I can only imagine what Jackson did with that video his crew made of me. He probably sent it to everybody in the school, knowing him. As I walk with my hands on my backpack straps, I notice a video on someone's smartphone. It's me! I see the guy look at it in disgust, and when he noticed me, he quickly shut it off. "I'm so sorry for that, Alec." he said. He looked very familiar; I see him a lot at the aquatics center in the gym room. His name is Michael, and he's on the baseball team I think. 

"thanks Michael..." I quietly said as I went over to my locker. "it's not cool what they did. The whole school should be ashamed of them." he said giving me a half smile. Out of nowhere, I was shoved into my locker. Hard. "got what you deserve, huh, faggot!" some asshole yelled as he walked away. "fuck you, Tit-head!" Michael yelled. That was the first time someone actually stood up for me; I was stunned. "are you ok?" he asked with a concerned voice. "yeah.." I said dusting off my shoulders and rubbing my face lightly.

Sometimes, it kills to be the only other openly gay kid at the school; you constantly have a target painted on your back. This stuff doesn't happen at CN, only here. It drives me insane how childish people are here. I mean, can't we all just accept peoples differences and move on? How does my being gay affect anyone else's life in any way? I'm not hurting people, or molesting children, or stealing things, or promoting hate, so why am I treated like complete scum all the time? Why don't I get any reprieve from this? I got feelings too! 

I sigh at the fact that I am never going to win, and take out my chemistry book. I close my locker with a thud, and tell Michael I'll see him around, and head for chemistry. I take a seat next to the only other openly gay kid in the school, Mason Fellini. "h-hi Alec..." he said as he noticeably blushed. "hey, Mason. How's it going?" I ask looking at his beautiful green eyes. If there's only one thing that Mason has that sets him apart from everyone else, it's his shining green eyes. They are almost glowing. "things are good, I'm sorry about your mom. I was going to say how sorry I was sooner, but I haven't seen you in a while..." he said as he could no longer contain his blushing. I almost blushed because of his slight southern accent. There was no doubt that Mason was adorable, but Bobby and I are just too close. But, who knows, if things don't work out with Bobby, maybe there's something between him and I. "thanks, Mason." I said as I give him a light smile. Mason and I have always been pretty close, I guess you could call him a friend, but we don't hang out much because of how far away we live from each other. I live in Torrington with Bobby, and he lives all the way up in Belvedere. "so... A-Are you seeing anyone?" he asked politely. I nod, and show him a picture of Bobby. He blushed even more. "he's... Handsome..." he said handing me back the photo. "what about you?" I asked returning the question. He nods slightly and shows me a picture of his boyfriend. He had bright blue eyes, long, side swept blonde hair, and a beaming smile. "his name is Chris..." he said as I handed back the picture. I couldn't help but smile, he finally found someone. "does he treat you well?" I asked. He nods. "like a prince. What about you?" he asked looking back at me.

God, those eyes....

"the best. He helped me get out of my other relationship, and helped me when..... I really needed it..." I said totally leaving out my suicide attempt. "I don't mean to be rude, but do you mind if I ask what happened in your other relationship?" he asked politely once again. "not at all." I said as I turned to face him. 

"well, his name was Jamie, and I met him when I was practicing my swimming times about 3 months ago, and we started dating. After my mother was murdered, he started becoming.... Possessive, and controlling. I kept asking him why he was doing these things, but all he would do, was tell me to shut up, or to mind my own business, or to fuck off.

"he started becoming abusive; hitting me constantly, and tried to kill me one night. I told Bobby about it, and I broke it off with Jamie. Bobby and I have been together for about 1 week." I concluded as Mason listened intently. "well, I'm glad you're ok, Alec." Mason said as he looked back at what be was doing. "how about you and Chris? How did you two meet?" I asked as i shifted my weight a little. I saw his face light up a little, and even saw a little tiny smile across his face. "well, I was at the Wolves game, and was getting a hot dog, when I accidentally walked into someone. I spilled my coke all over him, and I felt so bad, so I offered to clean it up." he said as he blushed noticeably. "then, he took me over to his place, and we just... Clicked. We've been dating for about a year, and after I turned 18, I moved in with him." he finished as he looked at a picture of Chris. "he's my boo..." he said as the put the photo away. I couldn't be happier for Mason; he has had it rough. He first came out when he was 14, and I have to admit, that I participated in his bullying to hide my own homosexuality, but I'm so lucky he forgave me, and I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for doing that. Even to this day, I still have no idea why I would do that to such a cool person like Mason. In retrospect, I guess I deserved getting bullied; a taste-of-your-own-medicine type of thing. I sat back in my chair, and got ready for class.

