I sat in my bed, in the hospital, going over what just happened the last few days. Everything moved so fast, too fast. I cried, I couldn't control myself. What was wrong with me, I thought. The sound of a closing door echoed throughout my room. I sat silent as the doctor told me that I was diagnosed with a disorder, it makes me cloud my judgement at times and if it went unchecked such as that situation something like that might happen again. They called it Bipolar disorder. I wasn't too thrilled to hear this, I didn't know if I would be able to keep myself in check. As we listened to the doctor explain everything we might need to know, my dad stormed off. He wouldn't hear anything of it. I felt betrayed, he's my dad he's so supposed to support me through everything right? The doctor said that the moods I would feel wouldn't be able to be suppressed and that I should try to get rid of them as quick as possible. Giving us the all-clear the doctor said that she was also happy to see me back at school and said she knew a counselor I could go to that might be able to help.
The drive back was silent, like the drive in those movies on dark nights before their car stalls, it was eerie, no one said anything, no one dared to. I was fed up with the silence, I turned on the radio, but my mom reciprocated by turning it back off. I was annoyed, I took out the phone Amarion gave me and I texted him:
Hey... What's up?
Kimani! I was wondering when I would be able to hear from you again. ;) Whats going on?
I.. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder today. I feel like my whole world is breaking
I didn't know why I felt so comfortable with him
That's horrible I'm sorry would you like to go out somewhere?
Like on a date?....
No, Like to cheer you up as a friend.
I don't know if I can.
My dad said something mean about you, He wouldn't like me hanging out with you
Well what'd he say? It couldn't have been that bad. ;-)
He said you were a faggot
I typed those words but I didn't know if I should still ned it. I didn't know how he would react to those words either. I wanted to stay oblivious to his sexuality.
Oh wow, um, well I didn't mean for you to find out if was gay this way Kimani, you know I wouldn't do anything to you right?
Yes I know.
So come get some IceCream with me, Do you know where Stillwells is?
No, remember I lost my memory? Haha how ironic.
That I can't remember anything, but for some reason you understand me. And you could well.. take advantage of me if I wasn't paying attention.
Are you still on that? You know I wouldn't. Ask your mother if we can go get Icecream.
Fine, Wait a while.
"Mom?" I asked finally breaking the unruly silence
"Yes Honey?" She replied quietly
"Can I get some Ice Cream with a friend?"
"With who? Do they even know you?"
My mom stopped the car, My seatbelt caught me before I hit the dashboard.
"No! You know your dad wouldn't approve of that." She pulled over to the side
"Ugh, shut up! Who cares about that misogynistic asshole?" I flared
"Kimani! Don't talk about your father that way!" She started to drive down the road again, "Do you know how hard he works to put your ass into that school - that you will be going to again - I will not tolerate such behavior!" She screamed at me.
I stayed silent for the rest of the ride, looking out the window at times at other people. I felt my phone buzz.
Ar: Hey so, what'd they say?
Me: We can't. My mother is standing by my fucking father for some reason.
Ar: Damn that sucks. Wish I could do something about it.
Ar: I hate bigots.
Me: I can understand
Ar: Well thanks anyway, I guess your coming back to school so see you then.
I sat in my room. Staring aimlessly at the ceiling, my parents wouldn't let me go out, I didn't know why. As I started to get up and change for bed I was distracted by someone coming into my door and forcefully closing it. I turned around and saw my father, I immediately tense up. I could smell the alcohol coming off of him in droves. He finally spoke.
"Kimani, I'm sorry I stormed off like that this morning?" My dad restrained himself from launching himself at me.
"You should be. You should be there to protect me" I responded.
He looked offended. "Now listen here-"
"Why? You haven't payed attention to me" I questioned.
"I think your Bipolarity is coming off" He said but his judgement was clouded more than mine was.
I was apprehensive because I knew the alcohol clouded his judgement but there was nothing I could do to stop it or make him see reason. I argued with him further even though it was the worst thing I could do at the moment, but I couldn't think properly even so.
"Your so ignorant to the little thing father. You should pay attention more. Maybe go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting?" I sassed.
He seemed to get more enraged by that. "Boy! I swear I am your father and you shall treat me with respect. If you don't-" I stopped him before he could get any further.
"But you don't act like a father enough to be one." I responded fiercely.
He reached for his belt, and proceeded to walk towards me. "I will make you see reason even if it's the last thing I do."
