Love Is No Sin
By : A. Williams
I was a confused young man at 19. I was raised my two loving parents but I couldn’t talk to them about my confusion. I was in love with a boy. A boy I had known most of my life. He thought it was a sin, punishable by death. He was born and raised a Muslim, ‘Kill the one who sodomizes and the one who lets if be done to him,’ he told me his religion said. So he believed it was wrong to be gay, to do anything physical with another man.
I had no such beliefs and I could not stop my heart from loving him. Yes it was about the physical, I was a teenager after all. But it was so much deeper. I wanted him for companionship, to talk to and share my feelings with. I wanted to hold and cuddle him, to grow old with him but this word, sin, prevented all that from happening.
He was my best friend and I had known him since grade school. He was my Luke. I called him, ‘My Little Angel’, because he was smaller and younger than me, only 15 years old at the time. He was the cutest and sweetest thing I had ever known. I had loved him as a friend for many years but now, older and more mature, my feelings started to change for him.
I had seen him in the locker room changing many times from his gym clothes back into school clothes and I had always admired his slim physique. He also seemed to notice me, my taller and more muscled body. We would nod at each other as if to say, ‘Not Bad’, but I wanted so much to touch him and hug him close.
One weekend, like many others, Luke was coming over to spend the night with me. We had done this a hundred times, us back and forth between his house and mine but something was different, different inside of me.
He walked into my house without knocking and said ‘Hello’ to my Parents and came to my room with his duffle bag tucked under is slim arm. “Hello Jessie, are you up for an all-nighter?” he laughed as he tossed his stuff aside and jumped on the bed beside me.
I laughed along with him, we had stayed up all night countless times. Talking, playing games and watching movies. “Sure am, have plenty of snacks and that coffee flavored drink you like so much,” I said smiling, so happy he was beside me.
“Wow, thanks man. Now I know I’m in for a good night,” he laughed and my heart swelled. Looking at him, so close to me but just out of my reach made me scream inside.
I needed to touch him, hold him and kiss him. My angel…my Luke. I stood, killed the lights and fell back on the bed next to him, close to Luke. I pressed my lips to his with no warning, but he kissed me back. Ooh yes, so softly, so sweetly and I was in heaven. I wrapped my arms around his slim body as our kiss deepened.
I slowly undid his belt, slowly lowered the zipper and slid my hand in to find his cock. Yes, he was half hard and his cock felt so good in my hand. Damn, I had dreamed of this moment and this was so much better.
As we kissed, I stroked his cock to a full hard erection and then he suddenly stopped everything. “Stop this, get off me Jessie, that’s enough,” he said regretfully. He quickly zipped up and moved off the bed. “You know what I believe, what my religion teaches. Theses desires are a sin and I can’t allow myself the pleasure of this type of physical love, you know this Jessie,” he said in almost a hushed whisper.
What did I do wrong, we both wanted each other and both loved each other. I knew that for sure. What the hell, I thought but that one word was there again, Sin. There is no sin in love I thought, but held my tongue. We’d had this discussion so many times, always with the same result. I needed to keep my hands to myself, no touching, no kissing and no hugging. That meant pure torture for me because I loved him so much.
We stayed friends, close friends but I longed for him so and I know he longed for me too. At least we could see each other, talk to one another and occasionally touch.
I was a confused man, now 21. I knew I needed to move on, further my education but doing that meant moving to the city and leaving my Angel Luke behind.
We had an emotionally goodbye as we hugged each other and had a few kisses. Now in collage, I cry for him at night. Damn I miss him terribly, so much left un-done. All I wanted was to hold him and love him with my heart…so much love wasted.