Jordan and Duncan were sitting on the floor of Jordan's apartment. Old vinyl LPs were scattered across the floor and Jordan was stacking them by genre as he understood it for many were from the sixties and early seventies and some were groups he knew little or nothing about which made him even more excited with this find. Duncan was thumbing through one book after the next pulling them one at a time from the box of old books he had purchase at the same estate sale Jordan got the LPs. There were novels, books on eastern religions, biographies and music and those with photographs took Duncan several minutes to thumb through.

They had saw the signs for the estate sale on their way from breakfast at a diner in the Hillside neighborhood of the city and since both liked to browse yard sales, flea markets and resale shops run by charities they followed the signs to the old house where the yard was covered in old furniture, tarps with smaller items and a few tables along one side with boxes with the smallest items for sale. Jordan always looked for old recordings of music, either vinyl (his preference) or cassette tape and even some of the earliest CDs. He loved music, played guitar and piano, and his apartment had a wall of shelves crammed with the music he had found over the years. Duncan was about books like Jordan was about his music and his apartment had bookcases in the living room, the dining area and even in his bedroom. He read fiction, non-fiction, historical, science, anything that would capture his imagination.

This common love of seeking the music and books was something that had made their relationship begin on a good note, one that allowed them to get past the initial excitement of someone new, someone unknown and thus somehow erotic, thrilling. They had first laid eyes on each other at the Pride festival last summer and had acknowledged each other the few times they kept crossing paths during the festival until both of them had resolved to speak to the other the next time they met. But the rest of the day and all during the night's events they never saw each other again. Ironically the next weekend Duncan was moving into an apartment complex closer to his job and as he and his friends were carrying the boxes up the stairs Jordan had seen him from across the parking lot and came over to introduce himself, causing them to laugh at the way some things just worked out. He was in the building directly across the parking lot from the one Duncan was moving in. That night Jordan prepared dinner for Duncan and a relationship began to form, and over time they learned how similar they were in their tastes, their liking old things over new and their love of reading and music, Jordan more toward music and Duncan more toward reading.

Duncan pulled the last book from the box and quickly realized it wasn't a published work but some sort of diary, with a simple leather bounding and he opened it to the first page.

"A Journal by Charlie Walker" was written across the page in a neat script with the rest of the page left blank, clean of other marks or writing.

"Hey, Jordan, look at this. It's some guy's diary" Duncan exclaimed as he held the journal up for Jordan to see the writing inside.

"Maybe it's the guy who had all of this music. See if he says anything about music" Jordan replied and Duncan set the journal in his lap turning to the first page to read the entries.

December 25, 1975

Aunt Ilene gave me this journal and not sure what to think. Should I really write down what happens to me. I think that would be so boring. Nothing happens to me, especially in this town. She said to write what I was thinking and feeling but that seems weird. Plus dare I write such things?

Christmas was good with the usual clothes and money to let me buy music. Mom and dad have no clue to music. Aunt Ilene gave me two LPs, one a black artist from the fifties and the other some opera shit. Doubt I play that much.

Duncan looked up at Jordan and laughed; then he noticed Jordan thumbing through a stack of LPs until he found what he was searching for. Jordan held up an old LP of opera and the cover was worn, its corners split with the dark paper underneath exposed.

"Looks like he played it after all" Jordan said as he turned it over looking at the description on the back.

"Put in on. Let's hear what it sounds like" Duncan replied and he watched Jordan take the LP to his turntable and put it on. The initial hiss of the needle in the groove came through speakers then the music began, softly, building up slowly, then someone began to sing, a high clear voice, the tone pure and for a few minutes they just listened not saying a word. Duncan flipped a few pages into the journal and read the entry.

February 14, 1976

Jason came over and everything was perfect. Mom and dad were gone out to eat and Jason was in my room listening to some new music. Some of the songs were so sexual we talked about sex and who in school was doing it. I don't remember how it happened but he let me touch him. I was so excited and I even got it out. Jason was so hard. But then he pushed me away and called me a homo. He left really mad and now I'm scared.