"Ha! What are you going to do with that?" I said oblivious to the impending doom
He sauntered towards me, like a lion preying on a gazelle, even though I gave that witty reply I stepped back, and he stepped forward. His belt was studded, I didn't know why an old man would need a studded belt, much less wear one. I was pressed up against the wall now, no where to escape to. His facial expression worsened and fear crept into me.
"I can smell fear boy" He said with a murderous tone.
His breath was touching my skin, it smelled of cigarettes and beer. I tried to side-step out of his way, but he caught my arm and twisted it to the point of breaking.
"Let me go," I whimpered.
"This is what you get," He replied.
He twisted my arm to my behind and I was forced behind him. I wondered what would happen to me. His snap of the belt scared me even more. I became hard, though I did not know why, I hid it from him. His laugh came into the air. I shuddered at the shrill sound of it. This obviously was not good for my bipolarity. I heard the belt crack and it struck my ass. It felt like he was cutting off my flesh. His next few strokes of the belt hit me on my shoulder, my lower back, and behind my ear. I didn't know if I could take anymore. I felt myself on the verge of a panic attack. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. I kept repeating to myself. The whip kept hitting my back. I grabbed the nearest utensil to me; a glass bottle. I faced him, and broke it over his head. It did nothing except cause him to step back a little and in return he broke the belt over my back again. I cried as I could do nothing to defend myself from him.
"Ah, my studded belt how I've loved you" He said behind my ear; tauntingly.
I shuddered, I was scared and afraid. I tried to move but was locked in place, my brain wouldn't allow me to. His studded belt tore into my flesh again and again. He became more rapid with his hits. I was sure I had holes all over my back, and probably a pool of blood collected there.
"Turn around boy. If you don't now I'll make it ten times as worse." He raged.
Thoughts of what was going to happen shook me into shock. Was no one here to save me I wondered. I felt a hand forcefully flip me over. His demeanor scared me, he looked like he could have ate me for breakfast and I would've felt it in the afterlife. No words were exchanged, except the conversation between our eyes. His clouded eyes and my clear ones. He lifted the belt and cracked it again. He brought it up behind him, and it came crashing down on my chest. I couldn't feel it now, but my back stung from all the lashes and marks and wholes from before. The searing pain of it attack my body again and again threw me in and out of consciousness. I didn't know how much I could handle before I would be comatose. Again and Again, I suffered under his brutality. I wished for no more. I cried out, I screamed, no one could hear me. I couldn't bear any more. My brain faltered. I became cold.
Boy, what are you going to do?
I need help.
You're so weak.
Come on! Get Up!
Save Us! Save US!
I- We Can't Give Up On You.
I woke up in a hospital bed, I tried to turn over but that proved to be too strenuous for me. My mouth was cold, I needed water. I looked up. The hospital was white, the floors were white. Everything was white. I was scared. Was this death? Was I forced to live in a hospital forever?
No You won't
An unfamiliar voice spoke to me. I tried to look around, to see where it was. It proved to be futile he could not be seen. I became angry, but that soon left my body, a calming touch washed over me.
All your questions will be answered, Kimani.
I woke with a cold sweat. I was in the same hospital, but it held color this time. My mom, and my siblings were there asleep. I instantly pressed the nurses button for some water. The sound of a nurse coming into my room and closing the door woke my family. She said she'd be back with some water and the doctor.
"Oh praise lord heavens, my babies awake." She exulted.
My siblings gathered around me, my brother on my mothers side and my sister on the adjacent. The peace was short lived as blinding flashes of light poked into our room. There were photographers here. I was annoyed, I tried to get out of bed but couldn't, my family held me down fearing it would trigger an attack in me. It wasn't long before security got them out and away from my path. Almost immediately after that happened, a woman came into the room and proceeded to ask me questions. My family left after this woman asked them to leave so that she could ask me some questions.
"Hello, I'm Detective Owens with Child Services, now can you explain to me how you got all these markings over your body?" She prodded
Apprehensive of the situation and what my dad might do to me finding out of me talking about what really happened. I countered.
"I fell" I lied
"Really?" She didn't believe me
"Yes, I tripped outside, in the park." I replied
"And that's how you got those small 'holes' in your body?"
"Yes Ma'am. Someone found me and took me into the ER, and now here I lay" I said smugly
"Interesting, because we looked over your room and there was blood on the carpet and your bed," She had me, "Mind telling us about that?"
