I slowly climbed up. legs shaking, and wobbling. I look around the alley. Seeing if my rapist, Jake, was still watching me. How do I know his name? He wore his McDonalds uniform and forgot to take off the name tag. I walked out of the alley fully clothed and nervously walked home. I can't tell my mom. I can't tell anyone at school. They'll think I'm gay. I can't let them think I'm a fag because I'm not. This has completely thrown my life upside down. What am I going to do? I've read about guys being raped and how they sometimes think it was their fault, and I know it wasn't my fault, it's just that its going to be so hard to tell anyone. The air was chilly, my breath could be seen. I slowly, anxiously walked down the street towards my house. Tomorrow is going to be hell. I walked into my house and locked the door. I went up stairs and changed. I went to sleep, hoping to get a good nights sleep before school. 


I woke up and slowly climbed out of bed and changed. I walked downstairs and took a pop-tart with me to school. I waited until the bus pulled to our stop and I climbed up the bus stairs. I felt everyones eyes on me. I thought everyone knew my secret by the way they were looking at me. I slowly walked down the narrow isle towards my best friend Eric. We had known each other for 12 years. The bus rocked and bounced as it made it's way down to The next stop.

"hey." I was spacing out. Visions of what happened last night flooded my mind. "Hey, earth to Elliot!" he said laughing.

"oh. Hey...." I said looking down.

"are you ok Elliot?" he asked.

"yeah, I'm fine. W-why wouldn't I be?" I asked a little shaken.

"you seem on edge. Did something happen last night?"

"no! Nothing happened last night! Why are you asking so many questions?" I barked at him. 

"dude now I'm freaking out. Your scaring me. El' just tell me."

I hung my head. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. I didn't care that people saw me.

"Elliot, are you crying?" he put my hand on my shoulder and my eyes shot towards his hand. I pulled away. I just looked at him. His eyes were full of worry. I had to tell him.

"Eric, I lied to you. Something did happen. It was after work. I was walking home and-" we pulled up to the school and I shut my mouth.

"forget it." I said picking up my bag. I stood up and walked down the narrow isle towards the front of the bus. Eric was behind me, trying to talk to me about the situation. I slowly walked down the isle shifting my eyes from side to side as i shakily walked towards the school taking a deep breath as I entered the school. People were walking every which way. I fought against the flow of people to get to my locker. I turned the combo lock and opened it. I took my backpack off and placed it inside. I took out my books and closed the locker door. Standing behind it was Eric with a worried look on his face. "Elliot, please tell me what happened. Were like brothers. You know I won't judge you."

"I'm not a fag..." I said resting my head on my locker.

"what? I didn't ask if you were gay. And even if you were, I wouldn't ca-"

"just stop! I'm not gay!! God just stop! Please! Stop! Stop!"  I was crying at this point. I wanted him to go away. I turned towards the door and left. I headed to the only place I could feel better. Somewhere where i felt safe. The big rock in the park. I walked across the street and I heard Eric calling my name. I turned towards him and looked at him. I turned my head back and started running. I just wanted him to leave me alone. Why is he so consumed with my rape? I mean, I know He's my friend and he wants to help me, but I can't tel him. He'll think I'm gay. Everyone will. I ran as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. I reached the rock and climbed it. I sat at the top and silently cried. God, why did this happen to me? I hate being like this. I'm generally a happy person. Eric sat down next to me. 

"I'm sorry Eric." I said between my tears. We sat there awkwardly for about 15 minutes when I decided to break the silence.

"it was after work." he turned to look at me. "I was walking down 12th street when...." I started to tear up. "a man grabbed me from behind. I... I tried to get away but h-he tackled me to the ground." I could see Eric's eyes widen with him finally understanding. 

"he raped me." I said crying. Eric reached over and gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry Elliot." he whispered. "I'm so sorry."


Josh Volland

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