Sixteen candles: the mark of new maturity for the American teenager. It's a rite of passage to turn sixteen, upon which they usually get a driver's license, maybe even a car. However, my rite of passage happened in the passenger's seat of another boy's car in the early hours of December 25th.
As far back as I can remember I hated Christmas. Why, you ask? It overshadowed my birthday. That's right, I was a Christmas baby. My mother, being the devout catholic she was, saw this as a sign. "You're very lucky to share a birthday with Christ," she would say. Lucky my ass. Every birthday was spent at an exaggeratingly boring Midnight Mass, followed by the Christmas party at my house. My parents tried using that as an excuse for my own birthday party, but they only let me open one present (they thought it wouldn't be fair to my older brothers if I opened them all). All I wanted to do was go to sleep and dream of the nutcracker or frosty the snow man, and wake up to a mountain of presents.
I was the baby of my mother's 4 boys, and always stood in their shadows. Dante, the oldest, was the athelete. There wasn't a single sport he wasn't naturally gifted at. Gale, Dante's twin, was the Einstein. He always had outstanding grades, and eventually ended up being valedictorian of his class. Chris, closest in age to me, was the musician. People would beg him to join their band, but he always declined, having a solo career in mind. I couldn't blame him, though; he had the talent to make it on his own. I, on the other hand, wasn't that athletic, only made slightly above average grades, and couldn't play an instrument to save my life. I had a lost identity.
However, I did have one identifier. I was gay. Of course, I had to keep that a secret. Between my emasculatory father and my preachy mother, I couldn't imagine them accepting me in that way. My mother named me Matthew; "God's Gift." I was the apple of her eye, and to her I could do no wrong. She was in for a surprise.
It's sort of a long story, but I'll begin here: High school. The Pit and Pendulum of the adolescent world. You have your jocks, your geeks, your alternakids, and even your burnouts. Everyone else was considered a reject. I spent my first year floating around from group to group before giving up on fitting in. Now that I was in my second year, I just kept to myself.
There was one guy, though, who was different. Like me, he didn't quite fit the means to fit in. His name was Evan Spitz. He had different characteristics from each clique, but chose not to gravitate to any. He was lean and poised, but didn't play any sports. He was smart, too, but obviously didn't work his hardest. He dressed sort of like the arlternakids, but wasn't into all the mindless brooding they did. Every time I walked past him in the halls was like a scene from a romantic movie. Time slowed and a song began to play as I admired everything about him. His dark hair that stuck out in every direction, his brown eyes, his toned arms... I admit, I had quite the crush on him.
We had 4th period Study Hall together on A-days, and I took this as an opportunity to admire him from afar. Sometimes I would daydream and doodle Evan on a piece of paper, pretending I was doing homework. The Friday before my sixteenth birthday, I was up to my usual study hall habits. I was sketching him from memory. The memory of the first time I saw him.
It was my first day of high school. I was a little lost, and saw drinking water from a fountain. I approached him, intending to ask for directions, but got too distracted by his beautiful ass. I just stood behind him, staring at it while he drank. He turned around, but I'd forgotten why I wanted to talk to him in the first place. I just walked past him and began drinking from the fountain, too embarrassed to speak. My sketch mostly focused on his ass, but you could still tell it was him from his profile.
Then it happened. The A.C., which happened to be right next to my desk, started up, blowing my sketch across the room, right onto Evan's desk. He started looking it over. I couldn't look away, I was so terrified. Then, he looked over in my direction. I quickly whipped my head to face forward, hoping he catch me staring at him. I heard someone get up from their desk. I didn't look. Their footsteps seemed to be getting closer. Then they tapped my shoulder. I looked up, my face red as a tomato. It was Evan, returning my picture of him. "You drew this?" he asked. I nodded, holding my breath. He placed it on my desk. "It's really good," he complimented. "Th-Thanks," I stuttered. I had never been so embarrassed.
To my relief, the final bell rang. I couldn't wait to get out of there so I didn't have to awkwardly face Evan. Unfortunately, I sat at the back of the class, so I was the last one out. When the clog of classmates ahead of me finally dispersed, I was able to make my getaway- erm, that is, my almost get away. As I passed the threshold, I saw even standing directly across the hall from me.
"Hey Matt," Evan called out. I timidly walked over to him. "Do you think I could see that drawing again?" he asked. I reached around and dug it out of my backpack and gave it to him. He smiled as he observed it. "You're really good. I don't want this to sound rude or anything, but do you mind if I keep it?" he said. This made me feel a little better, knowing he wasn't freaked out. "Sure, go right ahead," I answered. "Thanks," he said, stuffing it into his messenger bag.
I turned to walk away, but heard Even say, "Wait!" I stopped and rotated to face him. "What are you doing over the break?" he asked. "Just going to Mass and my birthday party. Why?" I replied. "Well, I was wonder if you wanted to, uh..." he made a hand gesture that implied smoking. "I just got some new stuff and wondered if you wanted to try it with me." I'd never smoked before, so it was a pretty exciting offer. "Sure. Come by my house tomorrow after Midnight Mass," I said.