"Oh my God, don't stop reading. What happens next?" Jordan asked as Duncan looked at him shocked. Duncan scanned down the next couple of entries then began to read.

February 16, 1976

I cut my last class. Couldn't take it anymore the way everyone knows. Jason told everyone I touched him, telling them I was a homo. I've had my books knocked out of my hands between every class, two guys threatened to beat me up after school and a teacher standing nearby pretended not to hear them. I've got to make myself sick before morning. I'm not going back to school.

Duncan scanned the next few pages telling Jordan how he missed two days of school but how he did go back.

February 19, 1976

Went back to school and it wasn't as bad as Monday but no one has anything to do with me now. I hate them all. I can't help the way I feel. I try to be like the other boys but

Duncan then read in silence, visible shaken by what he was reading, never having had such prejudice so explicitly in his face. He read several more entries, how Charlie adjusted to being ostracized and avoided his classmates. Jordan moved around behind Duncan letting his legs slip along each side of him and he wrapped his arms around the narrow waist and hugged him tight.

"Can you believe it?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah...we've all heard the stories. Put it down for a while" Jordan whispered in Duncan's ear as he nuzzled up to him. Jordan ran his hands over Duncan's chest, down over his stomach and back up. Duncan leaned back against Jordan angling his head back so they could kiss. Their movements were slow, gradually increasing their arousal. Jordan began to unbutton Duncan's shirt, slipping each button through its hole with patience, his hands working downward letting the shirt fall open. Jordan pulled the shirt back off Duncan's shoulders and let it slip down his arms till it pooled around his wrists behind his back. Jordan helped him pull free of the shirt and he leaned forward and kissed Duncan on the shoulder.

Jordan got up on his knees and moved up against Duncan's back pressing his hardening cock against him as he ran his hands down Duncan's chest and stomach, his fingers barely touching the skin, lightly grazing over it making Duncan inhale deeply. Jordan reached down and ran his hand over Duncan's crotch, gave the growing erection a squeeze feeling it swell in his fingers. He undid Duncan's jeans and opened them revealing the brightly colored briefs within and his slipped his hand down into the opening and felt Duncan's hard cock straining at its confinement.

Jordan eased back and helped Duncan to lie back and he moved to his feet taking the jeans by the legs and slipped them off. He moved over Duncan and kissed him again as he let his right hand manipulate the erection still trapped within the briefs and he stroked it, ran his fingers along its length and then he slipped them over the waistband and down into the briefs feeling the smooth soft skin stretched tight over the hard shaft. Duncan raised his ass and pushed the briefs down his legs and Jordan helped him by slipping them off each foot.

Duncan watched as Jordan moved down beside his legs and took his cock, held it up and ran his lips along the shaft, slowly, every touch warm and he ran his hand through Jordan's hair, feeling the soft brown hair slide through his fingers. Jordan held his cock up and he watched it slide through Jordan's lips and into the warm wet recesses his mouth. Jordan worked his cock till he thought he'd come but Jordan sensed the state of his arousal and pulled off getting up on his knees. Duncan watched him pull his t-shirt over his head, watched as he undid his jeans and worked them down and off each leg. Duncan sat up and ran his hand over the front of Jordan's boxers taking the hard cock that pushed against them and Jordan grabbed his wrists stopping him from his manipulations.

"Let me" Jordan whispered and Duncan lay back and put his legs on either side of Jordan as he watched him slip his boxers off. Jordan's cock arced up hard and he stroked it a few times. Jordan then took Duncan by the ankles and lifted them up placing them on his shoulders and he moved over Duncan, slowly, shifted his position as he folded Duncan in half with his ass pulled upward, turned up and open, and Jordan let his cock rub over it, press against it and when he was over Duncan holding himself up with one hand he held his cock steady with the other and bore down penetrating Duncan's tight hole.

Duncan inhaled deeply, felt the stretch of his hole as Jordan sank into his depths. Jordan eased down into him, incrementally, until inch by inch, until Duncan had all of his cock.

