He was screaming at me. "Will! Don't you walk away from me Will! You can't leave me like this. You can't ruin this friendship. Let's talk about this, please." I was quietly wondering where all this courage was coming from as I stormed towards my car. He had looked so crestfallen as I left him in the house but within seconds he was right in front of me and in my face. I have to ignore him. I don't want to say or do anything that I will regret.
"If you walk away from me now, I swear I will never talk to you again Will. This will be the end of everything if you get into that car." I stopped in hurt surprise and he stopped in front of me. How could he say that? I still want this friendship. I'm not the one that's going to throw it away. He has changed everything and I'm willing to get through it but I need time. As his yelling stops, we stare at each other. An unspoken battle occurs, both of us glaring at the other. Eventually he steps aside letting me pass, but I don't move. I sigh, my icy resolve melting. "Ok" I say and I turn and walk back into the house. I catch the surprise on his face as he watches me head towards the door. He eventually recovers and follows me into the house.
Walking down the dimly lit hall, we are both in a contemplating silence. I don't know what to say to him. I know in my head that the dynamics of our friendship doesn't have to change, and it shouldn't, but he's in love with me! How can we go back to what we were? I don't want to hurt him.
Arriving in the lush lounge room, I take a seat on the big red couch putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I was with him when he bought this couch. I told him it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen in my life but he said that it was a statement piece for the lounge room. Of course I had to eat my words because the way he styled the house made every individual piece of furniture look a million bucks. Now as I sit, I realise everything in this house has a small part of the past attached to it, reminding me of how amazing our friendship is and how I couldn't stand to lose it. I feel the couch shift as Lockie takes a seat next to me, probably not as close as he normally would and I appreciate it.
"Now what?" I asked in a defeated tone. I don't know what to say. What should we talk about? What do we need to talk about?
"Ok," he announces very formally. "This is what should have happened... What I should have said before instead of that ah... kitchen business. William I – "
"Don't call me William!" I interrupt. "We're still best friends, not business acquaintances." The formality of this conversation did not sit well with me.
"We're still best friends... Huh," Lockie mutters and I can hear the wonder and surprise in his voice. "Any way..." He goes on. "Will, it recently came to my attention that I am more attracted to men rather than woman and that in general I am more attracted to you than any other man. I understand that you may not feel the same way but I still hope that our friendship can continue." Again the formality is killing me. He finishes on a hopeful note and I look up from my hands. His pale face betrays the tough and confident act his voice was playing. He looks in to my eyes begging for some understanding. I smile weakly.
"Of course we can still be friends Lockie. All this is just a bit of a shock and it's going to take some time to get use to it but I can do it. For you, I'm going to have to." His smile grows slowly as I speak. I note in my head that we have glossed over the big L-word and I was grateful. I don't think I can deal with that as well.
And suddenly we're back to normal. We start to talk about our weeks and how Uni's been. He's doing a bachelor of arts specifically a fine art degree where I am doing a construction management and economics course. We have similar time tables so we catch up in our breaks and study together. We also talk about Lea and the break up, about our jobs (Both of us working part time at local restaurants), about our families, about everything and nothing.
Eventually I realise it was 1 o'clock in the morning and we had been talking for several hours. I had to get home and feed the dog. After high school finished it was decided that I would live at home until my parents left and got back from a 6 month trip around the world. It's the first holiday they've been on in a long time and they should be back in two more weeks. When they get back I have a bed waiting in Lockie's house. He has a three bedroom, two bath house all to himself as a result of his rather wealthy parents. He loved it. He had four younger sisters of varying ages so a house all to himself was like a dream come true.
"Alright, I got to get home," I grunted as I climbed of the couch after looking at my watch. Rubbing my weary eyes, I suddenly realised how tired I was and Lockie looked the same. Wordlessly we made our way to the front door. At his front door I turned to him. Awkwardly, I put my arms around his neck in a hug. We had always done this when saying goodbye but now, as much as I wish it wasn't, it was different. He reached around me and gripped my shoulders, his face resting in the hollow where my neck touched my shoulders.
I could feel his light breathing on my neck causing my skin to break out in goose bumps. I shut my eyes enjoying the feeling of his breath, his closeness. I didn't want to let go of him. This thought momentarily confused me and I didn't realise the time that was going by as I thought. Suddenly I felt a soft pair of lips against my neck as Lockie's hands slowly moved down from my shoulders sliding into and resting in the dip of my lower back. I was frozen, eyes closed, as the gentle lips slowly moved up my neck. It wasn't as if he was kissing me, just skimming his lips up my sensitive neck. Arriving at my chin, I shivered involuntarily.
Suddenly his lips were no longer there and disappointment flushed through me. I frowned at my own feelings, opening my eyes. Lockie's face was a few centimetres away from my own, his eyes staring at mine with a sort of disbelief. I felt an unwelcome need to close the distance between us, to put my lips on his. But suddenly I realised what was happening. What am I doing? I don't want this... do I?
