As I reached the apartment I heard the lock opening, Bailey opened the door, I looked at his feet. He didn't say anything. He didn't move. I was scared. Even in the numbness of the pain and exhaustion I felt scared. This was entirely different from the fear of being raped, brutally, this was fear in my heart.
I slowly looked up at his face. The expression was one I had never seen on him. Tears whelled up in his eyes and a tear ran down his face. He reached out for my arm, pulled his body into mine and reached his arm around my back, lifting me. There was no conversation. He sat me on the sofa and went to close the door. I closed my eyes. I heard the sound of water filling the tub and his steps as he returned to me.
The weight of his body as he sat next to me, tipped me towards him. I opened my eyes. The tears had stopped but the sadness on his face was still there, I didn't know what he was thinking. Was he pissed? Did he hate me? Would he tell me to leave?
'I am so relieved you are back, I was scared something happened. Well, something did happen, now I know what, and you are alive. Mick, I...' He stopped talking. I looked at him and he looked away.
'Let's get you into the tub.' He finished his sentence.
I leaned forward, too weak to stand, he basically carried me to the bathroom. As we faced the vanity I could see my reflection in the mirror. I looked horrible. The clothing mad it worse. I had seen myself at that place, but here I could see much more clearly. My God, what had happened to me?
'Mick, can you lean against the counter, I need to take that shirt off.'
I did, my arms were shaking. He lifted the tee to my arm pits. 'Lean back into me.' Carefully he removed the tee. I leaned forward again as he removed the shorts. Once I was naked I looked yet again at my reflection. Bailey stood behind me, I could see his face next to mine. Suddenly my eyes filled and tears came pouring out. I collapsed. Bailey caught me before I could hurt myself.
He held me. I cried. I could feel him crying too, his chest heaving and body shaking as it does when you cry from deep inside. 'Oh, Mick. I didn't know what to think or what to do. You were gone for almost two days. No calls or texts. I couldn't call the cops. No one had seen or heard from you. Thank God you are back, and safe. Now you are safe.'
I couldn't talk. I had nothing to say. I felt so shitty inside.
'Ok, into the tub.'
With gentleness he helped me into the warm soothing water. I felt like I was melting. Bailey kneeled next to the tub and slowly, gently, washed my body like it was a fragile sculpture.
We didn't talk during the time he was bathing me. My mind didn't go to the rape. It did go somewhere more revealing. How appropriate it was to stand in front of the vanity looking as I did. Me; so vain and proud of my body. Me thinking I was so hot and sexy and all gay men wanted me. Me. Letting men fuck me, use me and buy my looks. Me. Standing in front of the vainness, bruised, beaten, covered in dry cum, piss and spit. Hickeys and welts and black and blue marks covered my smooth, tan, nearly flawless skin. Yes I had been vain and now look at me.
'Ok Mick, time to dry you off, careful standing up, hold on to me.'
I reached up and let Bailey wrap his strong arms around me and help me out of the tub. He carefully patted me dry and then, to my surprise, he picked me up and carried me to the bed. Setting me down and covering me up he sat next to me.
'Mick, you need to get some rest. When you are ready I am here to listen to what happened. Please know that I...' he stopped and looked down at the blanket. 'Mick, whatever happened...' He sat silently. After a minute of silence he looked at me, once again the tears were filling his eyes. 'Mick. I love you.'
He placed his hand softly on my shoulder then stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. He said he loved me. We had never said that to each other before. I don't think I had ever said that to anyone. And I missed the chance to say it to him. My eyes shut and I fell asleep.
Waking up I wasn't sure if I had experienced a horrible nightmare, then I moved and knew it was not a dream. I didn't try to move any more, I just laid in bed and started to sob. Within moments Bailey was at the side of the bed.
'Mick. Are you ok?'
I opened my eyes, he had another expression I had never seen on him, fear. 'Bailey. God. Bailey, it hurts.' I tried to speak clearly through sobs.
'What hurts Mick, where does it hurt?'
