Am I gay?

I filled him up two more times and he sucked my dick once and fucked me once. He seems to enjoy to suck more that to fuck. But he was good at both. After exhausting love making we laid on my bed and started talking. " so please explain something to me?" I asked." Why didn't you tried to connect with your brother again after your moms death?" He looked at me. " I called him a liar, even after Tony sucked my dick I didn't admit that he was right. And at the funeral,he was there with his girlfriend. I should have told him what Tony did to me. But how could I tell him why I didn't tell everyone else. Why it continued for almost 2 years." He started crying again. " and I didn't want him to know that I'm gay. Nobody knows except you. Not even those fagots because I declined sucking or fucking them. They thought i did it for the money". I held him in my arms and kissed him tenderly after he finished. Then he said. " I saw you jerking of on the bathroom door". " what?" I yelled surprisedl. " yeah I saw a shadow and I knew it was you. I called your name when I emptied my balls on the glass door. But when you walked away I thought you are one of them. Only wanna fuck my ass". I kissed him again. " I knew from the first glance at you I would fall in love. And then you moved in with me and I was running around with a hardon the whole day. I told Susan that I have to find your family because I knew that would happen. But now nobody and nothing can come between us".

His birthday came up and I asked him if he wanna invite somebody to the party. Sadly he shook his head. I invited Susan and she brought him an external burner for his computer. Since we were together he didn't went back to make quick money with those old fagots. So he was broke. I handed him a birthday card with 350 bucks. " don't spent it to fast" I said as he drove his tongue inside my moth as thank you. It has been only the three of us because Hans stayed with grandma and grandpa. " Chris, did you ever had a girlfriend or, feelings at least,for a girl?" Susan asked. Chris looked at her. " why do you asked that?" " because I could swear I saw your little Chris moving while I massaged your feet on Christmas". He flushed a little and answered. " no offense, it wasn't you Susan. I've get an erection if somebody plays with my feet. One of the old farts liked to suck on my toes and I came". I made a mental note to suck on his big toe the next time.

My phone rung. I picked it up and I was surprised to hear a well known voice. " hello V how are you?" he asked. " Sven thanks I'm fine how are you?" " V I got bad news. Sean is in jail. He slept with a16 year old boy and the parents pressed charges. He is sentenced to spend 6 years in prison for rape of a juvenile. It wasn't the first time. He was on parol for his first sexual crime". " oh my god that is terrible. How is he? And how are you? And your parents?" " we are doing great, just wanna let you know. He was asking for you the last time dad was there visiting him". He sounded sad. " Are you ever come back to California?" He asked. I didn't wanted to lie to him so I said " I don't know yet, you know I just started a new job and...." When I made that pause in my sentence he quickly said. " Was nice to hear your voice". " thanks same over here. C U ". I said but, he hung up before I could say more. That has been devastating news and I was down. I told Susan and Chris what I just heard. Susan looked sad but Chris looked scared. I took him in my arms. " it's ok he is the past and you are my future". But I didn't thought about Sean I still had Sven's face in front of my eyes.

That night I had a bad dream. I must have screamed in my nightmare because Chris woke up, behind me and embraced me with a hug. I was dreaming about Sean, that I really loved him once. And my thoughts went to Sven in the dream. They were fighting again. Sven showed up more often now, in my phantasies or while sex with myself. Chris whispered in my ears " are you ok?" " yes " I just said and turned around so he wouldn't see my tears,running down my cheeks.

Our relationship was great at the beginning. Almost every day we had sex, passionately sex. But after a few weeks he started sleeping in his room again. I heard him cry sometimes. He was not over his past yet. I asked him almost 100 times what bothered him. And every time he mentioned his brother leaving because of him.

The time run by to fast. It was mid August and i was begging him every day to call his brother. I really loved that kid but I know he can not life on,with his past. I begged and begged when Chris finally agreed to talk to his brother on the phone. I loved that kid with all my heart and I knew he was on the right track to catch up with Mike.

Chris talked to his brother for hours. When he hung up he faced me. " V, Mike want me to move in with him. He's living in Nuremberg now. he didn't know what that asshole did to me. He apologized to me. And he want me to live with him until I'm 18 and .... V I love you and I still want to be with you, but he's my brother and i want to get peace with the only family member i have. I will come back. Promise. "

I looked in his eyes and held his hand." Chris I love you too but I think you should do what your heart wants. Stay with your brother. Im always here for you". And I kissed him with passion. " I'll drive you. When you wanna go?" I asked. If its ok I want to go today". That was shocking but I kept it private. It was vacation time in Germany so the " autobahn" was crowded. I'm drove a VW Jetta back then. We both were silent the whole time. Since there is no speed limit on Germans freeways, I drove as fast as the traffic allowed. It took us about 1 and a half hour to reach Mike's house. When Chris was about to open the door I held him back. " Chris you are a good boy, sorry guy. Stay like you are. " he turned around and kissed me good by." And I thank you to show me how love could be".

I drove home with tears in my eyes.

That was the worst good by i ever had in my life. Except the funeral of my patents.