"Cool, just text me your address," He said, pulling out a pen. He wrote his number on my arm, and waved goodbye. I couldn't believe I was finally going to hang out with my crush.
That evening, I discussed my plans with Evan at the dinner table. "So, mom, I was thinking about my birthday," I started to say. "Oh yes, we've got a big surprise for you this year, Matthew! Just wait until the party, you will just die when you see your present!" Mom said. "See, that's the thing mom. I was actually hoping that I could skip it this year and hang out with a friend," I said back. The whole room fell silent. Christmas was a tradition never broken in my house. "You can't skip mass, Matt. It's unacceptable," Dad managed to say with a full mouth. "Not Mass, just the party," I clarified. "But, angel, we got you a really big present this year, and I really want to see your reaction to it," Mom said.
"Oh, c'mon Mom, give The Baby Jesus a Break!" Dante said. 'The Baby Jesus' was a nickname my older brother called me because my Mom treated me like her "Gift from God." I don't know which I hated worse, my brothers calling me The Baby Jesus, or my mother's refusal to address me 'Matt' instead of my full name. "Just give him the present in the morning, I'm sure he'll be just as excited," Gale said. "Yeah. Besides, it's not every day we hear Matt has a friend," Chris added. My mother finally agreed to let me go, but only if I was back before they woke up.
I could hardly contain my excitement. My dad constantly whacked me in the back of the head because I kept fidgeting during Mass. I couldn't help it, though! Jesus probably wasn't too pleased about all the sexual fantasies I played in my head during Mass. I imagined our tongues wrestling in our mouths, our hands exploring each other's anatomy, and nothing but skin and sweat and saliva. I had to stop thinking altogether when I almost came in the middle of the crowded cathedral.
What seemed like eternity miraculously ended, and we were finally headed home. As we approached our house, I noticed a red Mustang parked outside. It was unusual that I didn't recognize it. The same people had been coming to the after-Mass party for years. Then I realized it was Evan, and jolted out of the car so fast. "Bye everyone! Merry Christmas!" I exclaimed before getting into his car.
It was a beautiful night. The air was thick and opaque, and the streets were lined with lit-up houses. I was especially mesmerized at how well Evan cleaned up his look. He was well-shaven and had on some rather nice clothes. I was still dressed in my church clothes upon returning from Mass.
"So where are we going?" I asked. "Lookout Point," he answered. Uh-oh. I thought. Lookout point was a cliff on the edge of town that had a beautiful view of the lit-up town at night, and it was a popular make-out spot. "Wh-why there?" I shakily said. "It's Christmas. Nobody's gonna be there, so we won't get caught," he explained. It made sense, but I still had a weird feeling about it.
We parked at the very top of the Point, and had a perfect view of the town. It was a magnificent scene of lights flashing in every color. It was gorgeous.
"Won't your parents wonder where you are?" I asked Evan as he prepared his make-shift bong out of a water bottle. "Nope. The family's out of town on the annual Christmas cruise. I never really liked cruises, so I stayed behind this year," he said.
"There, finished." Evan held up the water bottle, with two punctures in it (one for the bowl, one to regulate pressure). He filled up the bowl and showed me how to light it. I watched as the bottled filled with smoke and he took a hit from the lip. God, how I wished my lips were the bottle, pressed against his. He held it in for a couple of seconds before blowing two waterfalls of white smoke from his nostrils. He passed the bottle to me. "Your turn," he said.
I honestly didn't know what to do with it. "I'm stumped," I admitted. Evan gave me a funny look and blurted out, "Is this your first time?" I nodded. "Here, lemme show you." He put his arms around me to outline mine. My heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings. "Hold it like this, with your thumb over the hole," he said, positioning my hands correctly. "I'll light it for you. You just take the hit, and hold it in for as long as you can," he said.
My lips were lining the bottle's as Evan held the flame to the bowl. Then smoke filled the bong, which then filled my lungs. I immediately began to cough ferociously. Evan chuckled. "The back of my throat's burning!" I wheezed. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it," he reassured, handing me another bottle of water. I gulped it down like I hadn't had a drop in days.
He was right, though. I did get used to it. Soon, everything was more vivid. I felt like the world was a brighter place, and, sweet Jesus, was I relaxed. It was hard not to laugh when everything seemed funny. It was a great opportunity for us to get to know each other.
"So you've got three of the most popular, outgoing people at school as older brothers, how come you're so quiet?" he asked.
"Oh, don't get me started," I said. "Dante's gonna end up on the cover of the Wheaties box, Gale's gonna get a Nobel Prize in... braniac-ness, and Chris is gonna tour the world with his guitar someday... and then there's me. The Baby Jesus who can't do shit."
"C'mon, don't beat yourself up over nothing. You've got talent. I mean, look at the sketch of me you did last Friday. You can't deny it's pretty damn realistic!"