I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to get my father incarcerated even though all he's done to me. But I didn't want to give up on family. I lay there silent. She came up and patted me on the shoulder. She gave me her 'card'.
"When you want to talk, please do." She smiled before she left the room
Immediately after I broke down into tears, I was hungry but my body hurt so much it almost fed my hunger. I looked around the room, seeing nothing except the remote to the TV, thinking that would help me I turned it on and started to watch it. The show was odd, something about a killing, and all these detectives trying to figure out what happened before the end of the show. I couldn't watch anymore and fell asleep as the next one came on.
Immediately in my dreams I was attacked with the vision of my father beating me over and over again. But this time I was outside my body. I watched the entire thing, I was disgusted at my pig of a father, if he could nicely roll over in his grave I'd like it.
Revenge isn't the answer kid.
I looked around trying to figure out where that voice came from. It sounded just like the one from before and I was scared even then. Then, I saw him; he wore all black, from head to toe he was swathed in it. His chiseled face, and hard demeanor was enough to tell me to be careful around someone like him. He had blue eyes, and whitish-gray hair, he looked only enough to be my father. His eyes told the story of someone who'd worked too hard in his life, as weary as they were, he was as sharp as ever. He stood there not speaking a word. I saw some etchings of archaic symbols on his skin, I didn't know what they meant, but they certainly piqued my interest.
"Who are you?" I spoke out loud.
It's not who I am, It's what I am to you, and what I plan to do.
It felt stupid to be asking him these questions out loud so I spoke to him, in my mind. It was quite weird at first and I didn't know what was happening.
What are the right questions?
That is only for you to figure out Kimani Azikiwe.
I thought for a while.
What are you supposed to be for 'me'? And what do you plan to do here? Who are you? Where do you come from?
My name is Kiederan, we used to know each other in a more... passive time.
I was aghast how did I know him? When did I know him for that matter?
Where are we?
Between Time and Space.
So What are you?
One of the creatures that go bump in the night.
I detected a small twang of a joke in his eyes. But it didn't amuse me, it made me fear him even more.
What kind of creature goes 'bump in the night'
He looked scared. Which scared me even more.
You'll learn more in due time. Don't give up on us. You have to save us, save them, save everyone.
He left leaving me confused and questioning. I didn't know how to specifically get out of this place, and I wasn't going to go through another beating because of it. I tried everything I could think of. I pinched myself, I slapped myself, did everything I could to hurt myself to wake me up, but nothing worked. I sat there with my legs crossed and just listened. Immediately my mind focused on the smallest sounds. The sound of the air blowing through the breeze, carried the song of a bird, and the morning dew mist, though everything was white all around I wondered where it came from. I imagined a small cottage next to me and apple pie on the stoop as the next smell came from that. Suddenly the smell of blood awoke me to my horrors, I saw a battlefield and thousands upon thousands of legions just attacking each other, I witnessed the death of their men and how their blood stained the ground. I was forced to watch the gruesome battle and then how flame came to their piled up bodies at the end. I didn't want to view this at all. I wanted to go back.
We have our hold of you; and you can never go back
This was a new voice, I didn't know who spoke it but It almost made me wet myself, though thats something I've never done before. My fear kicked me into a sudden sleep and I was awoken to a small room. Sighing in relief, I opened my eyes and saw a boy in striped uniform carrying something on his cart that he pushed. He was startled when his eyes saw mine open and stepped back from my face.
"Uhm" He said nervously, "I didn't touch you, I swear Kimani"
"How do you know my name?" I asked apprehensive of him, even though this was getting to be quite an apparent feature in my life.
"We go to Exeter together, you never noticed me, I work here on holidays and after school as a Candy-Striper."
"You Strip for .... Candy?" I asked amused
His face reddened, "N-No! It's a hospital volunteer, I'm so embarrassed."
I laughed, "Don't be I just didn't know what that was is all," I sobered, "So we go to the same school then? Can you tell me anything about it? What I need to be prepared for? Also what's your name?" I asked at one time.
