He shook his head, trying to clear that image from his mind, trying to think. Alex had said so many things, that just defied reality, yet in the back of his mind, he realized it was all possible. There was the money issue, where did Rob get it from? He claimed he did odd day jobs, while Alex said he was turning tricks, and yet, each time he came home, Rob was there, hard, wanting him. If he'd done a trick, how could he be so horny, so ready?
Don let his hands flex, as he thought about it all. There was no way that the sex they had was any less today, than when they first met. Sure he was 20, but hell even a 20 year old couldn't shoot that much if they had just had sex before? And just who the fuck was Alex, to know either.
Okay, maybe he shouldn't have discussed it with him, told him how the sex was always hard, and while Alex only smirked, told him that youth could do whatever, that they even had drugs for it, he knew it wasn't true, not for Rob. Rob didn't do drugs, any kind. Shit, when he got sick, he wouldn't even take anything more than Aspirin. He was more of a health nut than Nutty Nathan, well at times.
Besides, he had gone through the medicine chest, there were no little blue pills, nothing to indicate Rob was taking any kind of drugs. Sure there was the usual, the Vitamin C and stuff, even some Echinacea or something, but no Viagra, no prescription bottles. Besides, he'd know as they shared the same doctor, the same pharmacy.
One of the perks of where he worked, being able to add Rob to his medical plan. Alex maybe was pissed about that? But then Alex seemed pissed about so much, that it was becoming tedious. It wasn't right that someone his age be so damn contrary, about everything. Sure life sucked at times, but then he had Rob, Alex had who?
He wasn't far from home, as he sat there, wondering about it all. Okay Alex had wound him up, had made him doubt Rob, but he was an adult, a man with responsibilities, so how come he was so willing to listen to the mouthing of a jealous old Queen, like Alex? Was it the age difference, his reluctance to believe in his good fortune, or did he really think Alex might be right?
And what was he going to say to Rob when he walked in. Oh Hi, just checking to see if you got any tricks here? Like that would go over good. Trust wasn't something to fuck with, so why didn't he feel comfortable enough to not believe Alex? Why was he here?
So what if Rob didn't contribute money to the household? It wasn't like he didn't earn enough to manage. He had a good job, seniority, and a damn good pension plan too. While other's were sulking because of the Market, he wasn't. His investments were sound, and hell, if they did go sour, well he knew he would be in the same boat as everyone. No one would be safe then, so why worry?
Plus, Rob didn't know about those investments. So how could he be out to 'squeeze him' like Alex said? He never asked Don, and maybe if he had, he would tell him, but he never broached the topic even. Sitting here now, in his car, he knew that this wasn't right, that he was the one letting down the relationship, but damn it, Alex was so persistent, so definite. It just seemed like he knew something.
Granted, it wasn't a 100% perfect relationship. There had been moments, but hell, no relationship was that perfect. Rob did love him, and he loved him. They had fun, they had sex, they shared life together. It wasn't like Rob hid anything from him, or acted uninterested. He always asked how his day had been, always took the time to listen, to be there.
Like that time when the firm had some visiting big shot in, that seemed to be constantly moaning about Fags, about America's road to ruination because of how it gave every deviant special status. It had irked him, had almost made him want to toss the job all together, but it had been Rob that had kept him cool, had held his hand, had supported him and made him think, not act out of anger, or hate.
Alex called it that Rob was simply protecting his income, his gravy train. Man, that pissed him off then, and now too, as he thought about. He was not Rob's gravy train, as Alex put it. Rob did his share. He kept the apartment clean, did the laundry, for them both. Every night there was a hot meal ready for him. Granted many nights it would be served cold, or heated up because well, Rob was a horny 20 year old.
He sighed as he thought about it all, about Alex, about Rob, and about his own life. It had changed since he met Rob. They did go out, but he had to admit, it wasn't with his older friends, and usually it was just the two of them. They went shopping together, whether it was grocery shopping or for clothes. They did stuff together, even took walks that had made him lose a few pounds even. So why was that pissing Alex off so much, and frankly, why did it matter to him so much too?
Alex wasn't his lover, merely a long time friend, so why was he letting the guy get to him? Rob was now, and he hoped forever too. Yet the idea of it being too good of a good thing gnawed at him, deep inside. He couldn't be so happy, or shouldn't be. Hell he had talked about it briefly, with Rob once, and he had to admit, the guy had a different take on things.
His explanation was simple, that Don had grown up in a society that made Gays hide, made them feel ashamed of being who they were. He, Rob, was the new generation, that could be more open, be tolerated a bit more than people Don's age, which was true. Course he also said it was because of the older guys, who fought for the rights, who took the stands, that made it all so today, it didn't mean that they were suddenly free of all that guilt, or shame. It made sense, but then, the way Rob had nestled up into him, had almost sounded like he was purring, as he snuggled into his body, seemed to just cap it off, and end the discussion too.
