Caleb blinked his eyes, adjusting to the morning light. Twisting his head sharply to the side he was able to see the clock on the nightstand; 7:30am. He yawned and stretched, all the muscles of his six foot frame tightening at once, then relaxing again. Taking a deep breath he realized he could smell Jackson's scent in the sheets, the young man whose bed it actually was. Jackson, a school friend of several years, was asleep on the floor. Running a hand through his dark hair and settling into the pillow, Caleb pondered the events of the past several hours. His cock filled and lengthened, becoming fully hard within seconds. Jackson continued his slow, heavy breathing, remaining asleep a few feet away.
It started out as a typical summer Friday night for them, hanging out at a friend's house where a small get together turned into a larger get together, maybe fifty people in all. Somebody eventually showed up with beer, fueling the party and keeping things lively as the attendants kept watch for parents and cops. Some of them, including Jackson, had taken their shirts off, using the excuse of heat and humidity. Nobody was fooled, it was more of a ploy to show off for the girls, hoping abs, pecs, and bare skin would gain them some attention. For Jackson, well-groomed brownish hair with a hint of red and boyishly cute, he was hoping his dark tan, smooth chest, and tight build would appeal to some of the other males. Not exactly out, he'd been pushing himself to be bolder and let his friends know he was gay, then be open at school for the whole of senior year. No one else at school openly identified as gay, although rumors were passed around now and then. Jackson had been the subject of some of those rumors during junior year, which only made telling the truth seem more urgent. The first one he knew he'd tell was his best friend, Caleb. After that he'd try to figure out how to come out to his family.
Both of them were buzzed when they headed for home at 1:00am, walking the few blocks to Jackson's house to spend the night. Even with his parents home he knew he and Caleb could come in the back door and make their way to his room upstairs without waking them or his younger sister. Caleb had spent plenty of nights before, so his being around the next morning wouldn't seem unusual.
The bedroom was dark as they entered, but quickly illuminated when Jackson clicked on a small desk lamp in the corner. To lessen the glare he tilted the shade to one side, producing long, dark shadows along the floor and walls. As Jackson watched, his friend casually stripped to his boxer briefs. Jackson did the same, tossing his clothes onto an existing pile in the corner. Jackson positioned himself on the bed while Caleb slumped down in a nearby chair. Their conversation during the walk home hadn't amounted to much, mostly general chit-chat about girls at the party, school starting in another month, and theories about the disappearance of another friend, Kevin, who'd left the party early for some reason. Caleb yawned wide, then broke the silence.
'What was it you wanted to tell me?' Caleb asked, remembering a comment Jackson had made hours earlier at the party.
'Huh?' Jackson snapped, suddenly nervous.
'You said you had something you wanted to tell me later,' Caleb reminded his friend. 'So, dude, it's later; what is it?'
Jackson knew it was time, but still had difficulty saying it out loud, something he'd not done before except in front of his bedroom mirror. Suddenly, he heard his own voice, helped along by the beer buzz. It sounded like he was listening to someone else say it. 'Oh, uh, yeah'I'm gay.'
Caleb stared ahead in his own slight fog, letting the words sink into his brain. A smile spread over his face, followed by a low laugh. 'Dude,' he said, giggling, 'that totally makes sense.'
'What the fuck does that mean?' Jackson asked defensively, rising up from the bed.
'Nothing, dude,' Caleb shot back, 'just that I've wondered sometimes. No big deal. So you like cock and taking it up the ass''
Jackson quickly cut him off. 'Fuck you, I've not done that!'
'But if you're gay maybe you want to,' Caleb teased, rubbing his hand over his own dick tucked away in his underwear.
Unable to resist, Jackson followed his friend's hand as it traveled downward, seductively cupping his package. Looking back up he saw Caleb's eyes staring back. Caleb stood up and stepped closer, as if to challenge Jackson's resolve.
The tension grew noticeably as Caleb spoke up, his voice low. 'You remember that time last summer, at the pool, watching the girls and joking about who'd be the best fuck? We ended up back here so horny we jacked off?'
'That's the first time I'd seen another cock,' Jackson confessed.
'Me, too.' Caleb moved his hand away from his crotch as an advancing bulge began to form.
Jackson looked at his friend and felt his own appendage surge. 'I guess we're both horny again.'