I kept my speed down, it was about 100 mph. All of a sudden a black Mercedes came with about 150 mpg out of nowhere. He speeded on my left side and tried to squeeze between me and the lane divider. I hit the brake and tried move out of the way but he was way to fast and hit me on my back left side. The impact was so powerful that my airbag deployed. I lost control and drifted to the right. The last thing I saw were the flashing headlights of the oncoming SUV thru the passenger window and the face of Sven.

Everything went black. I heard voices but I couldn't make out who spoke or what they were talking about. Somewhere in the distance I saw a bright white light. It came closer and I started to walk in that direction. It grew bigger and bigger and suddenly it exploded. It was pitch black. I heard Sven's voice somewhere in the darkness." I'm sorry you felt for the wrong Gold....guy". I couldn't see him so I called out his name. Then I saw a shadow coming closer. It was Ben and he held his wife in his arms. The picture blurred and I saw Sean sitting on my knees. " I'm the one who took your virginity. Blurry again. Out of a colorful swirl appeared Martin with his ridiculous beard. " don't be ashamed of yourself". He vanished in absolutely darkness. I heard Margot's voice"... Captain Ahab stood on the railing and the white whale ..." Again darkness but I could hear a peep..peep..peep and a women crying and the voice of a man. " the driver of the mercedes is in jail mow". And again I saw the bright light at the end of an long tunnel and the peep...peep I heard,changed to a steady peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Walking into the tunnel it flashed again and I saw Sven standing in his door. His handsome face and the bulge in his boxers. " you felt in love with the wrong Gold...guy". He said again. Blackness. I walked in darkness and finally I heard a peep...peep....peep again. I tried to open my eyes but the brightness did hurt my eyes so I closed them again. I could hear Margot talking to my aunty. " he is in a Coma now for almost 9 month and the doctors can not tell when, or worse, if he will come out of it. They revived him two times. Right on the scene and about 4 month ago when suddenly his heart beat went up high without an reason. He had internal bleeding and both his legs were broken after the crash. The bones are melted but he has to learn to walk again. The driver of the black mercedes were driving under the influence of drugs. He's jail now,for 15 year". On my other ear I heard a whisper." And I want you to be my best man Victor". It was Greg " you can bet on that" I said with a weak voice.." Mom,Margot he's back,he's talking " he screamed and started crying. Margot did so too and aunty also joined them. " come on stop weeping like kids" I said and opened my eyes. Margot collapsed on my chest and Greg squeezed m hand." You get married? " I asked " Monica I assume" Greg looked in my eye " nope it's Andrew" " you are gay too?" I asked surprised.

They all left except Greg. He still were sitting on my left side. " V I know that you are gay,since the first time you came to visit us. Jesus knows Sean. He and Sean have the same bad habits. And how great are the odds, that the german love he was talking about and you,looking for a Sean, are not one and the same person. And when you came and picked up your stuff I saw the way you looked, when you talked about him. The first time is pretty intense ?" I looked at him. " But you felt for that looser". I nodded and sobbed loud.

He changed the subject " you have to be in Las Vegas on the 11 of December. That is the date of my wedding. You got a hotel room at the Bellagio. It's a two bed room so if you wanna bring somebody." it was a great gesture but Chris wouldn't be here to come with me.i don't even know if he knows that i had been in a coma for 9 month. Nobody's heard or saw him again. " And your sure you want me to be your best men?" I asked still under tears. " of course you were my first choice". I was so proud.

It almost took me 6 month to learn to walk again and to build up muscle in my legs and arms,but I made it. After a total of almost 1 year,i finally could leave the hospital.

My company assured me that I can come back after my physic therapy if I wanted. I missed a lot of school so I had to add another year to get my degree. This school year was over for me. I missed to much to catch up. After therapy sessions every day I had to go to rehab also every day. It turned out that one of my therapists were gay. After a massage he performed on me I had a pretty hard boner. He wasn't surprised at all. " you wouldn't believe how many boner I had seen. Even famous soccer player get them. And not only gay ones You know what I mean". He was cute,still a little bid feminine. Like Christian. After the 4th or 5th time he helped me to a happy ending and I enjoyed it. Better, than to fuck your own fist. Right. He also wrote the doctor a note that he would recommend to continue the sessions in a environment closer to my home or my home all along. The doctor agreed and Sid , that was the therapists name,came to my apartment twice a week. First happy endings, later blow jobs and finally, when my sessions were close to end he wanted me to fuck his little butt. I didn't had an ass since Chris. I really wanted to fuck his ass but I couldn't. He wasn't upset. Our last session ended in the 69 position. His dick was about 7 inch long. Circumsized. I enjoyed sucking on a dick , like I had in the past. I deep throated him and he moaned. He couldn't hold it for long and emptied his sperm inside my throat and i swallowed every drop. It felt amazing when I shot my load all over his face. He licked what he could reach with his tongue and I joined in. At the end of the hour he kissed me and asked if he could come back even without a doctors order. . Of course he could so I didn't have to jerk of on my own.

None of my exes showed up. Ben was in Frankfurt, Sean in jail and Martin still in Spain. Only Susan showed up on a regular basis.

Without going to school it was so boring and after my recovery I asked the iduna insurance if I could come to work in the morning. They agreed and I was glad that I had something to do. I also found an online class to catch up with my degree.

Finally December arrived and I was glad to fly out to LA.