Chapter 3: if this isnt love, what is?



I changed Jamar pamper and put him on my hip and walked downstairs. I placed him in his bassinet. I walked over to the dog bowl and put food in it for Chanel. Thats what I named her. She came wiggling over to me and she started eating. I smiled and was shocked. I havent smiled in a week. Dre has been gone and even though im made at him, i still love him and miss him. Its taken every bone in my body not to go next door , knock on it, and bust Carlos in his mouth. However, in the end it was Dre fault. I walked back over to the couch and sat down. Walé walked over and jumped on the couch and said, "bestfriend you want to go to the Mall?"

i coldy replied, "no i dont wanna go. Im fine." Walé sucked his teeth and snapped, "youve been in this house for a whole week. Dre is probably out there fucking hoes and shit. If you are realpy over him--"

I cut him off and snapped, "thats the fucking point. Im not over him. I love Dre , I love my thug. Having his child here, I reminded of him everyday. Playing with Chanel reminds me of him everyday. Its like , I need him. However, i cant believe he cheated on me. With a thot ass chico."

Walé rubbed my thigh and said, "baby thats whats happens when you fuck with a brother with no respect for who he dating. That thug was only wanting ass from you. He hurted you and it makes me mad i didnt bust him in the mouth."

I looked at my bestfriend and laughed. He said, "what?"

I replied, "im so stupid. How can i think i can change a man. If this isnt love, i dont know what it is."

Ja'Shon came downstairs in a towel with water dripping down his adonis of a body. He said, "Walé come here yo, ive been calling you for the last thirty minutes."

He looked over at me and stated, "you doing better bro?"

Yea, a little bit. I stated.

Walé stood up and whispered , "umm ill be back a little later. My guts need a little beating from Daddy."

I cracked up as they walked upstairs. I have came to the point where i am okay with My brother and Walé dating or whatever they are doing. Someone needs love. 



My back slammed into the mirror in the bathroom as Ja'Shon threw me on the bathroom counter. Our lips was seemed like they was attached. Our tongues danced around in eachothers mouth. Ja'Shon ripped off my shirt and joggers. He picked me up and lucky me, that i wasnt wearing , no underwear. We stepped into the shower and he whispered, "do you love me?"

I looked into his eyes and said, "yes I do Ja'Shon, you love me?"

yea i do, he replied. As he started kissing my neck and moving down my body licking and grabbing my ass. I then said, "can we go out on a date or something?"

The kisses slowed down and he looked up at me and said, "what?" He put me down on my feet and i looked up at him and rubbed his chest.

"baby all we do is show affection to eachother in this house. I mean dont get me wrong i love this dick and i love you. But if thats what im here for to fill in a void in your life--"

he rubbed my cheek and said, "baby boy calm down. I never been out with a gay boy before. What do we do?"

um, we go out like we was a normal couple. Thats what we are right? I asked.

Ja'Shon smirked and said, "hell yea we are. We can go out after this. Now bend that ass over."

he leaned me against the wall and went to fucking my ass. As he stroked in and out of me, i was moaning loud as hell. I was biting my bottom lip so hard trying to fight back my moans. His dick feels bigger everytime.

he snapped, "scream nigga. Dont hold it in."

aghhh, damn daddy. Fuck meee!! Awww shitt!! Unghhhh awww ohhh shittt .!! Damnn!! Ja'Shon i love daddy, i replied.

Yea, thats it baby boy. Scream my name! He snapped.


Moments Later, Ja'Shon nutted in my pussy causing me to curl my toes and i said, "damn daddy that was good."

we showered and got out. We went into our room and went to looking for clothes to wear. I looked back at him as he slid up some Green Briefs. I said, "so where are we going?"

well, since you said we are normal. We can go to the movies, eat, and a walk on the beach. But could you wear something boyish, not them tight ass jeans and shit. So people want think nothing, he said.

i was about to argue but i was finally getting a date with Him. Ive wanted this since he got out of the Hospital. So ill find something boyish to wear. I found a black and white jersey with the number 32 on it. I found some loose tru religion jeans. I breathed hard as I started to get dress.



I drove down the road on my way back to the house. Ive gave Ka'Shon a week, now its time for my baby to get me back. I miss his fine ass so much. I miss his lips, his love, and especially his food. Im sick of Mcdonalds. I really fucked this up, by fucking Carlos. I really did. Suddenly, my phone started ringing and it was Carlos. Fuck Me! I grabbed it off the charger and said, "WHAT?!?"

you sound mad baby boy, he said.

"aye dont  call me that yo. You lied. You said if i let you suck my dick you wouldnt tell my dude, but you did."

So fucking what? I want some dick right now, so come over, Carlos replied.

i laughed at him and said, "fuck you and get off my line."

i pressed the red phone amd kept on driving home. I had to get my baby back and now.