I blushed and looked away. "Why me, Evan?" I asked. "Why you, what?" he replied. "Why'd you invite me here?" I said. He fell silent for a minute. "Let's try something new," he said. He put a new bud in the bowl. "It's called shotgunning. When I take my hit, be ready to inhale the smoke I breathe out." I closed my eyes, expecting smoke to blown in my face. To my surprise, I felt Evan's lips pressed against mine, blowing smoke into my mouth. I inhaled it all, and held it. Evan waved his hand toward him, implying I shotgun it back. Instead, when out lips met, he began to actually kiss me.
Normally, I would have reacted by freaking out, but something felt right about this; something compelled me to keep calm and kiss Evan back. It was probably the high.
Things soon escalated, and before I knew it, I was pulling my pants down, exposing my hard on. Evan grasped it and began to stroke it. I was melting just from the sensation of another person's touch on my meat. "Close your eyes," he commanded. I did as told, and felt a whole new sensation on my dick. I opened them to see Evan's mouth completely covering my boner. I let out a loud moan when he reached the base. He kept at it, rhythmically bobbing his head. I couldn't hold it any longer. "I think I'm cumming," I managed to say in shallow breaths. Evan didn't stop. He kept going until I shot in his mouth.
I lied there for a moment, letting what just happened soak in. I'm not a virgin anymore, I realized. "Get in the backseat, if you want some more fun," Evan said. I climbed over the center console into the back seat. Even climbed back with me, and asked "I don't wanna rush you into this if you're not ready, but If you want to, we can fuck... all the way."
"Evan, you have no idea how hard I've been crushing on you. I mean, I've thought of this during Mass to pass the time," I said. "What I'm trying to say is, Yes, I wanna fuck with you so badly, my heart could explode."
"Sweet," Evan said, grinning ear to ear. We started off by making our. Our tongues were twisting and wrapping themselves around each other. I was ecstatic when we started removing articles of clothing. Once we were completely naked, he reached over into the front seat, and got a condom out of his glove compartment. "Better safe than sorry," he said, putting it on. For some reason (okay, I think we all know the real reason) I found it to be the funniest thing ever, and couldn't stop laughing. He kissed me through the laughter and began to lower me backwards.
As I lied on my back, I felt Evan brush against my asshole a couple of time before he found his way in. It was pretty uncomfortable at first. "Hold it there for a minute," I pleaded. "Is it your first time?" He asked. I nodded. "It's a first time for me, too. With a guy," he added. This made me feel a little less tense.
Evan continued to ease his erection into my hole. The longer he had it in for, the more amazing it felt. Then, he began thrusting. My god, I'd never felt anything so pleasurable in my entire existence. It was like everything biology classes teach you about sex is flipped upside down. This whole new experience was better than I imagined. "Fuck, that feels amazing!" I moaned. "So you like it? Want some more?" he said, thrusting even harder. I let out another moan. Each thrust he made, I moaned even louder than before. I grabbed his ass, making his force harder. The harder I clenched, the harder he pumped.
Everything was hot and cold at the same time. The frigid, winter air was seeping into the Mustang through invisible cracks, and mine and Evan's bodies created enough friction to start a fire from scratch. Everything was just a blur of skin and touch and cold sweat. I held onto his body for dear life, never wanting this moment to end. The sensual feeling of his cock in my ass, and his abs pressing against mine was the best I'd ever experienced. You could tell how hot everything was getting from the fog accumulating on the windows.
I brought my hands up to his neck and everything fell silent. We shared a moment merely through looking into each other's eyes. Evan was ready to burst, and I was willing to let him do so inside of me. I wrapped my legs around him and clenched my hole, making him moan in so many different ways. He finally let it all out. The warm feeling I got in my ass was angelic.
He collapsed on top of me, and we just held each other for the rest of the night. I was in the arms of my first love for what seemed like eternity. Everything was perfect.
We must have fallen asleep holding each other. I woke up in the same position with Evan snuggling on top of me. I whipped out my phone to check the time. It was 4:30 AM. Shit, they get up in an hour and a half!
I woke Evan up and we drove back to my place. "I had a nice time. Maybe we can do it again," he said. I smiled.
After I got out of the car, Evan rolled down his window. "I guess I'll see you soon," he said.
"You know, you can crash here, tonight," I offered.
"You sure? I mean, I don't wanna invade your family's Christmas."
"Nobody should spend Christmas alone. It's fine, my family won't care."
Evan finally agreed to stay join the festivities. We crawled into my bed, laying side-by-side. We were too tired to cuddle, which is probably a good thing, considering my parents got us up. We exchanged 'Merry Christmases,' and I explained to them why I had a boy in my bed.
We had our usual gift-opening next to the tree. I even gave Evan one of my small presents (it was a new messenger bag for school). To no surprise, my big gift my parents got me was an old car. I was glad to get one, but it wasn't my favorite one. The best present I got was to spend Christmas with Evan. For once, I was happy on my birthday. He helped me find myself, and for that I can never thank him enough. He gave me the courage to face my biggest fear. That Christmas, I came out.