"I love you"
Oh god. He, needs me right now.
He leaned forward and looked at me hard, his eyes red. I just wanted to hug him, and hold him. Never letting him go. The way he stared, it was like someone was stabbing at my side. I could feel his pain, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't help but apologize again either, the words barely escaping my breathless body. They came out soft and slow. "I'm. Sorry." He just shook his head, and sighed.
This isn't right! I can barely even think! I know he loves me, but this sounded, different. My mind unwilling to hurt him, I spoke softly, my hands on his shoulders, "I love you too." He gave back a broken smile, it looked like he'd been sick for years. With this, he got up and walked out of the door, and I couldn't even say goodbye. I struggled to get up when he left, and my mind was left in the gutter.
"Do I get to know what happened?" I heard loudly behind me. When I realized it was Caleb, I got angry, for his sake.
"You're supposed to be in class!" I yelled, pointing towards the hallway.
"That's a no then, I assume."
"Caleb, it's not that simple. I just can't tell you this. This is a lot more important than you think." I wasn't sure of what else to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I didn't want him to get too angry. He stared at me, undoubtedly trying to figure me out. I didn't let up. "This isn't my problem, which is exactly why I can't tell you. If it did include me, you would've known already. Plus, it's about Seth, and Im sure we all know that he's not too fond of you." He just shrugged and walked out.
That wasn't uncommon of him to do. I've known him to just walk away from things that he's bothered by, even before we were friends. I shook the thought of him off for now, and walked back to class, mental anguish searing through my head. It hurt me, to think about this.
I almost lost my way back to the classroom, and when I finally walked in, people drowned me in their curiosity.
"What happened? Who did it?Ya' in trouble?" They asked, continuously, until it got to me that is.
With anger building up inside me, I couldn't take it.
"Everybody, SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP" the teacher looked at me with wide eyes.
"Must I speak to your parents?!" That got to me. Parents, she said. Of course, this would happen right now too. I just lost my best friend for God only knows how long, and now my teacher wants to talk to my parents. I wish I coulda stood up for myself. I probably would have made her feel bad. I wanted to scream at her, "My mom is gone, and my dad mercilessly beats me because I'm a 'faggot'." I could feel my emotions swirling around inside me. All of this at the same time was just too much for a kid like me to handle. Thankfully, just then, my saving grace of sorts came to the rescue.
"Let's go Alex. It's better if we just leave now." Caleb.
"Excuse me, but I have to speak to your friend here. Caleb, go have a seat." Teacher
"Sorry, but WE need to go. You don't understand what he's going through right now." Caleb.
It was getting harder and harder to distinguish the voices around me, and my vision was getting blurry. I lifted my arm up and wrapped it around my stomach. I was getting sick...
"Hey, Alex, you don't look so great. Are- are you alright?" I heard that comment, which just confirmed my worries. Fuck. Why now? In the middle of class, with all of these people? I turned quickly, and pulled on Caleb, still arguing with the teacher. When I got his attention, he raised his eyebrow in question, then dropped his jaw when he realized what was going on. He turned to the teacher and mouthed something, along the lines of "Gotta go. Sorry." He turned back and we rushed outta the classroom.
"Fuck! Now Alex? Really?" Was he, angry? I guess he really was bothered, but him actually showing this type of emotion towards me was unexpected.
"Just please..." I begged him. I wanted him to help me, but I was scared. I know, it sounded crazy, but the way he sounded earlier brought back a few disturbing memories. He was walking faster than me, borderline dragging me down the hallway. "Wait, I- I can't." I could feel it, so close. I hated throwing up, hated it. It burned, and it made me cry. This stress, that's the reason I'm getting sick right now? Stress? I've been through horrible things, and the stress gets to me now, in the most populated place in the neighborhood? "No really, Caleb, I'm not gonna make it." My words were weak, and they barely left my lips. I felt so bad, he was trying his best to help me, and my stupid body was pushing him away.
"FUCK!" He punched a locker that we happened to be passing, and shook his hand off. No doubt that locker was dented. With this, he dropped my arm, and pushed me against the wall. "Stay here." He growled, his eyes were red. He was in the same condition as me right now. Maybe not on the same terms, but he's just as worked up as I am.
