I have always known I was gay. For years I had tried to hide it.
My Name is Oscar I go to a boarding school and am in my last year here.
I'm 18 and still haven't found a boy friend how depressing is that.
You cannot imagine the shit I have heard people say to the gay people at my school.
That is the main reason why I am still in the closet.
I'm 6'2 with green/blue eyes and ginger hair.
I get enough shit as it is for being ginger imagine if I came out how much more there would be.
The school is an all boys boarding school so you can guess that is distracting in itself. One of my straight friends who knows is quite sympathetic. He says even he would find it difficult to resist the temptation of so many people.
I am quite a shy person and tend to stick to myself. I often find myself just sitting in my room reading a book. I have never been very sporty.
I am musical rather than academic as well and tend to hum to myself everywhere I go.
It was part way through the first term of school the summer heat beginning to fade. If you have ever experienced an English summer it is not hot but not cold either. The winter chills would soon arrive and the school itself would seem to sigh as the summer heat faded only to be replaced by the cruel north wind.
The school was in the country to the south-east of london. 400 acres of land just for the school.
A small village was situated near us.
I will always remember the first time I saw him. The first time I saw Zak.
My phone droned out it's incessant alarm and I sat up slowly in my bed. My hand moved to my desk next to my bed and I quickly silenced my alarm. I looked at the time and nodded. Seven twenty. I stood up. I moved to the door of my room and grabbed my dressing gown wrapping it around my body. I drew my curtains quickly and blinked. Dazed as the sunlight half blinded me. I turned. Grabbed a towel of the radiator on the wall and moved to my door.
I grabbed my shampoo and shower gel from by my sink before unlocking my door.
I stepped out into the corridor and walked along it. My eyes scanned quickly over the rooms next to mine. I walked down the stairs at the end of the corridor and towards the showers.
The showers were empty when I got there. I stepped into a cubicle and drew the curtain and started the shower. A few minutes later I stepped out of the shower and walked back towards my room. I dressed in my suit for the day.
Twenty minutes later I had eaten in the ref and was walking towards the front hall for my house roll call. I was in Manning house. The smallest house out of the three at the school. I slumped in an arm chair as I waited for the rest of the house to arrive.
Hamish was the first to arrive in my year he grinned at me before sitting down against a wall. The door to the front hall opened a guy I had never seen before walked through the door to the front hall. His eyes locked with mine and I grinned weakly.
He smiled back widely showing his perfect teeth. And twin dimples at either side of his mouth.
I scanned him quickly. He looked around 5'10 with blue eyes. His hair was blonde and brown sort of muddled together. His shirt hugged to his body emphasising the muscles beneath. I couldn't help it as my eyes roamed over him. He grinned wider as he approached before moving to the bench next to Hamish.
A few minutes later and the rest of the house began to pour in. Mr Foster was taking roll call. He called out the names one by one and each boy answered "adsum". I watched my year and waited for the new guys name to be read.
He was the last name to be said and I listened intently to his voice. His name was Zak Young. Even in the single word I heard his voice still sounded enticing.
I shook my head trying to push the thoughts creeping into my head out. They refused to leave.
I looked at Zak and kept envisioning him naked. How his flesh would feel against my body. I shook my head again and this time it worked.
After roll call I quickly moved away to my room on the top floor.
I was lucky. there were only 2 rooms on my side of the corridor and the other room had been empty since this year had started.
I pulled my key out of my pocket and put it into the lock.
I was just turning the key when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I jumped surprised then turned round to see him. Zak.
He was looking up at me. Grinning widely. He said in a smooth flowing voice
"Hi my name is Zak and by the looks of it I am in the room next to yours."
He extended a hand which I shook. His skin was mildly warm and silken smooth.
I grinned back then said
"Hi I'm Oscar. So you're new here?"
He nodded flashing his impossibly white teeth.
