I watched him run away and yet all I could do was smile; Rayne loved me. He still loved me. The waiter came over with our dishes and saw that there was only me sitting there.

'Keep the change', I said, stuffing a wad of notes into his front pocket as I left the restaurant, my heart beating a little faster than it usually did.

I approached Rayne as he sat down on a chair with his head buried in his hands. I dared to sit down next to him and put my hand on his knee.

'Go away,' he mumbled in between sobs, 'I have to be alone right now. Please, Brendan.'

'I'll go. Can I just do one thing before I leave?'

Rayne, with tears running down his face, looked up at me and I dove in and planted a kiss on him. Nothing too long, but serious enough that he knew I wasn't about to give up on him and no man was going to stop me.

'I'm here when you're ready,' I said. 'Beside that, I'm not going to let you walk home. Come on, Rayne.'

After a bit more coaxing, Rayne finally got up and followed me to my car in complete silence. It took every ounce of strength in me to not lean over and kiss him and cuddle him and tell him I loved him in the car trip. I parked on his driveway and Rayne got out and didn't mutter a single word to me.

'Bye Rayne,' I called out of my window, 'I love you'.

Rayne stopped and took a second to compose himself before continuing into his house. I half-smiled at my accomplishment and drove back home, in a complete state of happiness. I missed Rayne so much; the only thing stopping me from contacting him these past few months was the fact that I wanted to be completely sober and ready for it.

Rayne broke my heart...

----5 months ago...----

It's been 28 days and I'm still not over what happened. I had physically hurt Rayne, and he had told me to leave. We were over. I would never see his beautiful face again.

I took a shot of whiskey as I looked down at the blonde girl whose name I could not for the life of me remember go down on my cock like a complete amateur.

'Do you like that?' she said in between slurps.

No, I really didn't, I thought. I closed my eyes and tried to picture something sexy that could get the big fella back up, but all I could think of was Rayne; Rayne Marshall, the true definition of flawless. His thick, black hair, his jade green eyes, his perfect smile, the way his eyes crinkled and lit up when he was happy.

Another shot of whiskey.

'You should ease up on that,' the girl said.

'Nah,' I mumbled, 'this is doing me better than you are. Fuck off.'

'Fucking pig!' The girl got up and stormed off, leaving me to my own thoughts which had become dangerous recently.

Another shot of whiskey.

My heart was broken. I couldn't mend it. I couldn't ease the pain I felt every minute of every hour of every day. I could only numb it.

Two more shots of whiskey.

I looked over at my bedside table at the picture I had of Rayne and I that I had refused to take down. The frame was smashed from before so the photo laid flat on the table; I grabbed it and looked at it and could almost feel the happiness radiating from the moment. Almost.

Another shot of whiskey.

'Brendan', Mum said before she opened my door. She saw the state I was in and shook her head. 'Brendan, this isn't good for you. You need help.'


Another shot of whiskey.

'Brendan! I'm serious! You've been drinking yourself into depression for far too long now and I'm putting an end to it! I thought it'd be a thing but apparently you're not going to stop so I will stop you,' she declared.

Another shot of whiskey.

That had apparently set my Mum over the edge as she grabbed the bottle off me and went to leave but I grabbed her arm and reached for the bottle.

'This is not the answer!' she screamed. 'What would he think of you if he saw you like this?'

He being Rayne. I stopped and let go and Mum stormed out of my room as well. I looked over at the picture of Rayne and I again and let out a tear.

She was right. I knew she was right. I knew she was right a while ago. I just couldn't bring myself to stop.

I couldn't stop for myself. But for Rayne? I'd do anything.

----2 WEEKS LATER----

Coming home from the second meeting at my Alcoholics Anonymous group and I could already feel the effects it was having on my life.

Ever since my breakdown involving my mother, I had not touched a single drop of alcohol. Craved it, yes, but was strong enough to stay away.

I reached down into my pocket and pulled out the reason why I was doing all of this - a precious locket previously belonging to Rayne that he had given to me before he moved to Perth.

'If I can't be with you, at least a part of me can,' he said before putting the locket into my protection.

I grasped it tightly in my hand and could feel myself going upwards from now on.


And here I was, I thought to myself as I got home. Still alcohol-free since my breakdown and things have been looking up ever since. Day by day my life was looking more positive, and now? I had the chance to win back the love of my life while he was in town. Giving up alcohol was easy when I put it into perspective - in the battle of alcohol vs. Rayne... it wasn't hard to choose.

I wasn't going to rest until Rayne was back in my arms again.



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