increasing speed, his hips moving erratically with every push.

“Cum with me, Keith,” Nathan says, looking at Keith’s eyes, which are glazed over in lust. Nathan’s own cock feels like bursting as Keith shoves and shoves into his hole, pounding against the little magic button inside him.

“Fuck, I’m gonna, I’m cumming, Nathan, AHHHHHH,” Keith cries out, his eyes squeezed tight and his face scrunched up in pleasure, as Nathan feels Keith’s cock pusles and spurts inside him, his hole getting sticky with fresh, warm cum.

“Oh, fuck, me too, FUCKKKK,” Nathan almost screams as his cock involuntarily spasms and shoots, feeling his load coating his own stomach and chest. His eyes turn foggy and his mind blank, lost in the high of the sensation. After a while, Nathan feels Keith collapse onto him, the weight of his body and Nathan’s cum gluing them together.

.

.

.

When Nathan gets out of the bathroom, he finds Keith, with a new pair of underwear on, fitting his bed with new sheets.

“Hey,” Keith notices Nathan and smiles.

“Hey.”

“So I was thinking,” Keith says, his tone chipper, “maybe we can go take a hot shower and then go down to the dining hall to grab dinner together? If we’re lucky, the shower room will be empty and we can get into the same stall.”

Keith lets out a laugh, but Nathan doesn’t.

“Hey what’s wrong? You look… thoughtful,” Keith says as he struggles with a corner of the mattress.

“I… That wasn’t… like… we’re not… a thing…,” Nathan says, feeling more embarrassed and scattered than he wants to. “You know that, right?”

“Oh,” Keith says, letting go of the sheet, which springs back from the corner of the mattress into a wrinkled mess on the bed. “So that was, like, just a hookup?”

“Yeah, and don’t get me wrong, it was a great one. I had a really good time, but yeah, it was just a... physical thing.”

“I see,” Keith looks at the ground, defeatedly. Nathan sighs. He realizes that he does feel bad.

“Can it be more though?” Keith says, looking up, and Nathan finds that the shine in Keith’s eyes is suddenly back.

“What?”

“I like you, Nathan. I like you a lot. Like, a lot,” Keith says, beaming. “And while the sex was awesome, I’d love it if you would go out with me. Seriously.”

“I-,” Nathan opens his mouth, but he’s not sure what he wants to say. Silence takes over the space between them.

Before he knows it, Nathan feels tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Through his wet, blurry vision, he sees Keith rushing towards him. Then, he feels Keith’s fingers on his face, wiping the hot tears away, leaving a sticky feeling on his cheeks.

“You don’t even know me,” Nathan says, trying to fight back the tears.

“But I do. I do know you,” Keith says. “And even if I don’t, I want to get to know you. That’s what I want.” Nathan is sure Keith has the most gentle look in his eyes right now, but he can’t bring himself to see it.

“Something’s wrong with me, Keith,” Nathan looks down at the ground, where drops of his tears are collecting.

“Nothing’s wrong with you-”

“No,” Nathan shakes his head. “Something’s real fucked up inside me. It’s like I don’t-” Nathan says, his throat hurting, but he knows he can push the words out if he tries.

“You don’t what?”

“It’s like I don’t fucking feel anything. Like I don’t love anyone anymore,” Nathan wants to scream the words out. “Like I don’t really give a shit about my family, or my friends, or anyone or anymore.”

Keith is quiet for a second, but then Nathan feels Keith’s arms around him, his body being pulled into the warmth of Keith’s embrace, which makes Nathan wants to cry even more.

“There’s nothing’s wrong with you,” Keith says, his breath warm against Nathan’s ears.

“Yes there fucking is. What kind of person doesn’t know if they love others? What kind of person has to think about whether they feel for someone or not? And, and, and,” Nathan hears himself ranting, “I want a boyfriend so bad. I fucking want one, alright? I thought maybe if I fell in love with someone, I won’t feel so numb anymore. And now, you tell me you like me, and I fucking hate myself for not being able to say it back.”

“You don’t have to like me. It’s fine if you don’t.”

“But I want to!” Nathan chokes. “I want to go out with you, Keith. You’re so nice and caring and thoughtful and funny and hot and you’re fucking perfect. But I just don’t know if… I feel about you the way you feel about me.”

“Look at me.”

Keith pulls away from Nathan and cups his face again. Nathan blinks away the tears, which seem to be finally drying out, and looks at Keith’s eyes. It’s as if they are shining a ray of warm, pleasant light onto him.

“I’m gonna say this as many times as you need me to. There’s nothing wrong with you? OK? I think maybe you’re just… scared.”

“What?”

“I think that,” Keith says, and Nathan can see Keith mulling the words over in his head, “maybe somewhere along the line, you got so scared of losing the people you love, that you decided not to love anyone at all. Doesn’t mean you’re broken, though.”

Nathan lets out a frustrated scoff. “You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I got that from a book I read,” Keith says, grinning. Nathan can’t help but chuckle.

“Nice, I made you laugh,” Keith says with a satisfied smile. “Anyways, my point is, these things happen. Our minds get weird sometimes. But it’s not gonna stay like that forever, and I’m gonna prove that to you.”

“How?”

“I’m gonna make you fall in love with me.”

Keith’s words bounce across the room, against the walls, and ring inside Nathan’s mind.

Before Nathan starts to giggle non-stop.

“What? Too cheesy?” Keith asks.

“Yeah,” Nathan nods. The tears have stopped, but he feels like crying again from giggling.

“Well, in any case, just give me a chance. And give yourself a chance, OK?” Keith says, grabbing Nathan’s hands and holding them tightly.

“Aren’t you scared, though? That we’ll become toxic or something. Because a relationship where one person really likes the other person but the other one is a fucked up human who isn’t even sure he has emotions sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“OK, one, I recall you saying you do want to go out with me, and judging from what just happened, I’m sure you do have emotions. Two, trust me, I won’t let us get toxic, and I know you won’t either,” Keith says. “So what do you say?”

Nathan thinks for a moment, and then he says: “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yeah, let’s do it. Sweep me off my feet, Superman.”

“Awesome!” Keith squeezes their hands together, beaming like he’s the embodiment of the word “sunshine.”

“Ow, ow, ow,” Nathan says, trying to pull his fingers away.

“Oh, oops, sorry,” Keith lets go of Nathan’s hands with an apologetic smile.

“It’s cool,” Nathan smiles back. For the first time in a long time, he feels hopeful.

“You’re not gonna regret this, Nathan. I promise,” Keith says.

“And I’ll try my best not to disappoint you,” Nathan replies.

“You won’t disappoint me,” Keith says, before grabbing a towel off a command hook. “So, shower?”