"I-" I raised my arm.
"Stay dammit!" The words shook me. They hit me at a thousand miles per hour. He was angry, frustrated, and it was all because of me. I saw him race around the corner, and he was out of sight."
(So I'm gonna try something new right now. Hope you like it!)
Damn. I need to find a garbage can for Alex, and quick. I shot through the hallway, and leaped up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, I saw a garbage can, big enough for him, and I had to think on how to get it back down, without causing an unsightly mess. I grabbed the cans top and bottom, and ran back down the stairs with it to my side. Once I got back to where I left Alex, I was relieved to find out nothing happened yet.
"Here!" I said, forcing the garbage to him. He got up, and hung his head over the side.
(Different point of view! I think it adds better understanding for the readers. Comment on it, maybe I'll do a few more. But not too many, because this is still Alex's story ;) )
When I saw Caleb rush around the corner with a garbage can, I'm sure my face lit up, as much as possible for someone who is about to get rid of his lunch. I slid my back up the wall and leaned on the garbage, panting loudly. Within a few short breaths, the burning acid was being rejected from my body, and I finally lost the sickly feeling I had, sitting in the pit of my stomach.
Gagging into the garbage, I felt Caleb's hand rub my back. He was still here, willing to stay and make sure I was okay. I guess he really did care. I felt his hand slide off my back, and I panicked a bit, I didn't want him to leave. But then I saw him reach into his back pocket, pulling out a few napkins, and then searching the rest of the pockets in his cargo shorts. He revealed a mini bottle of water, and he handed me the napkins as well. "Take tiny sips. You don't wanna upset your stomach again." He instructed, uncapping the bottle for me. I grabbed the bottle and weakly pressed it against my lips. I could barely maintain the strength to drink water.
"Dammit." I said quietly.
"My God." Caleb sighed. He took the bottle from me and poured it into my mouth. "Never did I think I would see the day where a grown ass man forgets how to drink." He slyly smiled. All the hostility there had been earlier had just been utterly destroyed by that little quip. The tension left the area quickly, and I finally smiled after all of this.
"I'm not 21." I said.
"I'm not 21, so I never really drank in the first place."
"If your trying to ruin my joke from earlier, by saying your not of age, it's a failed attempt." He said calmly.
"Because you'd be lying if you said you've never drank illegally." He smiled again, bigger this time.
"Ass." I flipped him off playfully. Chuckling as he did so, he shoved his arms under mine and stood me up straight, with an eyebrow raised. "Yeah. I'm fine." I said, catching his drift. I looked at his face, and it caught my attention when it went from happy, to deep in thought. "What's up?" I asked, after poking him to get his attention.
"I'm sorry I was so mad earlier. I shouldn't have yelled like that. I was just so caught up in problems and so confused. I never really had any good friends like you, and your the first that I actually wanted to take care of. Bottom line, I guess I was just scared." I leaned towards him, to hug him, but he quickly put a hand against my chest, and he pushed back, a little too hard. "I- uh, don't do contact." I shook my head. Wait, what? What the hell did that mean?
"You can sit here and watch me throw up, rub my back and help me drink water, and all of a sudden you don't do contact?" I was a little bugged, but I tried not to sound too aggravated. He shook his head slowly. I looked at his expression, and I softened up a bit. He wasn't trying to be mean.
"Not just you, everybody. I'm just not too find of touching." He sounded like a elementary schooler, wigging out about some damn cooties.
"F that." I said forcefully, and I wrapped my arms around him. He flinched, and I quickly pulled back.
"Really Alex? I thought I was pretty clear, I don't want you to touch me." He was angry, and yet again, it was my fault. He shook his head, "Never mind, I was bein stupid. Anyway, we're not going back to class, we're going home." A little shaken by his quick change of attitude I nodded. I swear, you'd think everyone was on their period, 24/7 around here with the mood swings that go on. He pressed the back of his hand against my forehead, and he sighed loudly. "Theres nothing wrong with you, so, fever much?" He asked, wondering if I was okay with the excuse.
