Learning

Chapter 32

How do I explain what it is like to watch yourself getting fucked to someone who has never seen a video of themselves getting fucked? This was the question I had on my mind as I walked up to Brenn's door. Since boarding the plane to return home this had occupied my thoughts.

During our conversations over that past few months he had explained that he enjoyed sex but didn't do the camera thing. I wanted to show him the videos, I was pleased with them both, but I didn't know what his reaction would be like so I was nervous.

Brenn smiled when he opened the door. 'It is good to see you stranger.'

I stepped inside and gave him a deep sensual kiss. 'Damn I miss that.' He smiled once again. This is the longest we have gone without getting together since that first time. How are you?'

'Very good Brenn, almost too good if that is possible.'

'So the boyfriend is working out?'

'Boyfriend?'

He smiled, or was it a smirk?'

'The last time I saw you the hot new guy was all you talked about, so I figured that since you have been ignoring me it can only mean that things with him were going well.'

He had a point. I had been spending all my time with Bailey or getting laid at Bailey's request. 'He isn't me boyfriend, but I have been spending a lot of time with him. And it is good. I like him Brenn, a lot.'

'Does he know you are here?'

I wasn't sure where he was going with this comment so I asked him what he meant.

'Does he know you are stopping by the old man's place? And possibly, if I am lucky, getting laid.'

'Brenn, he isn't my boyfriend, he doesn't own me and I still have sex with other guys.'

'So does that mean I am getting lucky?'

I sank to my knees, opened his fly and proceeded to give him a long, hard, blow job. I stopped before he came too close to coming, I wanted to get fucked so sucking the cum out of him was not my plan.

I stopped and stood up. 'Does that answer your question? I have something to show you.' I walked over to his dvd player and started the movie. He looked at me with a confused face when me mug came to the screen. 'This is what I have been doing Brenn.'

'Making porn?'

'No. Well yeah, that too, but I have been having a lot of sex. Wait until you see some of these guys, hot as hell and they fuck so well!'

We watched the movie and before it was over we were both naked. And then we fucked, Brenn fucked me and came and I came and it was wonderful. Afterward we laid next to each other in his bed and he asked what direction I was going with the video thing. I explained how it happened and Bailey's porn work. I also explained that we had been invited to California to make some video and earn some money. Brenn was silent and once again concerned.

'Mick. I don't want to sound like an old man or a drag but you realize where this is going don't you?'

'Yeah, I have a pretty good idea.'

'Are you sure you want to get into the escort business?'

'Escort, I really don't think it is that nice, my gut feeling is I will be sucking a lot of dick for free and getting fucked for a price.' I surprised myself at how adult it sounded.

'Mick, who you let fuck you really is not my business. Well, maybe a little since I am still having sex with you. But Mick, guys who get into that business get used up pretty fast. You are young and gorgeous and have so much ahead of you. Is this what you really want to do?'

'Brenn, I know it isn't the smartest thing, but I get so turned on. I love having the attention come my way. I know that guys don't care about me at all and that they are using me, but after being ignored and feeling so unwanted for so long, I like the idea, no not the idea, the actual being wanted, even if it is only for my ass. I don't intend to do it for long, just until it isn't fun any more and right now it is fun. Having a guy look at me with the lust in his eyes and knowing he WANTS me is a huge turn on. Having him pay me makes me feel like he has to earn a chance at my ass. That appeals to me.'

'So the guys in the video, are they the only ones or are you, have you been doing this for a while now?'

'Mick, I don't know what to say. I think it's a bad idea but you will do what you want.'

I felt like I had let him down.

'Brenn, it's only a few videos. I don't intend to make it a full time job.'

Brenn was silent. He held me with care. We took a shower and went to get something to eat. I felt a sort of barrier between us. Had I killed out relationship? I went home and felt like I had made a mistake. Doing the videos and the trip wasn't a mistake but not telling Brenn first was stupid of me.

Two weeks later Bailey and I went online and there was the first video. Over the next two months the rest of the videos were released and whether or not I was ready for it, meeting up with men for sex became a regular exercise. Fall had arrived and I was no longer new to meeting a guy and getting nailed before returning home with a few hundred bucks in my pocket. I was spending most nights with Bailey and avoiding Brenn. I felt a little ashamed about my life and choices but it was still fun. One thing was for sure, I wasn't going to stop.