My First Summer

"Go back to the cabin and wait for me," Steve said, patting my butt, then kissing my neck. "I'm gonna go get the truck. I'll swing up the road and pick you up. Tell your folks we're going to town for supplies." He winked at me. "It's the truth," he whispered.

"Can't I go down with you to pick it up?"

"No." He said, flatly, looking wide eyed and a little worried. "Larry's there. I don't need any problems." His face relaxed a little and he smiled again. "Besides," he leaned close and sniffed at me, "you stink, and need a shower." He laughed, looking at my reaction. "It won't be long. Hurry now, go."

I hesitated for a moment. My heart thumped heavy in my chest, I didn't know why. It was like I wasn't going to see him again, all of a sudden, almost like a shock from electricity, it frightened me. I turned and walked slowly up the hill on the trail toward the road. Once I reached the road, I turned back and looked down toward the deck. He stood watching me, then waved his hand, motioning me to go. I turned and started walking toward the cabin, at first shuffling my feet along, then thought about it, him coming for me, I didn't want him to have to wait, I picked up my pace, then I was almost running, before I knew it, I was at the steps leading down to the deck at the cabin.

I hurried down them, reaching the deck, turning and taking the lower staircase, several steps at a time, reaching the bottom, crossing over, I threw open the slat door to the outdoor shower and turned on the valve. I started stripping my clothes, tossing them to the deck, reopened the door and stepped in. The water trickled out of the head, down on me. I grabed the soap, twirled it in my hands, lathering up, then started to rub my entire body. My balls were tender, feeling very used. I went slow over them, taking care not to slap them around. I reached around behind me, sliding one hand down my tight short crack, grazing over my hole. I winced from it being touched. It was far more sensitive than I thought. It was sticky also. I wasn't sure what that was about, and then it dawned on me. "Ohhhh." I said aloud in the realization, nodding my head. I really was stupid!

I rinsed myself off, hurrying, then shut the water off. I reached over the slat wall and grabbed a towel that we had used yesterday. It had been hung there to dry. I put it to my nose and sniffed. Oh, God! It smelled like Steve! That wonderful smell that had, always on his body. I was instantly hard. Harder than I had been. It hadn't even beed a half hour since I left him, harderly an hour since he made love to me, and I was missing him so much, it hurt. I started to talk to my hardon, silently, to go down, it was going to be alright. He'll be back soon, I kept saying to it, just wait, he'll be back, go down now, come on, be good, please. Absolutely no luck! Figures. I dried myself off with Steve's towel, hoping that his scent would rub on me, please, oh please! I hung the towel back, grabbed my clothes off the deck, and headed up the stairs to the upper deck. I walked down it to the door, turned the knob and went in. I crossed the room to my bag, dropping my clothes in a heap, reaching in, pulling out new ones.

"Ahem! Kevin!" My mothers voice from behind me. "What are you..."

I jumped and spun around, she had scared me so bad. Then it dawned on me, I was totally butt naked, standing there in the living room. No wonder her sentence had cut off in mid stream. She hadn't seen me naked in years and had no idea the changes that my body had made. She was either in complete shock or awe, I was at that moment unsure of which. Her mouth was hanging open.

"I'm getting some clean clothes." I tilted my head down a little to try and catch her attention. It didn't work. "Mom? Mom?!" Her eyes snapped back into focus. "Hello? You okay?" She nodded in response. "Good. Steve and I are going into town for supplies for the deck and the dome." I said as I slipped on another pair of jeans, this time without underwear on. I tucked myself inside them, then buttoned all the buttons of the fly. I looked down and saw that I was bulging in them, it was great looking. I reached in for a pair of socks, pulled them out and sat on the floor, pulling them on. Grabbing a tee out, I snapped it in the air, slipping it over my head, pushing my arms through. I reached back into my bag, pulling out what money I had, shoved it into my pants pocket. God, I had to brush my teeth, my mouth was nasty tasting. I went to the sink and started, my mother turning on her heel watching me. I rinsed my mouth, set the toothbrush back in the cup, and looked at her, questioning. There was a tear rolling down her cheek. I didn't understand why. I stepped up to her. She softly put her hands on my shoulders, looking up into my face. I cradled her elbows in my palms.