"Right. Okay, go sit out in my car, and I'll be out in a minute. I'm gonna go talk to Ms. Man." That got a chuckle from me. Ms. Man, he was actually talking about our vice principle, who's real name was Ms. Rosa, but due to her stature and facial structure, the student body nicknamed her accordingly. Caleb tossed me the keys, and I walked towards the closest exit.
Outside, it was dim, as usual towards the later afternoon. The air was heavy, and it was extremely humid. When I found Caleb's car, I clicked the unlock button, and sorta stumbled inside. Looking around, I admired the inside if his car, it was nice. I didn't know what kinda car it was, but it wasn't too bad.
After ten seconds, it already felt like I'd been in here for hours. With me having the attention span of a fly and all, I was unbelievably bored, so I decided to have a look around. It was the typical set up that the usual car owners had. Sunglasses in the middle cup, mail folded up under his driver mirror, his registration in the front console. I stuck my hand under his seat, and fished out an open bag of potato chips. I shrugged and stuck my hand inside. What I pulled out wouldn't have surprised any other straight guy, but this hit me like a train.
The large condoms in the bag seemed to stare back at me. I almost caught myself drooling at the sight of Caleb rolling one of these thing over his cock, hard as a brick. Saving the thought for later, I ripped one off, and stuck it in my back pocket, just incase...
A few seconds after my little condom escapade, I could see Caleb walking towards the car. I leaned to the side and stuffed the lays bag back under his seat, and re-adjusted myself. "Hey!" I heard him call. My blood must've frozen quick as hell. I sat perfectly still, convinced that he saw me steal his condom. Dammit! I'm so stupid. "Start the car!" He yelled loudly. Mouthing a fuck you, I let out a gust of breath. I slid the key into the hole, and turned it slightly, and the car roared to life, literally making me jump. Caleb smiled when he got in. "I saw that..." Frozen blood once again.
"My car scared you"
Thank god, i thought. I let out another huge breath, and shook my head. "We're no longer friends."
"Oh. I see how it is." He said with a smile, showing his perfect teeth this time. I smiled and leaned back in the seat, closing my eyes.
------- I must've dosed off, because when I opened my eyes again, it was 6:30, and I was laying on an unbelievably comfortable bed. I threw the cover off of me, and looked around the room. It was so bland, and completely empty except for the huge bed, and an assortment of gaming consoles in the corner, wires neatly assembled. Playing around with the wires on the tv, I heard the door behind me squeal softly, and I turned to see Caleb standing there with just boxers. With no type of shame at all, I stared right at the bulge in his pants, and he sort of shifted awkwardly. He glared, "Dude, that's not cool." I shrugged and apologized. He motioned his hands towards the bed. "It's all memory foam. Pretty cool huh?" I nodded my head, and he smiled, happy to know I was satisfied.
My eyes kept darting over his hard body, and I could barely keep myself from touching him. "Alright man, next time you look at me like that, we're gonna fight." He said sternly. I made a little noise, and shouldered off his remark, knowing he wouldn't hurt me like he used to. But then again, maybe wrestling around with a naked Caleb wouldn't be so bad either. Suddenly, he leaned forward and pushed me, while dying laughing. "You need to stop eyeing me up! I feel so raped." He cried, while covering himself up with a blanket. I couldn't help but release a quick burst of laughter.
"You're retarded." I laughed, verbally elbowing him in the side.
"No doubt. Hey, you hungry? I have pizza, or whatever." He questioned while walking out of the door. I caught that he agreed he was retarded, which made me smile. When I followed him out, I looked back, and realized how big his room really was.
"Uh, yeah, but I'll only eat if you're hungry too, I don't want to be a bother." I replied, like, half an hour late. The words got all tangled up, because I was too busy checking him and his huge house out, but I'm sure he understood.
"I'm always hungry." He grinned widely. He suddenly stopped in front of me and raised his arms up in the air. He let out an enormous yawn, and when we were sure he was settled, we continued towards the kitchen. God that was cute. It was unbelievable that every muscle bulged when he yawned, I examined his structure, and it just glued the smile onto my face longer.
"Ooh" I ogled at the cereal on top of his fridge. The frosted flakes called out to me, and I reached up and grabbed the box. I poked Caleb and he turned around. "You cool if I eat some?" He slanted his head.