Caleb's meat bounced upwards as his thumb hooked behind the waistband of his boxer briefs, pushing the material away from his tight stomach.
'You want to'?' Jackson whispered.
'Yeah, cool,' Caleb whispered in return. 'You first,' nodding toward Jackson's only article of clothing.
Nervously, Jackson pulled down his briefs, his released cock slapping against his stomach. Its length went almost to his navel, crossing the boundary of his dark tan line. A trimmed tuft of sandy brown hair stood at the base of his cock, but otherwise he was smooth. Caleb proceeded to undress, revealing more of the same pale skin that covered the rest of his body, interrupted by a mat of dark hair surrounding his genitals. Sparse, wiry hairs grew from his good sized balls, his cock standing out a perfect forty-five degree angle above them.
Wordlessly, both sat down on the bed, bare feet on the floor in front of them, Caleb near the head and Jackson near the foot.
Jackson started first as he moved his left hand to his cock and began a light stroking motion. Caleb immediately followed suit with his right hand. Both alternated looking into each other's eyes and staring at each other's cock, watching the movement of their hands and bodies. Jackson leaned back causing his abs to pop out, six slight mounds across his lean midsection. His stroking became a little faster. Caleb maintained his rhythm for a minute, but then slowed.
'Dude,' Caleb whispered almost too low to hear. 'Jackson, dude,' he repeated.
Turning his eyes back toward Caleb's face, Jackson saw an expression of lust coupled with curiosity. 'What?' he asked.
Sheepishly, Caleb asked, 'So, um'uh'being gay means you suck cock, right?'
Jackson's eyes widened at the perceived suggestion, his mouth suddenly wet with spit, salivating like a hungry dog. He hesitated, but coaxed himself to answer truthfully. 'I haven't done'I want to.'
The idea had Caleb horny as hell, the chance to do more than just stroke out a load. 'Can you suck my cock?'
Jackson didn't answer as his eyes dropped back down to Caleb's hard dick. The vision floated in Jackson's hormone flooded brain, a hard, warm piece of meat to lick, taste, and enjoy. He almost drooled, but caught himself just in time. He stopped jacking and moved closer to Caleb, tentatively reaching out to touch another guy's cock for the first time. Caleb moved his own hand away and leaned back on his elbows. As Jackson's fingers wrapped around the object of his desire, a wave of lust shot through him, reinforcing the idea of having a dick in his mouth. Bending over to the side Jackson brought his mouth within reach of Caleb's cock. The waft of smells permeated his mind, washing away all remaining inhibitions. Instinctively his tongue emerged and lightly flicked the spongy head, followed by a lick around the ridge, and finally his lips sliding over the entire bulb. Pulling back up, he went down again, this time taking two inches of cock into his mouth, letting it slide over his tongue. Repeating the same motion, he took even more, then more still, stopping as the cock head hit the back of his throat.
'Fuck, dude,' Caleb moaned softly as the warm, wet sensations raced along the length of his bone.
Jackson rose from the bed and moved in between Caleb's legs, pushing them apart far enough so he could kneel on the floor, his mouth and hand never losing contact with Caleb's pulsing erection. Jackson's own cock was harder than ever, almost to the point of pain. In the new position he could more easily stroke and suck the length of Caleb's cock, getting a definite rhythm going.
Caleb continued to moan, willing himself to keeping the noise at a minimum, holding pleasurable groans and sounds deep within his chest. He was surprised when Jackson suddenly pulled off.
'Shit, dude, don't stop!' Caleb begged.
'You like that?' Jackson asked, honestly wanting to know if his blowjob was any good.
'Fuck yeah. Suck it, dude!'
'I will,' Jackson reassured his buddy as he stretched his jaw, a drop of spit falling from his wet chin. 'Just have to rest a bit.'
Caleb continued to watch the action as Jackson casually slid his hand up and down the wet cock inches from his face. A few seconds later the hot cylinder was back in Jackson's mouth, his head bobbing up and down, slurping the flesh of his best friend.
After another few minutes Caleb knew it was almost over, warning, 'Dude, I'm so close'can I cum'you know, in your mouth?'
Jackson couldn't answer, his mouth was too busy. Looking up past Caleb's stomach and chest, he glanced into Caleb's eyes and nodded as best he could.
