I gave my first blowjob

My secret is my first bi experience. I'm a late twenties bi-sexual male in a relationship with a female at the current time. I have remained faithful to her through the course of our relationship and would never cheat on her. I'm sure of this. All the men I have been with were before she and I ever became a couple. Since I’m monogamous in my relationship with her, I’ve never told her of my attraction or experiences with other men and really don't plan on it as long as I’m faithful. 

My first bi experiences were in college, and then it was several years before my next one. I use to work at a company off Great Southwest Parkway in Grand Prairie about three or so years ago. After work a bunch of us would usually have drinks at the local bar at the county line.  One evening my friend Cathy told me she’d noticed that the male bartender was checking me out. It was immediately obvious by my bright red face that I was embarrassed. I said, “You’re crazy,” that I was straight, and she was full of shit.

With a laugh, Cathy told, “Don’t be too sure,” because according to her when she was studying male sexuality at UTA at Arlington, she learned that most men at one time or the other in their life were either bisexual and or gay. Their class polled some real life guys that because they were told that they would remain anonymous revealed some startling events. Most of them admitted to at least playing with another boy’s cock or having another boy play with their cock, or both while they were growing up. They admitted that this occurred from age 4 to almost puberty, but that after puberty most went on to live normal heterosexual lives. According to her, by puberty most boys have either performed oral sex and or had oral sex performed on them by another boy. Most all of these boys said that they would never admit this to any one and felt ashamed about this behavior. Not ashamed because they thought they had done anything wrong, but ashamed because of the way society would view what they did and how they would be treated.

Cathy said, “We also did a study on how grown men act with each other in adult life. Most men that said they were straight were actually homophobic because they were insecure with their sexuality. They were most likely ashamed of a past homosexual experience that perhaps occurred in their childhood. The way they combat their guilt is to claim homosexuality is wrong. They fear being a homosexual thus the anger, rage, and the hate of gay bashing.”

When she told me all of this, despite my own childhood experiences, my jaw dropped in disbelief. After hearing all this, it took me about 15-minutes of fighting my excitement and curiosity before I could look in the bartender’s general direction. Every time he walked by, I went out of my way to be doing something in another direction. My first looks were just quick glances for fear that my work buddies would figure me out. Then, when I was running dry I realized I had to finally face him and order a drink.

When I get nervous, for some reason I have this habit of lighting up a cigarette, even if I just put one out. Sometimes, when I’m real nervous I’ll even light up one up when I already have one lit. As I turned on my bar stool with a cigarette in my mouth, to call him over for my refill, the bartender was standing there directly in front of me with his lighter already burning for my unlit smoke. My heart instantly skipped two or three beats. I was feeling confused and strangely aroused by looks he was giving me. It was as if he could see into my head.

I spent the next half an hour or so trading eye contact with a man who was getting better looking to me by the second. I realized too that my drinks were getting stronger and stronger, which probably had a lot to do with the sudden improvement in his looks. At first he was just "do-able", but as the drinks got stronger he was quickly heading toward stud status. He was younger, white, quite tall, over 6-feet, and had his hat on backwards which does something for me, especially after six or seven shots.

I was sick of the grade school flirting looks already and was ready to take things up a notch, but discreetly. I ordered another drink and when he brought it, I told the bartender that I would be right back that I was going to the restroom. I followed my statement with a quick wink as I walked off towards the back of the bar where the restrooms were located.

As I was washing my hands the bartender walked through the restroom door and over to the urinal. Without so much as a look in my direction, he took out his cock and started to relieve himself. The silence was deafening and I thought I could hear my heart beat but the noise from his piss stream was drowning it out.

"So, what's your name?" he finally asked.

I told him my name was James and he told me his was Buck. 

We made small talk for a couple of minutes and then he looked me right in the eyes and asked, “Do you want to meet me after work sometime soon?”

Embarrassed, I told him, “That sounded fun.”  Then I shyly gave him my cell phone number.

