I was 20 and it was summer and the end of oxford uni's rag week. There was partying and celebrations everywhere. At keble college we had the grounds filled with marquees and stalls to please all. These ranged from various tents each with its own well known pop artist performing the night away from rock to jazz. There was also a dodgem cars track, bronco billy, bouncey castles and numerous promotional drink stands. So there was plenty of drinking, all at little if any cost. Not a good recipe for numerous live wire students. And I was one of them and as pissed as most. This was a bi-annual 24 hour event. And by late evening we were already looking worse for wear and seemingly in a pretty sorry state. Like all the other lads I had to hire a dinner suit, includung a bow tie. And all the girls had to wear evening gowns. Everyone began looking the treat their grandparents would have been proud of - each the talk of the town. Fun, laughter, singing, dancing, merry making, celebrating all took its toll on us. By the early hours most of us were pretty shattered, plasterd and zonked. Yet the celebrations still continued and egos were still pushing way beyond our limits in order to show ourselves and others we could stand the pace and last as long as the best of them. Tensions and tolerance were more than trying in the highly stressfull communities of unversity college life at the best of times, but to cap it all with hyper excitement, drinks and drugs, made it all the more the perfect a recipe for disaster. I remember strolling through oxford's park, watching the sun beginning to rise up over the horizon, with a group of others, all looking hopelessly bedraggled and drawn and worse for wear. Long gone was our smartness. We all looked as if we'd been caught up in a hurricane after an air-raid. We ended up back in the house I rented with kevin and dave, longing for a rest and coffee, and possibly another joint if dave could find any. The relationship between the three of us was very strange. It was more of a love hate situation. Kevin had a so called girlfriend, penny. So called because they were always arguing. No one knew from one day to the next whether their love for each other was still on or off. Kevin was in his final year. I was in my second. He seemed to have little if any time for me. He always seemed to know which buttons to press which would really wind me up. And he did that often. Dave was also in his final year. He didn't have a girlfriend that I was aware of. If I had to place money on a bet I 'd say if anthing dave had the hots for kevin. Dave was the one who kept things tidy in the house. We rarely bought supplies because dave would beat us to it. I noticed the things he bought were more focused on kevin's likes and interests rather than mine or general interest. He even did the washing and ironing, but it was always kevin's he'd do first in case he ran out of time. Kevin never said anything or made any fuss about this. He just accepted it, taking it for granted. And yet kevin never seemed to show any signs of encouragement or gratification. In his mind I 'm sure he just thought dave did what dave liked doing. My room was the one he worked in least of all. I doubt it was because he didn't like me much. It was more to do with harry. Harry was my pet tarantula. I wasn't going to give him up for anyone. So I was often the butt of their jokes and ridiculing. But little hairy harry must have caused at least some interest. Dave went to make the coffee. I slumped on an armchair totally knackered. Jackie curled herself up at my feet, having decided during the course of the night she might like me. Not that I knowingly encouraged her, for girls were not the first thing that came to mind as and when I sought company. So I feared she had unanimously decided we were a couple, with me having no say in her decision making. Dave seemed interested in no one but kevin, but kevin was with penny. And both kevin and penny were in his room. At least I assumed they were in his room, until I heard an almighty scream. Apparently they were in my room. Kevin had decided it would be kewl to introduce penny to harry. Unfortunately for penny, she had not been prepared or warned about harry. Unfortunately for harry, kevin had a sudden need to display not only his poor sense of humour, but his machoism too. Unfortunately for me, as a result in all this, harry was no more. I dashed into my room barking, 'what are you doing?' Penny was as white as a sheet and hysterically parallysed. Kevin's jaw was dropped with a look of shock and guilt all over his face. Harry was a black/brown smudge on the floor where penny had been standing before instinctive reflex had moved her the maximum distance possible in my cramped room. 'How'd he get out?' I demanded, already piecing the events together in my dazed head. 'He picked it up and put it in my fuckin hand' penny shrieked, then flew from the room and was gone for good. 'You bastard!' I barked. 'You fuckin bastard!' I took a swing at kevin's face, but my orientation had known better moments and I missed him pathetically. But kevin was bigger, stronger and a better fighter than me. He lundged at me, launching a blow to my stomach. 'It was only a bloody fucking spider!' he screamed, and planted another bunch of fives across my face, sending me sprawling across a heap of books I had piled on the floor. I scrambled to my feet and dived at him. We both fell back against the aquarium tank that used to be harry's home, smashing it to the floor. 'Get out! I hate you, you bastard!' 'Fucking freak! Get off me!' he retorted back, throwing me aside like a rag doll. I crashed into my wardrobe, knocking its door off its hinges and slumped to the floor, head spinning and thumping. With that he stormed out and was gone to the sound of the front door slamming. Dave burst into my room. He stormed over to me and planted a hefty kick deep into my side. 'I told you insects were not a good idea here. It's your own stupid bloody fault. You should have listened!' Then he too was gone, presumably to run after kevin. 'You sad fucking weirdo!' It was Jackie's voice adding her tuppence worth. She spat at me and as her phlegm dribbled down my face she too turned and left. I sank further, desperately lonely, recalling better nights.