As Caleb's switch tripped his hips began to thrust automatically, forcing his cock to the back of Jackson's throat, abs clenched as he rolled up and forward, slapping a hand against the back of Jackson's head, trapping his best friend's mouth over the erupting cock. His other hand was over his own mouth stifling a long, loud, 'FUUUUUCK!'
All Jackson could do was swallow, again and again, feeling Caleb's hot shots splatter into his mouth. He gained just enough leverage to back off enough to stop gagging.
As his orgasm subsided, Caleb released his grip on Jackson's head, allowing him to pull away. 'Fuck, dude, I didn't mean to hurt''
Jackson cut him short. 'No, it's ok. Kind of hot, actually. You were so intense.' He coughed and swallowed again, still feeling a slimy coating over his tongue and teeth, a bitter aftertaste spreading throughout his mouth.
Caleb glanced down and saw Jackson's dick, hard as ever, but also shiny. 'Did you unload?' he asked.
Jackson stood up as he answered, 'No, but I fucking need to.' His cock was wet with precum, spread around as he'd jacked himself, continuing its slow oozing from the tip and sliding downward, almost dripping from his tight, smooth balls. Caleb's face was mere inches from Jackson's dripping dick, but he made no move toward it. Slowly, Jackson edged his cock toward Caleb's mouth.
'Fuck, dude'no, I can't,' Caleb said seriously, his wide open eyes turning away.
Jackson stepped back abruptly, unsure of his immediate feelings. He'd assumed Caleb would help him out, but now he felt dejected. All he could muster was a weak, 'Oh'ok.'
As good as Caleb had felt just minutes earlier, he now felt bad for his buddy. He had strong feelings for Jackson, but not the same feelings Jackson had toward him. Still, the disappointment in Jackson's voice made Caleb respond. 'Dude, I can't suck you,' he explained, 'but how about this?' Reaching out, Caleb wrapped his fingers around Jackson's slick cock and began to stroke.
A jolt of excitement raced from Jackson's cock to his head, snapping his eyes shut, but his mouth open. For now, the hand job was good enough.
Sensing what was happening, Caleb stroked faster, lightly squeezing the cock in his hand, well lubricated from all of Jackson's precum. Only seconds passed before Caleb felt a sudden new surge and final stiffening of his friend's erection.
'Ahhh'yeah'fuck'fuck'fuck'!' Jackson squealed, his words synchronized with each blast of sperm. Unable to keep his balance, he leaned forward, placing his hands on Caleb's shoulders. Caleb continued to stroke as multiple, thick, white streams of fluid ejected from Jackson's cock, splattering across Caleb's chest and stomach even as he tried to avoid them. As the globs became smaller Caleb slowed his hand, just like he did when he jacked himself off, wary of being oversensitive. Even so, Jackson began to pull away, withdrawing his still-hard dick from Caleb's slippery grip.
Looking once again into his buddy's eyes, Jackson stared briefly, adding a simple, 'Thanks,' before taking a deep breath and looking around for a towel to wipe up the mess.
A small smile crossed Caleb's lips, 'No problem, dude.'
Little else was said between the two boys after they'd cleaned up Jackson's load, thoughts crisscrossing through their respective minds about what they'd done and what it meant, if it meant anything at all. As always when Caleb had spent the night, he took the double bed while Jackson made due with a comforter and a pillow on the floor.
Now, with the morning light stabbing at them around the edges of the curtains, Caleb was awake and thinking about it all again, hard as a rock under the thin sheet.
Later on, after Jackson woke up, the two boys took turns in the shower, rinsing off dried spit, cum, and sweat. Neither one mentioned what had happened, continuing as they always had, bantering back and forth as best friends do. Pulling on just enough clothes to not offend any of Jackson's family, they moved downstairs to gather up cereal, milk, and toast for breakfast, sitting in front of the TV as they ate.
Around 11:00 Jackson's parents announced they were headed out to visit friends across town, not expecting to be back until dinner. On the way they were dropping his little sister at a play date for the afternoon. The two would be on their own for several hours, exchanging glances between them acknowledging their freedom. They continued watching TV until the phone rang half an hour later. It was Kevin, the friend who'd disappeared from last night's party, sounding perturbed.
'No,' Jackson explained over the phone, 'it's just me and Caleb. That's cool. Ok, see you.' Jackson related the brief conversation to Caleb, but couldn't guess what Kevin was upset over.