He pulled an already written phone number on a drink napkin from the bar and stuffed it in my front pocket, making sure it was well down in there. He moved even closer to me, said, "see you out there," and walked out the door, without washing his hands. I was so shit faced at this point that I figured, what's the difference, his cock will be in my mouth soon anyway.

I remained in the restroom and retrieved the napkin from next to my swollen cock. As I was opening the napkin a little tiny zip lock baggie with white powder that was wrapped in it made itself known. I looked at the note and it said basically that he wanted to share the bag with me in his car when he took a break. I went in to the stall and took a tiny bump...yummy!

I returned to the bar and had one more drink before I noticed him motioning me to the back door with his eyes. I knew what he wanted to do and I was ready.

I told my friends that I had to run to blockbuster to pick out a new release before it was all rented and that I'd be right back. They thought nothing of it and went back to their conversation. I grabbed my beer and smokes and headed to the front door to make it look like I was really headed in the direction of the video store.

As I arrived around the back of the building, I saw Buck standing next to a Saturn, parked tightly in a dark spot out of road sight. He waved and said, “Hurry. I’ve only got a few minutes.”

So I scurried across the lot to him. He walked over to the dumpster and told me, “To come there.” As I walked up he grabbed my upper arm and moved me behind the dumpster where we were out of sight.

I told him, “I’ll be quick. I just wanted to see it and give it one little kiss.”
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He unbuttoned and unzipped his kaki cargo shorts and I slid them down just far enough me to see what I wanted. I bent down and exposed it and wrapped my hand around it only to find that it barely cleared the length of my closed hand. I couldn’t believe that a guy that tall was so under equipped and the texture was awful. It looked deformed it was unusually tiny.  With my thumb and index finger I eased his foreskin back and exposed the spade-shaped head. In the neon lights from the parking lot the head looked a funny color. His cock twitched when I ran my thumb over it.  

I’d never done anything like this before but I’d thought about it. I’d had enough alcohol to be brave enough to leaned over and kissed it. The head felt velvety against my lips. I kissed it a second time and somehow it was in my mouth. 

As my lips closed around his shaft, Buck put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me to my knees. Ignoring the muck on the ground and the gravel digging into my knees. I started to suck.

I soon found out why he had so much foreskin. I soon felt it slowly growing in your mouth as I was working it. He was what you call a grower. That tiny little pee-pee turned into nearly 6-inches of hard cock in my mouth.

The real thrill came when he was ready to cum and his hips start jerking and I felt his cock pulsing. It was only a short time before his cock was going deeper in my mouth. His load was close.

At that point I took control of the action and just suck the head.

In a flash, Buck grabbed both hands to my head and then I felt the first jet of thick, hot cum blast into my mouth. That was followed by pulsation after pulsation spewing across my tongue and down my throat. I felt like my mouth was filling with thick, hot snot.

I remember thinking as he was cumming in my mouth how I’d cummed in a much more than a couple girls” mouths and that for me…being on the receiving end was SO much better.

I don’t guess Buck really was in a hurry. He had me on my feet and we moved back over to his car.  He held the door for me and shut it after I sat inside. He put the key in and turned on the radio to some crazy Goth shit and then quickly turned the station. He told, “This is my female roommates car and she listens to "retard music."
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He asked if I tried the coke and I told him it was great. "I’d only done a couple of bumps but I was feeling awesome". He asked me if he could get it back and if I minded if he got it out of my pocket.

I thought "well, this is a strange way to initiate, but what the hell". I arched up my pelvis and he slid his hand in my left front pocket not even knowing which pocket it was in. His hand moved down in to my pocket, slowly and firmly he worked his way to the bottom of the pocket and slid it toward my hip and then towards my other "leg".

His hand hit a rock solid BONER and at that point of contact I pushed it up against his hand, hard. He started rubbing me from inside my pocket and even managed to pull it out from under my boxers, all from inside my pocket.

