I was kept out of the public eye for a few weeks following the incident at the Red Ribbon benefit. My father even managed to stay home every night for two straight weeks, keeping watch over my every move. Sometimes I would just sit for hours in the bathroom or the pool house just to be alone. But I knew that it wouldn't last. Sooner or later he would have to leave the house, leave me to my own devices.

Since I started being home schooled, there was a lot more free time in the day, so I finished more work than what would be expected of me in a normal school. By the time June arrived, I was ready to write my end of year exams. My tutors came over more frequently to make sure that I was sufficiently prepared for the exams and I began working into the nights, something I never usually did.

It was Sunday evening and I was sitting at my desk in my room looking over some poetry when someone walked into my room. I turned in my chair and saw my father in the doorway.

'Roger tells me you are writing your exams early,' he said from across the room.

'Yes,' I replied.

'When do you start?'


'What are you writing?'

'Language, Literature and Creative Writing,'

'Good,' he said and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

I looked at the time on my laptop: it was nine-thirty. I decided to give myself two more hours of Shakespeare before getting into bed.

'See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!

O that I were a glove upon that hand,

That I might touch that cheek!'

I looked at the words oddly. Why was it that all of the poems I did somehow always tragically applied to my life. I closed my book and put my head on the desk. My eyes closed and I remembered his hand upon my cheek.

It was the summer of 2002. We were both 12 years old, finished with school and enjoying a scorching afternoon at the beach. Adam's house was big, about the same size as mine, but instead of being in the jungle it was situated on the beachfront. So much so that one could walk off the patio and straight onto the private beach that belonged to Adam's family. The 'Adam's Family': I always teased him about that. We were lying side by side on a large blanket. I turned my head to look at him. We had grown up together, we had always gone to the same schools, been in the same class, and had the same friends. He ran a hand through his dark wet hair, which was normally a light blonde, to reveal his forehead which ran smoothly into a sharp slightly freckled nose, thin long lips and angular chin. He turned onto his stomach and rested his head on his crossed arms. His elbow touched my shoulder. He looked at me, looking at him and I blushed and looked up at the cloudless sky. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him smiling.

'Tris,' he said. He always used the shortened form of my name.

'Yes,' I said.

'Do you love me?' he asked matter-of-factly.

'Yes,' I hesitated, 'we are best friends aren't we? I think I'm supposed to love you.'

'No, I mean, do you Love me, Love me?' he asked again, making sure I understood the question.

I lay still, thinking about what he was saying but not answering his question. No one spoke for a few minutes. I felt fingers gently tracing the side of my ribcage.

'You still have your birthmark I see,' he said tracing its edge. I lifted myself up on my elbows to inspect the moderately large, light brown patch just above the margin of my ribcage.

'I don't think it's supposed to disappear,' I replied.

'Good. I like it,' he said before tickling my side. I grabbed his hand and we tousled, somewhat politely, for a few seconds before he relaxed and let me sit on top of him, my knees on either side of him. I had his wrists pegged to the blanket on either side of his head. I was breathing heavily but he looked calm. He watched me with his light green eyes, waiting to see what I'd do next. We weren't laughing anymore, not even smiling. The skin on my thighs stuck to his and water from my wet hair intermittently dripped onto his smooth chest. I bent down closer to his face until our lips touched. He tasted salty, like the ocean, and I pulled away after a second. I let go of his wrists and he folded his hands behind his head.

'So you love me?' he asked again.

'Yes,' I replied.


I looked around to make sure nobody had seen us, but the beach was deserted. I looked at him lying smugly beneath me and I felt his cock grow hard, pushing in between my ass cheeks. I stood up and walked over to the water's edge and waded slowly into the waves. I felt someone behind me and I knew it was Adam. He put his arms around my waist and with his chest pressed up against my back we walked deeper into the ocean. When the water had reached our chests, he turned me around to face him. He kissed me. At first it was gentle, then ever so slightly our mouths grew hungrier and our tongues touched. He tasted sweet. I kissed his neck and his collar bone. He kissed my forehead.

