I discovered that my boyfriend has been lying about his age. He told me he was 27, but he’s actually 35, and whilst he looks younger, I feel betrayed and I have developed trust issues. I have confronted him about it and he’s of the opinion age shouldn’t matter, but it’s the principle. What should I do?
-Boyfriend Can't Count
Your boyfriend is a liar and if you hadn't discovered his lie, he'd still be carrying it out. But you already know that. Did you know, though, that one lie equals a hundred?
Because he totally has to pretend not to remember certain songs (since he should be too young to). And to have certain 27 year old tastes, like all the beers or superballs or make your own mini-donut kits people market to 27 year olds, or whatever 27 is about (which I officially have no idea about).
He's also pretty much doing this lying thing backwards because it may made him even more attractive to you if he told you his real age and you thought how great he looks for that age. Possibly helping the comparison would be if you hang out with a lot of worn out, pre-aged, beef jerky-skinned 20somethings.
He took away your chance to determine if in your gut, him eight years old than he claimed was a factor for you. It's a completely separate issue, and a lame attempt at obfuscation, to turn it into some generic "age shouldn't matter" thing. One can have that general opinion but it doesn't mean you suddenly automatically go out with someone who is of whatever age different than you. For some, being 27 would be too young. Not enough life experience and all that.
So you don't "have trust issues" as if those are something to heal from. He's a liar. You're pissed. He's responding as if the reason it's now a problem is because you can't just get over it. And for that reason, that lack of empathy, that selfishness, and whatever reason he had originally to lie about his age (insecurity, meanness, incapable of intimacy), break up with him. Full on. And move on.
Honesty is a core value for you. And while he may bitch at you like you're judging him for being older, while you don't owe him any explanation, or further attempts at intimacy, you can rest assured that you are allowed to have your own preferences, including if that is for 27 year olds who tell the truth. And he is neither.
So reach out to your support system and keep up friendships, activities, exercise, all that self-care, all that vivaciousness (which can include crying, taking a break from dating, or whatever you need). Just take care of yourself and listen to your gut. You know what you need to do. You deserve better.
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