There was not enough room for both of us to lean over in this tiny car with shit all in the back seat, so I just kind of sat there and let him do all the work.

He unbuttoned my pants and roughly pulled my cock out to meet him eyes to one eye. After a few strokes he asked me for the bag back and that he wanted to "do something". As I started fumbling through my other pocket to retrieve his bag he slid my cock in to his mouth and started to go to town.

I didn't want this to stop because it felt so damn good, but I had the baggie in my hand and he knew it. He came up for air, smiled at me and asked, “Did you like that?”

I told him, “Yes, but the talking was kind of ruining it.”

He spooned out a pinch of coke and dumped the pile on his tongue. He handed the baggie to me, smiled and went back down on me. I could feel the cocaine entering my dick hole and it stung like shit. With my gasp he came back up and told me, “It’ll only last a second and I then you’ll be feeling the best erection you’ve ever had real soon.”

He continued this painful blowjob for another few minutes and then the pain started to go away. I became harder than ever and felt like I was going to erupt. He sensed this and eased off a little and giggled. "Told you so." 

It only took him about thirty-seconds to get me back to that point and mumbled, "Go ahead," obviously cueing me to unload in his mouth. I felt like I was cumming and peeing at the same time and I felt like I could go on for hours. He was taking every ounce of it down with moans of enjoyment.

Both temporally sated, Buck told me, “I’ve got to return to work. You can keep the baggie.”

We both got out of the car and started towards the building when I stopped. I told him, “I’ll meet you back in the bar. I'll walk around the front to avoid suspicion.”

As I was walking back to the bar I looked down at the knees of my pants. They were so stained by the crud on the ground by the dumpster that anyone who saw me would know where I’d been. I became nauseated at what I had just done with this guy who was a freak in the dick department. Needless to say I just left without going back in and figured my friends would cover my tab and I could just pay them back.

I never returned to that bar because of my shame and the necessity to lead a double live. This applies to everything in life but it's even worse when you can't sexually and emotionally feel free to do what you really want.  We've come such a long way in this country... things are getting better and we really ARE so much more free than anyone in this world. I’m not trying to be patriotic, but really, attitudes towards homosexuality have changed a lot over the past few decades.  It’s brought about much social, political, and government change that it's only going to get better.

I suppose I'm really talking about guys on the down low.  Why must you deny yourself and deceive a woman (and possibly) family that loves you by living a life of lies? Don't you think you're doing a disservice to your loved ones by bringing all your sex life into your wife's bed? It's bad enough fucking around with another woman and possibly carrying diseases/HIV into your wife's life.

I just wish that everyone could be real about this stuff.  It’s a shame that society puts so much pressure on men to be "real" men. Fuck what society says. Being a "real" man means being true and real with yourself.

I can't wait until the day when there isn't such a stigma on men in our society. The thing that especially saddens me is how bad it is for black males in our society. .I know down low brothers feel it’s hard enough being black…then add "gay black man" on to that. A brother is expected to be a provider, a rock, have a beautiful wife and kids... a brother is supposed to keep black men strong.

No, it hasn't personally happened to me, but I read more and hear more stories about this. It saddens me. I know that there are some pretty liberal people out there who won't judge you because you can't help that you're bisexual or just straight-up gay. Personally, I’d rather be with a man who admits he's attracted to/or has been with men than someone who can't own up to and would rather deceive me. I know there aren't many women out there who think like I do but I just feel bad for the women who are deceived.

I know it's a double-standard that it's "cute" for women to be bi or lesbians but that's why we have to change our attitudes. Revolution begins within.

So, men on the down low, I just have to say, look at yourself in the mirror... are you truly, truly, TRULY happy with how you're living your life? Wouldn't it be great to feel sexually free?! Just be real.

People thought gay marriage was going to rock the world. It passed and became law without a ripple.

 

charles-smythe

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