Things had been falling apart for quite some time now. I'm not quite sure when the fabric of my life had begun unravelling. Perhaps it was when I had met Brian for the first time. No, it was way before that. Maybe it was my first love, Adam, that had destroyed me. Maybe it was the unrequited love for the mother I had never met, and in that, my existence had been doomed from the very beginning. I had managed up till now to keep my life neat and tidy, for the most part, but I could feel that undeniable darkness silently taking hold of the control I had over my own life.

*******

It was New Years Eve 2005, the year 2006 was within reach. The house was a flurry of workers setting up table and chairs and decorations for the party which my fathers and his company were hosting. The theme was the 1920s and by the looks of things, my father had assumed the role of none other than Jay Gatsby himself. I stayed in my room the entire day, not wanting to get in the way of the party planner downstairs. I had watched them set up the patio, lawn and pool area from by balcony. Every railing had been draped with gold and silver, every tree stood sparkling with unnecessary ornaments and the pool and been filled with floating candles, so much so that I couldn't even see the water beneath them. A large black storage container on wheels had just arrived and been stationed in the middle of the garden. I watched a large man stride out from the house with a large bucket of an unknown content towards the mystery box. He stood and talked to the couple of men who had dropped off the container. After a few minutes the sound of clunking metal reverberated through the grounds and the men started folding down the walls of the box so that they formed four ramps on each side of what was actually a cage. The men walked up the ramps, and two adult tigers, who seem to have been resting on the floor of the cage, sprang up and charged the men. Their roars sent shivers up my spine and I move closer to the edge of my balcony to better inspect what was going on. The man with the bucket produced large pieces of meat and flung them into the cage. The tigers, hungry and probably quite unsettled by the constraints of the cage, jumped at the food, catching it in their claws. I sat on my balcony and watched them for the rest of the afternoon, walking back and forth along the length of their iron prison.

At around 18:00 I took a quick shower, put on my tuxedo and went downstairs to accompany my father as he welcomed the guests. I stood next to him and two of my older brothers and shook people's hands, some strangers, some whom I had known for many years. All the men arrived looking the same in the penguin suits while the women wore a vast range of colourful dresses. It surprised me that people with such a lot of money could wear such horridly designed clothing. My eyes literally rolled into the back of my head every time I was faced with another glimmering taffeta ensemble. After an hour Lara arrived with her parents. I greeted them and Lara and I went off in our own direction, leaving the welcoming party to do their job.

I took Lara outside to grab a drink and to show her the tigers. We were both impressed by how large they were. Their strong, sinewy strides across the enclosure, their deep growls and their glowing orange and black coats drew in the crowds and in no time most of the guests had surround the two captive animals. People spoke and pointed and laughed and fake roared at the animals, as if they didn't know how to make those sounds. I guess I was doubtful too. How long do you have to be out of your natural environment before losing the very instincts that make you what you are? I'd like to think never, and perhaps that is the case with tigers. They will always know how to roar, to hunt, to kill. I considered myself, captive in my home. I guess I was surrounded by everything I grew up with: my father, the help, and my room. I guess I wasn't losing any instincts but rather not gaining the kind of social instincts I would had I attended a proper school. I knew Lara and I knew Brian. They were the only two real and consistent connections I had to the outside social pool. Despite the wealth and the connections and the various social networks, I didn't have many friends. I had no best friend, not since Adam had left. Maybe he was my wilderness, my jungle, and my instinct was to revel in him, to love him. With him gone I had lost those abilities. I pondered all of this while staring into the yellow orbs of a wild but captive animal. I suddenly saw my pain reflected in its stare. It wanted out as much as I did. I turned around and pushed my way through the crowd back to the house. I was about to go up to my room when my father caught me by the arm and led me back outside. It was time for him to formerly welcome everyone. I stood by him as everyone turned their backs on the tigers and faced my father who, with microphone in hand, addressed the partygoers. I didn't care to listen. My attention drifted from the tigers to my room upstairs and then to the tall figure near the back of the assembly. Brian hovered around the periphery and then, catching my eye and smiling, slowly moved into it toward me. He stopped in front of the deck and winked at me. I smiled slightly. His smile widened. He mouthed something to me but I couldn't make out what he was saying. He opened his tuck jacket and pointed to the inside pocket. He must have something for me. I would no doubt find out later. The talking went on for a while and Brian once again disappeared into the crowd. When everyone had stopped speaking and the music was being pumped up and the champagne began to flow more generously, I disappeared back upstairs and into my room.