I opened my eyes and sat up again at my desk. I looked at the wet spot on the page in front of me and realised I had been crying. My clock said it was eleven but I closed my books anyway and went to shower. I had gone through this work already, it was merely revision and I could leave it till the morning. What was it about Adam that made me love him and hate him at the same time? What was the point of still thinking about it? He had broken my heart and left me to put the shards back together. The problem was that the pieces were disappearing one by one and it scared me to think that, in the end, I wouldn't have a whole heart to love with anymore.

During the following two weeks I wrote my exams in the mornings and afternoons and used the evenings to prepare for the exam the next day. All in all it seemed to go pretty well and there wasn't a paper that, while writing, I felt out of my depth. The perks of being the only student writing my finals half way through the year meant that not only were the papers specially put together but they were graded much faster.

The week after my exams coincided with the school holidays, which usually meant there would be a stack of envelopes on my dresser inviting me to a multitude of parties. And, to no surprise I awoke Saturday morning to find a mass of envelopes staring at me from my dresser. I retrieved them and started tossing those with names and addresses I had never heard of on to the floor. One of them was from the home schooling institution and I opened it lazily: six A's and three B's. That was good enough for me. I made a mental note to give it to Roger to give to my father. The last envelope in the stack was from Brian.

I remembered our last encounter. I could feel the fullness of his cock in my mouth and his fingers twisted tightly in my hair. I also remembered the way he had treated me as if I were a common man-whore. Lara would no doubt be attending his party. His had the reputation for being the biggest and rowdiest. I read he footnote, 'P.S. there will be NO adult supervision!' I think that last statement would seal the deal for any teenage party and I felt sorry for the other party planners.

That Saturday afternoon I went into town, bought a few new t-shirts and got my hair trimmed. It wasn't just Brian who had a reputation to uphold. Everyone's eye would be on me too, watching what I did, what I wore and what I said; I had to be on form at all times, always.

That evening I told Roger not to wait up for me since I would most probably stay the night, as this was the trend at most of these events, and left with my usual driver in an unusual car.

'Trev?' I called the driver through an installed intercom. The black screen separating the front and back compartments lowered and he eyed me in the rear-view mirror.

'Yes, sir?' he replied.

'Since when do we drive Aston Martins?'

'Your father got it yesterday. Don't you like it?'

'Do you like it?' I asked.

'I do,' he answered.

'Then I like it too,' I said.

We drove the rest of the way to Brian's house, which was on the beachfront, with the partition all the way down. We reached the security gates where a guard walked out of the control room and asked for my invitation. I showed it to him and he opened the gate for us. We drove down a steep driveway that levelled out into a large semi-circular driveway. Trev pulled up in front of the front door.

'What time should I pick you up, sir?' asked Trev.

'I have my cell phone, I'll call you when I'm ready. Only you must come pick me up, okay?'

'Okay. Enjoy the party sir.'

'Thanks Trev,' I said and got out of the car and waved it away.

I could already hear the music pumping away from inside the house. The door was slightly open and I went inside. The entrance opened up onto a landing that looked down over the lounge area with its wall of sliding doors that opened up into the garden. It was nine o' clock and already the party was in full swing with what was probably the majority of the guest already there. I greeted a few people that I recognised from my previous school and even a few that were in the same class as me. The loose fitting, low cut black t-shirt paired, khaki shorts that ended mid-thigh and shiny, black lace up ankle boots seemed to draw attention as I walked down the stairs.

I saw Lara at the bottom of the staircase and she ran up to meet me.

'Fashionably late as always, and don't worry I don't think anybody noticed you come in,' she said sarcastically. The alcohol was clearly having an effect on her, which meant I had some catching up to do.

'It's nice to see you to Lara,' I said, 'you're looking sexy as always. Just don't forget to use a condom when the time comes.'

She frowned at me but then started smiling and basically screamed in my ear, 'Let's get you a drink!'

We walked over to a table loaded with bottles of vodka, cane, beer, tequila and the variety of sodas and juices one usually used to mix up a drink.

'Let's do some shots,' shouted Lara over the loud music. She poured eight shots, four for each of us we downed them in quick succession.

'That's better,' I said.

'Tristan,' said a familiar voice from across the table, 'it's nice to see you here.'

'Oh Brian, I think you know how much I love a good party,' I said.

'Brian, I think you should pour Tristan one of your special drinks. Brian makes an awesome vodka lime drink,' she said looking at Brian and then at me. Brian raised his eyebrows at me.