Rob had a way, that was for certain. He could be so serious at times, then like a switch, be playful. Don had to admit, he liked that part of Rob, the way he was daring, the way he could become very romantic in the blink of an eye. It was part of what made him care so much for the guy, the way he could turn a bad moment, into one of pure pleasure.
The time they had gone walking, how he had held his hand down the path, and some teenagers had skated by, and noticed. The way they had yelled their hateful names, that had made him cringe, even fear for their safety. And Rob, he just looked at them, up and down as if checking them out, then he had laughed, and leaned over and kissed Don so hard, that he had almost choked. It had taken away his fear, and the snide remarks, well he simply stopped hearing them.
Rob hadn't let it go either. He had grabbed his hand and they had walked further on, then suddenly he had felt himself being tugged off the path, into the darkness of the woods that made it such a beautiful walk. He had felt the branches flick at him, as they pushed in past the thicket, crunching fallen dead branches, stomping on countless bugs until they had finally found a small clearing amongst the huge trees.
The sun couldn't make much of a dent through the leaves, the thick covering was too much. It had a strange earthy smell, and there was a sort of warm moist air flowing around too. A sort of haze, filled the little clearing, that was just big enough for the two of them. How strange it had all felt, how Rob had turned and held him by the arms, staring deep into his face.
His eyes seemed to be glittering, as the filtered rays of the sun shone around them, in a semi haze of twinkling little lights. Don knew it was the dust and other things in the air, reflecting what little light was coming in, but it seemed to be so magical, so unreal. One minute they had been ridiculed, now they were standing in a muted spotlight from the heavens. It just felt so peaceful, so different that he couldn't help but feel it.
The grip on his arms lessened, as Rob let one hand move up, and caress the side of Don's face. The way his eyes looked, how his head tilted, and the long eye lashes fluttered. It made Don shudder, as he watched the eyes close, the head begin to move closer to him. The hand moved down from his face, to his side, to rest lightly on his hip. He couldn't believe the way he shook, as Rob's lips brushed up against his.
His whole body shook, his arms even seemed to just spasm, as he felt the kiss, the press of lips on his own. His own arms moved, to take hold of Rob, by his waist, to just touch him. It was like touching a ball of pure energy. He could feel the tingle inside, feel it make him quiver, shake him. Don had never felt such excitement, as he had at that moment.
The words of the punks were suddenly forgotten, were simply erased from his thoughts as Rob kissed him, then slowly guided him downwards. He had barely felt himself going down to rest on his knees, nor did he even feel himself begin to stretch out, as Rob guided him into a prone position. The two of them, lay in the fallen leaves, the dirt, as Rob wiped a lock of hair off Don's brow.
How he looked at him, with such affection, such devotion, Don couldn't even remember how many skater's there had been. He didn't care, as he felt Rob's hand move down, his fingers lightly touching his chin, then his neck, then down to his shirt. The way it felt, the way it excited him, was all he could think of then. It had felt so right, s perfect.
Leaning back into his seat, he remembered how Rob had unbutton his shirt, one by one. He was in no rush, and had yet to utter a word. His eyes were fixed on Don's, as he undid each button, then moved his hand inside, pushing the shirt apart. His fingers tips moved lightly over Don's chest, around each erect nipple. The touch of his fingernail making him suck in his breath, exhaling as the finger moved away, then come back.
Every nerve in his body suddenly seemed to be tingling, and all Don could think of, was how gorgeous Rob looked, in the haze of the light. The way his eyes looked at him, held his attention as if they were delving deep down into his very soul. It had made him tremble, had made his cock ache in a way he had never really felt before.
Yet, that whole moment, seemed to go on forever. How Rob's hand moved ever so lightly over his chest, his stomach. The way the tips would just brush over his skin, making the muscles below quiver, making them coil and tremble. It was all there now, before him, just as it had been then. His mind could bring it all up, every single detail, yet not a shred of it either.
Strange how he could recall the feelings inside, more than the action. How he could remember the way his heart beat, how it felt like it was about to burst from his chest, while Rob's own heart beat seemed to echo in unison with his own. How it felt to almost be like one person, yet knowing there was someone else there.
To imagine the emotions, yet to believe he had felt each one, as if the fingers, the closeness of their bodies, were merely a conduit and nothing else. The experience of the soft caress, merely a way to pass the emotions, the depth of caring from one soul to the other, was awe inspiring, and scary too. It made him realize there was more to their relationship than just a physical one, that the emotional ties were even more intense, than anything physical could be.
