"Well ya see the thing is, and I don't want this to be the thing but I guess it is the thing and I have to accept that it is the thing. Because in life you may make plans and however great they may be, some thing is going to come in and change them. I learned to accept that, and it was hard at first. Boy was it har-"

"Simon, you're rambling." Simon took a moment to collect himself while James watched him with the most patience anyone had ever shown him.

It was then that he realized, he loved him. Undoubtedly and without any thought he closed the small distance between the two boys. Simon had called with the intention to tell James how he felt, which was scared but willing. Willing to open this new found side of him to the boy at the book store. But now, as he saw the look in James' eye that said everything Simon needed to hear without any words at all, Simon was no longer scared. He was happy and sure of exactly what he wanted.

Their lips collided together and James stumbled, surprised by what Simon was doing. Simon was kissing him, of course James wanted this. He wanted this and so much more. He was willing to wait however long it would take for Simon to get to this point but he had no idea it would be such a short time. James could feel Simons trimmed facial hair rub against his clean face. It was electrifying it sent every nerve in his body into overdrive. With his eyes slowly opening, James pulled away slightly.

Simons face showed pain, " No no, it's not you Simon! I just..I work here and I'd like to keep my job" he laughed as Simons face turned to its normal color.

"Sorry, I didn't expect to do that I just...I don't know I just..."

"Just continue with what you were saying, it's okay." A smile still on James' face, he rubbed Simons arm comfortingly.

"I was rambling but well okaaay what I was trying to say is that. The thing is, I want you the way you want me which isn't the way we're supposed to want each other but we do. If that makes sense. I know I said earlier I wasn't that way, that I wasn't gay and maybe I'm not I don't know. All I know is that when I look at you I want to be around you more and hear about what you dream to do someday. You have such big dreams and aspirations and you help me figure out the things I want. All my life people have used me for my brain, not really caring about me. But then you came in and saw me for me." Simons head was down and he was scared of what James was thinking. He finally lifted his head and saw the oh so sure of himself boy that he was laying it all on the line for smiling down at him.

James put his hand to Simons face and held it there for a moment, "Are you sure of this Simon?"

"No. But as long as I can have you through this, I think I'll make it." That's all James needed to hear for now. He pressed his lips against Simon and held him close.

Their second kiss lingered on James' lips throughout the rest of his day at work. When he finally laid his head on his pillow it took everything in him not to think of Simon. He would see him tomorrow, sleep was needed to get there faster.

Simon laid in bed for awhile after he woke up. He was in this state of elation where he could not remember the troubles to come in the near future or anything that might bring worry. In the forefront of his mind, there was only James. He whispered to himself, "I could live in this state for the rest of my life." He turned to his right wanting James to be lying next to him. He was not. Simon added that to the list of things for him to accomplish. Awake with the object of his infatuation by his side.

He pulled himself out of bed, forcing him to think of what there was actually to come. He wasn't ready to tell his parents. Not only because he was afraid but because he wasn't sure what there was to tell. They were hundreds of miles away so that could wait. He would have to test these waters and find out.

Simon found himself looking in a mirror, trying to discover something different about himself. Yesterday he kissed a boy and it didn't seem to do any harm to him. In fact...it was pleasant. The sparks they talk about in the songs, the feeling of floating on air. He felt and saw all of that with James.

Simon looked down at his watch and realized it was 10:15. "Oh fish sticks! I'm going to be late!", Simon uttered under his breath. How does someone like James like me, he wondered to himself, I'll never know.

 

Roland

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