"You look so...grown up, all of a sudden, you're not my little boy anymore. You're a man now."

I smiled and leaned forward, kissing her on her forehead. "I'll always be your little boy, mom. That will never change. But, I feel different now. It's wonderful and...scary, all at the same time. I don't know what it is."

She smiled, then looked down at my chest, sliding her hands a little. "It's love. Only love makes you feel like that. I know, I had it once, with your father." She looked back up, moving her hands to my cheeks, pulling my face downward to look at her. "Listen. Tell him, tell him how you feel. This only comes once, maybe twice in a lifetime. Don't lose it. You can never get it back once it's gone." She leaned her head against my chest, patting me with her hands, as I heard the truck pull up on the road. I pulled away from her, grabbed my shoes, ran my fingers through my hair, tossing it around. I smiled at her as I reached the door.

"Love you, mom. Don't worry, I'll tell him. I think he already knows. We'll be back later, I don't know when."

"Dinner at six," She reached out a hand part way toward the door. "Be here, both of you."

I winked, "Thanks.", closed the door, sprinted up the deck to the stairs. I stopped at the top and slipped on my shoes, looking up at him, sitting in his truck, and smiled at him.

"My God, you're beautiful, little man. And those jeans, you can see everything in them. You're staying in the truck when we're in town. I don't want somebody grabbing you and dragging you off. Get in."

I walked around the front of the truck to the passenger side, opened the door, and slid into the seat. It was a bench that had a smooth leather type fabric on it. I slid my left hand back and forth on it. "Soft." I said as I pushed down on it. I looked around the cab, really not knowing trucks, I watched as Steve shifted gears on the column and we started down the road. He took his time driving on the road as to not raise dust, but he kept looking over at my crotch from time to time. I looked down at myself. Yes, there were bulges, very prominent ones, my cock was lying to my right, and my balls were straddling each side of the seam from the base of the buttons toward my ass.

"Thank God their 501's and not dittos," Steve said as we almost reached the paved road. His eyes opened wide at the thought. He turned and looked at me, "You don't have any of those, do you?" I shook my head in reply, then had a devilish thought.

"But, if I did?"

He swung the wheel a little hard at a curve, almost missing it all the way. I looked down at his crotch, it was starting to tent up a little. He used one palm to try and flatten it out.

"Want some help doing that?" I asked, teasing. He shot me a dirty look. I was turning devilish now. "So, you like dittos, huh? The really hugging ones, that sculpt to your ass, showing everything? Those dittos?" I watched his cock swell in his jeans. There was small wet spot starting to form at his right pocket.

"Yes, yes, you little asshole. I love fucking dittos. I would love to see you in dittos. UGGHHHH! You're driving me crazy, making me fantasize about it! Fuck, now I've got a big hardon. We're on our way to town, what the Hell?"

"Pull in there." I said, pointing to a turn off the road, before the paved road.

"Where?"

"There!" I shouted. He cranked the wheel to the right, turning onto another dirt road. It went down about a hundred feet or so and stopped. It was like an old access road that was started and never completed. He stopped the truck at the end. I turned sideways on the seat, resting my left arm up on the back. "Now. Why don't you let me have that really hard dick of yours before we get to town, huh?'

"You are a little machine, aren't you?" He panted, as he slid closer. "I've got a better idea." He said softly, as his fingers touched my chest. "Why don't you let me suck you instead. I can beat mine while I do it."