Kevin's car pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. As they watched from the front door, the two boys saw him open the trunk and retrieve a six pack of beer, most likely taken when he left the party. Kevin walked quickly to the house, shielding his prize as best he could. Wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, cotton pull-on shorts, and flip-flops, he gave off the perfect air of a high school jock. That's where his priorities were, more concerned with sports than grades, paying little attention to anything else, except for maybe his girlfriend, Beth. She'd been at the party, too, but had not left with Kevin, a fact unknown to Jackson or Caleb.
With only a curt, 'Hey,' Kevin entered the house and immediately popped open a beer. Half the can was gone before he took a breath. Jackson passed when Kevin offered him one, knowing all hell would break loose if his parents came home and smelled beer on him. Caleb accepted.
The three exchanged small talk as Kevin finished the first beer and started a second, Caleb nursing his slowly.
The conversation took on a more serious tone when Jackson casually asked about Beth.
'Fuck if I know,' Kevin answered angrily.
'Something happen last night?' asked Caleb, curious.
Feeling the beer wind through his system, Kevin opened up, sounding strangely embarrassed, focused on the wall across from where he sat. 'Last night, at the party, I was watching the game,' he started, 'a bunch of us in front of that sweet big screen plasma they got, and she comes in and says she wants to go; says she's horny. It's, like, the middle of the third quarter, and I said, 'I'm watching this,' and she says''
After a long pause, Caleb prodded, 'What, dude?'
Downing a large portion of his second beer, Kevin finally continued, 'She says, 'I swear, Kevin, you're gay sometimes,' out loud to everybody.'
Jackson sat silently as he watched a smile spread across Caleb's face, followed by a laugh.
'What's so fucking funny?' Kevin mouthed in Caleb's direction. 'You think I'm queer? Fuck that shit!'
'Then why didn't you fuck her?' Caleb laughingly inquired.
'I was watching the fucking game, asshole!'
'You passed up pussy for a game? Maybe you are queer,' Caleb teased.
'Fuck you, Caleb.'
'No, fuck you, Kev. Fuck your ass to find out if you're queer.'
Caleb flinched as Kevin jumped up, but quickly realized he was only headed to the bathroom.
Halfway down the hall came another hefty, 'Fuck you, Caleb,' eliciting another round of laughter.
'What the fuck are you doing?' Jackson whispered fearfully.
'Don't worry, dude, you're safe,' Caleb reassured. 'He's a goof. Play along and you might get some ass.'
'What!?' Jackson asked, not following.
'Pay attention and go with it,' explained Caleb just before Kevin reappeared and pulled a third beer from the quickly dwindling supply.
A few moments passed in silence before Caleb started again. 'I'm totally serious, dude. I heard that only gay guys like to get fucked. So if you get fucked and don't like it then it proves you're not queer.'
Jackson couldn't believe what he was hearing.
'That's bullshit,' stated Kevin, slightly slurred. 'I never heard that.'
'You've not heard a lot of things. It's true, dude.'
From the look on Kevin's face the other two boys could tell he was thinking about it, if only out of desperation to prove he was straight.
Caleb felt some encouragement was necessary, knowing what argument would appeal to Kevin's sensibilities. 'You could prove it to Beth and let her know who's boss.'
'Yeah,' agreed Kevin, sliding deeper into his beer buzz. 'I mean, maybe. Fuck.'
'Come on, dude, just do it.'
'You're being quiet, Jackson,' Kevin pointed out. 'What about it?'
Unsure, Jackson glanced at Caleb, then looked at Kevin. 'Uh'yeah, I've heard that, too.' Thoughts began to creep into his head about fucking Kevin, something he'd not considered before. Not usually a big fan of jocks, he had to admit that Kevin was kind of hot, feeling the first small twinges of a hardon beginning. He couldn't believe that Kevin would be gullible enough to actually go for it.
They didn't know if it was the beer or the threat to Kevin's self image, but something pushed him over the edge.
'How the fuck do we do this?' Kevin blurted.
'It's easy, dude,' Caleb instructed. 'Just bend over and take it.'
Jackson knew from his own limited experimentation that it wouldn't be that simple, but didn't want to give too much away and look like the resident expert. 'Uh'I think you'll need some lube, or something. You can't just shove it in.'