"Cereal? At-" he checked his watch. (Why he still had a watch on with no other clothes is beyond me) "6:37?" I shrugged, and he nodded, giving me the okay.
"I'm like, in love with these things." I told him, holding up the box.
"Ooo, I'm telling Seth."
I dropped my spoon that I got from the drawer earlier, and turned to him. What did that mean? His snide remark brought back un-fond memories, and I got a little pissed. I could tell by the way he looked that he regretted his words. "It was a joke, I- I'm sorry." I pushed him, and he stumbled back against the counter. Why was I so angry about this? "Hey man, I'm sorry! Calm down!" He tried again. But I just wasn't taking it, and I myself didn't even know why. I was so protective about Seth. I stepped towards him and grabbed around his waist, holding him against the counter. Then he snapped.
He grabbed my arms and ripped my grip off of him, then threw me to the floor. I snapped back into reality, and I covered my face as quick as possible, protecting myself from any blows to the face.
"I told you to calm the fuck down!" He yelled at me, his chest heaving. Getting scared, I got up, and walked backwards towards the living room, hoping he would calm himself. With his usual mood swings, his face softened. "Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do all that. Did I- I didn't hurt you did I?" I shook my head slowly, and he walked towards me with his arm extended. I smiled, wanting to get rid of the tension. I pushed his hand away and nodded.
"We're fine man, chill out."
He shifted awkwardly again, and I could tell he felt really bad, but soon enough, he was back to his regular self.
He opened the fridge and bent over to have a look inside. God, his ass, was perfect. "What kinda milk do you drink? Got 1%, 2%..." Motioning towards the bulge in his boxers he whispered "Whole milk... It might take a while, but it's worth it." He smiled ear to ear, his face was red from his own dirty joke.
I felt the blood rush to my face as well. I didn't know straight guys could be such a tease . He's so cute. I held up a finger, and he nodded, "1%" Once he poured me a bowl, he handed it to me and sat down. While entertaining himself with a paper towel, he started up a pretty serious conversation. "Listen, I know we've only been friends for a little while, but I'm sure you know you can trust me. Right?"
"Is this about Seth?" I stared
"Just answer my question first." He shot back.
Tension again. "Yes, I trust you." We were like an old couple, only worse. We were an old couple that could beat the shit outta each other. How come we kept constantly fighting?
"Well why can't you tell me about this then?" He pressed.
"It's not my secret to tell." I said with a bit of annoyance. His constant wonder about this could be a problem. I didn't want to fight over things like this anymore.
He ripped the paper towel. "You're making it so damn difficult. You can just tell me, and everything will be fine! I'm on your side Alexander, it's not like I'm gonna go around making up lies about Seth afterwards."
"I wouldn't be so sure." I scowled
He slammed his hand on the counter. "I'm different now! Okay?! You know I am!"
"Do I?" I wish I could take those words back. Did I really want to hurt his feelings? Or did I really believe he wasn't trustworthy.
"A-Alex" He said, obviously hurt. Suddenly he snatched my arm and yelled, "If you want me to change back to old Caleb, I'm more than fucking willing!" I let go of my spoon and got out of my seat, his fingers still digging into my skin. I pressed my hand against his, and he let up slightly.
"I'm sorry Caleb. I don't know why I said it like that." He shook his head, trying to stay angry, but I knew he couldn't. He let go of my arm, and left behind small marks that burned. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I'm scared of what his reply would be. He shook my hand off of his, and muttered something about "No contact."
After rubbing his temples he got up and walked to the stairs. I heard him slam the door, and click the lock, and I felt abandoned. He left me down here, what was I supposed to do now? I could try to talk to him, but his head is just as thick as the walls that hold this place up. Dammit.
Confused as hell, I went to sit on his couch. I'm not sure why, but I started to cry, and I couldn't stop myself either. I was so weak minded when it came to these things. I held up my arms, and looked at the darkened scars on them, and then smiled. Each one of these stood for something, and each one had its own story to tell. I ran my finger over all of them, and shook my head. I felt disgusted at what I was about to do.