Wordlessly, I turned to leave. I can't do this. Suddenly and with a yelp, I was yanked back to Lockie's waiting body by his surprisingly strong arms wrapped around my waist. Again my body was flush against his. He had pulled us so close together that our noses were touching as he stared up at me and me down at him. So slowly, so that I knew what he was doing, he closed his eyes and moved his lips closer. The way he was taking charge stunned me. His demeanour was normally so shy and unsure but the way he was acting now, confident and sure, caused a small twitching to occur in my pants. One I couldn't control.
My head told me to move back from his encroaching lips, to go home and to pretend this never happened but I was captivated with Lockie. I couldn't do anything my head told me to do and instead I let my body take control. I watched his plump lips move closer to mine. And then so softly I felt him against my lips. I closed my eyes in rapture. He moved his lips away slightly and I could still feel his breathing against my lips, heating them even more. The peck of his lips so soft demanded nothing of my own but hopeful agreeance.
I knew his big green eyes were open now. I could feel his expectant stare burning through my closed eyes. He was waiting for me to move, whether it be away from him or towards him. I could do neither. My body and jumbled mind fought to gain control causing me impeccable stillness.
Several seconds past as our delicate breathing intertwined and I guess he decided that he couldn't wait anymore. Abruptly, I felt his lips clash with mine, now demanding not only agreeance but also entrance. In my surprise one of my hands flew up to rest on the back of his neck, my fingers moving into his long dark hair. While the other rested on his cheek.
My muddled mind suddenly gave up on his losing fight and my body took over. My lips began to move with his. His tongue began to trace my lips causing me to gasp from the unexpected pleasure. He jumped at the opportunity my open mouth presented and suddenly I felt his tongue entwine with mine. Our mouths began battling each other for dominance and I knew I was losing but, for some reason, it didn't feel like it. As we kissed, Lockie's hands moved further down my back to rest on my ass. With a force he pulled my hips against his. I moaned as I felt his substantial hardness against me body through our pants. He was on his tip toes grinding his hardness against my own. 'What is going on I thought' as we continued to kiss rough and raw. He began squeezing my ass so hard it bordered on painful but I groaned in pleasure instead.
Suddenly and very unexpectedly he stepped back from me and I cried out from the loss of him. He looked into my eyes for a moment, searching for something. It must have found it because he soon grabbed my waist roughly and pushed me against the door. I felt a slight pain in my back as I hit the door but that was soon forgotten. As if nothing happened, his body was flush against mine again with his sensual mouth finding my own. We kissed feverishly as we grinded our hips together. My hands rested on his surprisingly muscular ass as we moved against each other, squeezing and stroking it atop his pants. His hands, which were braced against the back of the door on either side of my head, now moved to the sides of my body running down to my hips. Slowly they moved up again, this time slipping under my shirt. I moaned at the touch of his strong hands on my bare skin. His sweet kisses began to move from my mouth as he made a path way down my chin and neck. His hands were lifting up my shirt and I was about to raise my arms when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
"Ignore it," Lockie mumbled against my neck but it was too late. The spell was broken and I couldn't believe what I had done, what I was doing. I gently pushed him away. He was resisting at first but after persisting, he stepped back giving me my space. His handsome face look disappointed but his eyes were wild. I couldn't look at him anymore. I felt shame, confusion, embarrassment and a whole myriad of other emotions. I stepped away from the door, turned away from him and opened the door. A troubled looking woman looking like she was in her late 30's stood at the door. She was wearing a knee length nighty with hearts on it and a cardigan over the top.
"Hello Mrs Langley. Is something wrong?" Lockie stepped in front of me and greeted the lady I now knew to be Mrs Langley. I assumed he was asking her this due to the time of morning it was.
Her tense polite smile slowly subsided as she took in the sight in front of her. Looking us up and down, I could imagine what she saw. Two guys both with swollen lips, rugged, messed up hair and ragging hard on's. Remembering herself, she put on her polite smile.
"Hi Lachlan. I'm sorry to uh... interrupt you at this hour but Lily's got a fever and she's been throwing up all night. I'm going to take her to the hospital and I was wondering if you could maybe look after Kevin while I'm gone. He's asleep, if you could just sleep in the spare room at my house... Just in case...?"
The concern on Lockie's face looked sincere as he quickly agreed to watch Kevin. Through the conversation I slowly came to realise the Mrs Langley was Lockie's' neighbour and that he regularly watched her kids. He hugged her briskly as she handed him a house key and hoped in her waiting car where I saw a young girl seated in the back. Remembering something she stuck her head out the window.
"Oh, and your friend is welcome to stay over there as well." Lockie yelled out his thanks as she quickly drove off. I blushed at her words. Turning back to me, I don't think Lockie knew what to expect. We stood staring at each other and then the ground and repeating the process before he finally stuttered "I better get over the road. In... In case Kevin gets up."
Suddenly I grabbed my car keys off the floor where they must have fallen while we were getting hot and heavy. I ran past him just catching the hurt look on his face as I did. Without looking back I got in my car and drove.
Speeding off I didn't realise I was crying until my tears started to blur my vision and I almost ran a red light. I decided to pull over and calm myself down.