Kevin looked at Jackson as if he wanted to ask a question, but instead took another long swig of beer.
'I think Jackson is right, no reason to get hurt,' Caleb piped in.
Kevin moved to stand up, wobbled slightly, then turned to Caleb. 'If you say one fucking word to anybody about putting your dick up my ass I will fucking rip your nuts off.'
'Hold on, dude,' said Caleb. 'Not me, Jackson's gonna do it.'
Jackson's eyes went wide again as Kevin turned toward him. 'That goes for you, too.'
'Why me?' asked Jackson, looking past Kevin to Caleb.
'Because I brought it up,' Caleb answered, 'and if I do it Kevin will think I'm gay for his ass.'
'You queer, Caleb?' Kevin asked, drawn into the web a little further.
'No way, dude.'
Satisfied for the moment, Kevin didn't bother to ask Jackson if he was queer. All three were now standing, unsure how to progress.
'I think we should go to my room,' Jackson offered. 'More private.'
Without further discussion, Kevin moved toward the stairs, his bare feet shuffling along, another sign of his alcohol in-take. Jackson and Caleb followed, making sure he didn't fall.
As they approached Jackson's room Caleb whispered in Jackson's ear, 'You have some lube, dude? I don't think spit's gonna work.'
Jackson nodded. Shutting the door behind them, he walked to his desk and pulled out a small plastic food container.
Kevin looked disgusted. 'What the fuck is that?'
'It's'uh,' Jackson blushed, 'Crisco.'
Caleb burst out laughing. 'Dude, you're going to fuck his ass, not fry it!'
'Hey,' Jackson defended himself, 'it works. I use it to jack off.'
As Caleb continued to chuckle, Kevin wrinkled his nose. 'TMI. Fuck.'
For several moments all three stood around near the bed, nobody wanting to make the first move.
'Well?' Kevin asked, looking from one to the other.
'I guess first thing,' Caleb thought out loud, 'get naked.'
Kevin quickly pulled his shirt off over his head revealing a muscular, well defined chest, his pecs covered with a small amount of hair. Moving to push his shorts down, he stopped just as the waistband reached the top of his bush. 'I swear I will kill you,' he threatened once again, then removed both his shorts and jock-style briefs in one motion. Jackson watched the boy's dick and balls jiggle as he kicked the clothing away from his feet.
'On the bed, dude, hands and knees,' directed Caleb. Without discussion or protest Kevin climbed onto the bed, his ass the same elevation as Jackson's cock. Caleb had noticed the growing bulge in his buddy's shorts. 'You, too, Jackson, strip off and stand behind him.'
Nervous, but willing and curious to see what it would feel like, Jackson slid down his own shorts and pulled off his shirt. He hadn't bothered to put on any underwear. Free of its restraint, Jackson's cock stood up in front of him. Jackson took the opportunity to get a good look at the boy in front of him. Muscular shoulders and back tapered to a solid waistline, curving into two hard globes of muscle sprinkled with fine hair, split by a much hairier ass crack, with two muscular, hairy legs supporting it all. Jackson's cock throbbed, forcing out a first drop of precum.
Kevin's voice broke Jackson's trance. 'I don't have all day. Goddamn.'
Jackson turned his head far enough to glance back at Caleb who was standing two feet behind and to the side of Jackson's position, giving him a prime view of what was about to happen. Caleb's shorts now also sported a growing bulge.
Again, Caleb provided the choreography. 'Put some Crisco on his ass and your cock, then push it in. Kevin, hold still.'
'No shit,' added Kevin. 'I'm not riding your dick for you.'
Wordlessly, Jackson dipped two fingers into the slippery, white substance. Placing his fingers just short of Kevin's hole, he said, 'You might feel some pressure.'
'Stop playing doctor,' spewed Kevin, 'and FUCKING DO IT!'
Jackson pushed firmly, surprised at how easily both fingers went in, then felt a tight squeeze as Kevin's ass responded.
'Fuck,' Kevin hissed. 'I can't be gay 'cause this hurts like hell!'
Jackson pulled away his hand, approaching a second time with only his middle finger. This time was much smoother and deeper. Kevin grunted, but didn't say anything. Jackson continued an in and out motion for a few seconds before removing his hand again. Stepping up close to the ass before him, Jackson smeared Crisco across the head of his cock, then up and down the length. The sensations in his cock were crazy, driving him to get inside Kevin as soon as possible.
