Today is the day! Dylan finally comes home. God, I have missed him. I've missed how when he walks into a room, I lose my breath. I miss his beautiful eyes looking deeply into my own. I missed his masculine scent mixed with the old spice he wore often. I missed his warmth around me. When he came back to school, my whole year is so much easier to handle. With him by my side, I've been able to control my hatred for Matt. It's now time for baseball practice. But I can't play because of my injury. So I guess I'm there for Dylan. He said he may need my help with something. I was sitting on the ground watching practice when he stopped. "hey guys, I have something to say." I looked up at him quickly. Is he going to do it? Is he going to out us? "you guys are my teammates, and I've been keeping you guys in the dark about something you should know." oh my god. He's going to get us beaten up every day! What is he doing?! I thought. He took in a deep breath. "I'm gay." I heard gasps come from a few people. "I knew he was a faggot!!!" Matt said. I got infuriated. "Hey! It took a lot of guts to tell you guys that! You don't know how hard it is." I barked in anger. "oh yeah? How would you know that?" Matt barked in return. "oh gee, let me think. Oh yeah! It's because I'm a.... A....I..." I froze. I couldn't say it. "I'm gay too!" I screamed. "I knew you were a faggot. And I heard you were Colton's bitch a few days ago." I couldn't believe that he said that to me. The entire team looked at me in disbelief. I hung my head. Some of my team was laughing at me, and I was so hurt. "do you know what I go through? The nightmares, the jumpiness, the mood swings, everything! I can't even go to the bathroom without thinking that someone will hurt me again. None of you understand. It's hard enough coming to grips with your own sexuality, let alone having your peace of mind, and everything associated with a stable mind, ripped away by one selfish act on top of it." I started to cry. "now I understand what women go through when they have been attacked." I finished. One of my teammates, Daniel, comforted me. He saw the pain in my eyes. " I understand his pain. you guys don't understand what a rape victim goes through." he sighed and continued speaking. "My brother was 14 when he came out as gay. He met someone online and went to meet him. It was a 44 year old man, and he kidnapped him and raped him in a sleazy motel. It destroyed him for years." he looked at the ground, then pointed at Matt. "I hope your "boy" realizes what he had done To Josh. I'm here for you, man." he said looking back at me.

"thanks." I said completely shocked at what i had just told 24 people. Dylan looked at me completely shocked. I could only imagine how he must feel towards me now.


Josh Volland

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