Writer’s Note:
Hey everyone, before you dive into this, I wanted to lay tell you something. What you are about to read is a completely true story. I have changed all names, locations, and identifying details have been changed to protect everyone's privacy.
This story is incredibly close to my heart. The text below is lifted directly from the personal digital diary of a close friend of mine, Zayn. To give you some context, Zayn grew up in a strict Muslim household. He was raised to keep himself pure, focused solely on his studies and his grades, which is why, even well into his twenties, he had never touched a drop of alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or even been kissed.
When he finally moved out and broke free from that mold, everything hit him all at once.
Because this is a real diary, the early entries might feel a bit chaotic, packed with a ton of information, and written a little weirdly as he scrambles to process his changing life. Bear with him. The writing and the flow get so much better as the story unfolds.
Zayn’s world is about to completely explode. You are going to see him experiment with drinking and smoking for the first time, dive headfirst into intense sexual encounters, and navigate the high-stakes tension of living with his roommate, Jeremy, while keeping his secret safe. There is so much that happened, and so much more that is about to happen.
Welcome to Zayn's journey. I hope you enjoy the ride.
8/13/2026 — 9:00 PM
So, I don’t even know how to begin writing this. I mean, I’ve written diary entries before, but nothing like this. I feel like I should document something important here, and for a person as insignificant and aimless as me, I have no idea where to start. Maybe I'll begin with my name. I'm Zayn Siddiqui.
Ah, just remembered. Okay, so I had this guy coming over today and I wanted to write about that. I found him on Grindr, we chatted, and he seemed nice enough. We exchanged Telegram handles and video-called. He has a really good voice, by the way. Looked sexy and had a voice that tingles me inside. So, after having a long discussion about what we are gonna be doing, he finally came over.
We had discussed that he would bring booze. He says he likes having sex with drinks and smokes. As you know, I’ve been thinking about trying alcohol. A few years back, I never thought I’d even consider having alcohol or smoking a cigarette. As a Muslim, drinking is a sin, so it never even crossed my mind to try. Even though everyone around me was drinking since our teenage days.... my friends, I mean. On any occasion, whether they were happy and wanted to celebrate, or sad and wanted to drown in alcohol, or just bored and looking to spice things up: booze. It seemed to work in every situation. Me, it was drilled into my being to not even think about it, even though I knew my brothers had actually tried it. I just never thought about trying it myself.
But after going through what I had to, I’m just tired of being the "good boy" who does nothing wrong. My whole life, I've been a geek solely focused on studies and good grades. Never dated anyone, never kissed a guy or a girl, not even in college. How sad is that?
There was a point when I thought I was incapable of having feelings for someone. I thought I might be asexual and aromantic... big words, I know, but I watched Heartstopper recently and learned some terminology about it there, though I think I knew about the spectrum beforehand. I'm a bit dumb when it comes to knowing what everyone else is doing. In some ways, when I think about it, I feel like I am Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, just not as smart as him. At least he had his smarts to compensate. I got nothing.
Anyway, one day I just decided I’m done being the good boy. I wasn't that religious anyways, so It wasn't the religion that was holding me back. I just let the water in and it was now ready to break the whole damn dam. I want to try everything for myself and decide what's for me, and that includes booze and smokes.
Time went on, and when I finally moved in with my best friend, Lucas, in Columbus, I worked up the courage to start hooking up. Lucas lived with a guy named Jeremy, a junior from our college days who was actually older than me. Lucas and Jeremy looked so much alike they could’ve passed for brothers, sharing the same build and habits, and somehow they ended up as roommates after graduation. Jeremy felt like a friend, too, since I’d already roomed with him during an internship, so I was completely comfortable around him. It was a crowded house, though: a two-bedroom apartment housing four of us, including Lucas’s cousin, Donny. Donny had the kind of look where he seemed paper-thin, like a strong gust of wind might just carry him away. He looked like an addict, and he used to drink and smoke a lot. Completely different from rest of us. Lucas used to indulge in booze and smokes once in a while, but I and Jeremy were virgins when it came to that.
