The next morning I was a little stressed about Wade and Ben. Would they cause a scene? Or just get me so horny I would go home with them again? Trying to act as normal as possible I completed my workout without incident. They were there, Timothy was there, Kevin too, and not one of them said or did anything.
As I walked to the entrance to leave I left like I had escaped. Seconds later I am on the sidewalk and hear my name. Fuck. I turn when I recognize it as Timothy. We head out for a smoothie. He asked about the game and I explained what happened, trying to keep the words three-way and fuck out of the conversation so those sitting at the next table wouldn't be interrupted with the sex life of a young slut.
Timothy was really decent. If I didn't know about his life with Scott, or his Master, I would think he was completely normal, blessed with a body like a god, but normal. This idea of living a life where sex plays such a major part kept me thinking the entire time I was on my way to Terry's. My intent was to go home but I was deep in thought and ended up going towards his place rather than Jude's.
A quick text to tell him I was on my way resulted in a rather cryptic reply, < out >.
He didn't add any detail and didn't answer any follow up texts. Rather strange for him, I turned back and stopped at the grocery for some fruit. Waiting for someone to contact me drives me nuts. Especially when that someone is my boyfriend, I am horny and I have nothing to do. To kill time I went on line and looked for pictures and video of me. Vanity led me to create a folder and collect everything I could find of me and of Terry.
Wondering if anyone else I knew had pictures on the net I lost track of time, until Jude arrived home. The same moment he walked in the awaited text arrived. Terry asked I would come over. Greeting Jude and leaving at the same time I hurried to see my main man.
Terry was wearing a jock and a smile when I arrived. It didn't take long for us to be in the middle of a hot flip-flop fuck. He really turned me on and I was finding myself enjoying sex with him in a way I had never experienced. After we both came twice we took a break. Water, pissing and catching our breath.
"Terry? Do you love sex?"
"Sure? That doesn't sound convincing."
"Who doesn't like sex?"
Was this conversation doomed? Do I continue or just kiss him? "Most people like sex, I think. But do people love it? I love it. I love being naked and having the skin of another man touching mine. I love having a man's cock get hard because of me. I love having a cock in my mouth, my tongue running over it, trying to squeeze it with my throat muscles. I love the moment when the head of a hard cock pushes into my hole. I love when a man shoots his juice all over me."
Terry looked at me and smiled. "Sam, you are so funny. I love it. You really do love it don't you?"
"Yeah Terry, I do. There is nothing like it that I can think of."
"You're lucky." Terry looked down.
"Lucky? Terry, come here, next to me, I want to feel your heart beating." Terry sat close to me, I moved in so his body had as much contact with mine, without sex involved. "Why am I lucky? Don't you like sex?"
Terry didn't respond. My joy from having had amazing sex with him only ten minutes early was subsiding. "Terry? Do you enjoy sex? In general?"
After a minute of deafening silence he opened his mouth, paused and then replied. "I enjoy being with you."
Sadness replaced my joy. Something was up with him, he wasn't offering it. Shit, this is that part of a relationship I have never had to deal with. Never had a relationship before to have this part. "You can talk to me Terry. I am, shit, I don't know how to do this sort of thing." I shifted so I could face him better. "I have never had a relationship with anyone, boy or girl. I was always single, never even went on a date really. You are the first person I have ever felt like I wanted to be with when I woke up and when I went to sleep. I consider you my boyfriend.
Since this is my first, I don't know how this all works. Never had buddies who would talk about it so I don't know what I am doing. But I know this. I love you. I want to be with you. I don't care about your past. I just care you are in my life now."
Terry sat up and looked at me. He wasn't smiling. "See, that's just it Sam. You don't care about my past and my past is, well, not a minor part of my life. We would never have met if I hadn't been an escort."
"And if I hadn't been one too." I tried to remain calm. I didn't want a fight.
He didn't reply. He sat back, crossed his arms and looked straight ahead.
"Terry, I don't know where this is going, please talk to me. I am right here and I want to be here and I want you. Please, just talk."
We sat in silence. I didn't get the vibe he was mad at me, it felt like something bigger.
"Sam. I really like you." It took nearly a minute for him to get those five words out. "And I don't want to scare you away."
"Terry, try. I don't scare easily."
"I like sex because it gets me off. Outside of that, I haven't really enjoyed it. It was sort of fun because guys paid attention to me and liked me. At least they liked my body, so I did it. It was so easy to get caught up in it and Michael. He wanted me. Not because he liked me, although I am guessing he liked me somewhat, but he didn't care about me. All he cared about was the money he earned from me. Sex has always been about getting attention and money. That isn't fun Sam.
"You on the other hand, like it. I don't see you having sex because you have to. I don't have sex because I want to. It was never like that. I had sex because I was told to and it was expected of me. In a way I didn't have a choice. Sure you can say I could leave, but what the fuck is a guy like me, no skills, no degree, no real work experience, no family; I had nothing. Except Michael. So I did what he wanted."
He stopped suddenly; I waited to see if he would continue. I wanted to hug him, hold him comfort him but didn't. My home life, growing up, coming here, was all pretty positive. I had support and people to help me, care for me. What could I say to a guy who grew up without?
"Terry? When you told me about how you met Michael; that was the first time I realized that things had been so bad for you. I honestly had no idea..."
"Exactly!" His voice had anger in it. "You didn't have a clue and you still don't. Life isn't all sunshine and hard ons Sam." He sat forward with his back to me. I looked at his back, his beautiful back.
