Now it was his turn to fuck me. I reached for the lube and told him he should loosen me up with his fingers a little bit before he entered me and he did that while I stroked his beautiful big cock and I sighed and smiled and let him finger me for a bit and then I turned myself over and got up on my knees and told him he should fuck me. he was scared at first - I could tell that he was a little uneasy. he started to enter me and it felt so fucking good to feel him inside me, I told him to go all the way in right at once and he did and it slightly startled me because he's so much bigger than I remembered. I moaned and told him to fuck me hard and he could do it any time he wanted to. he started thrusting into me hard and it probably took him only three or four strokes and he said 'fuck, i'm going to come already - oh my god this feels so fucking good' and he slammed his cock into me really hard and I felt him explode and he collapsed onto my back and I could feel his warm chest on my back and he backed out and started to cry really softly so I turned over and grabbed him and said 'what's going on, lover?' and he said 'i'm sorry i'm so emotional - you just felt so good and I can't believe i'm here with you again' and I kissed him and we collapsed again... I can't believe how incredible this guy is and how I so longed for this night and it finally happened again. I will do absolutely anything to stay with him forever. anything.

So now I'll go back to the beginning to catch you all up - this was about three years ago:

I used to go to this bar almost every night - I wasn't too much into pickups but mostly to hang out with friends.

I was probably thirty or forty feet away from him on the dance floor in a dimly lit bar full of dancing and drinking men, yet I could see over to the bar, which was elevated slightly from the dance floor. I could see this striking guy sitting on a stool, looking incredibly uncomfortable. as I got closer, I could make out more of him - he looked like a young steve mcqueen - short blond hair that was just slightly curly and tously (not a word, I know). tall, really great body, although so far I could only see the front :) and when I got all the way next to him, the bluest of blue eyes that i've ever seen. what I also couldn't see until I got closer was that he had on a clash t-shirt and had full sleeve tattoos on both arms that looked, even in the dark, to be colorful and interesting. he was wearing really faded levi's and beige chuck taylor high tops. he had both ears pierced with silver hoops. I didn't get to see his dazzling smile until a little bit later. I never thought I'd meet someone at the bar who actually liked the same stuff that I did - I was an old jaded punk rocker and never dated any guys who I could converse with about music or go see bands with. I could barely hold back my excitement when I locked eyes with him that first time. he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and he had this very slight look of vulnerability in his face, even though he looked like he could take someone down with one punch. I was very careful with how I approached him so I wouldn't seem like I was trying to pounce on him. I told him something about him not looking like he wanted to be there and then I held out my hand and he took it and I could feel a definite spark when he touched me. I took his hand and started to pull him off the bar stool and he stood up and let me lead him out to the dance floor. He was taller than me, about six inches or so and I just couldn't wait to hold him.

we went out to the dance floor and I remember him saying 'I can't dance' and I said 'you don't need to' and I put my other hand around his waist and pulled him towards me and started sort of slow-dancing with him, mostly so I could put my hands on his body and also to make him more comfortable. I could feel a release of stress in his body as he held me back and we sort of stood there for a bit, swaying a little back and forth and staring at each other. he took a leap by leaning his face down towards me and he started to kiss me. I felt myself leave my body from the surge of electricity when we locked lips. he kissed me really softly and didn't plow his tongue into my mouth like many other guys would. we kept kissing and kissing and finally parted lips and I said 'I have to take you home with me' and he nodded. finally in the car we said our names and didn't talk other than me giving him directions to my apartment

I'm letting Steve tell the next part, although he wants to go back and tell what he thought when he first met me - then he'll get to the sex part.


I was thinking about my first time with Mark, that first time I went home with him that night over three years ago. that night began a seven month affair that made me face who I really was. unfortunately, I blew it, but love ruled over that - he waited for me for two years until I finally got my act together and decided to live.

I had gone into that gay bar a handful of times and met a couple of guys who I hooked up with more or less anonymously. I went in there mostly right after I moved to LA but gave it up for a bit when I dated a couple of different girls as a cover (mostly for my brother and dad's benefit).

Completely frustrated with myself and extremely depressed I went back for a couple nights and sat in the shadows, nursing beers, wondering how I'd ever find what I was looking for and who that person would look like. I still wasn't sure though. The last night of that week that I went there I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer and wondering what the hell I was doing - none of the guys appealed to me, although I was certainly being ogled by just about every guy. but someone did catch my eye as he came up to me. he was different than the rest. he was wearing a mission of burma t-shirt, levi's and converse high tops for one thing. a guy into burma? wow. I never expected to go into a gay bar and see someone wearing a t-shirt of my favorite band in the world. He had intense big brown eyes and an amazing face with high cheekbones, a close cropped haircut and the slightest bit of a five o'clock shadow forming on his face (which is a really big turn on for me). He looked shorter than me but had a solid looking body - great arms. I felt my face get hot as I looked at him and he kept walking over to me and locked eyes with me. he walked right up to me and said 'you're new at this, aren't you?' and I nodded and he held out his hand and took me out to the dance floor. I thought or said 'fuck - I don't dance' but he pulled me into him and held me in a kind of slow dance - we kind of swayed back and forth even though the music was high-energy techno stuff. guys were staring at us left and right. he held me really tight and I held him and his body felt so nice - I couldn't help grabbing his ass. I looked down at him since he was shorter than me and he tipped his head up and I kissed him. I felt a bolt of electricity surge through my body as I locked onto his lips and I couldn't let go. it was more of a romantic kiss as opposed to an 'I want to fuck you kiss' and we kept kissing and after a few minutes he said 'I want you to come home with me' and I nodded and we got into my car and drove there. I found out his name and told him mine. the only other conversation was him giving me directions.