I pulled myself out of the couch, and went over to the kitchen, looking for any sharp object. I opened the drawers and cabinets, but didn't find anything decent enough to cause damage. I saw a silver glint in the corner of my eye, and spotted a small knife sitting on top of the far edge of the counter. I picked it up and told myself why I was doing this. "I hurt Caleb." I whispered. My body wanted it louder. "I hurt Caleb." I said slightly raising my voice. My mind fought against me. LOUDER, It yelled. "I hurt Caleb!" I shouted, and pressed the thin blade against my skin and drug it slowly through the length of my arm. I heard a gasp from behind me, but I didn't stop. I never really understood why, but the pain felt good. I liked it. It hurt, but it made everything better.
"HEY!" I heard from behind me, and a hand shot out and punched my arm, making me lose my grip on the knife. Two big arms grabbed hold of me, and a napkin was wrapped around my wound. I watched the napkin turn a dark red, absorbing my blood.
Caleb. It was Caleb. His arms engulfed me, and I tried to get away. "I thought you didn't like contact?" I sobbed. He tightened his grip around my middle, and yelled.
"Fuck that, Alex!" He screamed. Was he angry at me? I guess so, since there's no one else in here to scream at. I'm so tired. So physically drained. "Alex you have to promise me..."
"Al- prom- pleas-"
What did he say?
I think I passed out.
(This is an extra!)
It was 12:43 when I woke up, and yet again, I was in Caleb's bed. The entire room was dark, and it was the same outside. I was roused by a small vibration in my back pocket and I groaned loudly. I pulled my phone out of my pants, and swiped unlock. I slowly typed in the words " scarred" and my phone came to life. I was shocked when I read through my new messages. The emails that I hadn't read were in the hundreds, but this particular one was important.
From Seth. It read
Alex, I miss you so much. It's so hard being out here without anyone to trust as well as you, especially with this type of situation. Don't worry tho. Mom'll b fine, but I promised her I would stay for a while. It might be a little bit till I get back. Just promise me you'll be okay with just Kels for a while. I love you.
I love you too, Seth.
I closed my eyes and set a mental reminder to reply when I wake up again. I hoped that Seth was as fine as he said he was. I rolled over, and hit something hard. Shit, I though, I probably broke something. I felt around, trying to assess the problem, and I found a big lump in the covers. Oh fuck! How could I be so stupid! It was Caleb! My heart started beating at paces that would cause doctors to take tests. I clicked on my phone light, and examined the sleeping situation. I smiled widely when I saw his position. He was wrapped around a large pillow, and he was smushed in the corner so I could have space. How considerate. That looked like the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I patted his arm softly, and thanked him, then rolled over, when a thought hit me like a bag of bricks. I snapped a lightning fast picture, set it as my background, then dozed off, the memories of today flooding through my mind.
A bright light pierced through my eyelids, and I opened them slowly. I waved my hands around in front of my face sleepily, trying to escape this burning light. "Hey, get up." I heard from above me. The sound of his voice fully woke me up immediately. I yawned, and said morning. He didn't reply. After staring at me angrily, he finally talked. "I have some news that I think you'd like to hear. " I raised my eyebrow, wondering why he sounded so pissed. I mouthed "So?" He backed away and pointed at me. I sat up and asked him what the big deal is.
"You! What did you tell Seth that I did to you?!" I opened my mouth to speak, but I was cut off quickly.
"You told him I hurt you didn't you?"
"What? No." I said, my thought process still being clung to by the effects of sleep. Did I miss something yesterday? Where did this sudden mood come from?
"Why the hell else would he call me up and say that he's gonna kill me when he gets back?! Huh? Threats, Alex? Threats? Where do threats come from all of a sudden?" He was full on yelling now.
"Caleb, I haven't talked to him since school." I promised him.
"You're a fucking liar. Don't you lie to me. After everything I did for you, you're gonna go and tell your little boyfriend lies?!"
What the hell is going on here?
----- Hey guys! Sorry soooo much for the delay. I hope you like this one, and I was kinda rushed believe it or not. Anyway, please comment! I need it really bad. And I tried to make this one longer too! We'll see how it turns out.
-next chapter. Who's the liar?
Here we go again part -Caleb part 2