Living with them for a while worked out perfectly because they all worked office jobs during the day, leaving the place entirely to me. That’s how I had my very first hookup, and it was incredible... honestly, I still think it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. After that, I completely threw myself into it. Older guys, younger guys, threesomes, group stuff: if I could find it, I was doing it. Any time I had the apartment to myself, I was hooking up. Back then I was mostly bottoming, only topping once in a while.
Eventually, the living situation started shifting. Lucas moved to a different city for work, and Jeremy followed a few months later. Lucas is my best friend, so the original plan was for me to pack up and move out to join him, but my exams were coming up and I was buried under freelancing projects, so I kept pushing the dates back. Right around that time, Lucas ended up landing a remote gig as a quality inspector traveling to manufacturing sites. Since he could work from anywhere, he decided to move back to our original city. By then, I had already locked in plans to move into a new apartment with Jeremy, who had just gotten a place for us based on our timeline.
Then in January 2026, I moved to Louisville. Here, I tried smoking during sex for the first time because a guy liked it; I just had a few puffs with him. And after that, I had a few puffs here and there. One guy used to inhale, keep the smoke in, and then suck my dick with the smoke still in his mouth. It was a bit weird, but trying new things, I liked it. I hooked up with many guys and had been thinking about drinking alcohol as well. Many times I thought about ordering online, as I am lazy as fuck and don't go out much either. I made plans a few times with a guy I know here from hookups... we became kinda friends... but all plan failed.
Then about ten days ago, I decided to actually buy a pack of cigarettes. I didn't even know the brand name or what to ask a shopkeeperfor when buying. So I had to use Google's AI mode in Chrome to figure out what to ask the shopkeeper for. I researched the brand names and finally bought a pack, and I smoked a cigarette on the roof that day, feeling like a teenager sneaking around.
Back to today: the guy brought a bottle of rum. We mixed it with some water... I still haven't quite figured out mixing drinks, but he prepped them. We had a few drinks, sharing a cigarette, and chatting, sitting comfortably. It tasted different, not bad, but not like I was hoping for. I casually drank it, like I usually drink cold drinks. And then we started kissing and making out. I was thinking about moving to bed when he said he couldn't hold it in anymore. He needed to pee.
He led me to the bathroom. We had talked about trying some kinkier stuff, so we walked into the bathroom in our underwear, stripping our clothes off. He likes it dark, so we turned off the lights, closed the door, and got naked. We started kissing, making out, and then he started peeing. He said he’d been holding his bladder for hours with all the drinking and couldn't hold it anymore, so we just rolled with it. He sprayed some on my groin and legs and then pushed me down onto my knees and started spraying his warm stream across my chest. Slowly, he raised his dick so it hit my chin, my mouth... some even went in my nose. I closed my eyes and he showered me, even getting my hair. I was drenched at that point. He kept going. I opened my mouth and he peed right inside. I wasn't gulping it down, just taking it in and out. Toward the end, he held his cock near my lips and I swallowed while he finished.
The warm feeling of his piss hitting my skin, my mouth, my face, was just turning me on even more. I was getting rock hard while he sprayed me with his piss. He leaned in to kiss me twice while still peeing. It wasn't the first time getting golden shower, had done few times before. Bit the mood and energy with him just hit different. The way he grabbed me and the intensity of each kiss jist hit different. He kept hitting me with his thick strean, getting slow and then picking up again.
He must have peed over two liters. I didn't even know a person could hold that much at once. I was literally soaked like I'd just stepped out of a shower. A literal golden shower. After that, I got up and we started kissing and making out again. I was rock hard. I don't know what it is about showers, but I usually get harder than I get anywhere else. So I bent him over, adjusting myself behind him. He was pretty slick. I fingered him for a few minutes using my spit as lube, then slid inside.
