See Your Favorite Pornstars in Homemade Sex Tapes

I pride myself on being a good cocksucker, so it drives me crazy when I see guys in porn videos who are lousy nob gobblers. Like this latest scene from Leaked and Loaded featuring Billy Santoro giving a hung stud mostly just-the-tip action. 

At one point the guy says, "I love the way you suck." But I don't believe him because a moment later he's urging, "Go deeper." Santoro fumbles the big cock and then gulps down a third of it and that's about as deep as he can handle. I was yelling at the screen, "Get out of the fucking way, I'll show you how to do it."

Could someone in Pornland please tell me how it's possible for a pornstar with meagre cock-sucking skills to star in around 300 videos? What is the appeal?

And it's not just Billy Santoro, bad oral is rampant throughout Pornland videos. A lot of the Eastern European performers give shoddy head and it's understandable – almost excusable – because many of them are gay-for-pay. But still, has it never occurred to porn producers to put these guys through a cock-sucking tutorial? It's called training, almost every job on the planet puts new hires through some kind of instruction. Why don't adult film producers? Why do we assume that a porn wannabe is a good cock sucker?

And if you're a porn performer then sucking big dicks is your job. Learn how to do it well. If you're straight then grab a gay friend and ask him to show you some tongue tricks. If you're gay, then ask you're best friend to lie back, critique your skills, and give you pointers. You're an actor, so learn how to put on a show and make us believe this is the hottest cock that you have ever sucked. If you can't do that then go get a job driving for Uber or answering phones in a call center. And in case you're wondering, I'm available to teach Cock Sucking 101.

Porn Fail is a new weekly feature where I sound off about the ridiculous stuff I see in Pornland.

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