"Jordan...fuck me" Duncan uttered in a low breathless voice and Jordan pulled upward, pulled up till his cock head nearly slipped out, then he drove inward, sinking all the way into Duncan. Over and over, Jordan began to fuck, to drive his hips up and down till he was fucking Duncan with a steady rhythm. Jordan knew if he took his time, held back, made it last Duncan would come first and as he fucked Duncan, thrusting his cock into him he knew when Duncan came, felt the way his cock was being milked by the spasm of Duncan's hole as he spattered his own chest and stomach with cum. It drove Jordan to fuck faster, to swing his hips harder and very soon after he too came, pumping out his load till he was spent.

The next morning Duncan crawled out of Jordan's bed, slipped on a pair of Jordan's shorts and a t-shirt, and went into the living room. He opened the blinds letting the early morning sun shine into the room. The light was soft, warm on his bare arms and face and he stood looking out the window for a minute. He went over to the stack of books still on the floor stepping around the LPs and picked up the journal. Sitting on the sofa he opened it up and began to read.

May 7, 1976

Just got home and need to study and finish that paper due in English on Monday. Strange how since February no one at school has anything to do with me and I'm finally okay with it for all I can think about is college. College can't be this bad. It just can't. I just have to finish the next few weeks and graduate from this hell hole. Luckily I have my music and every night I play it while doing my assignments.

Timmy, one of the boys in my class came up to me today and actually apologized for the way I was being treated and I swore he wanted to say something else but that gossip Mary came outside and Timmy took off pretending like he had not been talking to me. I want to be mad at him, but I don't seem able.

Duncan turned a few pages and began to read again.

May 24, 1976

Forgot to take this with me over the weekend when my folks took me to the university. We went to get enrollment completed for next fall. Just being on campus seemed so much better than being in high school and there were a few minutes when I was alone outside watching students come and go and so many thoughts came to me. If only I had this journal maybe I could have expressed them, but now it doesn't seem real. At least not yet.

Duncan scanned a few other entries noticing they got less frequent, that Charlie didn't write everyday as he had been doing. He flipped to August and sensed Jordan coming up behind him.

"Are you reading that already?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah...it's just so different from the way it was for me. You know?"

August 1, 1976

I am so excited for in just a couple of weeks I leave for college. I spent the summer reading and listening to music, going back through stuff I've not listened to in a while. Found that opera Aunt Ilene gave me last Christmas and actually played it all the way through. It's nice. I think I'll take it with me. Mom said I couldn't take all my music so I have to decide what to take. It's going to be tough to decide.

I went out last night and did something. My folks think I went to a movie but I went to this truck stop over on the main highway. I had stopped there the other night for gas and had to use the men's room and I heard men in the stalls doing things. Sexual things. I just had to see what they were doing so I went back last night and went into the last stall. I was so nervous. Then I saw a hand come through a hole in the stall. I started to flee but for some reason I couldn't move. Next thing I knew that anonymous hand rubbed my thigh and the guy whispered for me to stand so I did and he suddenly had my jeans undone and my dick out pulling me toward the hole. I've never been so scared but I was horny too. I've never felt anything like it before. My first blow job. And I don't even know what he looked like. I know I shouldn't go back but I don't know any other way to meet anyone and this past year has sucked.

Jordan was sitting next to Duncan and he hadn't bothered to put on any clothes. Duncan looked at the familiar body, every curve known, how Jordan's slightly taller height fit up to his own body when they lay together. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for Charlie, to go around not knowing how to meet other guys, and then to have your first real sex in a toilet. He'd heard the stories, how it was still a popular way to meet for some guys, this bawdy public encounters with anonymous men but Duncan didn't understand the allure. He wanted to know who he had sex with, wanted to know them intimately, as he knew Jordan. He reached over and ran his hand up and down Jordan's thigh, feeling the smooth skin, and he looked over, smiled and let his hand slide over to the inside of Jordan's thigh and up till he felt Jordan's cock against the back of his hand. He used the back of his hand to rub up against it, felt the soft skin warm against his own. He ran his hand upward over Jordan's stomach, chest and finally up Jordan's long lean neck and held him by the chin as he leaned over and kissed him, gently, softly, their lips barely touching.