He’s taller than me, so even bent over, I had to stay on my tiptoes to fuck him properly. I am not big, just an average size, so most of the time I'm self conscious about my size. As God knows why, the guys I end up hooking up, even pure bottoms have bigger dicks than me. And I think that could be a reason why most of the time I shift into bottom mode. He had slightly bigger dick than me, curved a bit, thinner towards tip but root was nice and thick. A tall, handsome guy who was eager to take my dick. It gave me some needed confidence and slowly, I pulled him down to get a better angle. I started thrusting in and out of his ass. He wasn't that tight, but he gripped my cock well, so felt good. I could easily slid all the way out and ram back in. I live doing that and from the moans, I guess he was enjoying it too.
I fucked him for a while before we moved out to the bed. We landed on the mattress and started making out. He lay on his back, and I kissed him from his stomach up to his nipples, finally reaching his lips. He loved kissing me back... sloppy, saliva-heavy kisses. We got in 69 position, me on top him feeding him my dick while sucking on his. He pushed me down towards his ass, and after sucking for few minutes he pushed me down a bit to get to my hole. He began eating just after I started licking his ass. As I said before he was taller than me, so I couldn't quite reach to his hole. He lifted himself a bit up, holding his legs up towards my back while eating me out. And it gave me access to his hole. I started licking and shoving my dick in. I had already opened it when I fucked him in shower. I could easily fuck his ass with my tongue whole he switched between my dick and hole. I love getting rimmed so I got in mood.
I started licking him forcefully, and adding one finger in between. He started moaning loudly. And kept at it. It went on for a while. I was thinking about fucking him again when my dick suddenly went flaccid. I guess I got too excited, or all the ass play switched the bottom switch in me, or maybe it was the alcohol. I wasn't feeling buzzed or experiencing any effect I heard alcohol usually has, though. I was a bit disappointed as I wanted to feel his inside on my dick again. It had felt damn good. His soft stretchable cheeks had felt so good squeezing all while I stretched his hole. We continued making out, and I started to feel the my dick getting hard again. I was gearing up to try again, postioning myself between his legs, right when my phone rang.
I live with a roommate, Jeremy now, so I always have him call me when he's getting close to our apartment complex. There's a small market nearby, so I use that as an excuse to ask him to pick something up for the apartment, which buys me enough time to get whoever I'm hooking up with out the door. He doesn't know I hook up with guys; we don’t really talk about sex, but I assume he thinks I’m straight. I can't risk him having an issue with me being gay or bi... I'm still figuring it out myself... so I manage it this way. Since I work from home as a freelancer, I have the place to myself during the day. Whenever I'm in the mood, which is basically all the time, I hop on Grindr and find someone willing to meet up. Usually, it's fine, but since moving here, I've had four bottoms I genuinely enjoyed penetrating. Otherwise, I end up bottoming.
Anyway, Jeremy said he was coming soon, so we decided to shower and pick this up another day. Neither of us wanted to let go of each other. But we got in the shower together. I don't know what it is about the water, but I got hard instantly and wanted to go again, though he reminded me we were out of time. We just kept kissing under the spray, not wanting to stop even though we were on borrowed time. We hurried through the shower, dried off, and started getting dressed. But we kept pulling each other back for more kisses. I got into my shorts and he got dressed, but every time one of us tried to walk away, the other would pull them back. Pressing against the wall for more kisses. Even all the way out to the gate, we were still making out. It was so intense I wanted to strip him right there and shove my cock back in him. But he had to go.
I was in a trance and almost followed him out when he reminded me to put a shirt on. I grabbed a tee and walked him out. My flat is on the ground floor, right by the building entrance where he'd parked his bike. We wanted one more kiss. He squeezed his cock through his pants, looking at me while I stood there beside him, neither of us wanting it to end. Finally, he said goodbye and left.
The connection was magnetic and left us both craving more. I went back inside and collapsed on my bed, my mind racing over what we’d just done. Even interrupted, it was some of the most intense sex I’ve ever had, and I want more. My roommate showed up about an hour later... I might have cussed him out in my head a few times. I really wish he was open to guys or knew about me so I could just ask him to give us some space. More than once I had thought about hooking up with Jeremy; he is kinda hot and I just wish I knew he could be open to sex with guys, even blowjobs. That would make my life so easy if he was in on it. But alas, maybe in the future. Anyway, I texted the guy on Telegram, and we’re already planning to meet up soon to finish what we started.
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