I leaned in, kissing him softly. "No." I whispered on his lips. "No beating off." I traced the outline of his growing cock in his jeans. "It's a waste. I'll suck you til you cum, then swallow it." He kissed me passionately, forcing me back against the door of the truck. I rubbed his cock furiously, kneading it with my fingers through his jeans. He was moaning in my mouth. His fingers were ripping at my buttons on my jeans, pulling them hard, making them pop open. His hand reached in, dragging out my hardon.

"Fuck." He whispered in my mouth, exhaling. His breath was like a green light to me. I went after his top button, while he pulled on me, sliding his fingers up and down my smooth length, twiling his fingertips at my slit. I was woking furiously at his pants, finally getting them open, getting to my prize. It lifted out and was so hard and wet, I was melting under his kissing. He shifted down the side of my neck, driving me even crazier, nibbling at me as he went. I felt that I was so close at that moment, and then he pulled away. I felt empty, then looked down. He stood my cock straight up and then swallowed all of me, going down to my pulled back jeans. My balls rolled and tightened as they were still captured in the fabric. I ran my free hand through his hair, moaning, it felt so great. As much as I wanted him to do this to me, I wanted his cock even more and had to have it. I was close, very close. I lifted his chin up off me. We stared at each other for a long moment.

"Come up here." I whispered to him. He responded by raising up, going face to face. "I don't want to cum yet. I want your cock, in my mouth, now." He narrowed his eyes as my tone was a little more forceful than he was used to. He raised up, pushing his jeans down over his calves, then settled back against the drivers door, smiling at me.

"It's all yours, little man. Have at it." I leaned forward, running one hand up his thigh, pushing over his massive balls, that were pushed up by his legs, to the base of his cock. I encircled it with my fingers, bring my mouth over the top of it. I licked all the precum oozing out of the tip, making him moan again, dragging my tongue all around the head, along the cap edge of his mushroom, making him twitch, breathing heavy through his teeth. I looked up at him as I made my last circle, then opened wide and swallowed him more than halfway, keeping suction tight as I knew that's what he loved the most, besides my ass.

I went fast at first, up and down on him, trying to take him deeper each time. He was panting through his clenched teeth, running his fingers through my long hair, trying to pump into my face. I knew it wouldn't be long. I slowed my pace with devilish intent, making him wait longer now., taking him deeper now, deeper still into my throat. I relaxed my muscles and just let it happen. He began to moan deeper and I knew it was almost time. I slid my mouth back up and focused again on his mushroom, licking it, toying with his slit. He moaned loudly, tensed and then shot into my waiting mouth. I caught all of it, every pulse and throb. He went nuts over it, shoving his hips upward, pushing his cock deeper into my mouth. I still held my suction, and his load. Slowly, he stopped pulsing. I kept my suction up, pulling back off of him.

"Come here" He whispered. "I want to share it." I shook my head, no, leaning back against my door. I brought a finger to my lips, slowly opening my mouth, letting him see all that I had. I put my fingertip in my part open mouth, pushing his load around. He just sat there watching me tease him, almost in shock. My free hand went down to my standing cocok and began to slide up and down on it, slowly. I took out my fingertip, wet with his load, and traced around my head, tickling my widening slit, teasing him. I put my finger back to my mouth, wetting it again, and then reapplying it. His eyes were the only thing moving, back and forth, watching my finger, it's like he was in a trance.

"You are driving me fucking crazy!" He shouted. I was just laying there, smiling a half devil smile. He leaned forward to kiss me, and then stopped as I swallowed his entire load in one gulp. I could see the confusion and frustration on his face, all melded together. "I don't know what the fuck has gotten into you, little man, but, I do know this, I'm gonna suck your dick right off your body and drain those gorgeous balls."

I still had my cock pointed upward. I shook it a little, as it was like a concrete pillar.

"Show me." I said softly, as he leaped forward at me, swallowing my cock again, all the way to my jeans. His hands tore at them, yanking on them, trying to get them off my hips and past my ass. He was jerking at them so forcefully, I thought he might rip them apart. If this was being raped was like, I was all for it, especially from him. I was so fucking turned on, I wasn't even thinking about coming, I was thinking about how to make him do this to me forever. He was clawing at me like a wild animal, grabbing me with his powerful fingers, gripping my hips, pulling me up into his mouth, deeper and deeper.

