Am I gay?

It was Christmas again and I was alone again. Déjà fu. I spend one day with Susan, not in her house, instead we went for dinner and coffee. With little Hans. She told me under tears that the little rat mr Dressel decided to spend the holidays with his wife. Susan was crying and crying all day. She moved back to the pool house with her parents witch by the way where very proud grand parents. I'm not the person who tells " told you so" even I should. I held her in my arms almost the entire day. I felt pity for her. Holding her so close woke something in me that I didn't felt for a women in a long time. But as a gentlemen I wouldn't take advantage, of a situation like this. I drove her home with a boner. Can you believe that I had a boner for a women. When I finally reached my apartment I jerked of thinking only of Susan. I missed her skin, her hair and last but not least her bubble ass. No Sean nor Martin had shown up in my fantasies. My climax was great and my cum flew up to my hair. Wow maybe I wasn't gay at all I had to find out.

New year eve came, and I invited her to spend the night in my apartment. With Hans I told her. But the grandparents insisted to take care of Hans that night so she could have fun. And we had fun that night. After a glass of white wine we started talking about what we would change, the up coming year. " I promised my self to go back to school and make my degree in nursing. " she said. " I don't wanna fall in love again with a guy " I said. Susan looked at me sad. " why?" She only asked. " because I did it twice and both times it almost broke my heart. And look at me. Like you said before I'm not out of the closet yet. And to be honest you gave me a boner the last time I saw you. But with all your sorrows I didn't want it to make it even more complicated." She looked in my eyes " and now, do you have a boner now". I didn't had one and I told her so. " Maybe I can help out a little" she said and put her hand on my crotch. Within minutes my little buddy was hard as a rock. " and maybe that will help you too. " she unzipped my pants and pulled them down to my knees. Her warm mouth engulfed my dick and I felt a moan coming out of my mouth. I enjoyed that a lot. I told her to stop or I would cum way to early. I changed position and lifted up her dress and pulled down her slip. Her wet pussy tasted a bid salty but delicious. I played on her clitoris with my tongue. And suddenly it hit me. That 7 foot guy I saw on Martins birthday was the guy in the porn, the one blown by the black guy, eating out the girl sitting on him. Thinking of that guy and the porn made me cum like crazy. We both had our climax at the same time. I moaned and she screamed. After a few minutes of heavy breathing she said " maybe you are not gay at all. That was just like old days. Don't you agree?" " maybe not" I said back but in my head were those thoughts about that 7 foot guy and the black guy blowing that man. After midnight I I wanted to drive my stick into her ass but there was no stick. She tried everything. BJ hand and even ass rimming wouldn't wake him up. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I had to find out later on. " maybe not " Susan said and we both laughed. She wasn't upset. We talked a lot that first night in the new year. At about 7 am she wanted to go home. " are we both good? " I asked. " of course, I had a great night. " she said back and kissed me. " V I love you and I don't care if you are gay, bi or just curios. I know for sure you are not straight anymore. I hope you will find someone who will fill up your life. Sooner or later every pot finds its lid. You will find true love and or your soul mate. And it doesn't matter what gender that will be." I kissed her back " thanks Susan, not only for tonight. No thank you for being a friend. Everyone should have a friend like you."

I drove her home. Her mom was outside with Hans in the arms. I saw in Susan's eyes that she found her true love already.

Back home i put in the Sean's DVD and as soon as my favorite scene was on my dick stated rising. Proof enough? I told myself. Yes I recognized the guy.

For Christmas I bought myself a little gift. It was one vibrator, but a bigger one Martin used on my ass. Wow what a feeling. I slowly jerked my hardon and rimed my ass with the toy. When I entered my hole, it felt great. Only a few minutes went by and I shot my load. Most of it on my hand so I could lick it of. I thought to myself : you don't need a sex partner you got everything you need.

I couldn't sleep during the day and out of boringness I turned on the com and checked my e- mails and my account in gay Romeo. I had a lot of requests but right now I didn't wanted to read them. I also had one private chat request. It only said : V I love you. I clicked on the users profile but it turned out that the account had been delayed by the user. So there where no chance to find out who that was.

Over the next two month I only satisfied myself. It wasn't every night but sometimes it was three times a day. The last thing I heard from Martin was a postcard he send me from Berlin. So that sucker was in Germany without telling me. What the fuck.

I think to much masturbation makes you moody. I was not myself those few weeks. And it went from bad to worse. I fucked myself with the dildo so hard that I was bleeding out of my as, not only once. But the worst thing was that I tried to fuck Susan a second time. We were out for dinner and after that she invited me in her pool house. After a bottle of wine and a lot of kissing and petting I made a move and pulled down her bra and slips. I liked to eat her out,so I started with that. But my little victor didn't wanted what I wanted. Full of frustration and a bid ashamed I started a fight. " it's all your fault in the first place. If you didn't wanted that threesome back then nothing would had happened. I would be still your Boyfriend. I wouldn't be gay and....." I stopped because I saw I hit a nerve on Susan. She looked at me with tears in her eyes" did I tell you to fall in love with the first guy who fucks you. Was I the one who forced you to go to Los Angeles and fuck around with the first man you can find?" She yelled. " oh that comes out of a bitch who fucks with the teacher. And look at you right now. You got a child and that motherfucker lives with his wife ha". I countered back. Susan stopped crying and with wide open eyes she only whispered " get out, get the fuck out of here and don't come back. You better find yourself a fuck. Out". I was so pissed at her, but seeing her crying was to much. I apologized to her but she only shock her head " get out " she screamed at me.

