Episode One: How it all starts....

I'm Alexander Brown, I am gay and kind of a semi-nerd. I'm not so confident in myself regarding how I look. I know that I'm not the ugliest person in Earth, but I'm not as attractive as I would like to be.

My best friend, Thomas Water is a good looking straight guy, who has girls making lines to invite him on a date and the gays go crazy for him.

Unfortunately, he is not interested in guys at all and that disappoints them.

Besides being my best friend, he is also my brother, my father, my boyfriend (sex and kisses excluded) etc... We understand each other easily and we make each other laugh like crazy. We really get along very well.

The first time I saw him was on Facebook When I saw his profile picture, my mouth was watering because he was really hot in his profile picture. To make sure it was not just a picture on a fake profile, I started to check if there were any other pictures of the same hot guy. And I was so amazed to discover that he was actually the same guy in all of the pictures. I kept seeing the same gorgeous guy, hotter and hotter in every single pic. I just couldn't believe my eyes and he was living in Santo Domingo, which means that I had some chances to meet him one day. I sent him a friend request and he accepted me. I was really happy when that happened.

As I said, I was really attracted to him. I was hoping he could be gay and might become my prince charming. We start writing each other but I was so scared that I couldn't ask him if he was gay or not. I didn't want to force him to delete me or block me on his Facebook page so i kept sending him innocent message and that was it for a very long period. I was waiting for him to make the first move but nothing like this happened.

After months of looking over and over at his pics that he updated almost weekly, i dared to ask him if he had a bbm pin because i just had my second blackberry. The first one was a gift from a friend of my mother and didn't work properly. I didn't have money to buy another one, so I spent more than a year without Blackberry. And then when i get that second one that I bought with my own money, I  send him a message to ask him if he was using a blackberry. He said yes and sent me his pin. I was so happy that day and I really can't explain what I was feeling exactly. I mean that I didn't really know what my true colors were at that moment.

I added him on the Blackberry Messenger and he accepted my request. I wrote him a message right after he did. He didn't reply right away so was kind of freaked out but when he did he told me he was at work. I felt better. We start to talk about everything. I asked him about his life. He told me he has a kid, a little boy, and that he was living with his long term girlfriend, who was also the mother of his child for almost eight years. I was surprised, shocked because I wasn't expected that he could had a child. I didn't lose my faith because of those news. I was still hoping that he could be bisexual. We kept talking for hours. Honestly, I can say that we clicked since the first day but we really clicked after I came out to him.

He was the one who asked. He told me that he did because he started to have suspicions that i might be gay thanks to the update of the songs i was listening to showed on the Blackberry Messenger screen. He said that the songs I listen to was the same ones his girlfriend likes.

When he pops the "big question", I was scared and hesitated to tell him. I was afraid that he might remove me from his Blackberry Messenger contacts but on another hand, I had a feeling that he would not do that. Maybe it was because I already had some growing feelings for him but I really started to trust him. I felt like he was already my confident. Someone trustable enough to count on even though I have my reason not to came out be him.

I've been through situations like this before when I came out to people and after I did, they stop talking to me and start giving me attitude and some of them were very close to me. There was also people I've known for long time who unfriended me when they knew that I was gay but with Tom, more than fear to lose his friendship, it was the other experiences that made me have doubts to tell him right away after he asked. I thought it was too late but I realized that I had no choice but to be honest with him since he asks from the very start.

I chose to say yes instead of lying to him because I had a feeling that he was a good person more than anything. He helped me to answer his question because he sound so sincere and honest when he asked.

After I said "yes, I am. I'm gay". He said "Ok, there's no big deal. I just wanted to know". I said " So, what do you think?" He replies to me "Nothing. I do not judge people. Everybody can do whatever they want with their lives, it's their business. I respect you regardless your sexual preference".

When he said that, I didn't shed a tear only because I couldn't, but I  cried on the inside because nobody had never told me that after I came out to them not even anyone of my family including my mother who told me really bad things when I told her who I really was. And then there was that guy that I barely know and who barely knows me telling what I always wanted to hear after coming out.

I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt so proud of myself and so happy at that moment that  couldn't reply immediately to him after that. He was the one who called my attention back to him by sending me a "Ping". I said sorry but I was just kind of recovering from his positive reaction to my coming out. He text me "Lol" and I texted "lol" back to him.

After that, we kept chatting until we fell asleep. And it was at that moment that I realized that more than having sex with him, it would be better for me to have him as a friend because he told me after I came out that he wasn't gay, not even bisexual. I'm not saying that all those feelings that i had on the beginning were gone but I decided to put them on a little box close to my heart for now. I was kind of disappointed though but I understood him and I didn't think that it was a great idea to keep bothering him anymore about that subject. I never want to let him go because people like him are angels on earth and it's not everyday that an angel knocks at a human's door. 

*************

The following morning, I woke up happier than ever. We had the same work's schedule and we started to chat on BBM on our way to work. We discussed about music a lot because we're both music freaks. Music bonded us a lot too because we had a lot of similar songs and common musical taste. We spoke about about TV series, movies and plenty of other shits that we dedicated our free time to. We were like two little kids, two little brothers from one different parent but that were meant to be united because it was fate that these two souls were supposed to be bounded.

Now, I can't imagine my life without my big bro Tom. We speak every fucking day, we don't communicate on BBM only when we're on the floor (we're both worked at call centers) but as soon as we have a break or lunch, we hit each other up and I definitely don't know how could I survived all this time without him in my life. Since I know him, my life is brighter, lighter. I feel like I am fucking flying. Just like if my body was floating on thick air. He makes life so easy to live knowing that I have someone who cares about me and who is depending in some kind of way to me.

And the most extraordinary is that we are so different in so many ways but our differences make us stronger. Our differences made me realize that someone can make me happy, not only by touching my body but also and on a deeper dimension, by touching my heart.

And here's the start of the friendship of my god damn life.

 

Golden_Pienne

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