"Oh, fuck, yes, yes. Swallow me, baby, swallow me." I was moaning and panting now, "Fuck yes, rip those pants off. Yes!!! Eat my cock." Everytime I said something, he bottomed out on me, sending me to the edge. His hands worked around my hips, grabbing my tiny cheeks, spreading them apart, then I moaned loudly as I felt fingers inside of me, digging, pushing, spreading my hole. I screamed out in a high pitch tone, one from the pain from last nights pounding, two, in ecstasy from the overpowering pleasure of being filled again. Oh, God, I WAS a whore! And I loved it, and him. "Fuck me, baby. Fuck me now!" I moaned. He pulled his mouth off my cock, looking up at me.

"I am so sore, so drained. I don't know."

"Fuck me now. If you don't, I'll just die. I have to have your cock in me."

"Sweetie, I really hurt."

"So do I! I have to have your hard cock in my ass. You have to fuck me! Oh, God, please fuck me" I was begging so loud. He shifted, started to wet himself. I rocked my hips up on the seat, craning my neck forward, leaning against the door. "No!" I stopped him from wetting himself, "Shove it in, now." I said as I had grabbed him and was pulling his cock toward me. He placed his tip at my entrance, was going to take his time with the pressure to be gentle. I couldn't stand it! I thrust against the door, pushing my swollen ass onto his cock, shoving him in. The feeling was terrifying, it was so painful, and I thought I felt something tear inside. I thought it was him, as he was moaning with his eyes shut so tight. Oh, God, I hurt him, I thought, I have hurt him in some way. My heart went sick and sank. Then he started to pump in me. And then the pain, it was almost blinding at first, then started to ease up. Steve pumped me furiously. All I could do was lay there and let him do it. My breath wasn't hard at all, just labored. I was kind of numb down below. I didn't even feel him cum in or his throbbing, that I loved so much. I just looked at him through glassy eyes.

A few minutes of kissing, he slowly pulled out me, and got his pants up. I turned around slowly on the seat and wiggled my jeans back to where they were before the melay began, buttoning them slowly.

"You never cease to amaze me, little man." Steve began as backed the truck out of the access road. "I was just beginning to think that I had done just about everything that there was to do, and bang, you hit me with a hammer." I didn't answer him, I just stared at the road. We made the paved road, and then drove the twelve miles into town. I was feeling better about that time, not hurting as much down below.

The old town was basically one main street, businesses on each side. Little side streets went off, where the townsfolk lived in their little house. It was cute and homey, I had always liked it. There were a few people walking up and down the sidewalks, going about their own business. They paid no attention to us, standing there at the hood of the truck. Steve Looked around, smiling as he enjoyed his rare trips to town. I looked at all of the people walking around and began to notice they were mostly older folks, some were couples, but mostly, single older people. I smiled just like Steve.

"I'm going to walk over to the hardware store. They sell lumber and stuff that I need." He paused for a moment, turning to look at me. "Why don't you go across the street," he said pointing to what he was starting to talk about. I followed his finger. "they can cut your hair, and do it right." He turned and touched my long hair, smiling.

I hadn't really given my hair much thought at all. I knew it was a little wild, but I didn't think it was all that bad. Steve made me aware of probably looking like a wild animal, just by mentioning it. All of a sudden I was really embarrased about myself in public. I was depressed all of a sudden, turned and walked across the street, leaving Steve standing by the truck.

I walked into the little shop. There was a lady sitting in one of the chairs, under a hair dryer, flipping through a magazine. She looked up at me as I walked in. The air was heavy with a smell, I wasn't sure what it was. Judging from that age of the lady under the dryer, it could have been embalming fluid for all I knew. I closed the door behind me, turned and saw a very overly madeup lady coming out of the back. She smiled at me as I walked up toward the little counter. She looked me up and down, then focused on my face.