"You are right. I didn't and I still don't. But I want to understand. It's just that when I first saw you...damn, you were so beautiful..."
"See? There you go doing it again, just like all the others!"
"Wait a second!" My own voice had a little anger popping up.
"No. You wait, I'm not done. You saw me, beautiful. You saw a face and then a body and thought 'sex' and how I had an amazing life because I was beautiful. Well, wrong! It wasn't so amazing. It wasn't great. Beauty doesn't mean wonderful Sam. Life lesson for you."
"You are right. I did think that."
"And you couldn't wait to fuck me."
Guilty. Shit I was a jerk. A selfish asshole.
"Sam. I don't want to yell, or fight, but you just don't get it sometimes."
"Terry, I want to. I am trying. This is new to me. All of it is new. Living without hiding. Having friends. Being gay and not terrified someone will find out. Having sex. Yes it is all new and I don't know exactly what I am doing. I did look at you and think about sex. I did. But as I got to know you I didn't look at you and see only a beautiful man with a beautiful body. I saw a man who was kind and wonderful and honest with me and I liked it."
"Fuck being honest Sam. I lied then and part of me is still lying."
What did he mean? Was there more?
"I lied too. I am probably still lying; I just don't know what I am lying about. IS there something you want to know?"
He sat silent again. I was beginning to dislike silence.
"Sam. I lied when I said I didn't like sex. I like sex with you."
My heart felt a lift. He didn't hate me.
"I love sex with you. It is not like sex with any one else. There is something about it deeper. It's like I want to be a part of you, not your body as much as your soul or something."
Terry looked at me. He sat looking for a while and then leaned back. "Sam. Are you sure you want that?"
"Yes. I am."
"Even my slutty whore past? Cause that is a part of me."
"I have my own slutty whore past too."
"Well, I guess we can keep working on it huh? The together part."
"I would like that."
He leaned on me; I wrapped my arm around him. It was terrible how someone cold feel so dirty and broken and empty inside when they were so perfect and beautiful outside. I loved the outside, but the inside was pretty amazing. I could find myself loving that more.
We sat next to each other, my arm around him, for some time. We were two naked young men sitting with each other on a sofa.
"Sam. Can I tell you something, sort of a lie I have been keeping?"
"Then it won't be a lie anymore."
"I have not been just sitting here during the day." He stopped talking and appeared to be struggling with continuing. I gave him time. "I have been working, well sort of working."
"That's not much of a lie." I said softly to him.
"It's been...sex. I have been doing porn."
OK. Now I felt busted.
"No. A studio. Videos, some photo shoots."
"Are you forced into it?"
"No. I guess I have been doing it because I was angry and scared and don't really know anything else. I mean I know sex and I know working out. So I have been working out and doing porn."
"Do you like it? At all?"
"Well, I guess. I mean, no not really. It isn't pretty porn."
Sitting up I kissed his temple. "You can talk about it Terry."
He sat a moment and then started to speak. "Hold on." He got up and went into the kitchen and poured a couple drinks. I wasn't thrilled about it since this was some heavy stuff but after all the shit he had been through I wasn't going to bring up alcohol.
"It's on the, well, sort of kink side, fetish maybe. Shit, Sam. I am just going to say this and I hope you don't get grossed out. Just promise me that if you need to leave you won't say anything mean."
"Terry, I refuse to leave. Tell me." I was a little nervous.
"It's a lot of piss and bears and black guys. Mostly older guys, the bigger hairy ones, being rough, pissing on me, sort of roughing me up. Sometimes there are a couple of them. Sometimes just one. And then with black guys. There is a big market for young jocks getting fucked by black guys, some of the stuff is with more than one."
"Do they hurt you? Are you forced into it?"
"No. I signed up. Part of me wanted to do some really gross stuff I hadn't done, it seemed like a good idea. It actually made me feel better. That sounds weird, but having guys who were pissing on me, felt like what I deserved."
His last words cut me they were so ugly. "Do you really think you deserve to have guys piss on you? Do you really think being gang raped by a bunch of old guys, black guys is what you deserve? It's one thing if it turns you on, but do you deserve it?"
"Yeah." I could barely hear his answer.
"Terry. You deserve only what you want. If you want hairy guys and black guys or any guys to piss on you, then fine. But you don't deserve it."
"I didn't think you would understand."
Fuck. How did I fuck that one up? It was time to tell him about my video shoot.
I took my time. I didn't want to end up trying to show him up. I just wanted him to know what I had done and why I had done it.
"Wow. You really did that? And you liked it?" He sounded like he didn't believe me.
"Yes I did do it. And yes I did like it. But, they treated me with respect. They asked and talked about everything before we filmed it. They made sure I was ok with doing it. They didn't do the things I said I wasn't interested in doing. And that is the difference Terry. I can't answer why you did what you did and I don't judge you for it. But I do think there is a difference."
"Do you really have a DVD?"
"Yep, at Jude's."
"Can I see it?"
"Of course. What to go now?"
We dressed and went to Jude's. He was still at work so we could sit and watch the short DVD without being interrupted.
"Shit Sam. That was kinda hot. Did you really enjoy it?"
"When will it be done? Can I see the whole thing?" Terry seemed eager about my porn début.
"End of next week and I would love to watch it with you." I smiled. The idea of watching my first real porno with my boyfriend was sexy.