I woke up and felt like shit. My ass hurt some but mostly my pride and ego. I had a hard time dealing with the shitty way I was treated. Confusion. I liked being fucked, like sex, liked a cock in my mouth or ass. I liked thinking about it and anticipating cock. I liked showing off and liked making money showing off or having sex. I liked older guys. I liked being used.
So why did I feel so shitty?
It was nearly noon, I gave Brenn a call. I had to talk with him and knew he would be pissed about what I had done.
He wasn't home when I called but would be soon so I worked out before I took another shower. I was scared.
'Brenn. Hi.' I couldn't even fake being happy.
'Shit Mick, what's up?' And then he looked into my eyes. 'Shit. Mick, are you ok? Come on, lemonade? Let's sit down.'
I sat down in the living room and waited. This was the most nerve-wracking experience I had even had. Brenn returned with the lemonade and sat across form me. 'So Mick, talk to me.'
I didn't know what to say or where to start. 'Brenn...' tears started to run down my face, I looked down and cried.
'Mick. What's wrong? Has something happened?'
The tone in Brenn's voice was like a parent who cared. A tone I had never heard from my father.
'Brenn, I did something and didn't like it.' I stumbled over my words not sure what to say or how to say it.
'Mick, just talk to me, you know I don't judge you, that I care about you and that I am here for you.'
He was being so nice and all I could think about was the way I was sold the night, hours earlier. 'Brenn, I did something stupid. At first it sounded like a good idea but I was all-wrong. It sucked but I didn't stop, I just keep going.' Tears returned.
'Mick, did someone hurt you? Start from the beginning.'
Start from the beginning, I couldn't, it would take forever. 'Brenn, I worked as a stripper last night.' I stopped.
'A stripper? At a club? That doesn't sound too bad, you like showing off. What else happened?'
'Well, the stripping was ok, the first time. '
Brenn sat silent and looked at me. I had to tell him but was embarrassed and hurt and felt like shit.
'After the first time I went back to the room and a few minutes later this guy walked in. Brenn, John told me before I even started what would happen, that he would bring me tricks and I would make money and had to give him a cut and I didn't think much about it. But the guys were so gross and mean. They treated me like shit. It wasn't hot or sexy and didn't turn me on. It was terrible and it hurt and was not cool.'
I waited to here what he would say, I couldn't look at him. The shame was too much.
'The first guy was ok, average guy, nothing bad really, but he wasn't nice, he didn't care about me he just wanted an ass to fuck. After he was done John came in and asked for his cut so I gave him some money. The second time he brought this really gross fat asshole who was mean and insulting and mean, just plain mean. After he left John chewed me out, talked to me like I was a worthless shit and owed him. He said if I was only going to give him ten percent he would bring the worse jerks to me. After that the guys were not as fat but they were all jerks. When they fucked me it was mean, like they were trying to get back at me or something. John treated me like shit all night and made me keep going on stage and acting like my pimp and wanting more money. Brenn, I was so stupid to go there in the first place.'
Brenn inched forward in the chair, 'Mick, I am so sorry. I can't imagine something like that happening. You are not worthless. You are not a piece of shit. You don't deserve to be treated like that.' He paused, I sat still feeling stupid. 'Did they hurt you?'
'Nothing that shows, mostly my feelings. Brenn, I didn't like being treated like they owned me. John was such a prick. I don't get it. When I am with you guys, Steve, your friends and get fucked I love it, but this was...this wasn't like that at all. It sucked.' I actually was starting to feel a little better.
'Well Mick, we do care about you and when we are fucking, it isn't to be spiteful or hurt you or demean you...'
'Demeaning! That is exactly what it was Brenn, totally demeaning!' I interrupted him.
'Yes it was Mick. Can I ask, why didn't you leave?'
'I don't know Brenn, I really don't. I felt like I had to stay until the shift was over. It's so stupid but I just didn't think I could walk out.'
'Well Mick, you learned a painful lesson. I told you months ago that you never need to do anything you don't want to do and that there are guys who will not, are not nice.'
'I know Brenn and that is what sucks. You told me and I didn't listen. I'm stupid.'
'Stop saying that Mick, you are not stupid, just young and inexperienced. Sure you can suck dick and bottom like a pro, but you are still young and new. This sucks but it is part of learning, and it really hit hard. But you are ok and will be fine. Now, did they use condoms?'
'Yes.' Not much more to say to that question.
'So, where was this club and how the hell did you find it?' Brenn sat back in the chair.
'Ryan.' I stopped at that.
'Ah. I see, say no more. Listen, Ryan is hot and young and a good fuck, but he lives in that life. I tried to warn you about him. He uses guys for money and to support himself. He isn't safe and isn't really that nice. I suggest staying away from him. Do you know about him? Did he or anyone tell you?'
No, no one, not even Ryan had told me anything about him really, just that he was a bit of a whore. 'No.'
'Ryan has been working, selling himself since he was fifteen. He has traveled around and gotten into trouble, arrested for prostitution, he is really not someone to hang around. Things will only get worse.'
Brenn was right and he had told me Ryan and John, were not to be trusted. Why did I trust them? We talked for a while. Brenn made dinner. I was feeling much better. I think mostly because he didn't reject me or insult me or treat me like a prostitute, even if I had made a bunch of money selling my ass.