I realized I was holding my breath and quickly exhaled. Zak stiffened slightly and said
"right well I'll see you later then."
I hardly paid attention to his words. Instead focusing on his red lips as they moved.
A flurry of images and questions cascaded into my head
"I wonder what his lips would feel like" was what stuck in my head.
he turned away and proceeded into the room next to mine.
I hurriedly stepped into my own room as well. My heart was pounding in my chest now. The blood rushed to my cheeks. What was it about him. I couldn't get him out of my head. He was perfect and I knew I had absolutely no chance with him. He could have any guy he wanted and I knew he would never choose me. But what was the harm in window shopping.
I grabbed my books of my desk and proceeded to my first lesson. Double physics with Dr Flanagan. I walked through the crowds of the younger years towards the class room. The few members of my class were already there waiting. I leaned against the wall next to the door and waited.
The last person I expected to see walking towards the classroom was Zak. He strolled up grinning at us. He moved and stood next to me. His arm pressed against my sleeve. He felt cold against me now. I always was a little bit warmer than most. The building we were was never very well heated.
Thoughts began to spin through my head. I couldn't understand it. No-one had had this effect on me before. Why couldn't I get these thoughts out of my head.
I kept imagining his lips on mine. I shook my head.
Zak grinned up at me. I almost thought he knew I was thinking about him. or worse still. I knew it was impossible but the thoughts only seemed to happen when I was close to him.
Dr Flanagan arrived and I quickly entered the class room trying to get away from Zak and the thoughts that emanated from him.
I sat down at the edge of the Lab. Trying to stay on my own and away from the aura that encompassed Zak. I quickly opened my books and tried to ignore the fact that Zak had sat next to me.
This was not going to be a fun lesson. My imagination began to tun away with itself. As much as I tried to concentrate on the equations on the board. I just couldn't. In fact I was starting to get pissed off.
Something wasn't right. I could feel it. These thought weren't mine. They couldn't be. There was only one common thing about the thoughts. They were of Zak. The logical side of me was trying to disprove my hypothesis. But I knew something was wrong.
I caught Zak's eyes and he grinned widely his dimples showing.
The thoughts ceased.
I sighed in relief. I was finally able to concentrate on the lesson.
By the end of the triple lesson. I had reached a conclusion. I would just try to ignore him. I didn't think I could but I would try.
Thankfully I had no more lessons that day with Zak. And at 6:30 I dragged myself of to supper in the ref. I sat at the 6th form table and ate quickly before leaving for the gym in shorts and a t-shirt.
When I arrived at the gym I began on the treadmill.
Following that I moved to the ergo. I had never joined the rowing team at my school but I had always liked the ergo's as a means of exercise. By the time I left almost an hour and a half had passed. Sweat coated my t-shirt as I walked out of the gym.
I stepped out into the cold night air. The sun had set long ago. I walked through the dark night along the long dirt path back to my room. I shivered slightly as my t-shirt got colder.
I walked along the narrow path. Past the foreboding trees on either side of me.
I heard someone walking behind me and stopped quickly turning around.
It was Zak. He was wearing jeans and a short sleeved t-shirt exposing his arms.
He grinned weakly then said
"you've been avoiding me. I should warn you I don't like being ignored."
I shook my head then said
"why are you so interested in me?"
he grinned widely then said
"you intrigue me."
"what are you talking about?" I asked
"of all the people in our year you are the quietest. Never the first to answer but always attentive in class. You want to become a doctor. But never want to oppose your mother. Also there is something about your scent. Something super-natural is mixed in among it" he said matter-of-factly
My head was reeling. How did he know exactly what I wanted.
"how do you know that? It's not possible" I said shocked.
He grinned widely then said
"I know a lot about you. Such as the fact that you always looked up to your grand father. Your aunt has recently moved to America with your cousin. I know that you are gay. I also know that even now you are struggling not to think of what you would like to do with me."
He grinned widely. I stepped back off the path and into the woods. I pressed back against a tree.