"Let's go back to the bedroom" Duncan whispered with his lips so close to Jordan's they brushed together as he spoke.

Jordan lay across the bed with his feet on the floor as he watched Duncan slip off his t-shirt and shorts. Duncan moved up between his legs and the contact along their calves aroused them, this rubbing of flesh, tickling by the soft hairs, Duncan's legs having slightly more hair than Jordan's therefore for him the sensation more intense. Jordan sat up and took Duncan's cock and slid his mouth over it and as he manipulated it he felt it grow erect, stretch out hard and fill his mouth. He worked his mouth back and forth until he felt Duncan begin to move his hips with the need to fuck and he pulled off of Duncan's cock and looked up at him.

"Do me...okay?"

Duncan smiled down at him as he pushed Jordan back on the bed and reached his hands down under each thigh lifting them up. He worked Jordan's legs up onto his shoulders and moved over Jordan folding him in half underneath his body as he shifted into position, moved up till his wet slick cock, so hard it flexed up and down, nudged up to Jordan's hole. Jordan put his hands on Duncan's thighs as he lay back, eyes closed, focused on the sensation of Duncan touching him down there, the way he could feel Duncan pressing against him and he pushed back, relaxed and he opened himself to the penetration. Duncan slipped inside him, stretched him open, and kept pushing inward till he was buried all the way in Jordan's hole. Duncan began to fuck, slowly at first, but he soon was fucking with a fast steady rhythm, this hips slapping up against Jordan's ass, rocking the bed back and forth making it squeak noisily.

Duncan cried out, let the word 'fuck' echo in the room as he drove his cock through the tight ring of Jordan's hole and sank all the way into it, over and over.

"The neighbors can hear us" Jordan uttered.

"I don't care" Duncan said as he kept up his pace and he leaned down on top of Jordan kissing him roughly as he pumped his cum deep into his hole.

When Duncan went to get Jordan off Jordan stopped him.

"Later" he said and Duncan knew it was going to be a day when the two of them would drift from their reading, listening to music, going out for lunch or dinner if they chose, to having sex whenever one of them felt aroused, wanted the intimacy. It was Sunday and they had all day.

Duncan didn't pick up the journal until after they had come home from dinner with some friends and it was nearly ten o'clock. It was quiet outside for everyone seemed to be settled in for the night as they prepared for another work week. Jordan put on the old LP of the opera and with the volume so low some parts seem to fade completely away and he moved to the sofa and sat with his back against the arm, mirroring Duncan letting their legs intertwine together. Duncan had the journal and was reading a few of the earlier entries, flipping back to some they had skipped. He eventually moved back to Charlie's entries in college picking up where he left off that morning.

March 19, 1978

This is the first time I've written in this journal since my freshman fall semester. Just too busy, and college is different, a good different. No, I can't go around saying it out loud...you know...I like boys, but I've found places where I can meet others like me. It was scary at first but I have found what I was looking for with some of the other boys on campus. I just wish it could be more than anonymous sex and it scares me, the fear of getting caught.

March 24, 1978

Shit, shit, shit. I can't believe it. A friend got arrested today. He was in the park on campus with someone and the campus police caught them. The town police came and put them in jail. I think the college will kick them out. Everyone is scared.

I'm going to the 'embassy' as we call it. It's actually a house a guy is renting and he lets us come hang out. He's an art major and he has these parties for all of us in the group. I meet Anthony at a gallery exhibit on campus and this is so strange to say, but he hit on me, right there in the gallery. I was scared to death someone overheard him but no one around seem to notice and I said yes to dinner.