After we ate I asked him about Nick. He didn't know Nick very well but knew he was a photographer and did some side work in porn. But he wasn't mean. This made me feel better. So I told him about Nick's offer to model.
'What's your gut tell you?' was all he said.
What was my gut telling me? It was telling me that Nick was not like Ryan or John. It was telling me that I fucked up by going with them to the club. It was telling me that last night was a mistake and I wouldn't die from it. It was telling me that I was curious to see what Nick had in mind.
That night I called Nick.
I didn't get laid for three days. I went to class, did my homework, worked out and kept things mellow. On Wednesday I went to Nick's to see the pics he had taken.
I was impressed. The photos were hot, I looked hot. I asked Nick a ton of questions and he pretty much told it straight, at least it sounded that way. He said he knew a couple of guys and talked about the way they worked. I remembered him telling me earlier about them and this time he went into more detail. He offered to ask a couple of guys who had worked with these contacts to see if they would be willing to meet me. I thanked him. Then I asked about the photos. Were the ones he already took something I could use or did he own them? He said they were test pictures and if I wanted something that I could submit, if I was interested in work outside of escort or strip clubs, low end stuff, he could take some but that it would be better if I had someone representing me.
What I wanted was to have him take more pictures so I could see how I looked. I told him and he said he could do that work easily enough but not for free. I asked how much and he thought about it. Then I asked if we fucked again he could take whatever he thought would be fun, and that I could possibly use them.
He seemed to like that option so we went to take some more pictures. I started out dressed and ended up naked. He wanted me to use a dildo on myself and I did. He made it fun and I enjoyed the entire shoot. He asked me to try and cum on my chest. After I did he told me to move the cum around with my finger. I did and then took some with one finger and ate it. He loved that and took shoot as I scooped up all my cum and ate it. It felt sexy. The shame and pain of the stripping night had left.
Then we fucked. I enjoyed it. It was fun and Nick didn't make me feel like shit, plus I had not been fucked in days so it felt great to get my ass used and be respected at the same time. If Nick really did respect me I don't know. He could just have been taking advantage of me but I didn't care, he wasn't mean.
After a quick shower he gave me a number. 'This kid works for one of the guys. Good kid. He said he would chat with ya.
When I got home I called him. His name was Bailey and he sounded really cool. We talked for about an hour and planned to meet up Thursday evening. It was easy to sleep that night and I was excited for the next day.
We met near campus; Bailey went to school and used the modeling to pay for it. He was a little shorter than I was, dark blond hair, looked stronger than I was and really shy. We picked up some take out and went back to his apartment. It was a small place in the attic of a house near campus. The owner was a widow who had only a few rules. No pets, no parties, no girls.
As we ate we talked a little but not much. It was hard to believe this was the same guy I was chatting with the night before. So I asked him, 'Bailey, you know, last night you were so funny and today so quiet. Did you change your mind or something?'
'It's just that, see, I am really shy and especially since, you know, because you know.' His explanation was about as clear as mud.
'I don't know Bailey, you totally lost me.' I said with a little laugh.
He smiled. 'You are the first person who knows that I do gay porn and has seen me for real.'
'OK, that makes some sense, but not really. Your agent, Nick, they know about the porn and have seen you.' I was trying to figure it out.
'They never have seen anything personal about me, like where I live or anything,' He was still not clear, at least I couldn't figure out what he meant.
'Bailey, you still have me lost man. Can you explain it some more?'
As he stood up he grabbed the trash and then into the kitchenette. He returned with two beers. I told him I didn't drink.
'Well Mick, do me a favor, pretend to drink it. I am not trying to get you drunk or anything but if you want to get it then humor me.'
I took the beer, he tipped his to me, I did the same and we both drank. I took a very small sip and it wasn't good. He took a small swallow and smiled.
'Mick, see,' he started to unbutton his shirt, 'no one knows I'm gay. I stick to myself and do my school work and work out and every six weeks I do a modeling gig.' He took off his shirt; a tight bright white tee was underneath. It was tight on his abs and really tight across his chest. My mind raced, I couldn't wait to see him naked!
'See, I am still embarrassed about the gay thing and don't want people to know, not sure why, scared I guess, so when I am around people I am shy, stick to myself and do my thing. But when I am with my agent, or a photographer,' he started to lift up the tee. His abs tight, tan and smooth started to show. His arms were stunning, not overly ripped but damn near perfect. As he reached to pull the tee over his head his chest was exposed, his nipples and I got hard. Fucking beautiful, Perfect. 'I let go of all that. Sort of like, when I shed my clothes I shed the shyness, the fear and all that crap.' He smiled.
Reaching for his pants he started to open his shorts. I watched silently trying not to drool. 'Mick, I like my body and when I am working, modeling, I like showing it off.' He dropped the shorts and was standing there in front of me, six feet away, in a tiny pair of briefs, bright white, that were tight and sexy and holy fuck I wanted him.
'When I get naked in front of the camera I open up and feel free.' He reached each thumb into the thin waistband and in one movement removed his briefs. He stood up, completely naked and smiled. 'When I am working I feel great.' Huge smile, he grabs his weighty cock and gives it a shake. 'Let's talk porn!'