After the ' Postate' exam, Raul started acting a little strange. His M.O. became predictable. I began to notice anytime he received a letter from his parents, he'd go into a funk. He'd get homesick, depressed and shortly after drunk. When he got drunk he'd meander into my room, for his version of sex, then comfort in the form of cuddling. He could have had the comfort without the sex, but I was selfish enough, that I tried for both. However, any thing involving anal suddenly became taboo. I was pretty much lucky when he jacked me off, he never offered to suck my dick, and if I happened to try to touch his ass, while I blew him, all bets were off! I can only assume that either he hated my finger up his butt or he liked it too much, which conflicted with his idea of manly behavior. Apparently mutual jacking off fell within the realms of allright for men, but anything else was just unacceptable.
I'd already come to accept that number one, Raul and I were not going to become a couple. Number two, Raul was never going to let me fuck his sweet ass. Number three, someday Raul was going back to Guatemala. I accepted what he was able to give and when I needed more , Well there was a city full of hot guys, who would give me what I needed.
Intrestingly enough, it was me seeking what I needed, that caused Raul and me to have a big fight! I'd hooked up with a guy I'd met while dancing at a social for gay minors. ( I did mention I was under 21, didn't I?) He was a bit older, had his own place, and let me ride his ass to my heart's content. The next night, after classes and work, Raul was waiting up for me. Drunk and God was he in a pissy mood! He tried to put it all down to concern because I hadn't called to let him know I wasn't coming home, but I countered with the fact that I had told him I wasn't coming back if I got lucky. That really set him off! My Spanish had improved since moving in with Raul and working at Senor Hectors, but the Spanish coming out of Raul's lips was definitely not in the Spanish dictionary. I'd had a long day, I was tired and not in the mood for his crap. When he wound down a little, I just shrugged and laid it out for him. ' Raul, sometimes I just need to fuck a nice hot piece of ass! If you don't like it too bad! I'm not your personal bitch! So unless you want to spread those Guatemalan cheeks of yours to keep me happy, back the fuck off! I'm going to bed!' Which I did with a hearty slamming of the door.
I could hear Raul muttering under his breath out in the living room. Then I could hear the fridge opening and the sound of a beer bottle opening. It was quiet for a bit, then I heard a gentle tapping at my door. I didn't answer. The tapping got a little louder, then my door creaked open. ' Rustee can we speak?' ' NO, Raul, I'm tired and I don't need to deal with your fucked up shit tonight! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!'
He did and still seething I spent half the night wavering between going and apologizing and raging at the unfairness of it all! I knew that I was half in love with Raul, but I also knew we weren't going to be able to take it as far as I'd like. I couldn't live on just drunken encounters alone. So I steeled myself against my traitorous heart.
We were very cool and civil for about a week. Then Maria pulled me aside. ' What is going on with you and Raul? He's saying he lost his best friend and that you were being a real bitch lately!' ' Raul has no place to talk! He's not my keeper or my boyfreind, so he has no say about my sex life!' ' Sex life? Raul has problems with you being gay?' ' No not with me being Gay, just me being gay with some other guy!' ' Are you telling me that you've turned Raul gay?' I gaped at Maria. ' NO, no no, Raul is not gay! He just doesn't seem to want me to hook up with guys. I don't know why or what his problem is!'
' He sounds like a jealous boyfreind, Rusty. Are you sure he's not gay?' ' Maria, right now I'm not sure of anything! Truth be told, Raul confuses the shit out of me!' Maria just shook her head. ' Just don't get in over your head Rusty, if it's not too late already!'
That night when I stumbled in tired, from all the drama and a real busy night at the resturant, Raul wanted to talk. A half dozen scathing remarks fought to get out, but I choked them back.
I sat down, took a deep breath and listened. ' Rustee, I know no right have I to tell you what it is you should do. It is just that You are my friend and i care about you. I hear such stories about gay people being bashed or serial murdered. I worry!' How could I answer that. ' Raul, you watch too much T.V.. It is almost as likely that you will hook up with some nutcase chick, who'll cut your cojones off! Life is a risk, evry moment could be your last! I am not going to miss out on all the great things in life because the next one might be the end of me.
