Ask GayDemon: Ex Marks the Spot

Is it normal to be annoyed by somebody else’s exes? I get really pissed off when they hang out with us all the time. There’s so much history there that it’s hard for me to develop anything with the guy I like while his ex is around us all the time.
-Hexed by Exes

You're completely abnormal to have an emotional reaction to having someone's ex around all the time. You should have a completely cold, neutral response to the man that repeatedly had sex with the guy you're trying to date being mere feet away as you attempt to interact with suave virility. 

It is completely wrong to think that would in any way affect your seductive powers or chances of anything developing such as boyfriendness or husbandness or friendshipness.

Rather, you should thank these guys for keeping their exes around. Because maybe someday, you could become an ex too and know that wouldn't stop you from being able to hang out, and even fuck, the guy. Plus maybe you could meet and fall in love with one of the exes. It all sounds fantastic.

Now if the guys are actually keeping their exes around so they can berate them, show off how awesome you are to make them feel bad about themselves, then you should feel happy to be used as a prop. Because at least then you're being used.

The concept of being drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable is not one you need to worry about as you're clearly emotionally unavailable yourself in that your own emotions are not super available to you since you are wondering if it's normal to be annoyed at all this. Instead of just actually being annoyed.

Now if you can instead be aware that you're annoyed, and any or all of the other emotions you're feeling that may change over time, then you can also pause and understand that this is who you are and it's okay. You can choose to act on how you feel or not. But at least you know how you feel in the first place. You feel what you feel.

As for what he feels about his exes and what they feel about him, on some level being able to be friends with an ex is a good sign, and if you're all in some octopus-like overlapping friend of a friend of a friend group, then you're going to see each other. The question is if you go in for a goodnight kiss will the face or shoulder or ass of an ex physically get in the way. And what will you do?

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