It's now the middle of November. Mark and I had been seeing a lot of each other every week since we started dating in August. After Mark's shift at the fire house he would drive to Pa and pick me up and take me to his place for a few days. Everything was going well until about the middle of November.
As usual Mark drove from Long Island to pick me up so we could spend the days he was off together. We both looked forward to seeing each other and I for one loved the drive home with him. Yea his place is starting be like home. Only lately things have been tense. Not a bad tense but tense non the less.
The traffic was bad this time and we finally got home late. I knew Mark was tired but he wanted to stay up for a while and relax with me. See it seems everything is ok but there is just something strange there. Its like a wall between us.
We went to bed and as usual Mark was wrapped around me all night. When we woke up we attached each other and had fun during the day as usual. But there is still that wall.
Mark had to work for a few hours at the fire house so I stayed home and watched movies that evening.
Mark's mom, Maggie came over because she wanted to talk to me about Mark's surprise 40th birthday party at the country club.
Soon Maggie arrive and we had a fun catching up. She began to tell me the plans for the party. It was going to be a fun and grand affair. Especially if Maggie was planning it.
I guess I was not really paying attention or I was staring out the window. Maggie touched my arm and ask...Jack is everything ok with you and Mark. I replied yea everything is just great. She stared at me for a minute and she then said....I know you are not telling me the truth.
Maggie suggested we go for a walk. The air was brisk but we bundled up and walk down the path thru the woods and sat on the rock over looking the stream. Something that Mark and I had done many times.
As we walked Maggie tried to get me to talk about what was bothering me. Finally I opened up to her. Maggie I said...its not something that is just bothering me...its affecting Mark as well. She asked had we had an argument or fight. I replied no its nothing like that. Mark and I rarely have an argument and if we do its quickly settled. She asked what about a fight? Have you had a good ole drag out fight? I laughed and said no I can't imagine having a fight with Mark. It just didn't seem possible.
So what is it Jack...come on tell me. Trust me I won't say anything to Mark. But I hate to see you two like this. I see it in both of you and it concerns me. After a few minutes I said Maggie....there are a couple of things Mark and I need to say to each other but both of us are afraid.
She looked me and asked...If you said these things to each other would it break you two up? Nooo not at all I replied. It would break down this wall between us. But we are both afraid to talk about it. Mark more than me....I've tried to get him to talk about it but he won't. I don't want to push him to far.
Maggie laughed and I looked at her. She put her arm in mine and leaned on me. Jack I gotta tell you something. Our Mark is a wonderful man. But he can be very stubborn when he wants to be. Most of the time he's not. But when it comes to his feelings....he will guard them. You can be like that too Jack. But you are past the part of being afraid. Mark isn't yet. He's very stubborn and hard headed.
You got that right I replied. Usually he's a big softie but sometimes he is so bullheaded. And its frustrating me and him as well...but he just won't talk about it. If I start he will just walk away or change the conversation. Sometimes I just want to shake him Maggie. A lot of good that will do....nothing can shake him.
Maggie started to giggle. Jack you know what will shake him? I looked her and said what? Throw a fucking Grapefruit at him!! Throw a what? A Grapefruit? Yea a grapefruit....trust me it works.
The next time you try to get him to talk....just let your emotions go and throw a grape fruit at him. Trust me you will get his attention. You will shock him.
Yea I said....I sure will get his attention....I'm just afraid of what he will do.
Maggie replied don't worry he won't hurt you...He cares about you too much and he would never ever think about hurting you. Believe me it will work.
We walked back home and I laughed about throwing a grape fruit at Mark. But I agreed to give it a try.
Maggie left and went home. I was there all alone.
Mark finally came home and we spent the next few days together. But that fucking wall was getting in the way and the tension was getting worse.
I was actually almost glad when Mark took me back to Pa. He knew as well as I did that we needed to talk. Damn I miss him so much when we aren't together.
Mark's birthday party was next weekend. Ugh and I couldn't get excited about it. Not with this fucking issue between us.
I kept thinking about what Maggie suggested about throwing a grape fruit at him to get his attention. Every time I see a grape fruit it gives me a chuckle.
Anyway....I need to start and get Mark's birthday present together. At leas I know he will love it.