Amigo, I hate us not getting along, but I have to live, otherwise I might as well just dry up and die!' Raul nodded, and it looked like his eyes were tearing up. ' Sometimes I am sad that I can not be what you want me to be Rustee! But mi familia expects me to marry, have children and carry on our name. I will go back to Guatemala someday. You cannot be loving me, it will hurt so much for you!' I just shook my head. ' Love you as a freind, love you as a brother,even love you as a lover, do you really think it will hurt me any less when you go?' Raul frowned for a moment. ' NO, we are very good friends, no matter what, there will be hurting someday!'
'Good. I'm glad you see that. Look buddy, I'm dead tired, I need to go to bed.' I paused, then for the first time, I made the first move. ' If you want to you can come sleep with me. No sex, just two friends holding each other. It's up to you.' I yawned and stood up, smiled at Raul and headed for the bedroom. When Raul didn't come right away, I decided I'd pushed the boundaries too far. I was too tired to care. I just stripped and fell into bed.
Maybe a couple hours later I was vaguly aware Raul had come to stand by my bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over me. I could smell the beer on his breath. ' Just great!' I thought, ' Drunken sex again!' Then Raul slipped a hand under the blanket to run across my chest. I woke right up. In all of this time he'd only touched me like that once. He ran his hand down my hairy belly, until he came to my rising cock. He gently fondled it into a full hardon. Okay a hand job is good. Then he pulled the blanket back with the other hand. His broad palm still stroking my dick, he stared at it like he'd never seen a dick in his life. He didn't look at my face. He had to know I was awake, but it was like he couldn't acknowledge it. I could see his face in the light from the street outside. I wish I could see the thoughts in his head. I saw him gulp and take a deep breath. Then he bent, and touched the tip of his tongue to the tip of my cock. I was shocked. I really never believed he'd do such a thing. He paused again and peeled back my foreskin. Then he put opened his mouth and used it to cover the head of my dick! Even though I groaned in shock and delight, he ignored me. It was like he was focused on one thing. He didn't suck, or swirl his tongue. He just held my cockhead in his hot wet mouth. Breathless I waited to see what he would do next. He closed his lips around my shaft and sucked just a little.
It's like he was testing the savors and textures of my dick. I opened my mouth to say something. He must have seen me out of the corner of his eye. He laid a finger over my mouth. ' Don't speak!' unsaid but the message came clear. He pulled a little more of my cock into his mouth. He sucked in. He pulled back, I flinched, the boy scraped with his teeth. Like a message from my mind to his, he got his teeth away. He sank his mouth back down, too far, he gagged. I put a hand on his arm, he brushed it away, his show, his way! He worked out the teeth, and how much he could swallow and began slurping, and sucking. I tried my best to hold still. Then he slipped a hand under my balls and began massaging my spincter. I tensed up, no way was I taking a dry finger up my hole. Like he was once again reading my mind, he pulled his hand away, and slipped a finger in his mouth along side my throbbing dick. When it was god and wet, he massaged his spit onto my hole. I'm not much for even finger fucking, but at that point I was just along for the ride. He began bobbing faster on my cock, and his finger found it's way inside me. I could feel him trying to find my 'Postate', while he tried to keep sucking on my dick. I wasn't complaining. Hell at this point I'd have let him fuck me if he wanted to, even though I much rahter fuck him. I was going to take what I could get. Every time I tried to touch him he pushed my hands away. He finally gave up on trying to rub my prostate and settled for a gentle finger fuck. God how I wished there was more light, so I could see his face on my dick! When I tried pumping my hips to fuck his face, his hands grabbed me and held me still. Then I could feel my cum boiling in my balls. I whispered, ' I'm gonna cum!' He yanked his mouth away just as the cum came shooting out. It hit the side of his mouth and dribbled down his chin.
When I finshed spasming and fell back on the bed, he patted my belly and just stood up and left for the door. At the door he turned with tears in his eyes and gave me a sad little smile. I got up and stumbled after him, but he beat me to his room and I heard the lock click shut! I stood outside his door, I could tell he was just on the otherside. I rested my head against the door. ' Thankyou Raul, you'll never know how much that meant!' No answer. Giving up I turned and slowly walked back to my room. I didn't know just what was going on in Raul's head, but I hoped we wouldn't regret this night!