Chris was all I had ever wanted in a man: he was handsome, charming, sweet, nice, funny and all of the above. I was actually surprised he found me given the circumstances. Chris was 20 years old and I was only just 16. During this time, I was going through some serious self-esteem issues and would be happy for any man to pay me attention.
I had gone online in search for love as that was what I thought I was looking for and there I had met David. David was 29 years old and quite ruggedly handsome looking and he first found interest in me so we began chatting and soon had each other's numbers. We agreed to meet a week later and when the time came, he had picked me up from my house and we had gone on a date. I had soon found out that David wasn't looking for a relationship at all and all he wanted was my mouth around his dick.
'Come on, babe, please?' he'd ask me.
I politely declined his offer and promised him sexual pleasure on a later date to set his mind at ease. He unwillingly agreed and after our date, he dropped me home with only a wave goodbye. I continued seeing David after that and continued to tease him, promising more sexual favours for him on a later date with no real intention of doing so.
Word had gotten around by my supposed promiscuity and soon several of David's gay friends had hit me up looking for a blowjob or a handjob and being the low self-esteem teenager I was, I told them I would and continued to flirtatiously tease them.
It was through David that I eventually met Chris. Something about him - besides his raging good looks - was different to the other men. He was quite delicate in the way he treated me; he'd ask me if I was down for anything kinky and I'd say no and he wouldn't even act the slightest bit unnerved. I fancied him even more so because of that tiny factor.
Chris only had one condition for our budding relationship: we keep it private.
My first date with Chris - even though it wasn't really a date - was amazing. He picked me up in his sleek expensive-looking black car and we drove around, occasionally holding hands and always flirting with each other. He told me he was still in the closet and that's why he didn't want to be seen in public so we stayed in his car for the entire time.
Chris, in my mind, was out of this world attractive; he was about 6'2 when he stood up straight, had dirty sandy blonde hair that looked messy yet sexy all the time. He had a flat stomach with somewhat defined abs, the most delicious pecs and bulging biceps. It actually amazed me that he had shown interest in me.
On our second date, we had gone past the first stage of awkwardness and now cuddled in the backseat of his car. He would softly kiss me on the neck, whisper to me how beautiful I was and how glad he was that he had met me. I would never reciprocate his kisses in fear but always told him how at ease I felt when I was with him.
He was always a very charming gentleman when he was with me as well; he would always buy me lunch/dinner/whatever meal that suited the time of the day and would always open and close doors for me and pull chairs out for me as if I were a lady. I adored the attention I received from this handsome man.
We texted constantly and even had some late night phone calls even though he wasn't too fond of them. And keeping to his promise, I told no one about my budding relationship with him, not even my best friend.
On my third date with him, we were quietly cuddling in his backseat when he had told me that "he needed to get off" and he politely asked me if I wanted to jerk him off. Being the frigid tease I was, I declined his offer but postponed it to a later date with which he agreed with and, in a random turn of events, pulled his pants down and jerked off in front of me. I kept my distance from him as he climaxed all over the sweat towel he kept in his car, the smell of fresh semen seeping through the air immediately. He apologised to me and said that it had to happen and I told him not to worry.
By this time, I was head over heels for him. Although I was too stubborn to tell him I loved him for fear that he might run away, I was pretty sure that I did. I had never been in a serious relationship before and this was the closest I had felt to love for the first time.
My fourth date with Chris started off strangely. Instead of greeting me with a big grin on his face, he looked very calm and mysterious and didn't really greet me when he held the door open for me. We drove around as usual in his car and I was shocked when he stopped by a park and asked if we could take a walk.
We sat down in a discreet and quiet place in the park and I looked at him, trying to read what was on his mind. He held my hand and looked me deep in the eyes and said,
'I have to tell you something. I understand if you want to leave me and never speak to me again.'
I panicked. I didn't know what he was going to say. I felt I was in danger.
'I have a son.'
After my initial shock at this, Chris began to cry and told me that he loved me and he didn't want to keep this secret from me. He begged me not to leave him and knowing the attraction I felt to him, I told him it was okay and I'd still be with him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, thanking me for accepting him and his son.
I felt Chris was closer to me than ever before after that; in our extremely private dates, we would always cuddle and talk about everything and anything and he would always kiss me although I was still too scared to reciprocate.
It was on our sixth date when Chris decided to drop another bombshell on me. He started it off the same as before, looking very solemn and telling me that he had something he needed to share and he understood if I never wanted to speak to him again. I reassured him that I accepted his son and so I would accept this next piece of information.
This was more like a comet hitting the Earth which was my heart. I had been raised with morals that cheating was not okay, but to make it worse, he was married? I couldn't handle this. Chris began to weep again and he held my hand, stating that he loved me and he wanted to leave her to be with me but I didn't know if I could take it.
After I had calmed down, Chris told me the story: he was young and foolish and knocked her up when they were both drunk. To satisfy their conservative parents, they got married and stayed together for their son, Adrian. He reassured me that he loved me and wanted to be with me for a very long time.
I knew it was wrong. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I had never felt this and was too scared to let it go, so I forgave him. In a repeat of previous events, he hugged me tightly, whispering to me his love and that he was sorry he had put me through all of this. This was when he looked at me and in a swift movement, we shared our first actual kiss.
I felt on top of the world after that, almost completely forgetting about his family. I was in love. Although I hadn't told him yet, I knew I was.
Chris and I spent more and more time together after that, cuddling, hands, eating together, being all romantic and such. Everything was going splendidly until-
'Marni's gone out with a few of her friends so I can't come and see you today babe. I have to look after Adrian.'
I was desperate to see him and be with him and touch him, so I told him to bring Adrian with him. He was only a baby and wouldn't recognise infidelity in front of him, I assumed. After having a discussion about it, Chris agreed and he soon showed up with his son in the backseat of his car.
We continued as normal as if Adrian wasn't there, holding hands, talking about our days. But then Chris excused himself to father his baby and feed him and rock him to sleep to stop him from crying. I watched this and knew what I was doing was wrong and it had to stop. When I was sure Adrian was asleep, I told Chris that I couldn't do this anymore. He immediately responded by begging me not to leave him and assuring me that he loved me more than anything and that he would leave his wife and son to be with me.
'But that's it,' I replied softly, 'you need to be with him. You need to help her raise your son.'
He continued to beg for me not to leave him, saying that he could be in a relationship with me and still be a father to his son but looking at the sweet and innocent Adrian, I knew I couldn't do that. I left Chris later that night with a hug and politely asked him to never speak to me again. He had given up begging and with a bowed head, agreed to forget about our brief stint together.
And he was a man of his word. I had never heard from Chris since that day although I admittedly kept tabs on him by stalking his social networking profiles. From what I last found out, he is still with Marni with Adrian and had moved to another state, Marni not knowing what happened behind her back.
Chris was my first love. He was sweet, charming and so handsome. He is also the reason why I despise infidelity with a flaming passion and cannot stand when men do chivalrous things for me like open doors for me and pull out chairs.
Chris was my first love, even though I never told him.