* * * * I was eventually woken a while later by a lot of shouting, banging and commotion downstairs. Other residents in the house were also joining in now. I pulled myself up and staggered down to see what was going on. Kevin was slumped in the hallway pissed out of his mind and looking pretty roughed up. 'What's going on?' I groaned drearily, hanging onto walls to steady myself from falling over. 'He got himself too pissed out' another colleague said. 'Then he tried to rape penny. If we hadn't got there in time he would have. He'd better get himself together before the police come for him.' With that they all left. Bewildered residents looked from kevin to me. 'He one of your lot' one of then said. 'You deal with him. Just get him off the floor and out our way'. With that they all returned to their own rooms leaving me with him. Where's dave when he's actually needed, I asked myself. With excruciating pain and discomfort I somehow managed to haul kevin up to his room. I dropped him onto his bed, almost collapsing on top of him through shear exhaustion. He was a mess. Pissed out of his head, white powder running from his nose and head bleading. Yet he was vaguely trying to sing some incoherent song. 'What the fuck am I meant to do with you?' I asked, knowing he was beyond the ability to reply. 'I'm going to take your shoes off and leave you' I told him. 'I'll check on you again in the morning if I can be bothered'. But it was already morning, but if he heard me he'd know what I meant. I got to my own bed, stripped down to my white boxers and climbed in feeling totally shattered. In the distance I could still hear the celebrations going on. I couldn't face another drink, dance or even a chat. I only wanted sleep now. But as I rolled over snuggling up under my duvet I heard a terrific crash followed by a stressful moan. I leapt out of bed knowing it was kevin. I got into his room and found him on the floor in a collapsed heap. I wanted to ignore him and leave him be, but he was lying awkwardly over his own untidy room. I wanted to leave him but my conscience, slow as it was, wouldn't let me. So I used all my strength again to get him back onto his bed. I was learning to hate him more and more after every minute and struggle he caused me. And then I learnt the reason he had tried to get up. He needed the toilet desperately and hadn't managed to get there. He had been violently sick as well as wetting himself big time. I wondered how situations could get any worse. I managed to get kevin back up onto his bed, but this time, as much as I really didn't want to, I felt I couldn't just leave him. He was in a real mess. A right state. I wished one of the girls had still been here, who's maternal instincts might have kicked in and known what to do, then get on and just do it. But there weren't any girls. There wasn't even dave. Only me. And if I didn't act soon the vomit would dry and stick and the urine filled pants would cause much self inflicted soreness. I can really get to hate my conscience at times. I went to the bathroom and fetched a basin full of water and grabbed a flannel and soap too. I looked down at him as I stood there in my boxers. 'Ok bastard boy, I hope this shames you more that it's goin to sicken and embarrass me'. I leant over him and began to peel him out of his dinner jacket covered in filth, vomit and stench. Kevin was totally out for the count and so was absolutely hopeless at helping. It was like trying to undress a giant, very heavy rag doll. I pulled his bow tie free, which had long since been undone and was just hanging round his neck. The mood I was in I would have prefered to tie it and tighten it rather than remove it. The smell trying to undo his shirt buttons was making me wrench. I knew I 'd need a good scrubbing meself afterwards. Kevin was the tough guy of uni, the eny of all the lads lacking girl pulling power, lying here being nurtured like a twelve stone baby. Be humiliated fuck-head because I was hating every bit of this. As I removed kevin's shirt I became aware of the extent of his bruising. Rightly or not, he had received a severe beating. I got the soap and flannel and as gently as possible wiped it round his face, cleaning and freshening him up the best I could. I had to change the water before I started on his torso. Again as gently as I could I began to soap his shoulders and chest. I found it easier soaping and wetting my hands first then washing him down with my hands rather than flannel, using the flannel to wipe off the soap afterwards only. I sat on the side of his bed to do this, making every effort possible not to make the bed wet in the process. His torso felt nice and firm under the palms of my hands as I gently lavered up his body. His nipples hardened as my hands glided over them, tickling my palms. I had to pull my mind together and focus on the objective here, as I was drifting into a dream like state that would allow my desires to get the better of me. But his body was good and tantilisingly seductive to my eyes. Having completed his torso, arms, pits and face I had to brace myself for the next stage. But as I began to unfasten his pants I realised I was in for an even greater unexpected shock. I opened kevin's trousers bracing myself for the aroma of urine, but had my nose blasted with the stench of shit as well. 'Oh Jesus!' I thought, 'Why me? Why the fuck does this have to happen to me?' I was dead tired and just wanted my bed. I really didn't want to continue, but then how could I leave him in this state. I felt sick myself and had to sit back and swallow hard. 'Come on J, just do it man' I told myself. 