I went to my desk and turned on the laptop. I was browsing some movie websites to see what would be coming out soon when there was a knock at the door and Lara came in.

"Brian's here," she said, slightly exasperated.

"I know," I replied, "Why are you out of breath?"

"I ran up here to tell you."

"Oh," I said turning back to the computer but not focusing on the screen, "Have you two been seeing each other?"

"Who? Me and Brian?" she asked stupidly.

"Yes. He took your virginity didn't he? Are you guys still fucking?"

She stared at me, not sure what to say.

"You can tell me. I won't be upset or anything." I said, not sure if I was being truthful or not.

"Well, sometimes he fucks me at school, he has keys to the clubhouse. We do it in there."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah,"

"Does he make you cum?"

"Sometimes," she replied turning red.

"Sometimes?" I asked.

"There isn't always enough time during recess. Sometimes there is only enough time for him to come before we have to go back to class," she replied.

I nodded and smiled. Classic Brian.

"Do you like him, like a boyfriend?" I prodded.

"Yeah, but I don't think he likes me that way."

I guess Lara wasn't as delusional as I thought. All she was, was a warm, wet hole for his throbbing, teenage boy cock. There were no pretences with Brian. Whether his honesty was a virtue or vice I still couldn't tell.

"I guess we're in the same boat then," she said.

"Why do you say that?" I asked. It was my turn to play stupid.

"I know he fucked you that night I lost my virginity and I know he's done it with you since. He told me," she said, smiling devilishly, "We're both his little toys."

Her words cut deeply then, even though I knew she was right, even though I had known it all along. Just to hear it out loud, from her lips, it hurt. We were both warm, wet holes. A knock on the door pulled me out of my reverie. Lara went to open it and Brian walked inside.

"Hey," he said, the simple greeting arising from the depth of his throat, deeper and more gravel-like now that he was getting older. Something fluttered inside me. Anxiety? Excitement? Pleasure? I couldn't tell the difference.

"Hey," I said back.

He presented an unopened bottle of champagne from behind his back.

"Look what I snagged from the kitchen," he said and proceeded to pop the cork. It shot against the ceiling and he put the opening to his mouth before all the bubbly stuff could run out onto the carpet. He handed Lara the bottle. She took a long swig and handed it to me. I did the same.

"My two favourite people in one room," he said smiling slyly. I ignored his comment.

"What were you trying to tell me earlier? I couldn't make out what you were trying to say," I said.

"Oh, I have something for us," he said, an undercurrent of excitement in his tone. He pulled a small, clear, plastic money bag out of his pocket and handed it to me. I looked at its contents: about a dozen tiny multicoloured pills.

"What is it?" I asked.

I knew it was a drug of some sort, just not sure what kind it was.

"It's a little thing called ecstasy," he said with a wide smile, "one of my mates gave it to me."

"Have you done it before?" asked Lara who was sitting on the bed.

"Last weekend," answered Brian, "It was fucking amazing!"

"What does it feel like?" she asked coming to take a closer look at the pills.

"It feels like a summer's day after months the coldest, iciest winter."

He took the packet from me and popped one into his mouth and chased it down with a swig of champagne. Lara and I looked at each other. Brian took out two more pills and handed us each one. I looked at the tiny purple tablet in my hand. It had a rose embossed into it. I closed my eyes and swallowed it. I took two large gulps of champagne to wash it down. The room suddenly went dark. I thought it was an adverse effect of the drug and that something had gone horribly wrong but then Brian spoke.

"The lights get very bright after a few minutes so I switched them off," he said, just his voice emanating from somewhere in the darkness.

I went to open the curtains by the balcony so that it wasn't completely black. The balcony doors lightly reverberated from the music being played outside. I pushed them open and music flooded the room. I breathed in the warm, moist air. I was about to walk out onto the balcony when Brian's arm caught be around the waist and spun me around. His lips pressed hard against mine and his hot tongue forced it way into my mouth. I relented to his kiss and he took my tongue deep into his mouth. He pressed his body against mine and I felt his cock hardening against my pelvis. His hands explored my back, his left moving up under my shirt while his right dipped into the back of my pants and beneath my underwear. His hand wandered down my ass crack until he reached its intended target. He rubbed his middle finger back and forth over my tight hole.