when we got into his place, which was a very nice little cottage style apartment in a small complex, we started kissing again, this time a bit more roughly and his hands were all over me and me him and he backed me over to his couch and I sat down. he sat on top of me and kept kissing me and sucking on my tongue (which no one had ever done to me) and put his hands under my shirt. I could feel that I had a raging hard on and he did too and he was sort of grinding his hips into me while feeling my chest and I took off his shirt and started exploring him with my hands. he climbed off me and said 'can I suck your cock?' and I nodded and he helped me get my shirt and jeans off and I had never seen myself so huge. he kneeled and gently started sucking me really lightly running his tongue all over me and holding my balls in his hand and gently let me fuck his mouth and I didn't last too long. I threw my head back and came really hard in his mouth and he kept sucking me until I moaned really loud and begged him to stop. he climbed back up on me and kissed me really hard and smiled at me.

I asked him if I could do the same for him and he was all smiles. he led me back into his bedroom and we climbed on the bed and kissed some more and he took off his jeans and I kissed him all over his chest and he was moaning and smiling and holding my head in his hands and I started feeling his cock through his boxers and he moaned really loud and I pulled them down and immediately put my mouth on him and started licking him and then sucking him earnestly and I could feel him pushing his hips into me to kind of fuck my mouth and I went a bit faster and he didn't last as long as I thought he would and he yelled 'fuck - i'm coming' and shot into my mouth and it tasted really great and he kept going for awhile and then backed off and sighed really heavily. then he motioned for me to snuggle up to him and we held each other silently for a long time and then he looked in my eyes and kissed me. I was his - I could feel it.

I felt so much warmth from him right away and as we recovered from our session I started to walk around his apartment and saw books I owned, records I owned, flyers laying around for shows I had recently gone to and I was floored. he followed me and started asking me questions about myself and I told him a little bit - mainly that I was still in the closet but getting really frustrated about it lately. he asked how old I was and it turned out he was 45 at the time and I was 41. I didn't talk all that much that night - I was sort of high off the sex, nervous as hell, and confused about nearly everything.

he offered me a beer and we sat and drank for awhile he started stroking my arms while admiring my tattoos and then he took my beer from me and set it down and he started in on me again - just like that I was kissing him again and getting hard and wanting him so badly - he led me again back to his bed and we made out for a really long time - feeling and exploring each other's bodies while we laid there and kissed and he was so gentle and caring with how he touched me. he asked me if wanted to fuck him and and I said I'd only done that once about twenty years ago (that's how repressed I've been) and he asked me if I wanted to do it to him and I said yes - and he got a condom and lube and gave it to me. when I entered him I thought I was going to come right then and there. it was the best feeling ever being inside him - it felt hot and tight and I could feel every sensation really well and he guided me in and out and then I finally took over myself and slowly pumped him in and out and he told me I could go a little faster and harder and I did but I was scared of hurting him but he finally said loudly 'fuck me harder' and so I slammed into him and came really hard over and over and when I pulled out I collapsed on him and he turned us over and snuggled into me and asked me how I liked it and I was speechless. it was the most awesome thing I had ever felt.

I fell asleep in his arms, not worrying about anyone wondering where I was. when I woke up it was about four in the morning and he was looking right at me as I opened my eyes and he smiled at me. I smiled back and he drew me closer to him and said 'don't leave' and I said I could stay longer and we slept a bit more and then I woke up about six and said I had to go home to get ready for work and he said 'I want you to come back - will you come back?' and I said yes and he wrote down his cell phone number and said come back tonight - I want you. I left my number and we kissed at the door. his eyes looked a little wet at the door as he stared at me and he smiled and said 'will I see you tonight?' and I nodded and smiled and finally said 'i'll call you about the time, ok?' and he waved to me and watched me go to my car.

I went home and showered and got ready for work and my head was on fire. however, I had the most intense level of concentration that I can remember and I did really great work that day.

My brother and dad called me and asked where I was as I had skipped our usual pool game from that night and I made up some shit about drinking at the shop with people really late and sleeping in the office on the couch and then I came home to shower and change this morning. they bought it and I wondered what kinds of other excuses I could come up with for tonight and for the nights ahead as I knew I would be with him.

This was the beginning of our first seven months together.



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