What is gay BDSM?
What is BDSM?
Kinky sex or role playing that involves some form of all or some of, bondage, discipline, dominance, submission sadism, and masochism.
Definition
The mutually agreed relation where one plays a dominant role, the other submissive, that incorporates where the DOM takes pleasure from humiliating, dominating and inflicting pain on the sub, who takes pleasure from being humiliated, dominated, and receiving agreed upon pain levels.
This 'role playing' requires discussion prior to beginning, in which what forms of pain, humiliation may occur, to what degree and in what manner. Also a 'safe word' is agreed upon, but also hand or body signals are agreed upon that will also terminate any further 'role playing'.
BDSM is the catch all for the various 'sub cultures' of the meaning. In some instances, the 'role playing' carries through to outside the 'sessions', and has evolved into its own lifestyle.
Bondage is the act of being bound, being restrained through various methods. This can include handcuffs, rope, and other restraints. It does not require any form of 'discipline' to be included in sessions where one is bound. Though it generally does follow, it is not a pre-requisite.
Discipline is more about the use of force or other devices, means, to enforce a code of behavior, or conduct, agreed upon prior to entering into a 'session'. It can involve bondage, but also may not. It can include the infliction of pain or humiliation.
Most discipline involves 'impact play' in some form or another.
Dominance / Submission A more subtle form, but also more of a 'mental exercise' as well as the physical aspects. This is more about control and submission, to a set or pre determined behavior. It can take many forms, such as with 'age play' or 'pet play'.
The use of objects, such as collars is to show being possessed by another, or being submissive to someone. Other identifying means are tattoos, piercings, or even shaved heads.
Sadomasochism where one enjoys or receives gratification from the giving of pain, and subjecting another to cruel and humiliating acts, while the other obtains their gratification from receiving such actions.
While the two terms associated together, is believed to be taken from the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, it isn't definitive.
As many of the activities relating to BDSM were either considered sadistic, or masochistic, the ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases) categorized BDSM as being an illness, a mental disorder. Sadomasochism was considered a mental disorder relating to sexual preferences.
The 1994 release of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) has removed that preface, of it being a sexual disorder. Denmark in 1995 was the first European Union Nation to removed BDSM from its lists of Mental Diseases.
There is new criteria, to determine whether or not this is a sexual disorder, basically asserting that it still can be one, but that the criteria for determination is now more selective, less general.
History
There is no documented proof of when BDSM became widely known, though there is evidence of it in the 6th and 9th century BC. In some ancient drawings found, there is evidence it might have been a practice used for sexual pleasure, though not clearly documented.
There is further evidence of its use in ancient writings, essays, of Ancient Rome, such as in the Satyricon by Petronius. These primary dealt with whipping (flagellation)
The Kama Sutra describes different kinds of hitting in the art of lovemaking, referring to the joyous cries of pain. Further text explored what is considered to be the first discussion or description of sadomasochism, and the safety rules to be employed in such sexual activities.
14th Century reports seem to indicate that those willing to be bound, and otherwise whipped, was as a substitute for sex itself. It provided a non sexual means for gratification of one or both parties.
Medieval times included the 'courtly love' aspect, which some claim is the precursor of today's BDSM.
About
There are numerous 'clubs' that link like minded people with the intricacies of BDSM. There is a national organization, actually more than one, that set standards as well as contacts. Local clubs are in abundance.
Various 'tools' are associated with the different BDSM techniques, which includes collars, whips, restraints, gags, and even specific settings, such as dungeons.
Many of the tools are within all aspects of the BDSM culture, but it can also be specific. Collars for Bondage and Discipline aficionados, while the more extreme toys such as electro stimulation devices are for the SM crowd. Each article has an express purpose within the associated 'role playing' of the participants.
This is primarily a 'concept' that incorporates many aspects of sex. It can, but not always, include basic sexual acts such as anal sex, oral sex. However, the primary goal is for one or both to achieve sexual gratification through the use of pain, humiliation, control. Actual orgasm through sexual acts is not always involved.
Practitioners of this type of 'sexual activity' are more into 'role playing' than found in the more 'vanilla sex' of so-called mainstream society. In some instances, BDSM is an actual lifestyle that transcends the 'sessions'.
Leather attire is associated with BDSM players, however it is also a separate culture or 'fetish' that does not have to include BDSM activities.
While the 'top' is the person in control of most B/D (Bondage - Discipline) scenarios, it is with the consent only of the bottom. This is what differentiates the two basic philosophies as well, the SSC and RACK groups.
A 'true top' does not take direction from a 'bottom' which also precludes them being involved in 'switching' though in reality, or actual practice, it does occur.
Particular behavior by a 'bottom' can attract or elicit an agreed upon reaction from the 'top', thus further confusing the issue, in some corners of the BDSM world.
The actual acts performed can run a wide range of features. From being bound to a cross, while the 'top' performs certain painful acts, such as nipple pinching, dripping of hot wax, and other 'acts' it can also be a series of acts, in various positions, or locations even.
This can also involve performing these acts with others witnessing the role playing being carried out.
Slings and assorted devices are also frequently used, in order to immobilize the submissive party. Cages, or simply being tied to a four post bed are accepted practices used in BDSM Play.
Simple forms involve various 'impact play' roles, where the person is struck by various implements. These 'toys' can be household items such as a spatula, hair brush, or just the palm of one's hand.
Watersports sessions can involve urine, harsh language, more painful restrictions to the 'bottoms' ability to move. Insertion of large objects, or painful attachments to one's genitalia are also part of the 'games' played by willing partners.
Practice (Associated Acts): Non Erotic There are some who take the BDSM rituals into their everyday life, most notably in the D/s culture.
It is where all aspects, or a great deal of the 'role playing' continues into normal aspect of their lifestyle. This includes where the 'dominant' party exerts control over the 'submissive' in all matters, including jobs taken, household routines, etc.
This is generally referred to a 24/7 relationship or TPE, where there is a total power exchange (hence its use of TPE) between the parties. It is CONSENSUAL, and there are even 'legal contracts' involved. (In some cases, not all)
This can also include financial control by one over the other, or not. All aspects of the daily life is regulated under the BDSM or D/s concept, code, as agreed to by both parties.
In these relationships, TPE, there is NO Switching.
Noteworthy: Many associate the Marquis de Sade with BDSM, however it does not fit with today's actual BDSM standards. Primarily, the distinction being that all parties engage in CONSENSUAL ACTS, unlike during the Marquis de Sade era.
Modern BDSM is attributed more to the sexual games played within Brothels, than with the ancient practices.
Some make the distinction, that BDSM came to be known in the 18th Century, when sexual behavior was being classified both medically and legally. There is evidence that as far back as 1769, some brothels actually specialized in 'flagellation' for their customers.
The popular novel, Fanny Hill, published in 1749 even mentions a flagellation scene.