'Don't even think about it. Just get the job done then get to bed'. I had to change the water several times. It wasn't at all pleasant. But once the worst of it was over it wasn't too bad. Here was I massaging soap and water into and around the cock, balls and pubes of this hunk, and he was oblivious to it all. At least I certainly hoped he was. For I had to wash him like a baby. Having worked my hands and flannel round his under carriage I had to lift his legs to wash his arse as a mother would her baby. Except kevin wasn't a baby with a little soft puppy-fat bottom, that would wobble at the touch, and that would be done in a jiffy with a puff of talc to finish him off. Kevin's rump was larger, courser, very solid, hard, firm and hairy. And his legs were larger and heavier too. I had to get on the bed behind him and literally lift his legs over my shoulders as if I was going to shaft him one. But dispite the hairiness he cleaned up well. As I rinsed his butt I could see his private hole staring up at me in all its glory. I looked up at his face. His eyes were still closed. His was still out for the count. I soaped his arse again for good measure and slipped my soap lubed index finger into his chute. His arse was very tight. I felt his ring close tightly round my finger, as a baby grips a finger placed in its hand. I felt precum run from my cock inside my boxers. His insides were very warm - hot even. I massaged his anus with my finger, then after a bit I pushed in two. Kevin just lay there, so relaxed. Then he stirred a bit. My fingers shot out with a little pop. He settled down again, breathing heavily but steadily. I wanted to fuck his arse there and then. I could have too. I was in the right position. I was rock hard and leaking. His hole was raised and exposed, cleaner than I 'm ever likely to find it again. His body felt so hot and right folded up underneath me. I felt I deserved my reward after this chore beyond any call of duty. He looked so cute sleeping deeply with so much tranquility and repose. Could he blame me if he woke up and found me humping my wicked way with him? After all, he was caught attempting to rape penny. My cock had found its own way out the fly of my boxers. Everything was telling me to go for it, he was all mine and at my mercy. I felt my wet cock head against his closed bum hole. One gentle push and I 'd be in there. I pushed ever so slightly and felt my nob slip past the gateway until the ring lips were squeezing tighly round the rim of my nob. The thought I could have him, that he was at my mercy, made me stop and pull out. What the fuck was I playing at? I got off and away from him pretty smartish. I needed a shower having given kevin a complete and very thorough bed bath. I picked up all his clothing and dumped it in the bath tub to soak. Then I got into the shower to sort myself out. I couldn't believe that I was capable of succumbing the way I almost had. It might have felt great and been sensational, but would there have been the pleasure and satisfaction knowing he had to be out cold to fuck him. If it was love, my mind was telling me NO it would have been totally wrong. If it was revenge and getting even, then it would have been bliss and I should have continued. Shit, how my mind, desire and conscience were at odds with each other, wrestling for agreement. As I washed myself I found a temporary compromise. It was far from perfect but it at least provided some pleasure as I began a desperately needed wank. I even pushed a finger deep into my own arse, rubbing the g-spot as I caressed my nob and pumped my shaft. Before too long I splattered the shower tiles and almost buckled at the knees, forgetting how worn out and tired my body was. I watched the dribble of my creamy spunk slide down towards the plug hole, thinking how that plug hole could have been kevin's tight lipped bum hole. I imagined watching my spunk being swallowed up by his arse. Now I really wanted him more than ever. I climbed out the shower and quickly dried off, wrapping the towel round me for warmth rather than privacy. I went back in to look in on kevin. He was curled up on the bed shivering and still as naked as I 'd left him. I reached out and started stroking him, then as a mother would her sick child, I found myself brushing his hair from his eyes and forehead. Kevin opened his eyes. It made me jump. He looked with a glassy stare straight into my eyes. He looked so sad, so lost and so helpless, my heart sank for him. I tried to roll his bedding from under him in order to cover him and tuck him in, but in doing so I realised I hadn't made such a good job of keeping his bed dry after all. Plus, without air fresheners, the overall condition of his room was no better than his bed. He looked into my eyes again and said 'i'm so cold' with such a weak and pitifully sad voice. I reached my hands under his bulk and lifted him up into my arms. Even though he was slighty bigger than me in height and build, I still managed to carry him into my room and to my bed. No sooner had his head hit the pillow he was sleeping again. I don't think he had necessarily woken up before. Not fully anyway. But having put kevin in my bed there was nowhere for me. Sod it, I thought, it's my bed and I need my sleep more than ever. So like it or not I dropped my towel and got in with kevin. Later when we're awake to the world again, I 'll find out kevin's reaction. He'll either thank me or kill me. Right now neither mattered, so long as I got my sleep. I rolled over and curled up behind him, in what I understand to be the spooning position. My nose was pressed against the back of his neck, my knees tucked behind his knees, my arm hung over his side and my hardened cock was pushing into the crack of his butt. If I was going to find myself dead when he wakes up, at least I would die happy and with a clear conscience.



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