"Morning." She started flatly. "Guess you need a haircut, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." I replied, reaching up and touching my hair.

"Been awhile, has it?" Sarcasm, this early? Bet she was always on a roll by noon... "Brenda!" She called out over her shoulder. "Got a special one here for ya."

I looked up and saw a younger girl come out of the back room. She smiled at me as she walked up. She was young and pretty, had a warm smile. I was feeling a little better.

"Hi." She said, reaching the little counter. "What would you like to have done?"

A fair question. I really didn't know. All I knew was I needed to get this mess cleaned up, and really didn't want the usual thing I had done back at home, going to the old barber before school started, getting the flat top cut, which lasted all year long. I wanted something different, but really had no clue. There were some pictures on the walls around the shop, mostly women showing off their different hair styles, but, only a few guys. Then I saw it. I walked around the counter over to the picture, just staring at it. I turned and pointed at the picture, looking at the two of them.

"Can I have that done?" Finally, a fair answer. The girl walked over, looked at the picture, then looked at me. She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I think we can do that." She answered in low voice. "First though, we need to wash it." She walked toward a chair at a sink. She patted the back of it, looking back at me. "Come and sit down." I followed her instruction. She leaned me back in the chair, getting my head into the sink, wet my hair down, and began to wash it. I had never had someone do this for me before. It was kind of erotic, having someone wash your hair. She sat me up, towel dried it a little, then had me move to another chair. I sat, she draped me, then started to comb it out. She picked up a pair of thin scissors and began to work it over, combing, cutting, cutting, combing, I was watching hair fly all over the place, sliding down the drape, dropping to the floor. Finally, she was done. My hair was almost completely dry by now. She grabbed a mirror, and back reflected the back of my head. My eyes were huge, looking at how good my hair looked in the back. It was still long, covering my neck, but tapering.

"Do you like it?" She asked, hesitantly, in a soft voice.

"I do, I really do." I replied, turning my head a little side to side, watching myself in the mirror. "What's it called, in case I need to get get it done again?"

"It's called a "shag". Most city guys are wearing them." She ran her fingers through the bottom tips, turning them, trying to make them curl under. "You like it?" I nodded and smiled. "I've never done one before. I'm glad you like it." She smiled in the mirror at me, I smiled back. She removed the drape from around my neck, dropping all the hair to the floor. I got up out of the chair. I heard a hiss of a whistle from behind me. I turned and saw the over made lady looking at me from the counter.

"You look good enough to eat." She said, lifting an eyebrow. I walked over to the counter, came around the outer corner.

"How much do I owe you?"

The girl, Brenda, came up to the counter, stopping at the register. She wrote out a little tag, opened the drawer, with a press of a key. The register chimed. "That'll be $17.00."

I dug a hand into my pants pocket, fished out my money, and counted out some bills. She scooped them up slowly, straightened them out, then placed them in the drawer.

"Thank you." Was all I could think of saying. I turned and walked toward the door. The older lady under the hair dryer was watching me walk by her, only moving her eyes. I nodded to her and smiled. She smiled back, lifting one hand, touching one her curlers. I opened the door and walked out, closing it behind me. Oh my God! Fresh air! Whew!

I looked across the street at the truck, it looked empty. I stepped off the sidewalk, waited for a pickup to drive by, then crossed. I looked inside the cab, no Steve. There was a bag sitting on the seat, brown paper, plain. Huh, Steve must have bought something, I thought. I turned and looked around, not seeing him. Then I heard a voice from the front of the truck. I turned my head and walked toward it.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked of the man, standing on the sidewalk. He was wearing a shop type apron.

"I asked, are you looking for the big blonde boy that drives that truck?"

"Yes, I am." I answered, stepping up on the sidewalk toward him. I smiled at him, he smiled back.