Home alone I thought about what I had done. She is the only person who stays to me no matter what. I loved her even I couldn't fuck her. I tried to call her but only her voice mail came up. I explained why I was searching for a fight and that I was deeply sorry for what I had said I hung up and started crying. I had to change something and I exactly know what I had to do.

I surfed the internet for ' anonymous sex for gay' and there showed up a blog about exactly that. The guys where talking about sex cinemas, adult bookstores and glory holes. I heard about glory holes before but never had the nerve to visit one. So I checked out my home town for glory holes. I found three. One was at the train station, the other one an public toilet and the third one a public pool bathroom. I tried the train station first but that place was dirty and smelly. No I thought you are not that desperate. The second one was more like cabins with the dividing wall not all the way to the floor. Not for me I thought I don't wanna lay or knee on the floor with other people's pee. I skipped the third one and went back to my apartment. I widened my search area and found a truck stop restroom near by, on the autobahn. I drove the 10miles and found what I was looking for. There were a lot of trucks in the parking area. I stepped inside the restroom and saw three stall on the left and on the right. Both middle ones where occupied. I opens the one on the left close to the entrance. The hole in the wall was huge. About 2 feet in diameter. I looked thru the hole, sitting there completely naked was a aged guy. He looked over and asked" want me to suck you of?" I thought that is exactly what I'm here for. I heard on the other side some moaning and then somebody said "oh god I'm cumming" somebody was lucky I thought. " agggghhhhh aggghhhhh was all I heard. I was looking thru the hole again and the guy was already kneeing in front of the hole with his mouth open. No I thought maybe the next time buddy. I pulled up my jeans, my penis half erected and the guy put his finger thru the hole. Nope sorry. I opened the door and on the other side the door opened as well. I stepped out and looked in a 7 foot tall guys eyes. He looked back and nodded briefly. That was the guy in Martins kitchen the one from the porn video. He must have recognized me too. A little nervous what to do I stepped in the both he came out. I looked thru the hole and there was an even older dude sitting there. He liked on a condom. Nope, I thought and went out again. I hoped to see the guy outside but he already left the restroom. I also left and checked the parking lot but couldn't find him. Disappointed I turned around when I heard a horn next to me. I looked and there was that guy sitting in a white BMW x 5. Nice car. He lowered his window and asked. " Victor right? " yes that's my name". He : how is Martin? Me : he left Germany right after his birthday to pursued his dream " he : oh that's why I didn't seen him in a while, oh sorry we never where actually introduced. My name is Ben, I'm a .... But I cut him of " one of Martins coworker in the porn industry."Ben : so you know. Me : yes I have a DVD with you as an actor. You were shooting movies with Martin? Ben : yes me made two or three movies together but what are you doing here. " I'm looking for sex just regular sex no strings attached". And I smiled at him and you " the same exactly the same and he smiled at me. " so what about right now " I asked. " we'll I had a great blow job right now and I have to go home to my wife. She's expecting me already. But we can see us next week if you want to. And if you don't wanna go home unsatisfied you should go back in there. He is good he know how to suck. Give me your number and ill call you promise. I gave him my number, not sure about this : he was married ! ? Never less I went back inside and opened the same both and sat down.the older guy was gone instead there was a black guy in his 30, good looking. He pushed a finger thru the hole. I dropped my jeans and pulled over a condom. He was good in sucking. But I wanted his too. So I pulled back my dick and signaled him to stick his thru the hole. He did and he also had a condom on his cock. I sucked on his head like crazy. He moand and when I swallowed his approximately 10 inch deep in my throat he moaned even louder. I stopped and said so he could hear me. " I want you to fuck me". He pulled back his dick opened the door and knocked on my door. He didn't even bothered to pull up his pants he stood there with his beautiful black dick in front of him. I let him in and he turned me around and lowered his body so his face was on my ass hole. I thought he was gonna rim it with his tongue but he only spit on my anus. He took my hand and made me push it in my hole. Than he spit in his hand and rubbed his dick with it. And then he drove the 10 inch right into my hot ass. The pain was back, the long anticipated pain the satisfying pain was back finally. 10 minutes later his movement where faster he moaned and cursed. I already came after five minutes. But I enjoyed that fuck as what it was. He rammed his hard dick deep inside of me and again and again. Suddenly he stopped and his legs started wiggling and he screamed loud. Agggggghhhhhh really loud I mean. They all outside must had heard him. He pulled out his softened dick, pulled of the condom and offered it to me. I declined and he tossed it in the toilet bowl. thank you he said and left. No I thought I have to thank you, that was the best fuck in a long time lol