Jackson gave Kevin a short warning, 'Ok,' as he lined up his cock and pushed. Nothing happened. Adjusting his stance and feeling his way along with the head of his cock, he pressed again. This time a definite opening began to accept his bone. The tight flesh of Kevin's asshole slowly relaxed, allowing more and more of Jackson to enter at an agonizing pace. By the time the head of his cock was in, Jackson was fighting to not plunge in all the way all at once.
From behind them they heard Caleb clear his throat. 'Keep going, dude, he has to take it all the way.'
Kevin began to pant as he felt the cock work its way inside, trying to relax and let it happen, proving he wasn't gay. Right now he hated Beth.
'How much is left?' Kevin panted.
'About half, three inches,' Jackson informed him.
As Kevin continued his breathing rhythm, Jackson felt less resistance and pushed harder, bottoming out as the short hairs of his trimmed pubes brushed against the top of Kevin's furry crack.
'That's it,' Jackson announced. 'I'm all in.' Warm, undulating contractions rippled along the length of his cock, odd at first, but compelling. As much as he wanted to, Jackson held off on moving in and out of Kevin's accepting hole.
'YES!' said Kevin triumphantly. 'I'm not queer!'
'Hold on, dude,' Caleb interjected. 'You haven't been fucked yet.'
Kevin turned his head to find Caleb, but held his place on the bed, Jackson's cock still firmly buried up his ass.
'What the fuck?! You said this proved I'm not queer!'
'I said if you got fucked and didn't like it you're not queer,' corrected Caleb. 'Jackson hasn't fucked you yet.'
'He's in my ass!'
'In your ass isn't fucking!'
'Goddamn it!' Kevin barked.
'Fuck him, Jackson! Prove he's not queer!'
Jackson began a slow pull back, keeping the head of his cock lodged inside, then reversed and pushed back in. He could feel Kevin's ass taking his whole cock much easier now. Continuing to move in and out, a little faster each time, he reached a steady fuck motion. Now it was Jackson's turn to pant. The feelings along his cock were wild, driving his body along. The sound of sweating skin slapping together became noticeable as Jackson's hips collided with Kevin's ass cheeks.
'Now you're getting fucked,' confirmed Caleb. Moving to the side, he looked under Kevin's stomach. 'What do you know, Kevin, you're hard.'
Kevin replied with a small whine. 'Fuck, I can't help it. I don't want to be gay. Fuck!'
Just then Caleb came up with a rescue plan. 'Dude, you aren't queer unless you cum. That's the rule.'
'Fuck yeah!' agreed Kevin. 'I haven't shot!'
Jackson, however, couldn't hold out. 'Fuck! Fuck! I can't stop it!'
'NO FUCKING WAY!' demanded Kevin, pulling apart from Jackson just as the first volley of cum raced up the inside of his cock.
As the two boys disconnected Jackson swiftly replaced Kevin's slippery, tight ass with a greasy hand, blowing a large blob of jizz across Kevin's ass before he could get far enough away. The rest of Jackson's load fired into the sheets leaving a well spaced pattern of wet blotches from one side of the bed to the other.
Unceremoniously, Kevin wiped the cum off his ass with the corner of the sheet. His cock was hard, but dry.
'YES!' Kevin crowed. 'Not a drop of juice, motherfuckers. I'm straight!'
Caleb smiled. 'Yep, you're straight, dude. No doubt about it.'
Within ten minutes Kevin was dressed and out the door, roaring out of the driveway on his way to see Beth, his shorts tented out by his still-hard dick.
'So, how was it?' Caleb asked, smiling.
Jackson was still naked, planning on taking a shower. 'I don't know'wild'hot,' he tried to describe, blushing.
'Looked hot from where I was,' Caleb grinned.
As Jackson took a step toward the bathroom Caleb grabbed his arm. 'Hold on, dude,' Caleb said playfully, pulling Jackson back toward the bed.
'Hey!' Jackson squealed, landing on his back in the wet spots. 'What do you think you're doing?' Watching Caleb pull off his clothes, Jackson saw his buddy's cock, as hard and long and captivating as it had been the night before. His own cock began to stir again.
'What am I doing?' Caleb teased as he reached for the Crisco. 'I'm going to find out if you're REALLY gay.'