----------------------

At lunch time, Michael, Mason, Bobby and i, all sat at a table together, which was pretty cool. I finally feel like I belong there, and not some outcast. As Mason was telling us about some funny story about him and his boyfriend, Chris, I notice two boys walk in together, and look around for an empty table. One of them was about 6' tall, he has the most beautiful blue eyes you will ever see on a guy, and has short light brown hair. From what I can tell, he's probably pretty well built. The other was a few inches shorter than the other, probably around 180 pounds, smooth chocolate brown eyes, and a cute boyish look to him. I watched as they make their way over to our table, and ask If they can sit down. I nod and they sit across from each other to the right of me. "I'm Josh." the one with the smooth brown eyes said, "and this is the love of my life, Dylan." he said as we look over to Dylan. He gave a shy smile and looked back at Josh. "I'm Alec, this is my boyfriend Bobby, that's michael, and the green eyed one is Mason." I said as they all greeted them. "so, where're you guys from?" Bobby asked. "a small town called Smallhill, but we moved here to get away from a few things...." Josh said as he looked down at his lunch. I could tell that he didn't like talking about it, so I'm not going to push it. These guys are pretty cool, and if they can be open about who they are, then why can't I? I've spent my whole life in high school being afraid, and I don't want to be afraid anymore; I'm NOT afraid anymore. In addition, that little video that Jackson made with his friends totally backfired on him, and now the police are after him, and I'm going to press Sexual Harrassment, and assault charges on him. Toby on the other hand is screwed. Even though he got put away for 5 years, he is still on trial for a hate crime. The only reason he attacked me, was because I am gay, and in this state, that's illegal. I guess Josh and Dylan didn't have the same rights we do here, so i bet it eases their minds to know that they have some more protection. 

After lunch, we went our separate ways until the end of the day, and we made plans to go to a local hangout called "The Riverview." they are known around Compton for their pizza, and everyone goes there to get a savory slice. As you may have already guessed, it is located at a place overlooking the river, and thus that's where it got it's name. I sat with Bobby, Josh sat with Dylan, Mason brought along his boyfriend, Chris, and Michael brought along his girlfriend, Natasha. "ooh... Large crowd tonight." the waitress, Alexis pointed out. We joined in on a good laugh, and she soon straightened herself out. "What can I get you all started with?" she asked with a smile. "I'll have a coke." Michael started. 

"may I have a lemonade?" Natasha asked politely.

"I'll have a sprite, please." Mason asked following Natasha. Bobby ordered us cokes, and Josh and Dylan had iced water. The night was going pretty well, and after we had our pizza, we decided to go hang out in Brigham Park. We made our way to the park, sat down on a few benches, and started talking. I was having fun, and so were everyone else, until...

"woah! Look at all the faggots! It must be my birthday, boys!" Jackson laughed. Michael and Josh both stood up, and Josh got in his face. "we ain't scared of you, prick." he said as he looked up at him. "wow!" Jackson laughed at the hight difference. "what are you gonna do, shrimp?!" he laughed again as he pushed him a little. Dylan rocketed up, and I had to skip out of the way, because there was no stopping him. "how old are you, 6?! you come here, act all tough and big in front of your friends, but as soon as you're alone, I bet you pussy out, don't you?!" he yelled. "what did you say, ass-fucker?!" he said growing furious. Bobby soon stood up, and stood in front of me. I was trying to get to Jackson, because I wanted to shove his head so far up Kyle's ass, he'd know what he had for breakfast. "why dont you make your way back to the bathhouse, cock-sucker..." he chuckled. "cunt-licker." I yelled from behind Bobby. 

I soon got around him, and stood nose to nose with Jackson. "what the hell is a cunt-licker?" Jackson laughed as he pushed me in the shoulder. "it's a straight boy. Straight boys like pussy, most eat pussy, so therefore, you are a cunt-licker!" I explained nonchalantly. "look at you acting all clever and shit. You think you're hot shit, you're not! Where were you when your mommy got whacked, huh?" I felt my stomach drop to my feet, and my heart shatter. He knew he had me when he talked about my mom, but before I could react, Natasha, Michael's girl, went nuts. "don't talk about his mom like that! Who the fuck are YOU say something so cruel and heartless like that?!" she screamed as she got right in Kyle's face. Bobby knew what i was thinking about and took a hold of me and walked me over to a bench. "Mikey, come control your bitch!" Kyle said over her. Natasha slapped away Michael's hand, and got back in his face. "I got this, baby..." she said smiling at Mike. She soon faced back towards Kyle, and went even crazier. "What if it was your mother who got murdered?! Or your little brother? You are nothing more than a low-life asshole to say something like that!" she finished. 