"Well my name is Giorgio Copeland, My Italian-American heritage screwed up my name, Exeter is a big school; about a thousand students from grades nine to twelve, the students are really nice; especially the boys," I thought I hinted a slight undertone in his voice but thought nothing about it, he continued, "You were very popular as you know you were on both varsity teams soccer and football, you stood up for others and really made our school a bully free zone, I should also tell you that there is about the whole exeter school who are here who want to see you, but I think that would overwhelm you too much and would annoy you. For your benefit, not mine, I have little tidbits on people that you are mostly friends with and the people you made acquaintances with, I also have small profiles on teachers if you'd want them." Giorgio finished.
"Wow thanks, and sure I would love to have them at least for a start I'm sure I'd find out the more gruesome details later, and thanks for making them leave." I replied.
"Oh they haven't left, they're still here." He said with a slight smirk
"Really? They do know I don't know any of them right? I'm pretty sure that editorial had gotten around faster than wildfire."
"That is true, oh and here have a copy" He said pulling one out of his cart and leaving it to me to read, "Well I have to go, see more patients so that I can go ... strip for them" With a smirk on his face as he left.
I reached over and picked off the editorial from my bed. I opened it and started to read. I didn't fully agree with some of the things that were said about me because I didn't know if they were true myself but I knew I was the talk of the season. There were some questions about my siblings all had scared faces on and if there was a undertone to why I was in the hospital. They thought some disease or if I tried to kill myself in an unorthodox fashion. But I knew it was my bipolar disorder that they didn't know about. I knew that if that happened people might look at me like a weak puppy or something stupid. I bit back tears, and put my covers over me. I hated this, this feeling of not being able to do anything, even move. I felt so useless, so weak. I heard the door opening and I wondered who it was. It was my dad. My dad the abuser, the pain-giver, and a bunch of other profanities I didn't want to pronounce. Even though, I tensed up and clenched my fists at the sight of my dad. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I was scared for myself. The doctor told me I couldn't move my legs at all until they had healed.
"What do you want?" I mumbled quite forcibly
My father looked like hell, his eyes were bloodshot like he hadn't slept in days and he smelled like he hadn't taken a shower in days. He finally uttered words.
"Son, I'm sorry, I was quite drunk and angry at things that happened before you came back to things. My judgement was clouded from the alcohol that I had drank and I wanted to say that I am sorry for what I did to you."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, it doesn't even begin to make up for anything that you did to me, and you weren't 'quite' drunk you were past the state of retribution. Yes your fucking judgement was clouded. Don't come near me again." My tears came down more forcibly and my voice sounded broken, angry and hurt.
"Son I-" He started to say until I interrupted him
"No, get away from me. I don't even want to look you in your face. You're supposed to make me feel safe aren't you? As a father? Is this how you were before? I wish I didn't come back to you. The only person who has made me feel safe was Amarion. You made me have nightmares after that. I was locked in my own mind and I saw it happen over and over and there was nothing I could do to stop it." My anger was noticed
His mouth was open in confusion but he seemed to understand and he left the room. I broke down after that. I didn't mean to leak all of my emotions and thoughts on the page like that. I wondered what I was going to do next when the Child Services woman came in again.
"Would you like to talk again?" She propositioned me
"No thanks, and I wouldn't really like to be bothered again thank you." I replied
"You know, people who often suffer from these types of attacks don't want to get placed in a Foster Home or a boys home because they don't want to upset their parents. I've dealt with many boys who are like you right now. Sitting in a bed, and thinking of how useless they are and possibly coming up with a thousand more things they could be doing at the moment. It's never your fault." I didn't notice she was sitting on my bed until I looked up at her my eyes wet, and my nose runny, She handed me a kleenex but I didn't want her to see me like this. "Is there something boy want to tell me?"
I proceeded to tell her the whole story and how his judgement was clouded because of the alcohol and that he shouldn't be - she informed me the word I was looking for was prosecuted - prosecuted for this type of thing. Detective Owens, sat there scribbling notes on her pad while she kept looking me up and down.
"Well, I do certainly have a lot to think about, I think I will go speak to your family now. Have a nice day Kimani." She got up and left without another word. I wondered what I just got myself into, I didn't want to do anything legal as I didn't know what would be taking place. But I also didn't want my dad to get into trouble for something he couldn't control, even though ever fiber in my bone wanted to do something about him I forgave him I guess. But I knew I wouldn't forget what happened and I knew that it was going to come back to haunt me later.
Well thanks to all you beautiful readers waiting on another great chapter. (Maybe) I'll try to get them out faster but I can't promise anything. Schools just – Eh nevermind that. To another chapter!