April 3, 1978

Tony is...I don't know the words. How do you describe someone who knows what they want and isn't afraid to seek it out? He has shown me so much I didn't know existed. It is strange how we have our own separate social scene, our own separate bar that doesn't even have a sign out front and you enter it down the alley. Crazy the way we have to sneak around but at least we have something.

June 7, 1979

YEA! Junior year is finished! It has been a tough one but Tony helped me a lot. His art exhibit went well and one of his professors is going to help him with an exhibit in Atlanta this summer. He is so fucking excited. I got that job in Atlanta for the summer and Tony and I are going to share an apartment in the city. I think mom knows why but she puts on that Southern Genteel fa├žade and pretends not to notice.

I don't know how to feel about Tony sometimes. He says we're broken. We didn't get to date and do those things the straights get to do and so we don't really know ourselves. I think he's right. But I do love him and since March of last year he has been the only one.

Jordan's feet began to rub Duncan's thighs, to move up to his crotch where Jordan used his toes to manipulate Duncan's crotch to tease him, to make his cock stir. Duncan sat the journal down, smiling at Jordan, wickedly, for he grabbed up one foot and began to tickle it, to stroke his fingers along the bottom of it and Jordan busted out laughing for he was ticklish and he kicked and fought to free his foot from Duncan's hold on it.

They wrestled around on the sofa, laughing and teasing each other till Jordan rose up and pinned Duncan down, put the full weight of his body on top and he nuzzled his face along the back of Duncan's neck, felt the edge of Duncan's hair graze over his skin, felt the warmth and softness of Duncan's neck against his lips and he pressed his body down on Duncan till they were spooned together and Duncan was undulating beneath him, his breathing more rapid, his movements slow, sexual, wanting. Jordan reached underneath Duncan and undid his shorts and clumsily, their bodies tangled together, worked them off.

"Fuck me...fuck me Jordan...put it in me" Duncan pleaded as he raised his ass up, let Jordan slip between his legs. He felt Jordan's hand slip underneath this shirt and rub up his back, felt it move up and down his spine and back down to his ass, exposed and open ready to be taken. Jordan got his shorts opened up and pushed them and his boxers down his thighs till they lay at his knees and he shifted up to Duncan, pressed his cock to Duncan's hole and penetrated him.

Jordan fucked slowly, swinging his hips to work the full length of his cock into and out of Duncan. He'd already came twice earlier in the day and Duncan knew this would be a long fuck, and Jordan moved over him, lay over his back wrapping his arms around his body hugging them together as he ground his cock in Duncan's hole.

Duncan felt his own cock, fully erect, flopping back and forth between his legs as Jordan fucked him. Jordan's pace increased, his grunts and moans grew louder and when he took Duncan's cock and began to stroke it Duncan knew Jordan was close, knew he wanted them to get off together and he rocked his body back and forth, pushing back against Jordan's forward thrusts feeling the way he felt full, the way Jordan's cock filled his hole and locked them together. He held his head down and let Jordan manipulate his cock while he increased the pace of his fuck. Jordan bit his earlobe and moaned loudly in his ear and he knew Jordan was coming, pumping his load into his hole and he pushed back against Jordan, pushed to get all of him and he felt Jordan's grip on his cock tighten, felt the way he stroked his cock harder, faster and he suddenly thrust forward and came.

Monday started a new work week and the two of them were busy for the next few days so neither bothered with reading further in the diary. Duncan was pleased with the last few entries he had read, the way Charlie found someone and seemed to have found his way. He thought of the diary often, the differences of Charlie's time and his own and how, even with so much still to do, they had it so much better than Charlie had had it. He wondered what Charlie was doing now, how did his life turn out and was he happy, or better yet, was he content.

When Duncan got home he started searching on line for who had owned the house where they had gotten the diary, books and LPs. He found the obituary of the woman who had lived there, her husband having passed years before, and Duncan read through it looking for surviving heirs and there among the listing of her children was Charles Edward Walker, living in Raleigh, North Carolina. No mention of a partner and Duncan wondered if he was living alone now.

