To be or not to be

It started out with me being an idiot.

An idiot at a party drinking too much. Luckily I always realize when I'm crossing the line and switch to water for the rest of the night. Naturally I knew the damage had been done. The alcohol which had been of surprisingly good quality coupled with a frustrating and grueling work week had me nodding of on the sofa before long.

I excused myself to the guestroom and crawled onto the bed next to the pile of coats left there.

A concrete road can be comfortable for a drunk but this bed was soft and lazy. I was sleepy so very sleepy but not yet asleep. I lay there in a restful state fully relaxed. Aware of people opening the door removing coats or adding coats, yet not responsive to any of it.

Too tired to move but not yet asleep.

I have no idea how long I lay there. Time is such an immeasurable thing when clocks and rational thought are absent. The load of coats had lightened until I wasn't sure there were any left. Nothing for me to bother opening my eyes for. I'm sure I nodded off yet was so often awakened in the darkness of the room that maybe it just seemed that way.

I heard the door open again this time it closed quickly... someone just checking in...

So sleepy... so comfortable... such a soft lazy bed... soft fingers sliding up my leg...

... soft fingers sliding up my leg?

At first I sleepily swat the fingers away. Mumbling something completely incoherent.

The fingers retreat. Hesitantly I feel a hand caress me very gently.

This time I don't swat it away. I'm not bother to swat it away... The hands caress me in long loving strokes. It feels... so... so very nice... so soft and gentle. I'm so sleepy and so comfortable and I feel these hands touch me from thin air.

I don't stir... I enjoy... I don't really know why. I just know that I'm loving this attention.

I feel a dip in the bed as the hands keep caressing me and for an immeasurable period time it's all they do. Then his fingers dip under the hem of my shirt tracing the skin just under it. I jerk involuntarily at the slight touch and he freezes but I remain in my sleepy dormant state. Silently urging him on...

Then he does.

Slowly and gently I feel him touch and caress every inch of my body. It's a soothing overall feeling of being adored. Soft hands under my shirt, unbuttoning my shirt... opening my shirt ... exposing my chest to the cold air yet the warm hands keep my skin from feeling the chill.

I know I moan sleepily but the hands don't stop anymore. They know I won't wake yet revel in my seemingly unconscious reactions.

Feather light fingers unzipping my trousers edging them down my hips. I'm soon free of them and hairs on my legs rise up as the fingers glide over my skin... again and again and again. I feel him bend my knee and lift my leg to caress every inch of exposed flesh.

Those hands are making love to me.

They slide under the waistband of my shorts and I groan feeling him pull them down... so ... very... slowly...

His hands snakes around my soft cock. Taking their time to administer soft and sensuous ministrations, strengthening and hardening it with every touch.

Before long I feel him slide up against me and as he's stroking me and I smell his scent... musky vanilla...in the state I am it's the most sensual scent I've ever known.

I feel his lips against my neck as his grips me harder and strokes me faster. I feel he stubble on his chin against my skin. I feel his shoes against one of my feet and the tickle of his hair against my cheek as he bends to my neck. He's tall... His frame feels large alongside me but I don't register much extra weight to it.

Oooooh... he's twisting his hand around my cock and I'm instantly standing on the edge. Tittering on falling backward or falling forward. Falling into the bliss of release.

Then finally he lets me fall....

I've always been vocal, even in my sleepy state I groan and moan and grunt my way through my climax ending even more exhausted than I was. I hear him rustle around and feel him slowly slip my shorts back up. The bed dips and somewhere in recesses of my almost unconscious brain I register that this mean soft hands is leaving.

I flail out my hand and by some extreme stroke of luck snatch his wrist. He freezes but all I do is roll to my side pulling him with me making it very clear all I want is to sleep... to sleep - perchance to dream...

I have yet to open my eyes

' o '

There is always that one guy in the group that never remembers your name.

You are acquaintances, you nod to each other in acknowledgement, you have the same friends and laugh at the same jokes but you aren't really friends yourselves. You don't have each other's phone number or even know where the other lives. For some reason you've never actually talked to each other, been drunk together or have had any kind of close conversation.