"He went over to the hardware." He replied, pointing down the street. "Said he'd be there a while. Asked if I'd tell you when you came out of Mary's over there. You did come into town with him, didn't you?"

"Yes, sir, I did."

"He came in, bought a few things, asked me to watch out for you, and let you know."

"Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it." I started to turn and walk away, but he kept talking.

"You aren't from around here, are you?"

I turned back, smiled at him again. "No sure. We come up here on vacation in the summer. Friend of my folks up on big hill has a cabin we stay at."

"You going back soon?"

"In a few days, probably."

"Gotta go back to school, do you?"

I smiled, then looked down at my feet, then back up at the old face, "No, sir. I graduated when school got out. Been thinking about college, but don't really know yet."

"You look like a nice clean cut young man. Ever worked before?"

"Only mowing lawns, and stuff like that." I was curious where he was going with this.

"Well, too bad really. If you lived around here, I'd offer you a job. Not many young folk stay around here, once they're out of school. Too bad, really, nice little town."

"I've always loved it here myself."

"Well, offer's there, if you want it. Think about it. I only ask to let me know before you leave for home."

"That's fair enough. I can do that." I reached out my hand. He looked at it for a moment, then took it. "I thank you very much for the offer."

"I like that." He said, looking at our hands shaking together. "Shows proper upbringing. You're very welcome. Come in and see me when you're in town."

"I will, sir. Thank you." I pulled my hand back, turned and trotted back across the street. I walked down the sidewalk to the hardware store. I walked in through the open doors. An old man was at the counter, reading the newspaper. He looked up, and then went back to his paper. I walked through the store, looking down the aisles but didn't see Steve. I was getting a little nervous. A man was putting items on a shelf. He spotted me as I came down the aisle. He smiled at me. I smiled back.

"Excuse me." I began. "I'm looking for someone. Maybe you've seen him..."

"Big, blonde, tanned....?"

I smiled, and nodded.

"He's out back in the yard." He turned and pointed towards a large doorway on the back wall. "Go through there. He's out talking to Marty."

"Thanks." And I walked past him, as he returned to putting his items on the shelf again. I had no idea who Marty was, maybe he worked here as well. I walked out the door. I saw Steve, his back to me. He was talking to someone, who I couldn't see, as Steve was blocking him. Steve had his arms folded across his chest, his feet were spread a little, and that tight gorgeous ass of his, filling out those jeans. I was horny again. I hoped he was ready to go, and soon. I walked up and stood next to Steve, but just back a little. The other guy saw me, his gaze moved from Steve to me, then back to Steve, and my eyes widened looking at him. Geez, he was gorgeous. He smiled at me. I smiled back. Steve looked to his left toward me, then snapped his head in a double take, dropping his arms.

"You look, uhhh..." Steve stammered. His eyes were moving up and down me. My depression was completely gone now.

"Uhhh, what?" I asked with a half smile, tilting my head slightly.

Steve composed himself. "You look good. That haircut suits you."

"Really." I answered flatly. "Thanks." I turned back to this guy, talking to Steve. I stuck out my hand. "Hi, I'm Kevin." He took my hand. His grip was powerful. I looked at his arms, and thought, no wonder. They were very muscular and very well defined and tanned.

"Hi, I'm Marty." There was a momentary pause, and then the light bulb seemed to go on. He still had my hand in his powerful grip, and he looked at Steve, then back to me. "You're Kevin." He looked back at Steve again, then back at me. "Steve was talking about you. Not to worry, it was all good." Marty let my hand go. "But, Steve, you didn't say enough." Full attention was on me from Marty now. "He said you two were friends and that you were very good looking, Kevin. But, what he didn't say was how young you really look. No offense." I smile, almost blushed. Marty turned back to Steve. "He is really beautiful. You had better watch him like a hawk, or I might try and steal him from you." Marty was looking me up and down. I felt a twinge in my pants. All of a sudden, I liked being oggled over, especially by someone as gorgeous at Marty.