After a few minutes he pulled away and turned around. Something had distracted him. I moved to see what it was and realised that Lara was still in the room, and he was now making out with her. I watched silently from behind him as he unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. Lara kicked off her shoes and led him toward the bed. She collapsed onto my bed so that her legs dangled off the edge. She threw something else onto the floor and realised it must have been her underwear. I doubt she was wearing a bra to begin with. Brian kneeled in front of her and hoisted her legs onto his shoulders. His head disappeared between her thighs and I heard the wet slurp of his tongue coming into contact with her dripping cunt. I watched as his mouth worked her into a frenzy, her back arched in the moonlight cast over the bed, her fingers wrapped up in his hair. He held out his hand and I took it. He pulled me onto the floor. He proceeded to undo his belt and zip and relieved his thick cock from its enclosure. He reached behind my head and guided my face towards his crotch. I felt the tip of cock brush against my cheek leaving a trail of precum which left a cool line across my face as it evaporated. Even though I couldn't see anything in the darkness, my head being caught between his crotch and the base of the bed, he quickly slid into my awaiting mouth. His foreskin was pushed back behind the glans and I felt the minute folds of skin with my tongue. I moved my head slowly back and forth on his cock, my lips experienced at feeling the veins that lay so close to the surface.

When most of him was in my mouth and the tip of my nose brushed his pubes, he pushed further, and his cock slid into the back of my throat. I found it surprisingly easy to suppress the reflex that would make me vomit and I instead massaged the head of his cock with my throat muscles. He moaned into Lara's pussy and she moaned into the thick air around us; the sound itself trapped in the density, quietened by the humidity.

My nose was now deeply imbedded in Brian's lap, the musky scent of a young man overcame me, and with my mouth occupied and my nose having become one with Brian himself, I struggled to breathe. But I was determined not to let go, not to pull away and leave him unsatisfied. I continued to swallow on his member. I was becoming slightly light headed. My mouth moved around him automatically now as the world disappeared in pieces. My legs were gone first. My cock followed. My chest and neck was hot and my arms wavered under the pressure of holding myself up. I could hardly feel his cock now, although I knew it was still there lodged in my airway. Lara's moaning faded, the friction of Brian's thighs against my ears stopped, and I felt myself falling.

I awoke suddenly and with a gasp, filling my lungs with fresh air. I felt warm, and wet. I raised my head an inch and found Lara hunched over between my legs. My stiff cock moved in and out of her mouth. I looked to my right and found Brian. He was sitting up on the floor next to me, smoking something, the reek of it damp and like burning plants. He seemed to notice I was awake and he lowered himself so that he was lying on his side facing me, propped up on his elbow.

"I couldn't breathe," I whispered to him.

"Don't worry, you'll be okay," he answered, "Open your mouth."

I opened my mouth and he lowered his face over mine. He exhaled and blew a stream of white smoke into my mouth and then closed the gap between us. My lips were still slightly numb and his felt like rubber, but I felt every part of his tongue as it licked mine. The sensation around my midriff intensified somewhat and I thrust lightly and moaned deeply into Brian's mouth. He pulled back and looked down the length of body, now pale in the moonlight, to where Lara was.

"Does it feel, good?" he asked, still looking at her.

"Uhhum," I moaned affirmatively.

He moved away from me towards her, and lifted her head from my boyhood. He kissed her and whispered something in her ear. She stood up and went to lie on her back on the bed. Brian, now also standing, extended a hand to me and I grabbed it, and felt myself being lifted off the ground. I was standing in front of Brian, my cock poking his groin. He turned me around so that I was faced with the full image of Lara on the bed. Her arms outstretched above her, her legs dangling off the edge. Her moist slit glistened. I wasn't sure what I needed to do. I felt the fullness of Brian's hands on my buttocks as he pushed me towards her. I obliged.

"I want you to fuck her," he whispered in my ear and lightly pulled at it with his sharp teeth.

My knees finally hit the bed and I lowered myself, Brian's hand on my back, guiding me into position. He found my hips and guided them towards Lara's. She lifted her knees to either side of me and waited. I felt the tip of my cock at her entrance and Brian like a wall behind me. There was nowhere to go. Brian leaned over me and shoved two fingers into Lara and upon removal lubricated my cock with her juices. He then took hold of my shaft and guided me into her. I entered her. Her softness, her wetness was like warm pudding. Brian continued to guide me in and out of her until the rhythm came naturally. I felt lips on my spine, moving lower and lower still. Fingers spread me wide and a single digit was thrust into me. I moaned and arched my back while still fucking Lara. I felt two fingers and saliva. I was being opened up. I heard the throaty sound of saliva being accumulated and the wet whistle with which it was expelled onto my hole. Something larger than a digit moved behind me, beckoning to enter. I invited it in, relaxing my sphincters.