She gave him a hair flip, and walked away. I felt tears grow in my eyes, and I see Bobby grow furious. He was bigger than everyone here, and he could easily lay Jackson out If he wanted to. I watched as he walked over to Jackson, grabbed him by his jacket, and said those magic 6 words. "Get. The fuck. Out of here..." he said with a menacing growl. "and leave. My friends. Alone." he finished. I saw fear set in Jackson's eyes, and for the very first time, he ran away with his friends. I was in shock! Nobody man-handled Jackson like that before,but I'm just glad that it was MY boyfriend that did it! 

Woo! Bonus for me!

The cops soon showed up, and I was in for a real surprise.

"Alec?" a voice said from behind me. I look over my left shoulder, and see a man in his late 30s, with a dark skinned complexion, he was pretty well built, and he had my color hair. I noticed a badge that was clipped on his belt; Compton Police. "d-dad?!" I said in complete shock. He stepped forward, and I took a step back; i didn't want to see him! I hate him! He left me, why should I even look at him? "look, I'm sorr--"

"you left me! Why did you leave me?!" I said screaming at him. He tried to hug me, but I resisted. He left when I first came out to my parents, and he fucking left! "Alec!" he yelled using his fatherly tone. "listen to me--"

"don't pull the "I'm your father" routine, dad, because you are FAR from it! Real fathers don't leave their children when their children confide in them, do you know how hard it is to come out to your parents?! Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see you leave?!" I barked in anger. I can see the look of defeat in his eyes, and he took a step back. "why did you go, dad?" I asked as I calmed my nerves down. I saw tears in his eyes form, and he started to get a little wobbly. "I'm so sorry, Alec. I-I didn't know how much pain I cost you, I can't even begin to sell how sorry I am for leaving your side. I understand if you never want to see me again, but I just want you to know that I lo--"

"don't even say it, dad. Because if you did, you wouldn't have left me. You wouldn't of left me and mom alone to pay the mortgage YOU put on the house. You know, me and her had to work two jobs just to pay it? We had nothing, and while you're living the good life up in Belvedere, we were stuck in a house we couldn't afford to keep, and running low on everything! We lost everything, but at least WE had each other! 

"what do you have, huh? Probably some young, blonde centerfold who has no standards to keep you happy. You're pathetic, dad!" I was in a rage, I didn't want to see him, ever again! I turned my back on him, took Bobby's hand, and listened to him cry. It's about time he knows the anguish he put me through, and I hope that he has to live with it the rest of his life, because I'm never going to talk, or see him again.

After my bitch fest with my dad, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I mean, sure he left, but he is still my dad, and nobody deserves to be treated the way I treated him, so I'm going to give him another chance. I let go of Bobby, and walk over to my distraught father, and clear my throat. He looks up, with eyes full of regret, and he smiles a little. "what was it you wanted to tell me?" I asked sitting down next to him. "I-I just... I want to say I'm sorry.... When you came out to your mom and I, I was so scared. I thought you would be beaten up, and I couldn't bear seeing you in such misery, so I left. I couldn't stand the thought to see my baby boy hurt like that, and I know it's no excuse for leaving, but I hope you can forgive me....." he said with his voice full of regret, and remorse. I knew, deep in my heart, that he is telling the truth, so I give him a hug. I feel his grip grow tighter, and tighter. "I'm so sorry, kiddo..." he said holding me tighter. I couldn't help it; I missed his hugs.

------------------

Misty rain fell from the sky on this gloomy day. I look in the mirror, fix my tie, and draw a deep sigh in. I know this will be the last day I ever see my mother, and I know how hard it will be knowing I can't see her anymore, but, as Bobby hugged my waist, and kissed my cheek, I knew that he sill be there for me whenever I need him. "you ready?" he asked resting his head on my left shoulder. I nod, and we proceed to the Church.

Once we arrived at the old; cathedral like church, I saw the hearse, and I immediately started to tear up. I can't think about this right now, I'll start to cry. As I look out the window, I feel a hand interlace it's fingers with mine, and I look over to see Bobby with a comforting smile on his gorgeous face. We soon got out, I greeted other members of my family like: aunt Judy and uncle Frank, my grandmother, Estelle, and my grandfather, John, my cousins the twins Brittany and Brady, my nephew, James, and of course my brother, Danny and his wife, Emily. I introduced Bobby to my family as my boyfriend, and to be expected, the only person to really give a damn, is my grandfather, and even he said that it really doesn't matter to him. As I walk over to the open coffin with my mother lying there, I notice that she is slightly smiling. I brush her hair out of her face a little, and I couldn't hold back anymore. Tear after tear fell from my eyes when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around, and there's Bobby. I slowly stood out of my kneeling position, and Bobby pulled me in close to him; cuddling me, and trying to soothe me as I deal with the loss of my mother once again. 

After the ceremony, and the lowering of the casket, Bobby and I went home because I couldn't deal with it anymore; it just hurt too much. I don't think my mother will mind, because I think she knows how hard it is for me to realize that she's never coming back.

 

Josh Volland

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