I stared forward at him. Standing there innocently smiling.
"that is not possible" I stuttered
he inhaled deeply then said
"oh believe me it is"
I backed further into the forest turning to run.
Zak appeared in front of me.
I stopped dead. He grinned widely then said soothingly
"shsh relax I'm not going to hurt you."
"whatever you are you are not human" I said pressing back against another tree.
He walked slowly towards me. Looking surprisingly scary for someone so small.
He shushed me again then reached up to place a hand on my chest. I froze at his touch.
His touch sent tingles through my chest. He trailed his hand down to my abs then up to my neck. I opened my lips to speak but he shushed me again.
He moved closer to me, looking up at my face. he reached out and placed his hands on my cheeks. I didn't resist. With my heart beating heavily, he slowly elevated himself by standing on his toes and stared into my eyes. I stared back, and he drew me closer to him. I closed my eyes.
A few seconds passed before I felt his lips brush against mine.
He slammed me back against the tree with too much force for someone his size. I groaned in pain. He ignored my objection and his hands tugged me against him. His tongue slid between my lips.
He tasted incredible. Sweetness rolled over my tongue and I pulled him closer to my body.
Our tongues slid together effortlessly and he tilted his head to the side to deep the kiss.
I ran my hands down his back to his arse and squeezed affectionately. He moaned loudly. And pulled away quickly, facing away from me.
He was breathing heavily. I walked forward slowly and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Zak I...did I do something wrong?"
he laughed then said turning around slowly saying
"no I almost lost control now that would have been dangerous."
he was looking down at the floor. I pulled him towards me slowly. He resisted still looking down. I put my arms around his waist and held him against me. He put his arms weakly on my back and buried his face against my chest.
I leaned down and kissed his neck lightly. He groaned and turned his head to face my neck. His lips lightly pressed against my neck teasingly. I moved my hand to the back of his head and pressed his closer against my neck. He pulled back and muttered quietly
"you should be careful doing that"
After he'd said that he just held me. Or more I was holding him. His height seemed miss leading. Judging by the fact that he was able to shove me back against a tree.
He muttered quietly against my chest
"I haven't done this in a while. I haven't wanted someone like I do with you.
Tonight when I saw you walking back from the gym I couldn't help myself.
There are so many things I would like to do with you. So many things I could show you.
But I don't want to rush you. I won't do anything until you ask."
He nuzzled against my chest.
"well then all I am going to ask is for you to kiss me again." I said
he looked up smiling showing his perfect teeth.
He leaned up again his hands holding onto my neck pulling me down. Our lips met fiercely and his tongue met mine. My hands moved down his back to his arse. He pulled away a growl in his throat.
He shoved me quickly and I toppled backwards onto the cold ground.
By now I could hardly see the path. Zak was on top of me in an instant. His lips pressed against mine again. He ran his hands up my chest and to the top of my t-shirt.
His hands moved beneath the collar and tore it down the middle. Exposing my pale white chest.
He ran his hand up my chest sending goose-bumps along my skin.
"delicious" he muttered.
His head lowered to my chest and he kissed up from my abs.
I lowered my head down groaning loudly. His lips sent tingles along my skin. His teeth lightly nipped my skin. The sensation was on the verge between pain and pleasure.
I heard a twig snap and sat up quickly. Immediately alert. Zak's eyes darted around. I opened my lips to say something but Zak's pressed against mine silencing me.
He moved too quickly standing up. I slowly stood up and moved to his side discarding the remnants of my t-shirt.
Zak jogged forward flitting easily between the trees. I followed. My foot struck on a root and I tumbled forward to the forest floor. I looked up at Zak. he had turned back towards me.
I planted my hands in the undergrowth and pushed off. I moved onto my knees and examined my hands. There was a shallow cut present and a single droplet of blood squeezed out.
Zak closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and turned to me with a pained, hungry look on his face.