How he had felt then, he could feel now. His body was quivering now as it did then, as if Rob's hands were over his stomach now, brushing past the small dark hairs leading to his belly button. The way his nipples were erect now, as if Rob's fingernail had just brushed past. He could feel that same tingle, that same rush of excitement, as the tip brushed past, circled and then came back to scrape against the firm flesh of his nipple.
It all seemed so real then, and now too. How his heart beat, his pulse racing like a train, along two sets of tracks, because right beside him was Rob's own racing heart. He could see it better than he could see the lines etched in Rob's forehead. But the eyes, they had never left his face, never stopped staring down into his soul, while the hands the fingers, even the frame of Rob's body, pressed and caressed his.
It all was so timeless, so effortless and yet so exciting. He knew he had shot his load, but he had done it without touching himself, without being touched, and yet even as he felt his body surrender, he felt Rob's own body giving in, as well. It was like they were one, not two people. It felt so strange, to feel the way his balls would suddenly push upwards, then down as they began to unleash their milky fluid into his body, and that as he was feeling that, he could feel it happening next to him too.
Maybe he just had a good imagination, but he knew Rob had touched him in a way no other man had come close to doing. The memory he had now, begun by some mean little snot nosed brats, was one of joy, not disappointment. How he had taken that moment, and turned it into such a powerful memory was a knack he had. Don had many memories, many moments that he could recall, that were magical, even mystical if you believed in that stuff, which Don was beginning to.
How else could he explain it all? How could he rationalize how it had felt, to feel the legs pressed up into his own, the only sound being the beat of their hearts? How could he not believe in magic, when he had felt his load being poured out, without any hand touching his dick, without any outside help? It had to be real, because how else could he go from feeling terror, feeling fear for his physical safety, to one of utter contentment, utter satisfaction?
Alex was wrong, this wasn't a passing fancy or some trick by a good hustler. This was real, the way he could still feel Rob's eyes gazing at him, looking at him with such devotion, such affection, that even now, it made him squirm. You couldn't fake that, not on that level, no one was that good. Maybe he didn't feel as strongly each time he would look at Rob, but it was there, lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce out and amaze him again.
It had more times than he could count, or so it seemed. That had to make it real, because no one could manufacture that look, create that much deep emotions, on any regular basis. It just didn't happen, but it did with him and Rob. That was real, as he felt it, felt that moment again, at how Rob had held him, had pressed his body into his, making the leaves rustle, making the branches beneath their prone bodies crack.
The touch of his lips, the caress of his hands, he could feel it now, as if he was back there again. He could smell the damp ground, feel the warm musky air swirl around him, as Rob held him, touched him. It was there as fresh as if it was happening, even if it had been months ago. He felt it, felt the gaze as it pierced his soul, as it filled him with its warmth. No, Alex was wrong, Rob did care for him, and he needed to stop letting others twist things around.
If was to sit down with them, list all the times that Rob had made him feel so special, so unique, maybe they would come to understand, this wasn't about money, wasn't about convenience either. But then, thinking about it, they wouldn't see it, they wouldn't get it. Most of them would smirk, look at him like he was some lunatic. To them, sex was all that mattered, how tight of a hole the guy had, or how good his tongue action was.
They didn't know what it was like to feel your heart beat in time with another's. They hadn't a clue what it really felt like, when a person didn't just touch your body, but touched your soul. Alex and the others, they didn't know how it felt to feel the other's person's thoughts mingle with your own, or how their presence made time stand still. How their look, their smile could make your dick quiver in anticipation.
Sitting there, he realized how much he had, and he grew angry too. He should be at work, not sitting here a few blocks from home, doubting at what he had felt, disbelieving in how good it felt to be with someone, like Rob. This wasn't right, and yet the nagging doubt wouldn't leave him alone. Sure, if he thought about it, he could push it away, but it was like a never ending swirling mist, that you could blow at, and see it move away, only to come back as you took a breath.
There was only one way to end this nagging, endless mist. He wasn't the sort to ignore the hard choices in life. Don gritted his teeth, hoping that what he felt inside was for real, that he hadn't been kidding himself all this time. He had to know, without doubt, without question. If Rob was as he seemed to be, he'd understand, he'd not hold it against him, and if he did, well he would accept that too.
Saying a small prayer, he put the car in gear, and headed towards his apartment house. He had come this far, and he would see it through. Gritting his teeth, he still felt that he already knew the answer, knew what he would find, which allowed him to relax his grip on the steering wheel.
Don really did believe in Rob, and he would prove it, once and for all.