'I think I'll pour my own drinks tonight,' I said staring at Brian.

'Do you think I'm going to spike your cup?' he asked amused.

'How can I tell that you won't?' I asked.

'You can't,' he said strictly.

'Fine, pour me a drink. But I'm watching you,' I said grinning.

By the time the clock struck midnight I had had four more of Brian's vodka and lime concoctions, had danced up a storm on the pool deck and had thrown up only once, something I was very proud of. Most of the other kids were queuing at the bathroom for a chance to puke. Many had already passed out on the sofas and even on the staircase. I decided to take a breather and went to sit at the edge of the garden where the grass met the beach. It wasn't until fifteen minutes later that I felt a hand on my shoulder and somebody had plonked themselves down beside me. It was Brian. Our arms brushed against one another but neither of us made an attempt to move away from one another. He was sweaty. We were both a bit sweaty.

'I've been looking all over for you,' he said a little drunk. We were both pretty drunk.

'And now you've found me. I couldn't hide from you it seems,' I said smiling.

'You are funny,' he said.

'And you are plastered,' I reciprocated.

We sat there for a while longer without saying anything.

'I'm sorry about what I said the night of the benefit,' he began, 'I was being a fucktard.'

'How do I know you're not just saying that to get into my pants?'

'You'll have to ask me,' he said. I turned to me and I felt his hand on my knee and then sneaking up just beyond the hemline of my shorts. His cool fingertips tickled the inside of my thighs.

'Do you want to fuck me?' I asked, leaning in closer to his ear.

'I want to fuck you,' he replied, his fingers finding my perineum inside my briefs. I leaned back slightly and he prodded at my asshole.

'Not here,' I said suddenly standing up.

Brian stood up to and took me by the hand back into the house, up the staircase, down another passage and led me into his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and pulled me against him. We tongued while stripping the clothes from our bodies and making our way to his large bed.

He opened a drawer next to his bed and took out a condom and some lube. In no time he had entered me and was fucking me like only a horny teenager could. The alcohol numbed the pain. I used my hand to bring myself to orgasm while he came in the condom.

We laid there, two sweaty naked bodies, him on top of me with my nose buried into the side of his neck. I licked his shoulder. It was salty, like the first time I had tasted Adam. I smiled to myself, closed my eyes and the heat of the world around me drowned me into slumber.

My eyes burst open as something painfully squeezed my right hand. Someone was holding on to it and I had blinked a couple of time to see who it was. I followed the hand to the arm and then to the face. It was Lara, lying beside me with her neck bent backwards and gasping sounds escaping her lips. I backed up a little to take in the full picture of what was happening. It was then that I saw she was naked from the waist down, legs spread open to reveal a dense patch of red fur and Brian kneeling between her legs. I saw his cock move slowly in and out of her. I could even see the condom and a thin ring of bright red blood at the base of his cock. I watched them fuck for a few minutes until Lara's grip on my hand loosened and the pain of losing her virginity had disappeared. I turned my head to face her and she looked at me. She smiled and kissed me lightly on the lips. Brian was watching us and as I propped myself up he moved forward and our lips met. We swapped saliva for a few minutes before we realised that Lara had started cumming and the kiss broke.

I stood up and realised that I was completely naked except for my boots, which I hadn't taken off prior to having sex with Brian. The cum that I had been covered in had long dried and I simply slipped my T-shirt, underwear and shorts back on. I left the bedroom without looking back at Brian and Lara and walked back toward the front door. I could see out beyond the patio to the beach and to the horizon from where I was standing. The sky was losing its deeper shades of blue as morning was being ushered in.

I exited the house through the front door and just as I was about to pull my cell phone from my pocket I recognised the Aston Martin in the driveway. I went up to the driver's side and knocked on the window. Trev, the driver, put down the newspaper he was reading down and got out of the car. He opened my door and I climbed in.

'Please tell me you weren't camped outside the house the whole night,' I said as we began driving back up the steep driveway.


'Then how did you know when I'd be finished?'

'Well, sir, I just knew,' said Trev, 'Oh and Roger said I should give this to you. He said you would like it.'

Trev handed me a brown paper bag. I opened it to find a freshly baked croissant inside.

'Thank you,' I said before consuming the delicious pastry.


Dane du Toit

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