The rest of the week the idea of Charlie living only a couple of hours away up in Raleigh made Duncan fretful, anxious to know how things turned out and he discussed it with Jordan, got Jordan to think about it so that by Saturday morning the two of them were in Jordan's car heading up 49, then east on 64, traveling through small towns and countryside as they tried to work out their approach to Charlie, what they would say. Duncan had the journal and a few of the LPs, including the opera recording Charlie's aunt had given him so many years ago. He opened the journal and read once again the last entry wondering how Charlie felt as he penned the last few sentences.

May 25, 1980

It's the middle of the night and Tony is sleeping. We had a party for the guys; one last, festive party before we graduate. Tony and I are moving to Atlanta since we both have jobs waiting for us. The economy still sucks so we'll go where we have to go. I hope we can move to New York or Boston within a few years. We'll see. I don't know how this is going to play out for me but so far I'm happy. I told mom and dad and it wasn't pleasant. Mom has written since but I'm pretty much on my own now. I had left my music collection at home last summer afraid moving it around would damage the older LPs. We keep buying new music so I'm not without, but still, I'd like to have some of the LPs at home but dad told me not to come around, so I'm afraid I'll not be getting any of them anytime soon. It really does hurt, but I've got to live my life. My sister still hasn't responded to my letters so I assume she is like dad and written me off.

I've not written like I should the last few years and I do regret it but as I finish this journal it does seem complete somehow and I may start another one. I don't know. I know this journal isn't really for me and I think Aunt Ilene knew that for when I look back I think she knew. I do miss her. I'm closing now and will put this in the mail tomorrow to mom and she can read it if she wants. I have mixed feelings about her reading this but maybe she should know her own son.

Charles Edward Walker

Jordan pulled into a hotel on the outskirts of Raleigh and got them a room for the night. They went into town and the sudden nervousness each felt caused them to delay going to the address they had found, instead they rode by the university and the business district that ran along the edge of campus and they stopped lunch at one of the restaurants that seemed to cater to the students.

It was nearly two o'clock before they found themselves driving down a tree lined street in an older neighborhood, one not too far from the university. Duncan watched the addresses on the right and Jordan on the left and soon they found the house. It was two stories and from the road they could see a contemporary addition in back. An old Mercedes convertible and a new Audi sedan sat in the drive and as they pulled up behind the cars they saw an older man trimming rose bushes that were growing along the side of the house. He was neatly dressed, his salt and pepper hair cut short and neatly combed. As Duncan and Jordan got out he stopped and watched them approach, a look both curious and relaxed on his face.

"Are you Charles Walker?" Duncan asked and the excitement of this moment made the pitch of voice rise up.

The man looked at them a brief moment.

"May I ask what this is about?" he asked looking at Duncan and Jordan.

Duncan held up the journal and the LPs.

"We got these at an estate sale and...well...we thought you might like them back" Duncan said, assuming the man before him was Charlie.

The man looked at the journal and LPs, a look of confusion at first, but then he smiled, broadly and looked up at Jordan and Duncan.

"Those were Charlie's. I remember how he loved to play that record" pointing at the opera he laughed. "I'm Tony and if you'll follow me I'll introduce you to the man responsible for that" as he pointed to the journal and then began to walk down the drive and to a side door into the house.

The interior didn't match the exterior, for it was open, contemporary, with art and photographs on all the walls, and as Tony led them to the back of the house Jordan and Duncan scanned the rooms, looked at the furniture and the works of art and suddenly they came into a brightly lit room, a living area and large kitchen and at the cooktop was a man with an apron on and the smell of something rich and sweet filled the room. Duncan and Jordan looked at the man, taller than Tony, his hair grayer but he was as fit, his body lean, as Tony. They watched him stirring something on the cooktop with no idea he was being watched.

"Charlie" Tony said casually.

"Yeah" Charlie replied without turning.

"We have guests."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry" he stammered as he turned and he was surprised at first by the two young men standing before him, but when Duncan held up the journal and LP's a smile slowly spread over his face.

"Well...this is a surprise."

 

Grant

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