Carlos looked over at Brock and said, "he wont come over. How are we going to get him to work in your drug game."

Brock looked at Carlos and said, "maybe if you didn't go and tell Ka'shon that shit. It would have went good. Ive got business."

Brock got up, grabbed his shirt, and headed out and he seemed kind of mad for some reason. Maybe because he was sick of Carlos bullshit. He loved him and wanted to be with him forever, but all that cheating Carlos do is unacceptable. He came out for Carlos in Highschool and he was a thug. Lost all his friends and family for Carlos. He loved the drug game and needed someone to help him, but he wasnt going to be able to fuck the drug game and love it like a person. All he wanted was someone to care.

He walked out of the house and spotted Ka'shon sitting on his porch with Jamar. He looked over and decided to go speak. He walked across the lawn and said, "hey beautiful."

Ka'Shon looked at him and said, "hey Brock. Also, where is your man? I want to fuck him up."

Brock laughed and said, "i dont blame you. Where your dude?"

gone, we-we broke up. I dont play the cheating card, i snapped.

"well he was stupid for letting someone like you pass him by."

Vice Versa, you seem cool. Carlos shouldnt be cheating on you either, Ka'Shon replied.

"so whose kid?"




Suddenly, as I was answering Brock question, I seen Dre car pulling up. He hopped out the car and snapped, "oh so this is what you do k. , you fuck him?"

I jumped up and said, "aint nobody fucking him. Im not a Cheater like you. Why are you even here?"

Brock walked away and Dre replied, "i came to make up with you. I miss you baby. I miss us. Im sorry i fucked up. But im promise to never hurt you again."

I Bit my bottom lip and my heart was melting. I love this boy so much, however, i have to be strong.

"you dont miss me. You was fucking Carlos. You dont miss me."

i picked Jamar up out of his Playpen and walked into the house. Dre followed me. I would call Ja'Shon to come get him out, but Walé and Him Gone. Dre closed the door and said, "look Ka'Shon im sorry. I know action speak louder so imma show you."

i spinned around at him and snapped, "you don't understand. I gave you my all. I gave you love, I thought you had changed. How stupid was I? I stay up everynight crying myself to sleep, thinking about you. You are right actions speaks louder. So here's whats going to happen. You can move back in, but in another room. Walé moved into J. Room so you can move in there. Now we will try to work through this. No sex, no hugs, no smiles. Your child needs his father thatd the main reason. If i even so suspect you aren't changing you back on the bricks outside."

Dre got on his knees and said, "thanks baby. Im going to prove to you."

im not your baby. Im Ka'Shon and you are Deandre. Get it? got it? good, I snapped.

I cant believe i stood up to him. I feel like a man. He even got on his knees. I can tell he know he fucked up, but guess what? I am not that easily persuaded. He will have to prove himself to me. Ten Fold.




Ja'Shon and I sat at the top of the movie watching Taken 3. It was hell of people in here. I felt so uncomfortable already, dressing like this. I leaned back in the seat, a grabbed my soda and sipped some. I leaned over and said, "you want some popcorn Bae?"

Ja'Shon whispered, "Walé chill with that bae stuff, alright. And no."

are you serious, Ja'Shon? I asked.

as a damn heart attack, he replied.

I felt so hurt that he was acting like this. These people don't know his ass. I sat back and ate my popcorn and peace. After that he nudged me and i looked at him. He grabbed my arm and I felt a smile creep upon my face. He wants to hold my hand. Suddenly, i felt a hard dick. I rolled my eyes and snatched a way. This is all he thinks about. He leaned in and whispered, "its dark, give me some head."

No, this is a date, I replied.

"so head isnt happening?" He asked.

no. I sternly said.

he sat back as he pushed his penis back into his pants. He is so pissing me off right now, this was  a mistake. This thug clearly doesnt love me for me. He loves me for sex and im the closest thing to my late sister. As the movie ended, i got up and walked fast down the stairs and out of the movies. He was trailing behind me. We got to the car and he opened the doors. I got in. I put on my seatbelt and he said, "so baby you mad?"

i looked over at him and snapped, "dont call me that now. Remember? You are full of shit Ja'Shon. I asked you, did you love me? You lied. You love what i am to you."

Ja'Shon replied, "man whatever."

if that isnt true. Tell me right now you love me. Tell me now, i snapped.

Ja'Shon looked into my eyes and said, "I LOVE YOU!"

i leaned over and we stayed kissing. Suddenly, someone spotted us from the front window and said, "them gay boys kissing."

Ja'Shon stopped kissing me and hopped out the car and started snapping and trying to fight. i jumped out and said, "Lets go j. Now."

Ja'Shon listened and we left. The whole ride back and we was still not talking. He is ashamed. A tear fell from my eyes and I quickly wiped it. this thug is crazy but im crazy to be a bottom that loves him. I dont think we will make it as a couple, as fuckbuddies, as nothing.




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