You know of him and he knows of you. But when the line of greetings bring you together... you can see it in his eyes... He's wracking his brain to remember your name... was it Peter, Paul or Matthew?

It's neither of those actually.

You greet each other amicably like always and you see him move on to one of his friend and in a whispered conversation observe him do the 'Of course!' face palm.

Yeah, it's Warrick. Of course it's Warrick. It's always been Warrick...

You do know his name.

How could you ever forget it?

You've been watching Alan since the first time you shook hands. But you're the gaging type, you take your time to suss someone out and wait to see if what they are, could be what you want.

After a while you see that is exactly what they are. After a while you notice details your previous scrutiny missed. How they are jovial and loud but not quick to jump into bed with just anyone. You see how they do listen to people and when the listen they remember...

Now...

How to make contact... how to get you guys talking and keep you guys talking.

Cause alas you're also the shy type... a man of few words in a crowd... but alone with an interesting person you're not to be silenced...

One day you're in luck you're at the same party together. A mutual friends housewarming... yet before you can sit down next to him and start that close conversation you've been wanting too... He disappears.

You spend the next two hours waiting for him to come back but as almost everyone else is leaving you give up. Again a missed chance and this one had seemed some fortuitous too.

Bidding your friends goodbye you go to retrieve you coat.

... and for the first time in your life... you close the door behind you and take a chance...

' o '

I yawn and stretch feeling my muscles waken and my eyes flood with light. Immediately I register the lack of bodyweight next to mine and shoot up wide-awake.

He's gone. He's not here... he was here tough... I certainly hadn't dreamt any of it for I have my current lack of dress as evidence.

Damn!

Why did he leave? ... Thus conscience does make cowards of us all...

I scramble out of bed and head toward the coffee sent in the kitchen. Li, yesterdays host and a good friend of mine is sitting at the counter and very surprised to see me.

"Alan! I hadn't realized you stayed over yesterday."

"I was in the guest room." I quickly wave that part of our conversation away. "Who else stayed in that room?"

"Pardon?" he gives me in confused look.

I almost trip running over to Li grabbing his upper arms "Li! Who was sleeping next to me?"

"Er... Alan I have no idea who slept in that room with you. I didn't even know you where there. The only people I know of staying over crashed on the sofa's"

I release him and shake my head. I passed those guys on my way to the kitchen. The guy I am looking for wasn't one of them, I knew those guys and beside neither of them had the height requirement I'm looking for.

Damn.

I make Li go through the entire guest list with me over our morning coffee.

"A certain smell and a rough estimate of height isn't much to go on Alan. It could be any number of guys that were here yesterday. Honestly so many people brought friends even I didn't know half of them."

I slump slowly lowering my head to the table bonding it rhythmically against the wood.

Damndamndamndamndamn...

"Man this guy really made an impression on you huh!" Li grinned. I pivot my head to look up at his impish eyes.

"He did." I sight. "I guess I just want to find out if his talk is as good as his tongue."

We both chuckle at my statement and I straighten realizing I'm still in my shorts scatter off to retrieve my clothes and lest we forget... my wits.

During the continuance of the next few weeks I attend any if all social gatherings I can. In perpetual search for a tall guy with a musky vanilla sent and short wavy hair... I think. I could be wrong about the hair. I have my cheek as my only reference and it's known to deceive me at times.

Damn!

One unremarkable Saturday night I weight my options to join a friend for drinks. I'm not really in the mood to be social right now; I've used up my yearly quota in just a month. But what the heck... one day enjoying my friends company without questioning them if they know someone resembling my description should be fun.

I enter the crowded pub and seek out my friends. They are scattered in groups around the place and I chat and drink with one group before moving on to the next. I make my way over to Warren a good buddy of mine and the moment I'm standing in his little circles I get punched in the gut.

Punched in the gut but the sent lingering in the vacant spot I've just stepped into. It wasn't Warren, he's tiny with a huge beard. I'm not looking for a beardy... neither is any one of the three men standing in our circle Him... far too long hair... too large... and just ... no.