The roundness of the head stretched me and I stopped thrusting as it popped into me. I closed my eyes tight and waited for the sting to dissipate. Arms moved around me and hands brushed my chest. The force behind me pushed forward and the hard implement impaled me fully. I collapsed on top of Lara, My own implement now completely inside her. She kissed me and I kissed her back out of politeness. Brian pulled back and pushed forward again, sending me deeper and deeper into Lara. She moaned into my neck and I moaned into hers. It was as though we were both being fucked by the one person standing behind me. He thrust for what seemed like hours, his hands moving my hips back and forth for his own pleasure and inadvertently for Lara's. After a while he stopped to catch his breath. I decided to move instead. I pushed back into him and his cock travelled through me. I pushed forward and mine travelled through Lara. Brian made a guttural sound and stood back with his hands on his hips, looking up at the ceiling and let me do the work. The sounds on both sides of me increased in volume and I felt Brian shift behind me. His chest came into contact with my back and he breathed into my hair. His arms reached down on either side of mine and our fingers intertwined. His thighs were firmly placed behind mine and we were both leaning over Lara. He thrusted with me now. I turned my head and our eyes met. He moved his face towards mine and our lips met. Our tongues rediscovered one another and for the first time I felt his desire. Not his desire to kiss or fuck or cum, but his desire to kiss me, to fuck me, to cum inside me. His lips released mine and he smiled at me.

Lara was twisting beneath me now, her hands reaching for something to hold on to, clutching desperately at the sheets. Her breathing was fast and shallow and her small breasts quivered. I took one of her nipples into my mouth. It seemed to do the trick. She lifted her pelvis off the bed as her orgasm took hold and I had to cover her mouth with my hand so the guests in the house didn't hear her bliss. When it was over, she lay beneath me, still as night yet moaning lightly as my cock slid in an out of her.

I was still inside her when Brian began to move more fervently. l thrust with more vigor too. My cock was hard and my hole hot, the edges burning around Brian's pole. His urgency told he was close to bursting so I pulled out of Lara and stroked myself with a sweaty palm. Brian tensed up and his movement became jagged in nature. His grip on my waist tightened and his fingertips dug into my abdomen. My back arched in response to the burning sensation in my pelvis and groin. The burn spread to tip of my cock and l thrust hard into my own hand. Cum exploded from my cook and landed in rivulets over Lara. I struggled to catch my breath and my brain threatened to switch off again. The impaling behind me didn't stop even after I had found air. Brian groaned deeply into the back of my head as his fingernails buried into my skin. He thrust a few final times before expelling his hot seed into my raw boy cunt. When the spasms had released him he collapsed onto his back beside Lara. He pulled me on top of him and I rested there on his chest listening to his racing heart begin to slow. The rhythm of it lulled me into slumber.

I awoke alone in bed, a sheet draped loosely over my backside. I looked out to the balcony. The sky was a dark blue. The morning was still young and the air now cool and fresh on my skin. l heard sounds coming from my bathroom and I sat up. A toilet flushed, a tap ran and then silence. The door swung open and Brian emerged fully clothed, only his tie slung loosely around his collar. He smiled and I reciprocated. He came and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. He faced me.

"Last night was fun," he said placing a hand on my thigh. It warmed me through the thin sheet.

"It was amazing," I said, noticing the familiar stir between my legs at the thought of what had gone down a few hours earlier. "When did Lara leave?"

"Soon after. I was still coming down from the E, so I stayed in bed for a while."

"Do you have to leave now?"

"l do if I want to be home when my parents wake up. They don't like me staying out all night. Keeping up appearances and all, you know how it is."

"I do."

"Anyway..."

Brian's hand lifted from my thigh to the back of my neck and he pulled my face towards him for one last kiss before he left. Lips met, tongues prodded gently and it ended. He stood up and walked to the door. He looked back, winked and walked out. l lay down in the cool bed again, alone.

 

Dane du Toit

[email protected]

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