Have you ever felt like nobody cares about you? How you feel alone and ignored? It's a lonely feeling. You feel like you are invisible, unnoticed, and pushed aside. This is my real story and I'm here to tell you that if you have been bullied, it WILL get better. And if you made it through being bullied, I congratulate you. This is a story of the harm that bullying can cause, and it's not to offend anybody that has been bullied. 

When I was 14, I came out to my friends. I was pretty open about it, but it was probably the biggest mistake of my young life. I'm now 19 and in the 5 years since I've came out have been hell. But it all changed after I turned 18.

October 5th, 2008 is the beginning of the rest of my life. 

Ever since elementary school, I've sat with the same 4 people at lunch. They are Patrick, Carson, Meg, and Jeff. But, I'm about to say something that will probably change my life forever. 

"guys, I need to tell you something." I said through the intense background noise of our cafeteria. 

"you found your penis." Jeff said laughing. I playfully kicked him under the table. "ow." he said still laughing. 

"anyway, I... I um... I think I'm gay." the laughter ceased at our small table. The echo of 1500 kids took over, then patrick broke the silence. 

"oh... Well it's cool with me, is It cool with you guys?" he said to the rest of the group. Meg was almost jumping with joy. "this is great! Now me and my BFF can go to the mall and check out guys!" she said with her voice so full of excitement. I could only blush, and I flashed a half smile completely out of embarrassment. "yeah, no offense Meg but I think Troy has a better shot at picking up guys than you do." Jeff said, then receiving a hard, playful punch to the shoulder from meg. "it's not going to change anything." Jeff added rubbing his shoulder. "we've all known eachother since the first grade, and that will never change." he said looking at me with his beautiful smile. "do your parents know?" patrick asked. "uh...." I said looking at the table. "you don't want them to know?" Patrick interrupted. "no... Well, not yet." I said looking back at him. Carson was still sitting there completely shocked. I think he was catatonic. I noticed a boy who kept looking at me ever since I said that I was gay. Maybe I said it too loudly. He was a senior, and a football player, so that automatically means that he is cool. His name is Sam or something like that. I got up to return my tray and I noticed he got up just as I walked by. I walked the 120' down the cafeteria wall to the tray return. I turned back and Sam pushed me into the wall. "what the fuck was that for?" he answered by shoving me into the wall again. He walked past me and chuckled. What crawled up his ass? I sat back down and just brushed the whole incident off. After lunch, we were on our way to American history class. We made it back to our lockers and I put in the combo for mine. I opened it, and took out my books that I needed for the next 3 classes. I walked into the classroom and sat down in my usual place. Around halfway through the class, I feel a kick to my calf, I look back and it's Sam. He flashed a cocky, yet so attractive grin at me. "asshole." I said under my breath. I felt another, harder kick to my leg. I tried to ignore it. I hate these jocks. They think their all high and mighty. But Sam is definitely mighty. He stands at 6'3" and is around 240 Lbs, just a behemoth of a teenager. When class got out, I walked to my next class, which was biology. I had to walk past the gym to get there. I walked by and another jock, brad, grabbed my books and flipped them into my face. The big book caught me right in my nose, and then fell to the ground. People started laughing, and pointing at me. I bent over and started picking up my things. I saw another pair of hands on my stuff. I followed the forearm up to muscular biceps and up broad shoulders to a gorgeous face. He looked up at me, reveLing his beautiful deep blue eyes. "forget him." he said handing me my stuff. "thanks for helping me." I said gratefully. He just smiled. "I'm Kevin." he said extending his hand. "nice to meet you. I'm-"

"Troy." he interrupted. "I know." he said with another gorgeous smile. "how do you know my name?" 

"I sit right behind you in biology." he said. We walked to biology together, just talking. I think I found a new friend.

Have you ever felt like nobody cares about you? How you feel alone and ignored? It's a lonely feeling. You feel like you are invisible, unnoticed, and pushed aside. This is my real story and I'm here to tell you that if you have been bullied, it WILL get better. And if you made it through being bullied, I congratulate you. This is a story of the harm that bullying can cause, and it's not to offend anybody that has been bullied. 

When I was 14, I came out to my friends. I was pretty open about it, but it was probably the biggest mistake of my young life. I'm now 19 and in the 5 years since I've came out have been hell. But it all changed after I turned 18.

October 5th, 2008 is the beginning of the rest of my life. 

Ever since elementary school, I've sat with the same 4 people at lunch. They are Patrick, Carson, Meg, and Jeff. But, I'm about to say something that will probably change my life forever. 

"guys, I need to tell you something." I said through the intense background noise of our cafeteria. 

"you found your penis." Jeff said laughing. I playfully kicked him under the table. "ow." he said still laughing. 

"anyway, I... I um... I think I'm gay." the laughter ceased at our small table. The echo of 1500 kids took over, then patrick broke the silence. 

"oh... Well it's cool with me, is It cool with you guys?" he said to the rest of the group. Meg was almost jumping with joy. "this is great! Now me and my BFF can go to the mall and check out guys!" she said with her voice so full of excitement. I could only blush, and I flashed a half smile completely out of embarrassment. "yeah, no offense Meg but I think Troy has a better shot at picking up guys than you do." Jeff said, then receiving a hard, playful punch to the shoulder from meg. "it's not going to change anything." Jeff added rubbing his shoulder. "we've all known eachother since the first grade, and that will never change." he said looking at me with his beautiful smile. "do your parents know?" patrick asked. "uh...." I said looking at the table. "you don't want them to know?" Patrick interrupted. "no... Well, not yet." I said looking back at him. Carson was still sitting there completely shocked. I think he was catatonic. I noticed a boy who kept looking at me ever since I said that I was gay. Maybe I said it too loudly. He was a senior, and a football player, so that automatically means that he is cool. His name is Sam or something like that. I got up to return my tray and I noticed he got up just as I walked by. I walked the 120' down the cafeteria wall to the tray return. I turned back and Sam pushed me into the wall. "what the fuck was that for?" he answered by shoving me into the wall again. He walked past me and chuckled. What crawled up his ass? I sat back down and just brushed the whole incident off. After lunch, we were on our way to American history class. We made it back to our lockers and I put in the combo for mine. I opened it, and took out my books that I needed for the next 3 classes. I walked into the classroom and sat down in my usual place. Around halfway through the class, I feel a kick to my calf, I look back and it's Sam. He flashed a cocky, yet so attractive grin at me. "asshole." I said under my breath. I felt another, harder kick to my leg. I tried to ignore it. I hate these jocks. They think their all high and mighty. But Sam is definitely mighty. He stands at 6'3" and is around 240 Lbs, just a behemoth of a teenager. When class got out, I walked to my next class, which was biology. I had to walk past the gym to get there. I walked by and another jock, brad, grabbed my books and flipped them into my face. The big book caught me right in my nose, and then fell to the ground. People started laughing, and pointing at me. I bent over and started picking up my things. I saw another pair of hands on my stuff. I followed the forearm up to muscular biceps and up broad shoulders to a gorgeous face. He looked up at me, reveLing his beautiful deep blue eyes. "forget him." he said handing me my stuff. "thanks for helping me." I said gratefully. He just smiled. "I'm Kevin." he said extending his hand. "nice to meet you. I'm-"

"Troy." he interrupted. "I know." he said with another gorgeous smile. "how do you know my name?" 

"I sit right behind you in biology." he said. We walked to biology together, just talking. I think I found a new friend.

 

Josh Volland

[email protected]

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