"Who was just here?" My voice is deep and I think I startle Warren with the intensity of my question.

"What?"

"Warren look at me this is important. Who - was - just - standing - here?"

"What you mean Warrick?" Warren replies giving a very confused look. The fact that I was gripping his shoulders wasn't helping that.

WARRICK! Of course Warrick!

Images of a tall, dark and gorgeous flash before my eyes. Why did I never think of Warrick!

The guy always at the edge of the group. I always seem to forget his name for some odd reason. He's quiet but I've seen him engage in very animated conversation before too. Warrick is Warren's best friend. With Warren being very selective in his choice of close friends that in itself comes as high praise to the merits of the man.

I've been meaning to talk to him for some time now ... yet somehow it's never happened.

"Where is he gone? Is he coming back?" I'm jumping where I stand grinning ear to ear.

"Er... no he left to meet up with Caster at Tracey's around the corner." He's hardly finished his sentence and I'm off. Making my way through the throng of people. Finally worming a path to the door I almost stumble out.

I run as fast as I can to Tracy's a club not a few streets away. Once inside I quickly scan the place again it's very crowded and it does takes me a while. Spotting Caster yet no Warrick I almost shake him demanding where he's gone.

"Warrick? Oh he left to get drunk ass Jonny a taxi and was heading to La Vidana's to meet Alistair."

Arrg! La Vidana's is another few streets way! Again I make my way through the throng of dancing people trying not to get pulling into they're sway. Again I stumble outside feeling like I've been spit out of the club.

Again I race down the streets, noting La Vidana's is further away than I had initially thought. Fuck ... I seriously need more exercise than I'm getting by the judge of the amount of wheeze I am producing. ... Bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible...

I stop before entering La Vidana's catching my breath puffing right there on the sidewalk. Please... please let him be here!

Once inside I'm almost overwhelmed at the crowd... don't these people have anything else to do on a Saturday night!

"Hey Alan!" I spin to my left and see Alistair waving at me "I didn't know you'd be here tonight man." He grins. My eyes dart around him... no Warrick.

"Hey Alistair. I'm looking for Warrick is he here?"

"Oh man you just missed him!"

My internal scream almost spills out of my mouth. Oh for crying out loud!

"Where is he gone now!" I all but shout out. Alistair's grin widens...

"Home actually."

Fuck.

"Where does he live? Is it far? Will he take a taxi?"

"Nah man, he's just over Pontarc Bridge. He always walks home."

I should have stayed to write down his exact address or even a cellphone number for that matter but my feet are already carrying me outside once again. Pontarc Brigde is a small stone pedestrian walkway. It isn't far... I hope...

As I near it I see a tall figure crossing over. YES!

"WARRICK!" I call out.

He turns around as I skid to a halt before him, wheezing once more... He's surprised to be called out and startled it's me doing the calling. While I'm gasping for breath ... again... I take in stock and really take a look at Warrick.

He's a basketball player... tall and lean. Dark short wavy hair and a very permanent shadow sculpting his jaw and chin... The wind blows his scent over to me and there is no doubt in my mind this is the guy I've been looking for.

"Alan?" Fuck even his voice is rugged. For the life of me I can't think of any reason why I've never really engaged with this guy before...

"Hi!" I pant holding my sides my breathing steadily returning to manageable gulps. "I'm glad I caught you!" I grin.

His brow furrows and for a second he looks uneasy... "You are?"

"Yeah! I was wondering if you'd like to have a drink with me?"

"A what?" he's stunned, it's cute.

"A drink. It's a social construct to enabled two people wanting to get to know each other better." I wave my hand between us indicating the intension of my invitation.

He looks at me... probably registering the sweat on my brow and my by bow disheveled clothes.

Breaking out a dazzling smile he nods "Yeah I'd like that very much." He half turns to the path he was taking. "I'm just a bit further here. Got a bottle of white in the fridge?"

"Great!" I restrain myself from skipping to his side and we walk to rest of the distance to his flat.

My hearts a flutter and I'm a little nervous as we steal peeks at each other while walking.

We know what we are, but know not what we may be...

So lets find out shall we?