'Everywhere Bailey.' I sat up and we embraced. I felt the warmth and strength of his body, his person. Damn was he solid. While I sobbed, we hugged. It was the first time we had touched this much and I didn't get an erection. It was a different type of feeling.
My face in his shoulder, protected, I cried. When the tears started to slow I turned my head , 'Bailey. They raped me.' It took a long time to say those four words. He didn't withdraw his embrace, he sat and held me with the same conviction even after I uttered that horrid word.
When I felt ready I eased my hold on him and he followed suit.
'Are you thirsty? Hungry? Come, you need food.' Bailey turned back the bedding and helped me swing my legs to the side of the bed. He reached for some sweatpants and sweatshirt and dressed me. We went into the living room and I sat on the sofa while he went to get something to eat.
We both ate in silence. My body was desperate for nourishment. Once we finished I sat back and asked for a cup of coffee.
The wonderful aroma filled my senses and was a welcomed change from the stench of the day before. I leaned back, holding the hot cup. 'Bailey. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you. I didn't mean to scare you.'
'Mick, you didn't do anything to me. They did something to you.'
We sat silently, again. My eyes then spied the bag. There it was, my tattered clothing, the DVD, the proof. 'Bailey, did you look in that bag?' I broke the silence.
'No, I couldn't.'
For the next two hours I spoke, telling him everything that I could remember. We both cried during that time, several times. It wasn't as painful as I expected it to be. I didn't try and hold any of it back. I had told Bailey everything about me. He had seen me and knew me so holding back seemed stupid.
'When you opened the door. Bailey, I don't know what to do now. I don't know what's next.' And I didn't know. What the hell do I do now?
'Mick, you only need to rest, recover from this shit. Do you want to see a doctor? Or go to the police?'
I shook my head. 'No, what am I going to say? Officer, I am a prostitute and was raped by a john. I don't think so Bailey.'
'At least go and get checked out so there isn't something wrong.'
I sat a moment. He had a point. 'Ok, I will get checked out and tested, but I won't report it.'
We had both been tested, but how do you make an appointment to be checked for internal damage to your ass?
The doorbell rang. Bailey answered the door. It was a cop. He walked in and closed the door. I didn't know what to think.
'So the whore is alive. Good.' The cop spoke, crudely. 'Listen whore. Don't think of going to report anything, it won't go anywhere. You were doing what whores do, sell your body to anyone who pays. Keep your fucking mouths shut or it will be done for you. This is what will happen. The video will be sold, people all over the world will see you getting fucked like the whore you are and it will sell. Consider it a job like the other porn you do. Keep your fucking mouth shut.'
He turned to leave, I was stunned, Bailey looked stunned.
'Oh, I almost forgot, here's your money whore.' He tossed an envelop on the counter and left.
Bailey locked the door and came over to me. 'Are you ok Mick? Who was he?'
'I don't remember Bailey, he could have been there, I was drugged and out of it and there were so many guys, I can't remember.'
We sat in silence while I tried to figure out what to do. I couldn't. Then, without thinking about it I started talking. 'Bailey. I am done. No more porn, no more web work, no more sex for money. I am done with it. I want to move on. Bailey, I love you.'
He smiled, we hugged, it felt like some sappy movie, but it wasn't sappy, I really did love him. For the first time in my life I felt true love for someone. I didn't want to fuck for money anymore. I had what I wanted and it was Bailey.
'I love you too. Are you really quitting Mick?'
I nodded, 'Yes Bailey. I don't want you to have a prostitute for a boyfriend. I don't want to be a guy who fucks for money.'
'What about the envelope?'
'I think I will put that with the DVD, maybe in the future it will be needed.'
A week later He called. He had the next shoot scheduled and wanted us in Cali in three days. I told Him I was done. He laughed. 'Mick, are you stupid? You signed a contract, you owe the studio two more, so you will be on that plane and you will do what needs to be done. Both of you.'
Fuck. He was right. We dug out the contract and we were committed to two more movies, there was no opt out clause, we had to go.