"We need to get going now." Steve said as he stepped behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders to get me to move. I felt his grip tighten a little, trying to turn me.

"Well, it was good to see you, Steve." Marty reached out his hand again, I took it. "It was really good to meet you, Kevin. Maybe I'll see you again." He smiled, geez tons of white gorgeous teeth, full lips, thin beard, with a heavier mustache, and deep piercing green eyes. Oh my God! I felt that I was being pulled. I almost tripped. Our hands pulled apart.

We walked through the store, Steve still had one hand on my shoulder, guiding me. We stopped at the counter. Steve leaned on the counter with his free hand toward the old man with the paper. "I'll be back in a few minutes." The old man, smirked, then went back to his paper. Outside on the sidewalk, Steve shifted his hand to wrap it around my upper arm, walking me toward the truck. I was having to walk fast just keep up with his stride. We reached the truck and I had had enough. I pulled my arm out of his grip, spun and looked at him, glaring.

"You mind telling me what the hell is going on?"

"I told you before we left, I wasn't going to let you out of the truck because someone might try and steal you away. Well?"

"Well, what?" I asked, my hands on my hips.

"Someone tried."

I was confused for a minute. I was backtracking in my mind, then it slapped me upside the head. "Marty?! Marty was trying to steal me away? I though he was trying to be nice."

"He IS nice.!" Steve looked around to see if anyone was watching. He turned back to me. "It's too much to explain. Marty is a nice guy. But, at this moment he has only one thought on his mind."

Confusion, again. "What's that?"

"To get into your pants." Steve gave it a minute to sink in on me. "You think I'm a horn dog? He's ten times worse."

The thought excited me. I felt myself start to get hard. Steve saw the wheels turning in my head, saw the bulge moving in my pants.

"Oh, no you don't." He said, leaning closer toward my face. "I know what you're thinking. Uh, uhh. I know this is all new to you and believe me I understand your body is screaming right now. But, I don't..."

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to finish his sentence, my eyes getting wider and wider, trying to draw it out of him. "Don't what?" I asked softly.

"Don't want to lose you." He looked up at the sky for a moment, blinked back tears, then looked back at me. "Can't lose you."

I knew I had him now, right then and there. I had to be careful, but couldn't. I was young and stupid. "Why can't you lose me? So what if he wants to get into my pants? We're both leaving in a couple of days."

Tears. I watched them drop out of his eyes. It crushed me. He turned and went around to the drivers door of the truck and opened it. He climbed in, and rested his hands on the wheel. I was an idiot, again. This big strong man, whom I loved more than anything, had just had his heart cut out and handed to him. I was wondering if by some stroke, a logging truck would come by and just flatten me, putting out of my misery that I had just caused. I walked around the truck and stood at the open door. I put a hand on his thigh.

"I'm sorry. That was wrong of me to say. You know, if I were you, and I was sitting there in your place, I think I would reach out and slap the teeth right out of my mouth. I wouldn't blame you." I tipped my head down, as he turned in the seat. I saw his hand come up slowly, a finger tucked under my chin, lifting me up to face him.

"I have been saying it all along, that we were leaving, going our separate ways. I just killed me to have to hear you say it." He blinked hard, fighting tears. "I can't lose you, because, well..., because I love you." He let out a deep sigh after saying it. I knew it took everything he had. "I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life, I just don't know what to do. And seeing Marty, seeing Marty looking at you, got me mad, very mad." He let go of my chin, dropping his hand to his lap, then lowered his head. His broad powerful shoulders slumped. A tear dropped on his pant leg. My chest was pounding, my throat was tight again.

"I want you to know, that I love you, Steve. With all my heart, more than I have ever loved anything. I don't know what to do either. I wish I did, I really do. It's killing me to see you hurting like this." Tears were coming down my cheeks. "I'm scared, very scared."